My Story

[Searching49]

I don't have the ability to PM yet, but I'll send you one when I do. Best of luck to you man and keep in touch. I know this place has been fantastic, and guys like Gunny, Sumdude, and Pelican are the best!

[Sands_of_time]

Hey Skin,

I'm up for it anytime during the spring. You are welcome down here anytime. We got a lot of lakes down this way and we'll definitely have a good old time. Bring Sands_of_Time with you when you come, I think he could knock back a couple too.

 

Mountain--good to hear you are moving along the road of life! The last 3 months have been one hell of a journey--no doubt. You, Skin, Searching, Toddro, GoWithTheFlow, me and some of the others are the most recent Survivors of the 2008/2009 Season of Train Wreck! What a show it was/is!

 

I'd definitely dig knocking back a few with you guys. I wish we were all closer as it's always nice to expand your circle.

 

I've been trying to get off the bench and get back in the game lately. Was hanging out at the local pub last night. I got bold and approached a group of women, chatted with them and got a phone number. I didn't feel guilty afterwards so it's a start.

 

Been chatting with a couple women online, too. One in particular seemed rather smitten so we set up a date for tonight.... but I ended up cancelling. Just too soon, unfortunately. I'm pretty sure it would have been a wham bam thank you ma'am kind of night based on our conversations/emails so if I'm passing up that possibility I know I'm still not there. Damn it--what in the h*ll is wrong with me..lol. I'm finding that there are all sorts of "lonely" people out there. Interesting...

 

That's utimately what I'd like to be for the next year or so...just a big old Whoreslut (never was a manwhore--even in my early 20's so maybe it's my/our time?). Here's to giving it more time...

[Mountains10]

Mountain--good to hear you are moving along the road of life! The last 3 months have been one hell of a journey--no doubt. You, Skin, Searching, Toddro, GoWithTheFlow, me and some of the others are the most recent Survivors of the 2008/2009 Season of Train Wreck! What a show it was/is!

 

I'd definitely dig knocking back a few with you guys. I wish we were all closer as it's always nice to expand your circle.

 

I've been trying to get off the bench and get back in the game lately. Was hanging out at the local pub last night. I got bold and approached a group of women, chatted with them and got a phone number. I didn't feel guilty afterwards so it's a start.

 

Been chatting with a couple women online, too. One in particular seemed rather smitten so we set up a date for tonight.... but I ended up cancelling. Just too soon, unfortunately. I'm pretty sure it would have been a wham bam thank you ma'am kind of night based on our conversations/emails so if I'm passing up that possibility I know I'm still not there. Damn it--what in the h*ll is wrong with me..lol. I'm finding that there are all sorts of "lonely" people out there. Interesting...

 

That's utimately what I'd like to be for the next year or so...just a big old Whoreslut (never was a manwhore--even in my early 20's so maybe it's my/our time?). Here's to giving it more time...

 

Hey you're not alone my friend, I know I'm not ready either, even though I wish I was. I think my stbxw is starting to miss me already and we're not even divorced. I won't go into it at this hour, since I'm falling asleep while reading, I'll write it up tomorrow. I don't want her back, but she sure is starting to try to be more 'friendly' towards me. It doesn't matter, the marriage is done and I see a brighter future ahead on the other side, so I'm not staying in this marriage regardless.

I say don't date yet either, I'm with you on wanting to get out there and try my game as well, but I don't think it's been long enough. The wbtym would've probably been nice for a short time, but then you would've hated yourself in the morning, just too many emotions right now. I've had that opportunity as well and ended up declining it... for now . I'm sure there are a lot of available women for us out there, but you know you don't want to get caught up in another relationship until you're done with the first one completely. When you coming down for a visit?

[Sands_of_time]

Hey you're not alone my friend, I know I'm not ready either, even though I wish I was. I think my stbxw is starting to miss me already and we're not even divorced. I won't go into it at this hour, since I'm falling asleep while reading, I'll write it up tomorrow. I don't want her back, but she sure is starting to try to be more 'friendly' towards me. It doesn't matter, the marriage is done and I see a brighter future ahead on the other side, so I'm not staying in this marriage regardless.

