I feel like a complete ass....

[Sw3etdev1L]

Well, I used to be this virgin girl who always did the right thing right?

Suddenly time passed, my parents divorced, I didn't quite get along with the family of my parents, I felt lonely, I was kind of a loner...I've always had goodluck physically, boys attracted to me really easily. But I always felt I had to do the right thing, never drank, I don't smoke, I do exercise, Study something related to health, Never done drugs.

I felt like sandy in grease right?

well, and just like in sandy...I grew old, and due to some experiences I had a nervous breakdown, which was treated by a doctor and I am healthy now. My mother was then diagnosed with cancer, and got a lot of chemotherapies.

I became this girl who sometimes lacks control of herself in a sexual way and I kind of like it, but kind of feel bad about it..I just still have my good morals from before.

Last week I had to sexual partners, one is a friend of my I've had since I was like 17 and the other one was a first date...I had never done that, I have been feeling terrible all week long. I feel dirty, and stupid..eventhough the boy keeps on being in touch with me you know? I feel bad about it. Just bad.

I feel sad that I did it, I don't have an excuse, I just sometimes break and get tired of controlling myself and stuff and...well, I just wanted to have sex with those two people. I used protection and stuff but somehow, it doesn't seem as fun as it would have seemed when I was a virgin you know?...because even if you wear protection, you worry. You worry about getting stds, you worry about getting pregnant and you feel used...I know I shouldn't cause in that case I also used him but it is different being a woman. I mean, you kind of expect things, I am tired of not expecting anything..I used not to believe in love that way right? But maybe I've been mistaken and it does exist. I've always had sex, never made love and I truly want respect and something else apart from the physical material aspect of a man, of a relationship just....be myself, be happy with a little chat, have a lot of laughs and the other things well...those can take time right? If they care...I just, someday I craved for sex, going out with a lot of men, knowing a lot of people..I am somehow growing tired of all of that. Going out with boys, flirting, the whole courting thing, just....and I am going to go out with this boy who is gonna leave for a msters degree next week, I just don't know how to act around him I feel like I've beena aslut. and I see him, he just looks sent from heaven..I want my dignity back you know? Don't want to grow disappointed again.. I haven't cared he leaves to a masters cause I just want fun too, but in a healthy way..not in such a cheap way I've done lately, I feel so bad with myself.

[citizen67]

Feeling ashamed of yourself is not going to be helpful, Make up your mind that you are not going to have sex with a guy on the 1st date anymore (not because it so awful, but because you didnt like how it made you feel afterwards) and then let the past go, live in the present moment with an eye towards the future. Learn from you mistakes and then let the past go

[LavendarGirl]

You're using the sex and the flirting to try and fill a void in your life, and it just doesn't get filled that way. Don't be so harsh on yourself, if you take a poll, you'll find that many adults have gone through this same experience.

 

Live and learn. Next time you find yourself in a, um, compromising position where you are faced with the possibility of having sex with a guy. Ask yourself, are you going to regret this later?

 

Don't think that just because you've got a bit of sexual history now that you are less of a person with this man who's about to leave for his master's degree. He sounds like you really like him, so continue talking with him and spending time with him, and hopefully a meaningful relationship can bloom.