eclipseIDE Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Hi fral945 What do I want most about marriage, the fact that you are telling the other party that you are who they want to invest their time in, make this relationship the priority for the rest of their life. There is no other one statement that can make that. Not true at all, you make the statement by showing the person every day that you love them and want to be with them. Marraige does not prove this at all actions do. Anyone can get married its the quality of the relationship that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Racheroo Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 Not true at all, you make the statement by showing the person every day that you love them and want to be with them. Marraige does not prove this at all actions do. Anyone can get married its the quality of the relationship that matters. Agreed, it is the relationship that is 100% important and what you do on a daily basis to enrich it and keep it going. There are two sides to this marriage fence and unless you are both are on the same side, you will never see the same way. I think I have just answered my own question... Link to post Share on other sites
Shygirl15 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I think a common theme that is running through these posts especially from the guys is that my b/f is 42, therefore...it aint never gonna happen! Chances lessen as they grow older, Racheroo. It might happen, but it's not very common. Few guys that I have seen marry at that age or older, are the ones who were married before. However I attended a wedding last September, whereby both the bride and groom were marrying for the first time at 45. I was really touched. They met online and dated for only a year. I guess it can happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Overall, I think marriage is best left for people who believe in it, as an institution for love, commitment and a stable family environment. I do believe in it but don't know if it's for me again. To either say I won't or will do it again, both are unrealistic. Time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Erm, men cheat more than women. Errr, the margin isn't as wide as you'd think. But I agree. There are alot of jackasses out there. but its the good men that don't cheat that know they stand alot to lose if they marry the wrong woman. thats why more good men are gunshy about it. And the men that don't want to get married, well, its not really cheating unless they are committed to someone without the knot being tied. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 This is awful advice, yes please resort to mind games to get him to "come around". Yes threats are a great motivation to get someone to marry you. If hes so replaceable why should he care if he loses you? I never threatened my fiance. I just made myself less availible to him because he seemed to care less than I did. I believe that all men are replaceable. Like buses; you miss one, there'll be another. Before you insult someone, you may want to learn to write a sentence. Did you finish grade three? Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Hi sweetie. I'm 26 and my fiance is 34. We were together on and off from May 2007. We had a lot of personal growth to complete within ourselves and for the relationship, hence the break ups. I don't know how old you are? I prefer men in their 30's because they are generally more stable in every way than little boys in their 20's. Older men make better lovers too. *wink* That said, a generational age difference usually spells trouble. I know you're smart enough to figure out why I think that. Everyone can tell you whatever they want; you are the one who has to live with the consequences of your actions. If a man has reached 42 and has never married, he is probably selfish and immature. I know that from my own experience. Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I never threatened my fiance. I just made myself less availible to him because he seemed to care less than I did. I believe that all men are replaceable. Like buses; you miss one, there'll be another. Before you insult someone, you may want to learn to write a sentence. Did you finish grade three? If men are like buses why get married? Makes no sense, what does marriage mean to you? Do you even know why you want to get married? Thanks Ill take that under advisement. You mean the 3rd grade? Yes barely. (hint: availible is spelled available if you want to talk grammar) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Racheroo Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 I never threatened my fiance. I just made myself less availible to him because he seemed to care less than I did. I believe that all men are replaceable. Like buses; you miss one, there'll be another. and therefore everyone is replaceable, men and women alike. You may miss a bus from time to time, but aren't you grateful when you get on the right one that takes you where you want to be, with no hassles? Marriage is not for everyone, this thread has made that clear, what it has also made clear that people with truly opposing views should never be together, as it will not work. If a couple can't work together towards the same goal, whatever that may be (marriage, kids, a career, living abroad, travelling), they will have a relationship that is full of one sided compromise (or no compromise), unhappiness, and sense that they are missing out on something. Principles must be set and adhered to, and desires should be nutured together as a couple if that is where you are and wnat to be. I hope my wonderful b/f will marry me some day, as I want nothing more than to be his wife, not just his g/f. Yes its just a piece of paper, but I would treasure its sentiment and love what it represents and live up to that to the best of my ability for the rest of our days. I will apply no pressure to my b/f, present no ultimatums, and only continue to love him and this will not be a tactic, much rather a reflex action as it has now become. In time who knows where we will both be. