i love him but he doesnt know what he wants

[confused247]

My fiancee and i have been dating for a year and a half and suddenly he turns around and says that he needs his own space and doesnt want to see me any more. This set me in to a very deep depression. He came to my house to bring me my things from his and started kissing me! Said he had realised he cant live without me and never wants to loose me.The next day i had a call from the hospital telling me my gma had just died. I was mortified, we were so close and was the only one i could really talk to. My fiancee helped me through it and i felt that things between us were sorting themselves out. A couple of days later things repeated themselves. Again i sunk deeper and deeper into depression! No matter how much i told myself that if he could mess with my head and do this to me then he wasnt worth it, i always found myself thinking what I had done wrong. This has all been happening through december this year. I told myself things will get better. I want things to get better. He keeps telling me not to call or text him but i am afraid if i dont then he will forget me and move on. I love him and am willing to do anything to get him back.

 

He says he still wants to meet every now and then as he still wants to be friends.

One day this week we bumped into each other at a mutual friends house not realising the other was there.After sitting there for 2 hours trying to act normal he offered me a lift home and we left. we sat in his car for an hour after pulling up to mine talking about christmas as we had not spoken since.As i went to get out the car he held his arms out as to say "give me a hug" I lent is to hug him and as i did his hands wrapped themselves through my hair and pulled me in for a kiss. I did not pull away as this is what i had wanted to do ever since we had left our friends. He told me he still has feelings for me but not sure what sort of feelings. i asked him if when he kissed me he felt anything. he said yes but doesnt know if he can carry on any relationship. Confused i got out of the car and hurryed in. As i closed the door i sunk to the floor in tears and couldnt move myself for hours. I know he is confused but he says he needs his space but is always initiating contact.

 

New years eve my friend dragged me out to a house party to get my mind off things.

While i was there a guy and i got talking. we got on really well and exchanged numbers.( this guy is no stranger he is a friend of a friend) and said we must meet up and go out for a drink.

 

My confused fiancee then contacted me today(new years) and asked to meet.When he picked me up form my house he again initiated the kissing first. i pulled away and said i cant keep doing this. Only kiss me if you want this. he said he did and lent in for more. a couple minutes later drew back and said out right " did you go out last night" i said yes and he said "please tell me you sleep with anyone".

 

It seems that he wants to end the relationship as i said at the beggining but i still wary of everything i do and people i see. I am not someone to sleep around and he knows that as he is my first.

 

What do i do?

Do i meet this new guy?

 

Im just so confused247:confused:

[whichwayisup]

Did he ever give you a ring? You keep saying this guy was/is your fiance..Or was it just talked about but no ring was given?

 

In all honesty, I would cut him out of your life. Chances are, he's met someone else and is waivering back and forth, hense his come here/go away attitude with you.

[confused247]

Did he ever give you a ring? You keep saying this guy was/is your fiance..Or was it just talked about but no ring was given?

 

yes there was a ring. we were engaged for 10 months.

 

 

I asked him if there was anyone else. we always seemed able to be honnest with each other and he said no. i believe him.

 

i really love him. I dont want to lose him im if i dont have to.

[confused247]

you are so right! all of you!

i sent him an email earlier and told him to basically piss off.

said that if he doesnt know how he feels then its over cos i cant keep letting him mess with my head! that if he doesnt know how he feels by now then he never will and if he ever does it will be too late. he wasnt there for me yet i stuck by him through all his problems. his debt, when he nearly went blind. when he got sacked job after job! and i dont even get an ounce of support when my gma dies! i didnt want him to do anything. just someone there at the end of the day i can cry to. I dont get on with my parents and yet he refused to help and forced me to move back in with my parents.

 

But even so after all this i still love him. no matter what he does i always seem to forgive him. i dont want to. I sit at home in my room thinking over and over again how much i hate him and as soon as we meet or he contacts me its like it never happend.

 

While i was in the relationship i lost most of my friends as i just never had time. (we lived together)

I have started up some old friendships again. But it seems that when ever i am with them it doesnt matter cos i still feel lost and all i can think about is having him with his arms wrapped around me telling me how much he loves me.

 

I need to hate him to forget him yet i cant seem to let myself.

 

i need serious help. this is sending me deeper and deeper into depression everyday and i just cant see a way out of it anymore.not without him:lmao:

[vanilla87]

I've been in your place before. I had an ex that I was engaged to and he pulled the disappearing act. He was gone for 6 months and then *poof* was back in my life for a month. He told me that he was sorry and was stupid for leaving me and that he got scared because he realized he wasn't ready to settle down with me just yet. I asked him if he had someone else, he told me no, but my gut told me otherwise, cause here is the thing, for about a month or two I ended up texting and calling leaving voice mails every now and then, the funny thing is that he responded 6 months later on the same number. That gave it away that he was lying and was seeing someone which was probably why he came back crawling and saying sorry. It ended with us blowing up at one another and him telling me to "go to hell!" and I haven't talk to him since then...

