questions about porn addiction

[griffinchicken53]

i don't talk about this much, but it's a new year and i'm wanting to start things in a good direction.

I'm a guy and i look at porn. I'd be ashamed if people I know found out, and I hope they don't already do and pretending not to. It's just free online stuff, but i've become desensitized to alot of it and have to start looking for more hardcore stuff. But sometimes i only look at it because i am bored and trying to distract myself from other things.

I don't want to stop looking at it completely, but keep it regulated, not feel the need to look every day. i'm a 30 year old guy who is single and doesn't have much sexual experience, so it sort of become a substitute.

Not sure how to word it, but certain things sort of lose enjoyment and become more of a maintenance thing, like shaving or brushing your teeth. Maybe not maintenance but more of a preventative, so it doesn't happen on it's own while i'm asleep. hope i'm making sense don't want to be crude so i'm walking on eggshells here.

[Posco_Proudfoot]

i don't talk about this much, but it's a new year and i'm wanting to start things in a good direction.

I'm a guy and i look at porn. I'd be ashamed if people I know found out, and I hope they don't already do and pretending not to. It's just free online stuff, but i've become desensitized to alot of it and have to start looking for more hardcore stuff. But sometimes i only look at it because i am bored and trying to distract myself from other things.

I don't want to stop looking at it completely, but keep it regulated, not feel the need to look every day. i'm a 30 year old guy who is single and doesn't have much sexual experience, so it sort of become a substitute.

Not sure how to word it, but certain things sort of lose enjoyment and become more of a maintenance thing, like shaving or brushing your teeth. Maybe not maintenance but more of a preventative, so it doesn't happen on it's own while i'm asleep. hope i'm making sense don't want to be crude so i'm walking on eggshells here.

You obviously think it is a problem. Please don't feel like you need to walk on eggshells. Feel free to be about as crude as you want. Most don't.

 

Have you considered just stopping if you believe it has become an addiction?

BTW, I watch it too. I got no problems with it. I'd much rather have a SO watch it too ! :bunny:But I do without and have in the recent past without a issue.

[griffinchicken53]

it feels like karma. Like it is going to cause negative effects on any possibility of a romantic relationship.

ok the best way i can put it is if i don't "self love" for about two weeks i'll wake up glued to the sheets. so i kind of need some images to help along.

also, i worry about performance anxiety. My goal has been my own pleasure, and not practice and or train myself for endurance to provide someone else pleasure. i go for as quick as possible. I'm probably past the point of ever being good in bed with a woman.

[You'reasian]

i don't talk about this much, but it's a new year and i'm wanting to start things in a good direction.

I'm a guy and i look at porn. I'd be ashamed if people I know found out, and I hope they don't already do and pretending not to. It's just free online stuff, but i've become desensitized to alot of it and have to start looking for more hardcore stuff. But sometimes i only look at it because i am bored and trying to distract myself from other things.

I don't want to stop looking at it completely, but keep it regulated, not feel the need to look every day. i'm a 30 year old guy who is single and doesn't have much sexual experience, so it sort of become a substitute.

Not sure how to word it, but certain things sort of lose enjoyment and become more of a maintenance thing, like shaving or brushing your teeth. Maybe not maintenance but more of a preventative, so it doesn't happen on it's own while i'm asleep. hope i'm making sense don't want to be crude so i'm walking on eggshells here.

 

What do you define as sexual experience?

[Enema]

More importantly: How do you define "Porn Addiction" ?

 

I think you've been brainwashed into thinking looking at porn is bad.

[whichwayisup]

If you are viewing porn daily and wacking off to it, that's your business. I'm sure alot of people do this and just don't ever discuss with anyone.

 

It only becomes a problem if you find yourself preferring porn over having sex and your body could become used to that kind of visual stimulation and getting turned on by a real naked body will be more difficult, let alone have an orgasm.

 

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it too much..If you're single then just enjoy yourself. When the time comes you have a girlfriend that's when you cut out the porn and enjoy your gf's body.

[D-Lish]

In my experience, most, if not all men look at porn. Geez- even my dad had penthouse mags hidden in the house!

 

I, as a female don't mind porn at all and sometimes look at it to have fun with myself! I have never had an issue if any of my bf's have watched porn.

 

I am not sure if this is an issue with shame...or addiction.

[griffinchicken53]

i don't feel it is an addiction. it's not like i spend 20 hours a day and ignore all my friends.

sexual experience. as far as most know, i'm a virgin. but there were sort of internet hookups, only one was sex. the others, not quite so far. i just feel like it is one more reason for women to look past me and onto a guy who is better looking and actually has a life.

sometimes i look i'm just feeling sorry for myself, observing the things i probably won't get to do. also kind of depressed, could be where some of this comes from

[Mahatma]

Well, in my experience, a wet dream takes around 2 weeks of no masturbation and a lot of sexual stimulation along the way.

