How do I tell my parents I am getting a divorce after only being married for 3 months

[angelam2222]

After only being married for 3 months, I had an affair and my husband found out. He does not want to try to work things out, which I can not blame him. How do I go about telling my parents (who just 3 months ago put a good $20,000 towards our wedding)?

[GoneButNotForgotten]

From mexico? After you already moved there preferably.

[whichwayisup]

Be honest with them. Even offer to pay back the money for the wedding.

 

You made an awful decision to cheat and now the consquences are there for you to face. It'll be extremely hard to face your parents, and also relatives, friends who spent money in buying wedding presents.

 

Think about getting counselling.

[whichwayisup]

Sorry for asking, why would you cheat after just getting married 3 months ago? Or was the affair on-going when you got married? Are you and the OM going to be together now that you're getting divorced?

[angelam2222]

Even before I got married, my relationship was lacking something....sex. I thought that my husband and I just loved each other so much that if we weren't having sex on a regular basis, it was okay, because we had so much more. But, I guess I still needed to feel that sexual spark with someone. I know I really screwed up, and I regret being with this other guy, but I can't change what I have done. My husband said he will never be able to trust me again, and he will always be suspicious of any guys I am friends with and will always check up on me by reading my emails/checking my phone messages. So, I know we will never be able to have a healthy relationship again.

 

The other guy and I will not be together after my divorce. He admitted to me that he would never start off a relationship in this way. So, pretty much, he was just having his fun with a married woman and was not looking for any commitment.

[whichwayisup]

Can I ask how old you are?

 

Yes, it is too bad that you weren't able to go to your husband, even get counselling with him to help with your sex life. Maybe getting married to begin with was a mistake?

 

Anyway, if you hadn't been found out about by your husband, would the affair still be on going?

 

About your folks, when you tell them, do it on neutral ground. NOT at their house because you're going to feel trapped.

[angelam2222]

I will be 32 next month. My husband is 27.

[atwitsend]

So how long after you discussed the issues in your sex life with your husband and then went to marriage couseling and or a sex therapist, did you cheat?

[brothelmaiden]

HHHHHMMMMMM I don't know what to say to that.

 

I do. She has acted like an oversexed 16 year old. 20 thousand? 3 months? Is this little mrs spoiled princess syndrome?

[Enema]

Well, all judgement aside... you're an adult at 32 and your parents spent 20k on what they assumed was a lifetime investment.

 

Tell them straight up, and PAY THEM BACK.

[jwi71]

I actually think you should do it person, I mean they spent the money, took the time in helping with the wedding - had all they joy of telling their friends and co-workers of your nuptials...they deserve a face to face chat.

 

And I'd agree with the others - pay them back.

[Geishawhelk]

Even before I got married, my relationship was lacking something....sex.

Read my signature.

 

It seems that not only were you PRE-prepared to not commit, it seems that communication had already long flown the roost.

 

This is crazy.

 

Why did you guys not clear this issue up before tying the knot?

 

*Gobsmacked*

[lkjh]

Does your H know the OM? Is this your first time cheating?

[carhill]

How do I go about telling my parents (who just 3 months ago put a good $20,000 towards our wedding)?

Tell them in person, in *your* home and proactively suggest a payment plan to reimburse them for the expenses they incurred. Suggest to your husband that you both apply for an annulment of the marriage. Though the affair apparently occurred shortly after the marriage, sexual fraud had been going on for some time apparently. You had your doubts about having a healthy sex life and chose to move forward, presumably without appropriate discussion and/or counseling.

 

No judgements here; rather, suggestions for a course of action. Glad you learned a life lesson

[lkjh]

Carhill, I agree with you on how she should tell her parents but I disagree with you on the advice for her husband. The way she wrote does not sound like she was trying to move forward, it sounds like she was trying to have her cake and eat it to. Moving forward would have been working with her H to improve the sex life. Not letting some guy bang her. Especially one who didn't even care about her. I doubt she planned on separating from her H.

[carhill]

"move forward" with the marriage, absent proper communication of a major marital issue, constitutes fraud, IMO. That would be my argument in court for the nullification. IANAL. My dad did this with his W when she took up with another man while he was in Italy during WW2, sent there shortly after they were married. He was successful.