Living together - spending habits/woes

[lmmortal]

Me and my partner have been living together for over 6 months and one of the continuous issue we tend to argue about is how to spend money. More specifically, my money. Everything we shop for, whether it be groceries, clothes, furniture, etc she is extremely frugal. I am definitely not used to this change and I constantly tell her that. Everything we tend to do now revolves around how much money is spend. If it is not on sale, she haggles me not to buy it. She would prefer to run halfway across town to purchase it for a couple of dollars cheaper. I have no problem if she wants to be frugal with her own money, but the problem starts when she tries to dictate the spending habits of my money.

 

So is it normal for your partner to influence your spending habits when you are living together?

[Lauriebell82]

Well what are your incomes like? Does she make a lot less money? Despite how much she has it is wrong of her to dictate how much you spend. It's your money, you do what you want with it.

 

That being said, what are your spending habits like? DO you blow money, moreso then you probably should be doing? My boyfriend blows money on big purchases for himself (you'd think he wouldn't though because he's cheap), however I try not to tell him how to spend his money. Have the two of you been talking about marriage? Maybe she is worried about the possibility of you spending too much money when your finances merge.

 

At any rate, you won't really know unless you ask her. Just be honest and tell her exactly what you just wrote. Don't accuse her of anything, just tell her that her behavior is bothering you and see if you can work out some kind of solution.

[Geishawhelk]

Tell her going across town is a false economy, once you take account travel costs and time.

You should budget together, and agree personal expenditures.

Once your budget has taken care of the joint essentials, like food and bills, (which should be 50% each) what you do with your money is your choice.

[jwi71]

Nah - its not about money its about control and power.

 

Without going into a long winded and perhaps "incorrect" view of why I think money fights happen (I say power and control) - the solution I see is:

 

Honest an open communication.

 

Talk about the lines you have drawn between your money and her money. She may not feel there is a difference and may be wounded to her that you do.

 

Set a budget. Do not deviate from it. Period. I would suggest that you each create one separately then compare.

 

Remember, a good compromise is one where both parties are unhappy with the outcome.

[EnigmaXOXO]

So is it normal for your partner to influence your spending habits when you are living together?

 

The only time it should become an issue is when you are making “joint” purchases. In other words, you want the leather couch but she can only afford to flip half the bill on something less extravagant. Unless of course, you want it badly enough to cover the difference.

 

If it’s something you’re buying for yourself, and you’re not over-extending your budget to the point you can’t cover your half of the living expenses come bill time ... then “no” ... your partner shouldn’t take issue with how you spend your money. Especially if you’re financially responsible when it comes to joint priorities.

 

At least that how we work it. And in nine years, we’ve never had a single argument over money, or how either one of us should spend it.

 

However, I have known two people in my life (both women) who have turned “finding a deal” into a hobby of sorts. One of whom you might even call it an “obsession”. She’ll stand in line at the grocery store and argue pennies with the clerk over a day-old loaf of bread. It’s really quite embarrassing, but she’s such a haggler that she always manages to walk out paying a few cents less than everyone else, and those three pennies she saved will leave her feeling elated for the rest of the day. Go figure.

 

Not suggesting your partner is that bad ... only that there ARE more than a few folks out there who have taken “frugal” to a whole new level. So it’s not unusual, however different you’re finding your spending habits to be since living together.

 

Money is one of the major issues that can make or break a relationship. Love aside, entering any sort of co-habitation or marriage arrangement also requires that we address the business end of it at some point. And better sooner than later if you want to nip any potential problems in the bud. Sit down together, talk it out and negotiate what each of your expectations/concerns are regarding your finances. It’s absolutely doable, and in the end it will save you LOTS of arguments and accumulated resentments.

 

It has for us. :)