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I feel like there is this stereotype of marriage that is pushed on men that makes it super unattractive. Men are told that by marring they give up freedom to go out with friends, free time for hobbies and control of their finances so they can marry a woman who will likely stop having sex with them, let herself go and become a bitter nag. Why would anyone want that? Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I feel like there is this stereotype of marriage that is pushed on men that makes it super unattractive. Men are told that by marring they give up freedom to go out with friends, free time for hobbies and control of their finances so they can marry a woman who will likely stop having sex with them, let herself go and become a bitter nag. Why would anyone want that? Well there is a thread on here thats all too common for men. Women wakes up one day decides shes not "in love" anymore decides she needs to "find herself" and leaves. This explains why a lot of men dont want to get married. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t175894/ Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Well there is a thread on here thats all too common for men. Women wakes up one day decides shes not "in love" anymore decides she needs to "find herself" and leaves. This explains why a lot of men dont want to get married. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t175894/ Isn't marriage a mostly procreation thing? You know, once the kids are born...or raised...a lot of people no longer see any purpose for it. By that time the parties are usually pretty sick of each other. They figure they'll take their marbles, run...and go find somebody else who may excited them for a while. Anyway, it seems like that's how it works much of the time...or that's what people want to do in the back of their minds. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Isn't marriage a mostly procreation thing? You know, once the kids are born...or raised...a lot of people no longer see any purpose for it. By that time the parties are usually pretty sick of each other. They figure they'll take their marbles, run...and go find somebody else who may excited them for a while. Anyway, it seems like that's how it works much of the time...or that's what people want to do in the back of their minds. This, I would say, is it in a nutshell. I mean who wouldn't get sick and tired of rice if they had to eat it every day? Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I feel like there is this stereotype of marriage that is pushed on men that makes it super unattractive. Men are told that by marring they give up freedom to go out with friends, free time for hobbies and control of their finances so they can marry a woman who will likely stop having sex with them, let herself go and become a bitter nag. Why would anyone want that? I find it rather sad that so many people have this opinion as well as many of the other anti-marriage sentiments echoed on this thread. I agree with TBF saying marriage should be left to those who believe in it. If you and your partner see no purpose, then fine, great, no one can judge your R but the two of you. BUT, the negative stereotype of woman being shallow users, and the men being abused patsys, has become like an urban legend. I have NEVER seen this happen first hand in real life ! I left my last R because of this primarily: I refused to have him harp on how important "family" was while refusing to create a "family" with me. ( I don't mean have children, I just define the difference between marriage and living together as that in the former you make each other family. Note: he was 47 and very beholden to his twin brother, mom, dad, etc...) And, I'm glad I did ! I had to go outside my age group, but I met someone who feels the same way and we are extremely happy we took the leap. We feel much more committed, grounded and respected by both society and both of our families. OP, I agree with everyone who said you need to decide for YOU, if the lack of official vows is something you can live with. I wish you much happiness whatever you choose. Life is full of surprises ! Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Dude Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Well there is a thread on here thats all too common for men. Women wakes up one day decides shes not "in love" anymore decides she needs to "find herself" and leaves. This explains why a lot of men dont want to get married. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t175894/ OR she says she needs time to herself and 2 days later she's in bed with someone else Considering the divorce rate is 50% these days, it's a hell of a risk to get married. After reading so many threads on LS and seeing real life situations where people go through divorce hell, I'm wondering if there is ever any incentive to get married. If I have to take a 50% bet of my life turning into hell, I doubt I ever want to get married. Something is seriously wrong with people these days. Like any normal person, I desire a family and stability one day, but considering those things are extremely hard to come by, I don't see why I should take that chance. