Dexter Morgan Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 just when I thought this 3rd grade thread was dead Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 He proposed on Sunday! The ring is beautiful. We are getting married next summer. Yay! That's excellent news!!! I know I say this every time I post in your thread, but remember to keep things balanced. Keep making friends and work hard in grad school. Mr. Right will bring you tons of happiness, but make sure you get tons more from other sources. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 just when I thought this 3rd grade thread was dead Grad school is just a bit beyond 3rd grade, in case you didn't know. I'm sure your statement will help her out a lot. :rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
northstar1 Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Do they have pre-filled divorce papers you can also hand in when you get the wedding certificate? All joking aside, I wish you luck, but you don't really know someone at 3 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Grad school is just a bit beyond 3rd grade, in case you didn't know. well in this case, the key words here would be "a bit". I'm sure your statement will help her out a lot. :rolleyes: whats to help? other than to get her to realize she sounds as though she hasn't even hit puberty yet. and I'd hate to think of the state of the nation if alot of grad students acted this way. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 well in this case, the key words here would be "a bit". Sorry, but my sarcasm clearly went way over your head. whats to help? other than to get her to realize she sounds as though she hasn't even hit puberty yet. Calling someone a child is the best way NOT to get their attention. I'm sure you can do better than that. Link to post Share on other sites
NoTNorMal Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Any married couple with different spiritual and religious beliefs will only be in it for the sex. You kids will be some sick, confused puppies. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 Sorry, but my sarcasm clearly went way over your head. nope, got it just fine. I just chose to ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted June 25, 2009 Share Posted June 25, 2009 nope, got it just fine. I just chose to ignore it. This whole thing comes back to the fact that you don't seem to appreciate when people change for the better. The OP emotionally (at least) cheated on her ex BF back in January. She lost both guys and was terribly down for awhile. What she did back then was not good at all and she paid a price for what she did. Most people who do such things keep doing them over and over. The OP here however has made positive changes and I like to root for people who do so. What is so wrong with that? She found someone new and is improving the rest of her life. Yes, she took it MUCH faster than you or I would have taken it and got engaged in 3 months. Very quick engagements more often than not fail, but do NOT always fail. It is their choice and they will live with the joy of it if it works or the consequences if it fails. Cheating on someone, even emotionally is really bad and I'd almost certainly dump someone if they did that to me. However, that doesn't mean they should not be allowed to love again if they correct their behavior. Just not with me. Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 This whole thing comes back to the fact that you don't seem to appreciate when people change for the better. Sorry bro, although I'm not has hard on hotdancer as Dexter Morgan, I'm leaning toward his side. hotdancer hasn't changed at all since she first posted on this thread. Her situation has changed yes, maybe for the better, maybe this is just the eye of the tornado, but she certainly hasn't changed. She's someone very much in the "now". She has no sense of cause/effect or consequences of her actions. She runs purely on instinct. If she's lucky, this guy will turn out to be a good guy. But it'll be purely by luck, and not because she made wise decisions. Well, but I do wish her the best. Maybe fate will let her get away with making random decisions. Hope to hear good news on this thread as she reports back from time to time. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 Sorry bro, although I'm not has hard on hotdancer as Dexter Morgan, I'm leaning toward his side. hotdancer hasn't changed at all since she first posted on this thread. Her situation has changed yes, maybe for the better, maybe this is just the eye of the tornado, but she certainly hasn't changed. She's someone very much in the "now". She has no sense of cause/effect or consequences of her actions. She runs purely on instinct. If she's lucky, this guy will turn out to be a good guy. But it'll be purely by luck, and not because she made wise decisions. Well, but I do wish her the best. Maybe fate will let her get away with making random decisions. Hope to hear good news on this thread as she reports back from time to time. Whatever. In January she had one BF and was about to go out with another and stated (maybe in another thread) that she had viturally no friends and no life outside. She made a huge mess for herself. Now she not only has a better relationship and some friends and a life outside of it. Having improved her life outside the relationship is clearly NOT luck. Time will tell what happens, but unless she repeats her past mistakes she's improved. I'm not saying there isn't more room for improvement, but I'm more of a fan of encouraging someone who is making progress than attacking them. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 This whole thing comes back to the fact that you don't seem to appreciate when people change for the better. she hasn't changed for the better. she is acting like a clingy high school freshman. Most people who do such things keep doing them over and over. The OP here however has made positive changes and I like to root for people who do so. What is so wrong with that? nothing at all....if she was happy with her current situation, then fine. but something isn't right with her mentally...you don't see that in all the silly little schoolgirl posts she makes? she is not someone that is fit or ready for marriage, she simply isn't mature enough to handle it. Yes, she took it MUCH faster than you or I would have taken it and got engaged in 3 months. ??? you think THAT is the reason I feel she isn't mature enough for marriage? wrong. Cheating on someone, even emotionally is really bad and I'd almost certainly dump someone if they did that to me. However, that doesn't mean they should not be allowed to love again if they correct their behavior. Just not with me. i agree, but my problem with this whole thread is she writes like a clingy girl who doesn't really know what love is and is just all giddy that she was able to latch on to someone so quickly. and then with