Anyone else feel lonely even when surrounded by people?

[theBrokenMuse]

I've come to realize that even when I'm around others carrying on in a social setting, I still feel lonely. I feel out of step and out of place when I'm around other people most of the time. I start to feel really bored sometimes or I find the conversation hollow and pointless or people look at me like I'm some kind of nut when I try and speak my mind about things that interest me. I'm just an odd duck I suppose. I really wish more than anything that there was someone that I felt a close connection with on an intellectual as well as emotional level and yet I don't. There was only one person that I have ever felt that with and they are gone from my life forever. I've been having trouble coping with these feelings lately. They've led me to severe depression in my past and it's something that just keeps coming back to bite me in the rump. Does anyone else feel this way or am I just crazy?

[JooLee]

i totally understand what you mean. i was feelin that way a couple of months back but slowly it faded away as i forced myself to socialise more and not to care so much what people thought. i also have this problem of analysing what i said n they responded when im alone and criticise myself for it. i still feel that way sometimes when im with a new group of people. perharps its low self esteem? anyhow, im still working on it. however i dont feel lonely anymore. im actually feeling happier nowadays and i think thats one of the reason why it went away. work on yourself and believe in yourself.

[Tony T]

Does anyone else feel this way or am I just crazy?

 

No, you are not crazy. You are looking for interactions with people that most are not willing or capable of giving...interactions that are meaningful and that feed your soul.

 

I recall a quote from author Henry Miller in "Tropic of Capricorn": "The more you reach out towards the world, the more the world retreats. Nobody wants real love, real hatred. Nobody wants you to put your hands in his sacred entrails...that's only for the priest in the hour of sacrifice. While you are here, while your blood is still warm, you are to pretend that there is no such thing as blood and no such thing as flesh beneath the covering of skin. Keep off the grass...that's the motto by which most people live."

 

Give it some thought. Again, you are not crazy. Just above average in introspection.

[Storyrider]

Fantastic post, Tony.

 

OP, I feel this way often, but I've realized it is because I'm hanging out with the wrong people. So, one of my goals for 2009 is to seek out and spend time with people who I can relate to and enjoy. I signed up for an eight-week writing workshop so I can meet other writers.

 

I've also been trying to reach out to people whose company I do enjoy, and who seem to "get" me.

[Posco_Proudfoot]

BrokenMuse, as related to what others posted, it is most likely the people your interacting with. It doesn't fulfill you. I had that problem for a very long time. I felt like the type of people I should interact with was my only choice. I don't know where I got that idea. It may have been age. When I started interacting with people I found interesting and fun and more participating with everyone it went away.

[You'reasian]

I've come to realize that even when I'm around others carrying on in a social setting, I still feel lonely. I feel out of step and out of place when I'm around other people most of the time. I start to feel really bored sometimes or I find the conversation hollow and pointless or people look at me like I'm some kind of nut when I try and speak my mind about things that interest me. I'm just an odd duck I suppose. I really wish more than anything that there was someone that I felt a close connection with on an intellectual as well as emotional level and yet I don't. There was only one person that I have ever felt that with and they are gone from my life forever. I've been having trouble coping with these feelings lately. They've led me to severe depression in my past and it's something that just keeps coming back to bite me in the rump. Does anyone else feel this way or am I just crazy?

 

Brokenmuse,

 

See if you can find a group of friends that would appreciate your ability to connect intellectually and emotionally. So your a nerd? Congratuations. Join a group say in ham radio or whatever your interest is and start connecting!

[griffinchicken53]

i understand. I like movies based on comic books, but am not big into comic books themselves. Most of my friends, and play games called Hero Clicks. I find it quite boring, but have tried to play. almost fell asleep one time. my interests aren't those of people in my own age group. i'm into old volkswagons and the car clubs are all older people. i'm into photography, and the club i was in was all older people. i'm not into the things where i would be around people my own age. i don't really know what to do about it.