 

You could easily cut down on the porn if you feel you are doing it too much. There are days where I find myself unbelievably horny and I will masturbate, wait 10 minutes, and go again. Just do it when you get that "horny" feeling.

 

I think porn and masturbation ends up becoming a habit if you let it, then it must be broken. It sounds to me like this is what you feel.

 

I used to feel like I got all my sexual needs from masturbation. I saw no point in having a sexual relationship because I didn't need a girl to get me off. I lost the desire to get a girl. I had the desire to have the desire (I think this is where you are), but did not know what to do about it.

 

I started cutting down on porn to 2-3 times a week. Given there are times when I do it more or less, it is just good to only do it when you are horny. I found myself masturbating out of habit than actually wanting to blow a load. I basically forgot what being horny felt like for a while.

 

It is totally normal to watch porn, and I am sure plenty of people do it daily. Just do it when you are horny and have no other outlet, don't do it out of habit.

[griffinchicken53]

posting and reading on here has helped. gives me something else to do.

[Geishawhelk]

In my experience, most, if not all men look at porn. Geez- even my dad had penthouse mags hidden in the house!

 

And I bet you looked for them!!

Either that, or he didn't hide them very well, did he - ??

[Adri Ana]

i don't talk about this much, but it's a new year and i'm wanting to start things in a good direction.

I'm a guy and i look at porn. I'd be ashamed if people I know found out, and I hope they don't already do and pretending not to. It's just free online stuff, but i've become desensitized to alot of it and have to start looking for more hardcore stuff. But sometimes i only look at it because i am bored and trying to distract myself from other things.

I don't want to stop looking at it completely, but keep it regulated, not feel the need to look every day. i'm a 30 year old guy who is single and doesn't have much sexual experience, so it sort of become a substitute.

Not sure how to word it, but certain things sort of lose enjoyment and become more of a maintenance thing, like shaving or brushing your teeth. Maybe not maintenance but more of a preventative, so it doesn't happen on it's own while i'm asleep. hope i'm making sense don't want to be crude so i'm walking on eggshells here.

 

 

Why do you feel shy or embarassed about watching porn?

Ok,you say you watch it too often and too much,but probably this is what your mind and body need,so give it to them,

and you are single ...so that helps to this addiction as well.

Do not worry,just go on living the way you like .

Once you will laugh at this your post and all thoughts that were screwing your mind .

[griffinchicken53]

it's when i start figuring out how many hours i've spent looking at it that i realize i could have gotten so much other stuff done. it's something to do other than watch tv. i've got education material i need to learn, that would make me feel better about myself. it is something i guess i use to hold myself back.

[Adri Ana]

it's when i start figuring out how many hours i've spent looking at it that i realize i could have gotten so much other stuff done. it's something to do other than watch tv. i've got education material i need to learn, that would make me feel better about myself. it is something i guess i use to hold myself back.

 

When you start understanding your addiction stuff,

you are gonna change it .

You are on this way.

So,best of luck !

 

 

(But do not blame yourself,

watching porn is much more innocent than many many other addictions happening in the world:))

[Matteo]

i love porn and view it every day at least once. addicted or not its fascinating to watch people have sex.

[electric_sheep]

it's when i start figuring out how many hours i've spent looking at it that i realize i could have gotten so much other stuff done. it's something to do other than watch tv. i've got education material i need to learn, that would make me feel better about myself. it is something i guess i use to hold myself back.

 

Some of the advice you are getting here is skeptical. Speaking about one addiction or another as being "harmless" is fundamentally absurd. Addiction is harmful by definition. Though there are variations, addiction can essentially be defined as the continued use of some substance or behavior despite increasing costs (harm), due to an urge or craving for said substance or behavior.

 

Whether it be gambling, chocolate, beer, heroin, or sex (porn), I assure you, one can pursue it to the point of total self-destruction and annihilation.

 

I think many people are under the illusion that "addiction" is a definitive event, or something that "happens" to them. Like a light switch, it's either on or off. I think it's better to think of it as a slow process that unfolds. Ultimately though, addiction is a personal decision that someone arrives at. It is the decision that the long term consequences of some behavior or substance one has been engaging with outweigh any short term benefits they are getting from it.

 

In addiction terminology this is called a Cost Benefit Analysis.

 

There is plenty of evidence to suggest that pornography can be addictive, and there is plenty of evidence to suggest that there can be serious long term consequences...

 

Wasting vast amounts of time.

 

You may find you are leveraging it as an emotional coping devise. That is, using it to deal with boredom, sexual frustration, or whatever. You would probably be better off dealing with these emotions in a more construtive manner. Try to find interesting hobbies, for example, or pursue your long term goals (education, you mentioned). If you are using it to deal with sexual frustration why not try and pursue a "real life" satisfying relationship with someone else? Many guys nowadays simply resort to pornography because the fantasy relationship is easier and cheaper than a real relationship. This is sad, IMO.