I say don't date yet either, I'm with you on wanting to get out there and try my game as well, but I don't think it's been long enough. The wbtym would've probably been nice for a short time, but then you would've hated yourself in the morning, just too many emotions right now. I've had that opportunity as well and ended up declining it... for now . I'm sure there are a lot of available women for us out there, but you know you don't want to get caught up in another relationship until you're done with the first one completely. When you coming down for a visit?

 

Mountains-

 

That is crazy that she is acting friendly again. What behavior are you seeing in her? Is she calling you, emailing etc?

[teerockness]

Yeah, the curiosity is killing me. Has she realized that she f/u at this point? Give us the dirt.

[Mountains10]

Yeah, the curiosity is killing me. Has she realized that she f/u at this point? Give us the dirt.

 

 

Ok ok!

 

So this weekend, I asked her to come by and help me wash the dogs, only because they are both larger dogs and doing it alone could take all day. So I tell her, look, you come by and help me to take them to the place where we wash them and I'll pay for it, as long as you can just lend a hand. She agrees, tells me she'll be by soon. I told her, since I had been up late the night before, wake me up when she arrives. So I go back to sleep. I awake to her entering the bedroom and yelling for me to wake up. I tell her I'm awake, but to give me a couple, I hate mornings! So she sees me not getting up, lays down on the bed and tells me again to get up. So, then I'm like, just give me 5 more minutes. So she lays next to me and starts tickling me to try and get me up. At this point I'm like... uh.. what just happened here. So I promptly get up, because tickling is a little odd for me at this point.

 

Anyways, we've been talking more than we had been. I basically just stopped calling her all together and noticed she started calling me. Again, we work together, so it's hard to just ignore her all together. I'll smile when I walk by, but usually don't stop for conversation. Monday morning, she cornered me when I went for some coffee, to tell me about her weekend. Then I got 2 more calls before the first hour of work was up, just talking about general stuff.

 

It's funny, I learned that when I stopped pursuing her, she started to talk more to me.

 

Also, as of today, my nephew's birthday is this weekend and she said she would be there and said I was invited as well. This definitely shocked me, because around Christmas, she told me I *wasn't* invited to any of the Christmas functions that her family has with all the extended family around that time. I guess Saturday night should be quite interesting. I'll just be myself. I'm close with my niece and nephew and am glad that I can go there and enjoy the celebration with them.

 

I'll post on how it goes. She's definitely out of the fog these days, but odd at times.

[Sands_of_time]

Ok ok!

 

So this weekend, I asked her to come by and help me wash the dogs, only because they are both larger dogs and doing it alone could take all day. So I tell her, look, you come by and help me to take them to the place where we wash them and I'll pay for it, as long as you can just lend a hand. She agrees, tells me she'll be by soon. I told her, since I had been up late the night before, wake me up when she arrives. So I go back to sleep. I awake to her entering the bedroom and yelling for me to wake up. I tell her I'm awake, but to give me a couple, I hate mornings! So she sees me not getting up, lays down on the bed and tells me again to get up. So, then I'm like, just give me 5 more minutes. So she lays next to me and starts tickling me to try and get me up. At this point I'm like... uh.. what just happened here. So I promptly get up, because tickling is a little odd for me at this point.

 

Anyways, we've been talking more than we had been. I basically just stopped calling her all together and noticed she started calling me. Again, we work together, so it's hard to just ignore her all together. I'll smile when I walk by, but usually don't stop for conversation. Monday morning, she cornered me when I went for some coffee, to tell me about her weekend. Then I got 2 more calls before the first hour of work was up, just talking about general stuff.

 

It's funny, I learned that when I stopped pursuing her, she started to talk more to me.

 

Also, as of today, my nephew's birthday is this weekend and she said she would be there and said I was invited as well. This definitely shocked me, because around Christmas, she told me I *wasn't* invited to any of the Christmas functions that her family has with all the extended family around that time. I guess Saturday night should be quite interesting. I'll just be myself. I'm close with my niece and nephew and am glad that I can go there and enjoy the celebration with them.

 

I'll post on how it goes. She's definitely out of the fog these days, but odd at times.

 

Mountain!

 

She was tickling you--now that's classic! I just about fell off my chair. Tickle this, honey bunny.