all the silly little short replies she made....good gawd, I wonder if this guy realizes he is about to marry someone with the mentality of a pre-pubescent girl?? maybe he does and that does it for him:o well that will get old quick for him I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 Sorry bro, although I'm not has hard on hotdancer as Dexter Morgan, I'm leaning toward his side. hotdancer hasn't changed at all since she first posted on this thread. Her situation has changed yes, maybe for the better, maybe this is just the eye of the tornado, but she certainly hasn't changed. She's someone very much in the "now". She has no sense of cause/effect or consequences of her actions. She runs purely on instinct. If she's lucky, this guy will turn out to be a good guy. But it'll be purely by luck, and not because she made wise decisions. Well, but I do wish her the best. Maybe fate will let her get away with making random decisions. Hope to hear good news on this thread as she reports back from time to time. I'll say it again....I don't think her new fiance knows what he is getting himself in to. I think she has ALOT of growing up to do before thinking about getting married. But, this guy will have to learn the hard way. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted June 26, 2009 Share Posted June 26, 2009 This is a joke thread right? Not necesarily. I worked with a girl who reminds me a lot of the OP. She was always magically in love with "somebody" and it was always magic, and perfect, and bunnies. I believe in magic and bunnies, but not without weathering some storms as a couple first. Everytime the storms came along, bam she'd trade him in for a new guy where everything could be "wonderful, and magic, and just like a disney princess movie!" She did this with quite a few people. I agree with Dexter, I think the point he's trying to make is this girl is all about the good times and being on the up and up, and she's proved that when the bad times or conflict arises she bails. Knowing full well, that there will be conflict, and storms to weather in marriage, he's making a call that she will repeat her past behavior. The guy she's marrying doesn't even have to be a bad guy for it to not work out, in my observation people who are only in the relationship when it's good, and bail when it requires some work and substance and charachter; it just crumbles. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Not necesarily. I worked with a girl who reminds me a lot of the OP. She was always magically in love with "somebody" and it was always magic, and perfect, and bunnies. I believe in magic and bunnies, but not without weathering some storms as a couple first. Everytime the storms came along, bam she'd trade him in for a new guy where everything could be "wonderful, and magic, and just like a disney princess movie!" She did this with quite a few people. I agree with Dexter, I think the point he's trying to make is this girl is all about the good times and being on the up and up, and she's proved that when the bad times or conflict arises she bails. Knowing full well, that there will be conflict, and storms to weather in marriage, he's making a call that she will repeat her past behavior. The guy she's marrying doesn't even have to be a bad guy for it to not work out, in my observation people who are only in the relationship when it's good, and bail when it requires some work and substance and charachter; it just crumbles. that sums it up in a nutshell. But what I can't fathom is the little short giddy schoolgirl responses as if to convince herself that she can handle being committed. I just can't see a grown woman making those comments in the fashion that she did. Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 All different personality types deserve to find love. I don't find anything wrong with being happy for the OP. If she repeats her behavior from January, I will certainly be very harsh with her in my posts. However this has not happned and hopefully will never happen. If she has truly learned from her January behavior, I will continue to be happy for her. Time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
MusicChick24 Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 Thanks for the posts. Geez, this is an impossible decision! I talked to my boyfriend for a long time yesterday about my feelings. It was nice that we were able to discuss it calmly. We both agree that we love each other very much, and we also both agree that our difference in values/religion is a big issue. I showed him the profile of the guy I'm crushing on and he agreed he would be a better fit for me. He isn't comfortable with an open relationship (I don't think I would be either) and doesn't want to be friends after break up so the options are A) continue the relationship or B) completely end it and never see him again. For the record, he is also my best friend so leaving him would be a huge loss. He made it clear that he does want to be long term with me despite his doubts, so the ball is in my court. I have very little dating experience before him, so it is difficult for me to say what to do! Basically the question is: is love enough or do two people need to have the same values also? Can someone who is older with more experience help me here? To clarify, basically the issues are threefold in order of importance from lowest to highest: 1) He is ten years older, so I can't be my youthful silly self around him 2) He is of a different religion 3) He is an existentialist and has no belief in God or spirituality (I do believe in God) But seriously, the love that we have for each other is HUGE and we get along extremely well. Thanks! May I ask how old you are? Link to post Share on other sites
bac Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 If you want to move in with that guy or get married, you need to be certain about your feelings for him. A new hot guy is a great oportunity to understand how serious your intentions. If you meet a new hot guy and get to know him better for a while, you will get a great insight on your relationship with the first guy. It is better to find out what your feelings are for him now than after yrs of marrige. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotdancer2009 Posted July 8, 2009 Author Share Posted July 8, 2009 It has been interesting reading all of your posts. I will admit that it is my personality to "run on instinct", "jump into a car at 90mph and zoom off" and to have Disneylike fantasies. I like to do things fast, and I like rosy pictures. This could be interpreted as clingy or immature, but I think it has more to do with my personality and values system. I am happy living like this, and that is all that matters. I am aware that most people find my impulsive personality very difficult to understand. Luckily, I found a man who understands this aspect of my personality, and loves me for it. (Maybe this personality is why I am so good with children...they only live in the moment!) However, there is one criticism that I will take. It is true that I tend to bail when situations get tough. I know that this is something I need to work on. More specifically, I need to find better ways to handle stress. However, it would never have worked out with my ex, no matter how hard I had tried to work through the issues. He wasn't the right one for me. Also, my fiance and I have been through a few rough spots already and we have done a good job of working through them. I am confident that our committment to each other is strong enough to get through anything. I do feel that I have made much progress since I started this post. I am genuinely happy and in love with Mr. Right. I think that we bring out the best in each other. I am much more confident and I think that my social skills have improved dramatically. I am happy to report that the girl who set up me and my fiance is still my best friend. I have come to terms with my limits and have learned to prioritize based on what truly makes me comfortable and happy. I feel in control of my life, when just a few months ago I was drowning. I am looking forward to moving in with Mr. Right this Sunday, marrying him next June, and starting a family with him in a couple years. I am looking forward to graduating and starting my career. I wouldn't have it any other way. Life is all about having positive things to look forward to. I have many, so I know that I'm on the right track! P.S. To the naysayers, you can never predict what will happen in the future. I feel that I am living life to the fullest, in each moment. I am so happy and grateful that I have someone wonderful to share those moments with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotdancer2009 Posted August 17, 2009 Author Share Posted August 17, 2009 So my fiance (Mr. Right) and I made love for the first time. It was awesome because we are so comfortable with each other, and neither of us have any regrets. I'm glad we didn't wait 10 months until the wedding, because the tension was too much to bear. And hey, he was pretty good for a virgin :-). Link to post Share on other sites
39388 Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 So my fiance (Mr. Right) and I made love for the first time. It was awesome because we are so comfortable with each other, and neither of us have any regrets. I'm glad we didn't wait 10 months until the wedding, because the tension was too much to bear. And hey, he was pretty good for a virgin :-). I'm proud that you were able to wait a few months though. It's hard for most people given what I've read on sites like this. I think that's an appropriate amount of time. Good luck with the wedding and I hope there's happiness in all aspects of your relationship, whether it is in bed or doing mundane day to day tasks. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 So my fiance (Mr. Right) and I made love for the first time. It was awesome because we are so comfortable with each other, and neither of us have any regrets. I'm glad we didn't wait 10 months until the wedding, because the tension was too much to bear. And hey, he was pretty good for a virgin :-). Good for you for waiting for a while. I think that was the right amount of time. I also think that sleeping together before marriage is the right thing to do because you need to make sure you're compatible in all ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Soul Bear Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 I can't believe this thread is still going..... You say the guy is 10 years older than you....he's a virgin?! With NO belief in God or Spirituality?! come on....... I'm gonna hedge my bets he is not a virgin..... Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 So my fiance (Mr. Right) and I made love for the first time. It was awesome because we are so comfortable with each other, and neither of us have any regrets. I'm glad we didn't wait 10 months until the wedding, because the tension was too much to bear. And hey, he was pretty good for a virgin :-). oh brother:o Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotdancer2009 Posted January 23, 2010 Author Share Posted January 23, 2010 Well, given the success of this thread (over 10,000 views), I thought I'd keep posting :-). Unfortunately, Mr. Right and I are running into some problems. We realize that we rushed into things too quickly and didn't really know each other. Over the past few months Mr. Right has been very depressed and confused. When I asked him what was wrong, he always said "I don't know". When I said what do you want, he said "I don't know". Mr. Right asked for the engagement ring back, and I gave it back to him. He called off the wedding in June. At the moment, we are still living together and trying to salvage the relationship. Here are the issues as I see it. He complains that I have been putting school and work as a priority over him. He complains that we haven't been sleeping in the same bed (this was due to a difference in sleep schedules), haven't been spending enough time with him, and haven't been practicing religion with him. Overall, I think he feels neglected. I have been putting our relationship somewhat on the back burner while I'm in school, but I thought he was okay with that. Now that I realize how much I hurt him, I feel badly and I apologized. I also offered to make changes such as spending more time with him and sleeping in the same bed. He says that he doesn't believe that I can make the changes. He says he wants to try to make things work, but thinks there is only a small possibility that they will work. I said that if he is going to try, he needs to try wholeheartedly. My side of the story is that this is a man who has been very depressed and confused over the last few months. He has not been communicating what was bothering him. He has not been saying what he wants or setting boundaries for himself. He has not been doing anything to make himself happy. He has been slaving away to make me happy, even when that meant doing things that he wasn't comfortable with. He did not communicate that he was not comfortable doing these things. Then he turned around and said that I was making him miserable. This is passive agressive, right? He has given me gifts, such as the engagement ring, making it clear that they were intended for me to keep no matter what. Then he has turned around and said "I want it back" or "I never wanted to give that to you". I am saddened that he doesn't realize his errors. I don't think he is going to be able to have a relationship with anyone unless he can change his status as a martyr. It is sad that he truly thinks that love means sacrificing his own happiness and throwing himself at a woman's feet like a slave. I'm trying to get him to see a counselor who can explain this to him. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
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