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackLovely Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 If men are like buses why get married? Makes no sense, what does marriage mean to you? Do you even know why you want to get married? Thanks Ill take that under advisement. You mean the 3rd grade? Yes barely. (hint: availible is spelled available if you want to talk grammar) You seem very confrontational. Are you okay? I'm getting married because I love my fiance to death and he makes me want to be a better person. By the same token, I do not agree with women being in relationships with men that take them for granted. It sounds like Rancheroo's man doesn't care about her very much. Why should she waste more time? She can get on another bus, maybe one that's better for her too. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 .... I had to go outside my age group, but I met someone who feels the same way and we are extremely happy we took the leap. We feel much more committed, grounded and respected by both society and both of our families. Can you expand on what you mean more precisely by "outside my age group" please? Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Can you expand on what you mean more precisely by "outside my age group" please? She married some hottie 20 years her jr. Link to post Share on other sites
chris250 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 You guys have been really helpful, and I genuinely mean that. You are giving me ways of seeing another side to this, so thank you. So, just out of interest, what does make a guy decide he wants to get married? As the reasons not to that have been given in the above posts all seem pretty logical if I am being honest... Scaring him with an ultimatum would make him want to get married especially if he felt suicidal without you. Link to post Share on other sites
chris250 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 From my perspective I don't want to get married until I'm 70. By then I will have lived my life, done my time in the workforce, gotten my individual freedom out of my system. I see marriage as like joining the military. Once you sign your name on that dotted line then your life is in the hands of the united states government. They get to tell you what to do, where to live, how to think, what to eat, who to date, who to marry, who you can or cannot hang out with, etc. They have the right to search your car and rip the seats out anytime they want to without warning. So when I get married I expect to sign my life away and come under my wife's authority and do her bidding. She will own me. Yes I will have to get permission from her to play golf with my friends on Saturday afternoons. Even if I'm too tired for sex I'll be obligated to give it to her whenever she wants it. I figure that I'll be ready to surrender my rights at age 70 and will have nothing better to do with my retirement years than let my wife run my life. I won't have a say in much of anything. If we're going to buy furniture for the house I'll have no say in what kind of tables and couches to get. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Interesting...I said to him if I signed a pre-nup, which I would do, organised a wedding for under £2k (inferring it is a small wedding with only close family and not a showy display), didn't worry about the ring and honeymoon, would you consider it? Those are the 2 big deals for me, a solid as possible pre-nup is a must have and the wedding ... small is sweet. The ring and honeymoon are not issues, most guys like decking their girl out a little and who doesn't like a vacation? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Most men would like nothing more than to find a great woman and build a life with her but reality more often than not is nothing like that. Many men are faithful and loving husbands who do everything in their power to be good to their wives and families only to be thrown out of their family like garbage because she is bored and need to go find herself. You marry a loving and kind woman who you think is the one and next thing you know one day she wakes up resenting the hell out of you and treating you like she hates your guts and you wonder what the hell happened. The risk just is not worth it anymore. A a man who marries will probably end up a divorced bachelor anyway but the man stays single will at least get to keep his own money and possesions. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Read the book "Why Men Marry Bitches." It explains a lot!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Most men would like nothing more than to find a great woman and build a life with her but reality more often than not is nothing like that. Many men are faithful and loving husbands who do everything in their power to be good to their wives and families only to be thrown out of their family like garbage because she is bored and need to go find herself. You marry a loving and kind woman who you think is the one and next thing you know one day she wakes up resenting the hell out of you and treating you like she hates your guts and you wonder what the hell happened. The risk just is not worth it anymore. A a man who marries will probably end up a divorced bachelor anyway but the man stays single will at least get to keep his own money and possesions. Oh, and men are always the innocent victim in marriage. It takes two to tango, dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Oh, and men are always the innocent victim in marriage. It takes two to tango, dude. I never said that but read the seperation and divorce and see for yourself why many men are afraid of making that commitment. Who the hell wants to start a family only to see it destroyed because your wife all of a sudden decides you are the source of all her problems? Link to post Share on other sites
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