 

It is funny how they expand and contract with their level of involvement. Don't chase them and they are interested. Pine for them and you are way less attractive. They want what they can't have.

 

I wish it wasn't so complex sometimes! Just give us a woman who has a good job, has large perkies and a small shapely butt, likes to drink beer and watch football but doesn't burp or fart, cooks and cleans and likes to get her freak on 5 or 6 times a week. That's not too much to ask for, right?!

[TrustInYourself]

That was the start for me as well. I started ignoring her. Doing my thing. Smiling. Looking good. Smelling good. Being happy.

 

That kind of thing is hard to ignore. I am a pretty social guy, so being social helped a bit too indirectly.

 

My suggestion is keep up the positive attitude. No expectations though. Those are killer. Play it distant and cool and hopefully you don't get your heart ripped out, again.

[Mountains10]

Mountain!

 

She was tickling you--now that's classic! I just about fell off my chair. Tickle this, honey bunny.

 

It is funny how they expand and contract with their level of involvement. Don't chase them and they are interested. Pine for them and you are way less attractive. They want what they can't have.

 

I wish it wasn't so complex sometimes! Just give us a woman who has a good job, has large perkies and a small shapely butt, likes to drink beer and watch football but doesn't burp or fart, cooks and cleans and likes to get her freak on 5 or 6 times a week. That's not too much to ask for, right?!

 

Haha, that's hilarious Sands, let me know when you find one like that, that's single, ok?

 

Oh, so let me finish, I forgot to add, she came by on Sunday too. Usually she calls (at my request) to let me know when she's coming by or that she will be by in a couple of minutes, as a courtesy. No call, nothing, heard the door open and I was like wtf is that? She decided to come by unannounced. Ironically enough, when she came by, I was moving her clothes out of her closet and my clothes into it, for my convenience. She laid down on the bed and started talking about something, while I was doing all of this. I didn't pay her much attention, just kept moving the clothes. I will keep moving stuff around until there's no reminder of her in that house.

[Mountains10]

Today, I came into work, she was near the entrance, asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I thought about it for a second and said, 'sure' and proceeded into work.

 

Went to lunch with her, nothing formal, just something quick. Sat down and ate. She talked about her life and some of her friends. I listened but didn't look at her. It's easier that way for me. I didn't talk much about me, just listened to her. Probably just a normal lunch except for one weird part.

 

There was a baby in a carrier there, near where we were sitting. The baby was just the cutest thing (am I allowed to say that as a man? ) Anyways, while I was watching the baby, I caught out of the corner of my eye, her staring at me. I looked over at her and said, "What?" and she said she was just thinking. Then I looked back down at the baby, just watching him try to fall asleep, eyes getting heavier, etc. I could still see her staring at me. So the baby was picked up by it's mom and they left. She made a comment to me, that she'll never have kids. We didn't have kids while we were married, but we were trying for a couple of years and were unsuccessful. Probably nothing, I just found it odd.

 

I hope that once I get divorced and get back out to dating that I can meet a woman to have kids with. I thought I would never have kids, but I hope to have at least 1 child before I die. Even if I meet someone with kids, that would be good enough for me, would like to be a dad before I grow old.

 

We talked a bit about different foods, she even offered to make me a meal that I could put away in the freezer until I wanted to heat it up and eat it, but I declined. I really don't want anything from her at this point. I thought by going to lunch, it was little over the edge, but nonetheless, it's something I knew I could handle and did.

 

Don't worry, I'm not trying to read anything into all of this. I'm a lot happier by myself these days. I'm learning to be independent again and it's a good feeling. I like being able to do what I want when I want to. I forgot what it was like to be good to myself.

[Sands_of_time]

Today, I came into work, she was near the entrance, asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I thought about it for a second and said, 'sure' and proceeded into work.

 

Went to lunch with her, nothing formal, just something quick. Sat down and ate. She talked about her life and some of her friends. I listened but didn't look at her. It's easier that way for me. I didn't talk much about me, just listened to her. Probably just a normal lunch except for one weird part.