 

The repeated exposure to pornography probably encourages objectification (not necesssarily bad in itself, but in extreme it may be), and also may subtly alter ones expectations regarding the opposite sex.

 

These are very consequences, and shouldn't be ignored.

 

I think too much time is wasted on the question of whether pornography is "right" or "wrong". I personally don't think it's "wrong" in any meaningful sense (just like chocolate isn't "wrong"), but that doesn't mean it can't be the source for an unhealthy pattern, which in it's extreme, we call addiction.

 

BTW, you should check out SmartRecovery.org if you think you want to make some personal changes, and you find it hard to do so on your own.

[electric_sheep]

More importantly: How do you define "Porn Addiction" ?

 

I think you've been brainwashed into thinking looking at porn is bad.

 

Part of the problem with concepts such as porn addiction is this regrettable entangling of morality into the issue.

 

He obviously feels shame about looking at it (he said he didn't want his friends to know), so there probably is a moral dimension to it.

 

Put, just because something isn't morally wrong doesn't mean it's not possible to be addicted to it. Chocolate and drinking beer are two good examples.

 

If he is looking at it daily (for more than 30 minutes or so), looking at it at work, etc... that should be a serious red flag.

If it's interfering with him seeking out real life relationships (he said he used it as a substitute), that also isn't good.

In short, if he is using it to deal with emotions like boredom or depression, he is setting himself up for trouble down the road. Short term "fixes" like eating, drinking, drugging, and sex are all the rage in our society, but they invariable cause more trouble down the road, and they do nothing to "solve" the problem. And once the pattern of using these things for emotional coping sets in, it's hard to change.

 

I mean... assume his life is boring and devoid of love and sex. Should he be yanking to porn, or should he go out there and try to stir up some excitement! Engage with life, take up some interesting hobbies, join some interesting social clubs/networks, and meet some real women for crying out loud! I'd say the later approach, though harder in the short term, is more rewarding in the long term.

 

My intuition is he may actually have a real "problem", but that's ultimately for him to decide. It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of, our society sets us up for this kind of stuff... almost encourages it, in fact.

[griffinchicken53]

I don't watch as much as I have. There have been times i might have been online for a few hours, but i'm not looking at it the entire time. the internet is sometimes where i kill time, alot of my friends keep in touch through email so i find myself hoping to be online and here from them. and times i'm online doing things that are productive and i don't look at porn for a few days. I do spend more time on this website so that helps.

 

I still look, but i'm more inclined to look at what i can learn from. Basically without being crude, but how to eat.....i don't think i need to say anything else.

But that leads to the delusion that I could date, someone might could be interested in me, and perhaps it could end up with some sex.

I get my hopes up if a girl talks to me, i think there could be a possibility of something, but either i misread the signals or she is talking to me trying to get dating info on one of my guy friends.

I didn't have much luck with the ladies when I had a good job, money, etc. but now i'm unemployed, out of shape, in debt, living with the parents. If anyone were to date me, it is just to pass the time until a better guy comes along for them to move to.

So what's my motivation.? and yes dating is expensive. and sex isn't everything. i don't look at all women and instantly think what they'd look like naked, or see a pretty smile and think what else her mouth would be good for. I mean, on occassion that has happened, but not all the time. Usually I notice eyes and smile, but see them as a person. and ok, i do check out the rest of them but i see them as more than something physical.

I'm one of the few guys that would probably want to cuddle, mostly cuz i don't know how to have sex. it causes anxiety, do you shower first, afterwards, lay in the wet spots, etc. i don't know. but i'd like to just hold someone. and if the right person came along, i'd delete all the porn, well there might be one or two videoclips i'd keep cuz they are funny.

[You'reasian]

II'm one of the few guys that would probably want to cuddle, mostly cuz i don't know how to have sex. it causes anxiety, do you shower first, afterwards, lay in the wet spots, etc. i don't know. but i'd like to just hold someone. and if the right person came along, i'd delete all the porn, well there might be one or two videoclips i'd keep cuz they are funny.

 

It starts with some hard flirtation, kissing and caressing and it goes from there....

[Ramrod]

Porn is addictive. I'm 44 and have been hooked since the age of 10, my older brothers got me started. It's a long story, but I digress.

 

It's addictive in the same way drugs are addictive, it's addictive in much the same way McDonalds hamburgers are designed to bring you back for more.

 

Will it cripple? Can it impact your relationships with women. Can it lead to a lower self esteem and manifest itself in abnormal sexual behavior and decrease enjoyment in your daily life. Yes.

 

Stop it now, while your young. Wean yourself off slowly, best remedy a girlfriend who doesn't improve. Best remedy of all, have a daughter. One way to make sure you never wack-off to it again, consider all the abuse women must endure and that your viewership sponsors and endorses the the degradation and violence against women that the porn world exploits.

 

Your on the road to becoming a scumb*g, pull out of the death spiral while you still can.