 

Anyway, what I can see is that he must have unfinished business with some girl, because no matter what, any excuse a guy makes, is just a way to put off what they don't want to deal with. You also mentioned you only we're dating for a year and half and have been engaged for 10 months, which says maybe it was rushed, which is one reason why he ran. He was probably on the rebound at some point when meeting you.

 

Not to sound cruel, but it seems like he only cares about you when your there for him and that he is a taker never a giver and loves the attention on him, but since you also lost half your friends, it made it also seem like your entire life revolved around him, which is a no-no in the world of love, cause that makes it look like you have to depend on him for everything and guys don't mind you depending on them for certain things, but the thing is having some minor independence is crucial to have a good relationship.

 

The fact that you've bend over backwards for him, says a lot about who you are, which is you give your whole heart to someone you love and care for, which is good and bad, but he sounds draining since he never gives like you do, which cause you to feel the way you do.

 

The best thing to do is just stop seeing him in general, slowly start cutting off contact, never go cold turkey, cause that will hurt you now, but when you feel you are ready, you can completely stop needing him and talking to him, it'll take time, but it'll be worth it. You may never get over him, but he won't be as important down the road as he is now to you.

[confused247]

 

Anyway, what I can see is that he must have unfinished business with some girl, because no matter what, any excuse a guy makes, is just a way to put off what they don't want to deal with. You also mentioned you only we're dating for a year and half and have been engaged for 10 months, which says maybe it was rushed, which is one reason why he ran. He was probably on the rebound at some point when meeting you..

 

no. there was no one before me.we wer both each others firsts. the only ex he had i ended up working with a while after we met and that was a 3 day relationship that got nowhere past kissing.

 

Not to sound cruel, but it seems like he only cares about you when your there for him and that he is a taker never a giver and loves the attention on him,..

 

No. I dont believe he doesnt care. i know he does! For the first year we were going out things were amazing. for a few months when i was living with my parents (who i really dont get on with) he would call every night, he didnt see me; before i went to sleep, to see if i was ok. Not in general but because of my parents. He would listen. He cared and when they really got to me or he could tell i was upset he would drive to mine and get me. wisk me off my feet and away from my hell hole.He cared! and even in the last months... even though he sometimes diddnt show he cared when i needed him most he was still there if i wanted to talk.

 

since you also lost half your friends, it made it also seem like your entire life revolved around him, which is a no-no in the world of love, cause that makes it look like you have to depend on him for everything and guys don't mind you depending on them for certain things, but the thing is having some minor independence is crucial to have a good relationship.

The fact that you've bend over backwards for him, says a lot about who you are, which is you give your whole heart to someone you love and care for, which is good and bad, but he sounds draining since he never gives like you do, which cause you to feel the way you do.

 

 

He said this was the main reason he could no longer do this. because he felt that i lent on him like a parent more than a boyfriend or a fiancee.

I never really had parents. Well i mean they were there but they never cared. My sister ran away from home at 15 and we never heard from her till she turnd 18. I knew why she went and so did my parents, but they took it out on me. My childhood was a mess from when i was 12 onwards. So i learnt quickly to look after myself.physically anyways. i suppose since i was 12 the only time i ever showed emotion was when my gdad died. apart from then i never felt i could talk to anyone about things.not till ollie.

 

The best thing to do is just stop seeing him in general, slowly start cutting off contact, never go cold turkey, cause that will hurt you now, but when you feel you are ready, you can completely stop needing him and talking to him, it'll take time, but it'll be worth it. You may never get over him, but he won't be as important down the road as he is now to you.

 

I have no choice. he wants to go cold turkey. i went over to his to say i just wanted to be friends. that i didnt want to lose him. that i didnt care if he had done something he wasnt proud of and didnt want to tell me. he just tured away from me and tried to shut the door. i pushed it open and he fell. i tried to say i just want to be friends. he got up and said ok.hugged me and said he just needs sometime. and will call me next week to see if i am ok.

 

i got home and the phone rang. it was the police.

said they wanted to come talk to me regarding my ex.

when they came i was in tears. i had lost the 2 most important people in my life in the space of a week and now i had the police on my back. they said he had called them out cos i had pushed him. they said that they could see i was upset and my emotions were high but tey sould technically arrest me for assult. and harassment because i didnt leave when i did.

I hate him for calling them. i hate him to think that i purposly pushed him over. i hate for him to think of me as a bad person. He has told the police that he doesnt want me to have any contact with him at all and i am only to enter his property if i am invited.

i have no choice now but to go cold turkey.

i will always love him but i dont think that after everything has happened i could ever get back with him. one day i hope we beome friends.

 

thank you everyone who posted me with help. Weird to think its the people i dont know who help the most