 

There was a baby in a carrier there, near where we were sitting. The baby was just the cutest thing (am I allowed to say that as a man? ) Anyways, while I was watching the baby, I caught out of the corner of my eye, her staring at me. I looked over at her and said, "What?" and she said she was just thinking. Then I looked back down at the baby, just watching him try to fall asleep, eyes getting heavier, etc. I could still see her staring at me. So the baby was picked up by it's mom and they left. She made a comment to me, that she'll never have kids. We didn't have kids while we were married, but we were trying for a couple of years and were unsuccessful. Probably nothing, I just found it odd.

 

I hope that once I get divorced and get back out to dating that I can meet a woman to have kids with. I thought I would never have kids, but I hope to have at least 1 child before I die. Even if I meet someone with kids, that would be good enough for me, would like to be a dad before I grow old.

 

We talked a bit about different foods, she even offered to make me a meal that I could put away in the freezer until I wanted to heat it up and eat it, but I declined. I really don't want anything from her at this point. I thought by going to lunch, it was little over the edge, but nonetheless, it's something I knew I could handle and did.

 

Don't worry, I'm not trying to read anything into all of this. I'm a lot happier by myself these days. I'm learning to be independent again and it's a good feeling. I like being able to do what I want when I want to. I forgot what it was like to be good to myself.

 

Mountain--you had lunch with her? Your balls must like canteloupes my friend. Sometimes I wonder how you walk.

 

My STBXW has asked three times in the last week or so to meet face to face and I decline everytime. I can't see her and don't want to at this point. I know it's going to knock me back in healing if I see her.

 

Keep it up....you are doing good!

[Mountains10]

Mountain--you had lunch with her? Your balls must like canteloupes my friend. Sometimes I wonder how you walk.

 

My STBXW has asked three times in the last week or so to meet face to face and I decline everytime. I can't see her and don't want to at this point. I know it's going to knock me back in healing if I see her.

 

Keep it up....you are doing good!

 

 

Nah, I'm not that ballsy, it's just something I've done a couple times. It doesn't bother me anymore. I could've never done this 3 months ago, but now it doesn't really bother me. I would definitely not do it if you're not comfortable though. Also, keep in mind, I have to see mine at work daily, so it made it real hard in the beginning, but I eventually overcame it. Thanks for the post Sands! Hang in there my friend.

[Mountains10]

Well, I guess I won't have to worry about seeing the stbxw anymore at work. I was laid off today. While I know most people would be just blown away by it, so far I'm not terribly upset. I mean, like everyone I need a steady paycheck too, but I think people with families that lose their job have it worse. At least for me, I only have to feed 1 mouth. Time to go thru another challenging phase of my life !

[Gunny376]

Well, I guess I won't have to worry about seeing the stbxw anymore at work. I was laid off today. While I know most people would be just blown away by it, so far I'm not terribly upset. I mean, like everyone I need a steady paycheck too, but I think people with families that lose their job have it worse. At least for me, I only have to feed 1 mouth. Time to go thru another challenging phase of my life !

 

Damn! And the hits just keep on coming!

 

That's what happened to me, when I was first going through my seperation/divorce. The "Storms Of Life" just kept rolling over me one after another. And it seemed as though they would never end.

 

Now I'm in a place that I've worked very hard to get to, mentally, emotionally, physically, financially. I was brought up by "Depression Era" grandparents, who taught me, "You can pay now and play for the rest of your life, or you can play now, and pay for the rest of your Life.

 

You're going to come out the otherside of this Mountain. Your going to have to work at it, and the biggest thing your going to have to work at is not making things worse for yourself and not being your own worse enemy. And trust me!

 

In all of this we each are our own worse enemy. When you go to pointing fingers at someone else, pay close attention to the three fingers you've got pointing back at yourself. Don't beat yourelf up! Go easy on yourself.

 

Don't "I would've, should've, could've" yourself.

 

One of the things that struck me about retiring from the Marines and getting back out here in civilian la~la land trying to find a job? Was the neptosim. Family gets hired first, then friends, and then acquaintences from church, social clubs, etc. So my advice is to work that network!

 

I don't know what is all those folks down at the state employment office do, other than deny your claim for un-employment benefits, but it sure as Hell isn't to help you find a job? Those people are not your friends.

