christian6 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 My mate is after my sister, I think. His behaviour around her whenever she's there and the fact that he often brings her into the conversation these days makes me almost certain of this. It's bizzare because another close friend of mine once dated my cousin, even though I was not comfortable with it. What should I do, if anything at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Um ask him if he's interested in her. And then make it very clear how you feel about them being together in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author christian6 Posted January 2, 2009 Author Share Posted January 2, 2009 Um ask him if he's interested in her. And then make it very clear how you feel about them being together in any way. Is it unfair to say that I don't want them together? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 You can't tell him who he can or cannot date but it is fair for you to tell him that you would find it uncomfortable and to expand on that. I also think you can ASK him not to date your sister. However you have to accept that if they both really like each other then they may end up dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Is it unfair to say that I don't want them together? Of course not. It's like an unspoken rule in a friendship that you don't do your mate's sister/brother/mother/father/grandmother etc. If he is any sort of friend he will accept that it makes you far too uncomfortable and she is off limits. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I'm sorry, but this is your problem, not theirs. Why uncomfortble? What's it got to do with you? I think if you have issues about this, it's up to you to work on them, but actually, you have no right to impose your will on anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Is any of your concern based on how your friend has treated past girlfriends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author christian6 Posted January 2, 2009 Author Share Posted January 2, 2009 Of course not. It's like an unspoken rule in a friendship that you don't do your mate's sister/brother/mother/father/grandmother etc. If he is any sort of friend he will accept that it makes you far too uncomfortable and she is off limits. Oh well, you see another friend of mine dated my cousin and we are still friends, and this mate knows that. He'll call my a hypocrite. Link to post Share on other sites
Author christian6 Posted January 2, 2009 Author Share Posted January 2, 2009 Is any of your concern based on how your friend has treated past girlfriends? no, he has always been good to his girlfriends. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Oh well, you see another friend of mine dated my cousin and we are still friends, and this mate knows that. He'll call my a hypocrite. Did he know you weren't comfortable with that? If you weren't cool with someone dating your cousin, doesn't take a genius to figure out what the situation would be with your sister. Of course you do have to face the possibility that the two of them may want to get together, even if in a casual kind of way. You can't stop them from doing it but you can make your feelings quite clear. That way if it blows up between them you have distanced yourself from what they had going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 .... That way if it blows up between them you have distanced yourself from what they had going on. It's none of his business either way. If they get on well, suck it up. If they don't get on well, suck it up. Distance is required in either case, because he has no right to interevene. And if this guy treats his lady friends well, then yes, he is a hypocrite. Link to post Share on other sites
Author christian6 Posted January 2, 2009 Author Share Posted January 2, 2009 Did he know you weren't comfortable with that? If you weren't cool with someone dating your cousin, doesn't take a genius to figure out what the situation would be with your sister. Of course you do have to face the possibility that the two of them may want to get together, even if in a casual kind of way. You can't stop them from doing it but you can make your feelings quite clear. That way if it blows up between them you have distanced yourself from what they had going on. well, no I wasn't happy about that either, but it's unfair to take that rule that far, i.e. saying that about the brother/sister is fine, but cousin is a bit unreasonalbe, so I said nothing. It's none of his business either way. If they get on well, suck it up. If they don't get on well, suck it up. Distance is required in either case, because he has no right to interevene. And if this guy treats his lady friends well, then yes, he is a hypocrite. Um no, it puts me in a very uncomfortable situation. Link to post Share on other sites
sugar_and_spice Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 I can understand your concerns about your friend dating your sister, but making a big deal even about your cousin is indeed taking the "rule" too far. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Um no, it puts me in a very uncomfortable situation. Why? My guess is that YOU are imagining it will put you in a very uncomfortable situation. But why should it? Link to post Share on other sites
james123 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Why? My guess is that YOU are imagining it will put you in a very uncomfortable situation. But why should it? because your mate's sister and brother are off-limits and no good friend would do this.It's not very wise to get into this situation anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author christian6 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 because your mate's sister and brother are off-limits and no good friend would do this.It's not very wise to get into this situation anyway. Yes, exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 because your mate's sister and brother are off-limits and no good friend would do this.It's not very wise to get into this situation anyway. Why are they off limits?? Nobody's explained this to any satisfactory extent why exactly this would cause any problems. This is merely a question of perception and personal prejudicial attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author christian6 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 it is something which could cause several problems and would make everything really awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 What problems? And how would it be awkward? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 What problems? And how would it be awkward? Because he's going to have to acknowledge his sister as a sexual being and that is not something he wants to do even if it might make her and a friend of his happy. Its not about them. Its about him. Christian - your sister and your friend are people just like yourself with just as much right to their happiness as you have. Whatever happens as a result of them dating (or not dating, or breaking up, or whatever) requires no action from you. I know you're worrying "what if they end up angry at each other?" You worry about the result hampering you somehow. Guess what? ANYTHING could happen that could effect your friendship or relationship with your sister at anytime for any reason, not just if they end up dating. So relax. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Yes, quite. Unless you can pinpoint what the heck you're talking about, you can only say that it's all in your head. You're pre-supposing and predicting problems simply because you want to. And that's not good enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I'm with Geisha and the other people who don't see the problem on this. I didn't know there was a rule about not dating friend's sibblings out there. I imagine both your mate and your sister are adults. They can make their own decisions and decide what's best for them. This in no way is a reflection of how they feel about you. I don't understand why you would want to interfere and why it would be uncomfortable and awkward if you have respect for the both of them. My advice: Suck it up. Don't make this about you as it has very little to do with you. Besides, if you oppose to it too radically, you're only setting the premise for a thrilling forbidden romance. Link to post Share on other sites
HunnyBunny Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 As long as they are in Love, why try to break them apart? If you love them, you should be Happy for them. The uncomfortableness that you feel is something that you need to overcome. Maybe subconsciously you are worried that you will be left out once they are together? It is only normal to feel that way, but do recognize that this is something you need to solve it within yourself. It is only normal for people to be in love, be happy for them. Link to post Share on other sites
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