marriage numb

[conaza]

My husband and I have been married now for 17 years. The first years were great. We had twins after being married for 2 years and that put some stress on our marriage, but I felt that was to be expected. My husbands dad died about 5 years ago and things started to go down hill. He started drinking a lot of beer, about 6 bottles every night, then moved on to a bottle of wine per night, then moved on to the big super sized bottles every night. I talked with him, bugged him, pleaded with him and he has gotten down to a bottle a couple of nights a week. (although he hides it and thinks I don't know about it). Sex is not happening. I think that last time was about 6-7 months ago. Now instead of drinking he is on his computer taking part in political blogs or helping out at our church. He never really talks to me unless it has something to do with the kids or his mother who is living in an apt. next to us now. I just don't feel anything anymore. I fought for the last few years but now I just don't know if I'll ever have any feeling for him again. At times I really just don't like him. We've said that once the kids are out of the house we will work on our marriage (about 3 years away) but I think there won't be anything left by then. We both work extremely hard and are very stressed with our jobs right now and our kids keep us running as well. I just don't know what to do or where to turn. I afraid if I bring all this up to him he'll just start drinking more again. Advise?

[sadintexas]

The one thing that struck me in your post is that you are waiting until your children are out of the house to work on your marriage. WHY? Life does not start once the kids are grown. It's happening now, and you're letting it slip by.

 

Appreciate each other now. Work on your marriage now. If it continues to go unattended, it will die. That's only natural. Don't waste this time. Get busy having a life with your husband...a marriage with your husband.

[LovieDove24]

Same reaction as Sadintexas, why the heck wait?

[eclipseIDE]

My husband and I have been married now for 17 years. The first years were great. We had twins after being married for 2 years and that put some stress on our marriage, but I felt that was to be expected. My husbands dad died about 5 years ago and things started to go down hill. He started drinking a lot of beer, about 6 bottles every night, then moved on to a bottle of wine per night, then moved on to the big super sized bottles every night. I talked with him, bugged him, pleaded with him and he has gotten down to a bottle a couple of nights a week. (although he hides it and thinks I don't know about it). Sex is not happening. I think that last time was about 6-7 months ago. Now instead of drinking he is on his computer taking part in political blogs or helping out at our church. He never really talks to me unless it has something to do with the kids or his mother who is living in an apt. next to us now. I just don't feel anything anymore. I fought for the last few years but now I just don't know if I'll ever have any feeling for him again. At times I really just don't like him. We've said that once the kids are out of the house we will work on our marriage (about 3 years away) but I think there won't be anything left by then. We both work extremely hard and are very stressed with our jobs right now and our kids keep us running as well. I just don't know what to do or where to turn. I afraid if I bring all this up to him he'll just start drinking more again. Advise?

 

 

Why dont you tell him what you said here? You think it will be any different if you just up and leave him after your kids are gone? You dont think he would start drinking if you left him?

 

You should at least give him the chance to change. Be an adult, tell him if you dont get your act together I will leave you. See easy

 

Or are you looking an excuse to justify your feellings so that you can leave him?