 

You might want to check out Mary Hunt's paid website (little over $2 a month) for how to scrounge and all kinds of ideas (to i nclude recipies, ideas, other people's ideas and solutions on pinching a penny ~ the day-to-day of pinching a penny and streaching a dollar) debtproofliving.com

 

A good book to read would be "Credit Repair For Dummies" that comes with a CD with form letters to send to creditors about job loss, and what your going to do about the money you owe them.

 

Whatever you do, get on and work that phone to the people you owe money to. Don't hide from them. Call them daily if need be! Call them, don't have them call you.

 

Get a notebook, and make notes about when you called, who you spoke to, and what was discussed. Document, document, document.

 

Triage! What's important is keeping a roof over your head, food in the cabinets/frezzer, and a decent ride under your @zz! You've got to priortize!

 

Going through a divorce, you need to run all three of your credit reports to make sure the STBX isn't throwing you under the bus. Pay the extra bucks for the FICO/Credit Score. Do this every three months until the ink has been dried for two years. Let them know also that you and the STBX are divorcing. Trust me, and once of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure!

 

Contact the IRS and make sure your STBX isn't back-dooring you on taxes. Especially if you two have children. If you and she file "Married Claiming Four" and she files "Head Of Household Claiming Three" and her claim gets to the IRS first? Your going to have your refigured as "Single Claiming One" and get seriously slammed with back taxes, penalties and interest. (Unless your a US Senator that owes $110,000+ in back taxes for the last sixteen years! )

[Sands_of_time]

Well, I guess I won't have to worry about seeing the stbxw anymore at work. I was laid off today. While I know most people would be just blown away by it, so far I'm not terribly upset. I mean, like everyone I need a steady paycheck too, but I think people with families that lose their job have it worse. At least for me, I only have to feed 1 mouth. Time to go thru another challenging phase of my life !

 

I'm sorry to hear that, Mountain. That is terrible timing. But it sounds like you have a good attitude about it. Keep that up as there is nothing you can do about it but look for another one.

[TrustInYourself]

Well, I guess I won't have to worry about seeing the stbxw anymore at work. I was laid off today. While I know most people would be just blown away by it, so far I'm not terribly upset. I mean, like everyone I need a steady paycheck too, but I think people with families that lose their job have it worse. At least for me, I only have to feed 1 mouth. Time to go thru another challenging phase of my life !

 

A new chance at another oppurtunity. Sounds awesome! Enjoy no work for the short time it lasts, lol.

[Mountains10]

I'm sorry to hear that, Mountain. That is terrible timing. But it sounds like you have a good attitude about it. Keep that up as there is nothing you can do about it but look for another one.

 

I am putting my resume together as we speak. God it was nice not to have to be up at 6am! . I think my stress level actually went down when I lost my job. I haven't ever been so happy about losing something. The money was good, but seeing the stbxw everyday wasn't helping matters, especially since she was trying harder to see me even more lately.

[Mountains10]

A new chance at another oppurtunity. Sounds awesome! Enjoy no work for the short time it lasts, lol.

 

Oh, I will definitely enjoy the downtime for the next couple of days. I thought when stbxw moved out that things would slow down and I was wrong. I don't go out a lot, but I have a lot of friends and I was on the phone a LOT. Now, I'm just putting my feelers out there for a new work opportunity. Life is still changing on me and I'm starting to like it my new life.

 

BTW, I really don't want my ex back now. I can finally admit it to myself, she's regressed so much, refused counseling, and parties like there's no tomorrow. I thought she had cleared the fog, but the first thing she thought about when I lost my job was herself, imagine that.

[Sands_of_time]

Unreal, Mountain. How can the selfishness never go away!? I KNOW that opportunity will be knocking for you soon. I can feel it!

 

I'm glad you are at the realization that she is not worth it any longer. Let her go. Be free you little vixen and go take your selfish behavior someplace else!

[Mountains10]

Unreal, Mountain. How can the selfishness never go away!? I KNOW that opportunity will be knocking for you soon. I can feel it!

 

I'm glad you are at the realization that she is not worth it any longer. Let her go. Be free you little vixen and go take your selfish behavior someplace else!

