sweetmind20 Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 i'm scared and i don't know what to do right now. before i say anything else, i already know that having an interest in porno is normal for males as they are visual creatures. the thing is, i think that my situation is beyond just having a little fun here and there. my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years. we recently lost our baby when i miscarried at five months. that was hell on both of us. there has been a lot of stress and pain, but we have been trying to work things out between us. the thing is, i happened to come across dozens upon dozens of hardcore pornography on his computer. while i am not hurt by the fact that he has interest in it, i am confused and disgusted because of the content and the frequency of his use. i am afraid to confront him because we are already dealing with a lot of issues, and i don't want this to be one more thing that pushes him away from me. i don't know what to do. the content is of brutal, incest, and some underage amongst other things. i don't think this is normal. but some might say that the taboo things can be a turn on for guys. my boyfriend still wants to be intimate with me ,and he is still affectionate and even asked me to move in with him. the thing is that i am concerned that what he is doing is going to lead to a problem. he works his butt off ( work is his life basically) he has few close friends as he doesn't trust many people. i've tried to help him with that, but i can't force him to go out and meet people if he doesn't want to. the thing is, i love him with all my heart, and that is what makes this more painful than anything. i just don't understand why he does this and why he does it so often. like everyday or every other, depending on when i'm over at his place. i want to confront him, but i'm not sure if my insecurity is unfounded. should i confront him about this? please help me! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 You aren't going to have peace of mind until you confront him so by all means do so as soon as possible. You can do it in a discrete, non threatening way....let him know you are just curious about his very large collection. Many men have a few files of pictures of naked ladies on their computer. It's real easy to visit message boards and websites where they are posted, right click and save them to a file. My guess is that most men don't even ever look at them again because, frankly, they get pretty boring after you've seen them once...but some men just like saving them the same as other people download music they never listen to because it's free. Yes, this could be something serious...or could lead to a serious addiction. But it could also be quite harmless. A good talk with get it all out in the open. If he's up front and candid with you, you'll have the information to make up your mind about what you want to do. Meanwhile, if you want to go to http://www.google.com and insert "pornography addiction" in the search field you'll find dozens of sites that will give you additional insights into the problem and its treatment. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
lady_vampiress Posted November 30, 2003 Share Posted November 30, 2003 Pornography is as addictive as alcohol, drugs and nicotine. It causes actual changes to brain chemicals in the same way that cocaine does. It will not stop by itself. Just like addictive substances, you will need more and harder porn to keep the brain chemicals at the same level. Your bfneeds to admit to himself first of all he has a serious problem which is not only affecting his relationship with he is hurting u mentally, by being addicted to it as if it was a drug putting it b4 u ignoring all ur needs for his affections, attention and even sex or romantic acts such a romantic dinners/baths on a regualr basis with u. which is essential to keep ur relationship healthly and happy. so u need to communicate this to him and everything ur felling , and how is hurting u and effecting ur relationship and closeness and openesswith him since he is obviously keeping it from u which is not only destructive for him cos his feeling ashamed and guity about it which affects ur closeness and communication with him, but also hurts u cos his not being open about with u which is destructive to ur relationshhp. u need to for one make him admit and see what his doing is plain wrong theres no way nothing can jusitfy looking and being obssessed with content of brutal, incest, and some underage content, this is not hardcore thats just plain sick and he requires mental help such a therepist cos he obviously has some serious underlying issues that u need to confront him about. dont u think thats sick, and has serious issues which he needs help for? knowing that my bf was into that stuff would make me sick in the stomach and make me tell him either this has to stop or im out. knowing that he looks at this sick content of people young and other ages suffer doesnt that make u feel sick knowing he gets off on that!? adults and children had to suffer mental and physical abuse without consent most of the time, just for that video to be made for his sick ass to get off on! and yet u question whever ur insecurity is unfounded. u seriously need to get ur prioritys straight and put those people who had to suffer first of all and his mental health first. with the type of stuff he gets of on id be seriously worrid to have any children with him, worrid about any abuse he might do to them. If he can get off and turned on over a video with such sick content what makes u think he wouldnt consider or be tempted to act it out? this is how many abusers start out just getting off on sick porn content and then cos its an addiction that grows wanting to act it out in real. if u really want to be with this guy u seriously need to get him some help and for one confront him and commuicate this to them not leaving anything out. 2)see a councillor/therapist together or separatly to get the help he desperatly needs. 3)go to a church with him if ur a christian and start attending sermons/church atleast once a week this will help to bring god in ur life and help in getting rid of any spritual issues he has with this porn and his addiction to it usually is spritual as well as physical. 4)spend intimate time together just the two of u with out the kids. Whever its going out to a party, restaurant, making a romantic gesture such as make a dinner/bath bath together for u both under candle light. romantic getures, going out, open communication and haveing fun together are very important inorder to keep ur relationship healthy and stable otherwise u wont have that closeness u and attention to ur needs which u are obviously lacking. here are some sites i looked up which may help u and to help ur bf get pass this addiction/obsession, http://www.firesofdarkness.com/index.htm, http://www.firesofdarkness.com/Prayer.htm http://www.firesofdarkness.com/DearHearts2.htm http://www.no-porn.com/breaking.html http://www.sexualintegrity.org/addiction/ http://www.pureintimacy.org/online1/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetmind20 Posted December 1, 2003 Author Share Posted December 1, 2003 thanks for all of your advice! i appreciate the time you spent to write me.. Link to post Share on other sites
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