What is the matter with me?

[Zoo_Passion]

Hi, i am 24. and I have had few relationships. My longest term relationship has been 3 months. I guess I had only had about 3 girlfriends my entire life. I have had sex with women who were not my girlfriends. And these types of relationship lasted about a week or so.

 

Well, i write this because, i am trying to figure out if I am scare of committments. True, the girlfriends I had broke up with me for some reason or the other. They found out that I was not the type. Possibly, because I never really had time for them or never really did have money to do things with them. So, I guess I became a boring boyfriend. You know the kind that watches TV on weekend nights with them.

 

And, when the girlfiriend broke up with me, i became crushed that they would do this. Of course, then I would call them to see if we could rekindle. This didn't work out because they had another boyfriend.

 

Now, I am talking to a women onlne. We have met and it seems like we are going to meet again. Then the fear hit me, what if? i am going to be here boyfriend, then this thought of fear flashes into my mind.

 

And you know I was thinking that if I wanted to be with somebody, then I wouldn't have fear to be around them and also fear of the unknown.

 

Thanks for reading, questions welcomed.

[Mickyfricky]

I think maybe a long relationship and the following heartbreak will be good for you. Try to meet some female friends, some that you can trust, and never think of them as potential sex partners. You need to know women in a different light, they do not think like men, my friend! Consider that you are young, and you have much to learn. It is very important that you know who you are, what you want, and where you want to end up in life before commiting to any girl. Women, especially the ones in your age bracket, do not act logically. I'm sure that comment will get several responses! They at 24 know less about what they want than you do, trust me. I'm sure what you want is pretty cut-and-dry, right? Or is it? Do you know what your relationship goals are? Are you looking for a hole, or something more?

I do not think you are afraid of commitment, I just think the idea of it is completely foreign to your mind. I honestly think it would be a good idea for you to put sex out of your mind and evaluate yourself. I bet other people have suggested this as well.

When you are ready to commit, you will find a woman that you are very attracted to, that you don't care if you screw or not, oh, you want to, but making sure she is supported and cared for will be your number one. It seems obvious to me that you are not in the mindset to want a wife, and to start a family at this point in your life.

 

My advice I learned the hard way is that love is more than a feeling, it is a choice. You seem to have a filter that chooses not to love when warnings are set off. Imagine if one of those 3 month girlfriends you had was instead a lifelong friend. Drop the getting laid adgenda, find some female friends, and when you find one that truly sparks your interest, you make your move. good luck friend!

[GoneButNotForgotten]

Females are the most complicated creatures on earth. What you need to do is relax and be yourself. The good thing is that 3 month relationships tend to be gotten over fairly quickly. It is much harder to watch say a 3 1/2 year relationship go down the drain out of your control. (my recent experience) Basically you have to be yourself around women. That doesn't mean by all shy and puppy dog like. Just relax do what you enjoy and you will find someone who enjoys the same things as you. Most of the best relationships are stumbled into. People just sort of end up together after a while. Do not take it as anything wrong with you. Girls change their minds more than they change clothes (which based on my experience is plenty more than they have to). Building a friendship with a girl will go a lot farther than just jumping straight into the whole dating thing. People who can say that there lover is their best friend tend to get much farther in this crazy world.

 

It does take time. You will find some women you like, but don't return the feelings. Screw it, you took your chance and it didn't work. Move on and find someone better. When a girl breaks up with you, do not go groveling back to them. It just pushes them farther away. You look weak and like you cannot take care of yourself. Don't be mean, just vanish from them. If they don't want you, then you don't need them.

 

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you just never know what your gonna get" Forest Gump

[Zoo_Passion]

Thanks for both of the response. I do have female friends and that is how i look at them as. that is true it dose seem that women are illogical. I am looking for marriage evenually. I guess I really haven't seen a person that to me would be considered marriage material or somebody that I cannot live with out. Most break ups with me that occured was becuase I knew the person was not marriage material. I would find a fault in them and use that as an excuse to back off from the relationship.

 

of coures, i would like a family in the future, but career wise, i am not at where I want to be. Hard to get going in this economy. So, what do i do for a job, well, i am a student in college.

 

when i see my highschoo friends, engaged or about to have a child. My God, I need to get going with a relationship or dating again in a serious way. The getting laid agenda will be hard to get rid of because that is part of what i look for in relationship. so, i can try to do that.

 

Thanks for the input. Right now, i go to the gym, and my mentality is looking at the hottest chick there is to me. I don't know who they are but, they look hot. So, I don't approach them, because they get approached all the time obviously. And so when i don't approach them or at least get the chance to introduce myself. it looks like i stop approaching ladies because I don't really think they are my type of lady i would date. I may be overly selective.

 

questions welcomed.