[NWSTRT2121]

I've come to realize that even when I'm around others carrying on in a social setting, I still feel lonely. I feel out of step and out of place when I'm around other people most of the time. I start to feel really bored sometimes or I find the conversation hollow and pointless or people look at me like I'm some kind of nut when I try and speak my mind about things that interest me. I'm just an odd duck I suppose. I really wish more than anything that there was someone that I felt a close connection with on an intellectual as well as emotional level and yet I don't. There was only one person that I have ever felt that with and they are gone from my life forever. I've been having trouble coping with these feelings lately. They've led me to severe depression in my past and it's something that just keeps coming back to bite me in the rump. Does anyone else feel this way or am I just crazy?

 

You're definitely not the only one I know exactly how you feel and it sucks. I'm a college student and I can't tell you how much I agree with the fact you can feel just as lonely in a group when you're alone. Being part of groups with a similar interest helps, but at the same time I'll find myself at some point wanting to chat about other things that people in these groups couldn't care less about. It's been hard to find good friends who I can really relate to, but I guess like other posters said the only way you'll ever succeed at that is to step up your social skills right?

[Nikki Sahagin]

I think this is perfectly normal. It's hard I think to find people you can really relate to. A lot of the time it's just going through the motions and as you said, quite hollow. People seem to shy away from deeper conversations. I have a few people I can have these kinds of conversations with but in most instances, though I like them, they are what I call mind-numbers. There conversation doesn't extend beyond clubs and sex.

[Ross PK]

Where I live yes, as I don't fit in with anyone round here.

[theBrokenMuse]

I'm happy to see I'm not alone in my perspective. Sometimes I myself wondering if I'm overanalyzing my emotions or working myself up over something that's just in my head. I've seen a few replies suggesting that I try and socialize more with people that enjoy the same type of activities and whatnot. I just wanted to interject that I don't think it's a socialization issue in and of itself.

 

I am not anti-social although my first post may have sounded that way a bit. I have no problems being able to get along with other people just fine and have spent time doing things I enjoy in a social setting like a women's writing course. Not to sound pretentious but I just feel bored by most people after spending some time with them.

 

I think it all boils down to what Tony expanded upon so eloquently. I do feel as though many people are content with and comforted by the endless cycle of depthless distraction found within the daily grind and I can't understand or relate to it. In fact, I find the shallowness and artificiality of it all to be quite suffocating.

[The Collector]

Cold readers, 'psychics' and other flim-flam merchants often use the line 'sometimes you feel lonely in a crowd, like you're separate, looking down from above, etc' and the mark thinks 'wow, that is true how could they know that?' but of course everyone feels like that sometimes.

[Capricciosa]

It does sound like you need new friends. The world is full of people who want to connect on a deeper level. But it is up to you to put yourself in their path. I agree that you should pursue an interest--one level of common ground often leads to others.

[Trialbyfire]

I recall a quote from author Henry Miller in "Tropic of Capricorn": "The more you reach out towards the world, the more the world retreats. Nobody wants real love, real hatred. Nobody wants you to put your hands in his sacred entrails...that's only for the priest in the hour of sacrifice. While you are here, while your blood is still warm, you are to pretend that there is no such thing as blood and no such thing as flesh beneath the covering of skin. Keep off the grass...that's the motto by which most people live."

Good book!

 

Nope, you're not alone in feeling this way.

 

I feel like that when I'm somewhere I don't want to be, with people I don't want to be with or just plain not in the mood to socialize. I usually get bored and leave.

[lino]

I feel like this a lot but perhaps for a different reason to you OP. I have close friends that I connect with well and am totally comfortable with. Yet I feel lonely when I'm around them and also when I'm around acquaintances who I'm not so close with and it's purely because I don't have and I've never had a real girlfriend/partner. I didn't use to feel like this at all a few years back but now I feel like this more and more because I'm not getting any younger. You can only share so much with your friends and family and at the end of the day it just sucks so much to go home alone, especially when you see nearly everyone else with someone by their side

It's been getting to me so much lately...