 

Oh man, sorta depressed today. I guess, the job thing finally hit me some. It's not even about the money really, I guess because I've never been out of work like this before. Feel like I'm at home and shouldn't be, the strangest feeling to me. Stbxw got more upset about the job loss than me. I won't show her the downside of me. She's acting odd again. She hasn't picked up her mail in over a week. I guess I need to do NC as best I can now that I don't have to see her daily anymore. I'm sure that will help me focus on getting another job. I think if I was a little younger, I'd go join the military right now, just to get out of here. I could even stand to move to Alaska right now, it wouldn't be where I'm at currently.

[Mountains10]

I talked to stbxw today and let her know there will be NC from here on out. I can't stand the sight of her. I saw her the other day and it brought me back to square one. Just when you think you are over it, it hits you like a brick wall. I finally dropped it on her though, I told her about the Mid Life Crisis patterns of behavior. Initially, when all this first started happening and she had a crush on a mutual friend, I thought that, that was the real problem. I then realized that it wasn't the problem, that her Mid Life Crisis was in full swing. She's done the classic patterns from the start, I just didn't take full notice of it. I'm not going to spell it all out here, but I know she's going to the attorney's office today to sign the paperwork. She's been trying to get me to let her have various things. Like an idiot, I gave her 1 thing from the house that was ours and told her that was it. Then she wanted something else, and then I said that was it. Now she's wanting more and more stuff. I just can't do this anymore. It was bad enough to have a divorce hit me, but then the layoff hit me before I could heal from the divorce completely. The 1/2 punch has finally set in. I guess it's good I don't see her anymore, but I would much rather have my job and steady paychecks. The future doesn't look very promising at this point. I'm busting @ss to get another job, but in this economy I don't have a lot of faith.

[skinman]

Hang in there M10...

 

it looks bleek now but sooner or later things will look better for you friend.. get your business back in line and with the weather changing soon offer a special or something to get your name out there...... Keep the faith friend !! brighter days are ahead for you !!!

 

Skin..........

[pelicanpreacher]

Is there any possibility that the stress you've been enduring because of your impending divorce was noticed by management at work who ultimately decided to gaslight you with a "lay off" to restore office morale. They obviously know that your stbx has left you and is flirting and partying up a storm so, in their salacious thinking, may have thought it best to get rid of you and keep her since she's behaving as life of the party while you silently suffer in plain sight!

 

Yours is a prime example as to why most companies frown upon spouses working together for when it gets bad at home, depending upon who's getting hurt, there is typically always fallout on the job front causing someone to lose their position. Whether this be the case or not in your layoff is now water under the dam though because you now have to face the harsh reality of facing an economy that's been am-"Bushed"!

[Mountains10]

Is there any possibility that the stress you've been enduring because of your impending divorce was noticed by management at work who ultimately decided to gaslight you with a "lay off" to restore office morale. They obviously know that your stbx has left you and is flirting and partying up a storm so, in their salacious thinking, may have thought it best to get rid of you and keep her since she's behaving as life of the party while you silently suffer in plain sight!

 

Yours is a prime example as to why most companies frown upon spouses working together for when it gets bad at home, depending upon who's getting hurt, there is typically always fallout on the job front causing someone to lose their position. Whether this be the case or not in your layoff is now water under the dam though because you now have to face the harsh reality of facing an economy that's been am-"Bushed"!

 

 

A lot of people have asked me that and while I have no real proof, I would have to say no. I was part of a bigger layoff. The owners to the best of my knowledge did not know about the pending divorce. I only know this because of some of their comments to me or her, about us together, they wouldn't have said if they had known of the divorce.

 

I appreciate it skinman, I'm gonna try man, it's just tough. Today was real tough, nonetheless, I'm doing better tonight. She signed the papers with the attorney today and I'm getting them tomorrow. We had an argument today over the phone, it didn't go too well, but we ended it on a better note. There's no way she'll ever be back and I just have to live with that at this point. I'm doing my best to try and move on with life but it's very difficult right now given the circumstances.

[Gunny376]

As you go throught "the process" of seperation/divorce, and slowly but surely to dis-assoctiate and detach yourself ~ hindsight being 20/20 and all ~ your going to see that she was so "perfect" and like any and all human beings had/has flaws, issues, weaknesses.

 

You may even one day reach ~ "WTF did I ever see in her to begin with?"

 

Its a process and a journey.