[You'reasian]

Thanks for both of the response. I do have female friends and that is how i look at them as. that is true it dose seem that women are illogical. I am looking for marriage evenually. I guess I really haven't seen a person that to me would be considered marriage material or somebody that I cannot live with out. Most break ups with me that occured was becuase I knew the person was not marriage material. I would find a fault in them and use that as an excuse to back off from the relationship..

 

Women are very complicated. When you find one that makes sense, hang on to her.

 

I kind of see where you are coming from...

 

Personally, I don't back off from someone unless they start playing games or if something fundamentally wrong with the relationship isn't being addressed, especially if it takes both of us to work on it and she's not coming through on her end.

 

of coures, i would like a family in the future, but career wise, i am not at where I want to be. Hard to get going in this economy. So, what do i do for a job, well, i am a student in college. .

 

The economy is presenting itself some low priced assets (housing, stock market) if you have a steady paycheck.

 

when i see my highschoo friends, engaged or about to have a child. My God, I need to get going with a relationship or dating again in a serious way. The getting laid agenda will be hard to get rid of because that is part of what i look for in relationship. so, i can try to do that..

 

Looking at what your friends are doing and using that as a guide for your situation isn't good for you. If you want to get married or find some kind of a suitable partner, do so because its your own internal desire.

 

Thanks for the input. Right now, i go to the gym, and my mentality is looking at the hottest chick there is to me. I don't know who they are but, they look hot. So, I don't approach them, because they get approached all the time obviously. And so when i don't approach them or at least get the chance to introduce myself. it looks like i stop approaching ladies because I don't really think they are my type of lady i would date. I may be overly selective.

questions welcomed.

 

That's a shame.

 

You should approach any woman that you find attractive and can share an interest with. Have fun & let her know what you're about. If you're looking for something meaningful, you're going to have to show that you are something meaningful - get it?

 

Women look at us guys with a little different bend. We are visual people, so they are picking up your visual queues over your personal traits you may have (or display) atleast initially. Anything that is self-sacrificing, kind, reciprocating, thoughtful, helpful aren't top tier qualities and will generally leave the modern gal unimpressed but will stick in the back of her mind if you ever come up in her thoughts.

 

In addition, not every woman desires to be in a relationship. You have to be able to sense where they are coming from. Did they just come out of a bitter divorce? Are they just looking for a warm body? Are they tired of dating and looking for someone who can be their partner?

[Zoo_Passion]

I bumped into a female. I belong to this vegetarian society, and this person who i met she belongs to it as well. Well, we have never met but our mutual friends introduced us. We saw each others pictures. We just never saw each other in the association. different schedules i guess.

 

We we been emailing back and forth. When I reply to her it will be my 3rd email. Well, i said that I am new in the vegetable society. Well, she offered to help me if i need any advice as to what to eat, or finding things to eat because she agreees that it is hard for me.

 

In my last email, i asked about what does her faimly say. She told me she is single.

 

I think this has potential, but I don't want to be running after all being all needy. I am not saying she is the one, but I like the email that she sent and that I don't know how to reply.

 

I like to meet her for the first time, but I want the email when i reply to her to evolve naturally on meeting her, so

I was thinking of replying, "Sure, I would like to take you up on your offer on advising me as how to eat."

 

and this is where i am stuck. I don't want to feel like I have one chance with her and I don't want to miss this chance either.

 

My other option was to just say thanks on the offer and just to continue to make small talk with her. Eventually, I would like to go on a date with here.

 

just rambling now.

Thanks for any input.

[confused_2008]

I bumped into a female. I belong to this vegetarian society, and this person who i met she belongs to it as well. Well, we have never met but our mutual friends introduced us. We saw each others pictures. We just never saw each other in the association. different schedules i guess.

 

We we been emailing back and forth. When I reply to her it will be my 3rd email. Well, i said that I am new in the vegetable society. Well, she offered to help me if i need any advice as to what to eat, or finding things to eat because she agreees that it is hard for me.

 

In my last email, i asked about what does her faimly say. She told me she is single.

 

I think this has potential, but I don't want to be running after all being all needy. I am not saying she is the one, but I like the email that she sent and that I don't know how to reply.

 

I like to meet her for the first time, but I want the email when i reply to her to evolve naturally on meeting her, so

I was thinking of replying, "Sure, I would like to take you up on your offer on advising me as how to eat."

 

and this is where i am stuck. I don't want to feel like I have one chance with her and I don't want to miss this chance either.

 

My other option was to just say thanks on the offer and just to continue to make small talk with her. Eventually, I would like to go on a date with here.

 

just rambling now.

Thanks for any input.

I wouldn't turn down her offer to help you out. I think that would be a great opportunity to move forward. It will just be that much harder for you to initiate something down the line having turned down something like that.