To kick her ex's ass or not to kick her ex's ass?

[Boyfriend]

My girlfriend has this ex of 6 years, prior to our relationship. During the first 6 months or so, before we were serious, she was more or less, seeing us both. When I wanted to get serious, she dumped him.

 

Here's the thing, the guy doesn't understand that she is finished with him and only believes that this relationship is temporary and that she will come back after her "fling" with me. We are moving on 3 years now and getting serious to the point of marriage.

 

The Twist: He and she were best friends before they started dating and she feels that she should carry on with the relationship.

 

I really have no problem with that, because I'm confident in our relationship and I don't want to be an a**h*** and tell her what to do. However, every time she meets him for a drink or something, she comes home to me crying, because of how bad this jack ass makes her feel. He says he's lonely, she's the only one..etc. She is one of those amazing people who can be so loving, but also who carry the world on their shoulders, so when this pussy starts whining because he misses her, she genuinely feels bad; especially given their historical baggage (their friendship prior to their dating years).

 

It pisses me off that she comes home feeling badly each time she meets him to catch up (not pissed at her, pissed at the a**h*** who made her feel that way). I feel that his advances towards her, with full knowledge of our relationship are disrespectful to her as well as me. I want to kick his ass so badly, and my girlfriend knows that, but won't let me come and even meet the guy, because she is afraid of what might transpire.

 

The guy is lame. He's one of those untalented artist types. He's taller, but skinnier than I am and I know I could kick his ass. I don't want to be one of those macho, I'll kick your ass types, but this guy just isn't getting the picture.

 

What should I do?

[gocubsgo]

this guy is manipulating your girlfriend and she's letting him!

she needs to step up to the plate and tell him they can't even be friends.

he doesn't want to be friends with her. he wants her back.

i went through a similar situation where my bf felt "sorry" for his ex because she was

always having problems and crying on his shoulder about her miserable life.

she only had one thing in mind: to get him away from me and back into her life.

people like that are pathetic and the only thing you should do is pity him, not kick

his ass. (as tempting as that sounds)

your girlfriend needs to CUT ALL TIES with this guy.

no good will come from her being friends with him.

no matter if they were friends before. when you start dating someone, that friendship you

had before takes on a different meaning and you can never go back to that.

if he knows he gets under your skin, he wins!

then he'll have ammo against you to try to pry you and your girlfriend apart.

(believe me, i know. i made the mistake of confronting her about it and all she did was

go psycho on both of us) not physically though.

it's all in your gf's hands. if she does nothing about and continues this crap, you'll always

be wondering if she'll go back to him if he says "the right thing".

that's no way to live.

[midori]

I completely agree with the above. Your girlfriend needs to recognize that her relationship with her ex has become unhealthy for both of them. He needs to move on, and she needs to stop letting him drain her emotionally, so that she can focus her energy where it rightly belongs -- on her relationship with you.

 

Sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind. (80's song, whose song was it? I can't remember). This is one of those times. He needs to be sent on his way so that he can find his own happiness.

 

It's not cool to maintain a "friendship" that threatens -- or would like to threaten -- your current relationship. Your girlfriend needs to get real about where her priorities, and loyalties, lie.

[Clancy]

Sometimes you do need to use violence, mostly to protect yourself and what's yours . But in this case I think you can be creative and think of ways you can solve this without putting your self in a potentially dangerous situation. Sure you can kick his ass. What happens when he shows up later with a couple of friends to kick your ass. Or what if you just want to knock a bit of sense into him and by accident you knock out his eye, or break his eardrum. A guy in Canada is getting sued for 4 million because he broke another guy's nose. You get my point. You need to get your girlfriend to issue an order to the guy to stay away from her. If she won't maybe you need give her an order to stay away from you.

[bryanp]

Hello,

 

This is absolutely ridiculous. You have been with her for almost 3 years and talking about getting married and she still goes to see him for drinks or dinner. I am sorry my friend but it is your girlfriend who is being disrespectful to you. I guarantee you if the roles were reversed she would not accept this. I hate to tell you this but I see this as a hugh red flag in that she will never let him go and he will always be there for her in case you get into a fight. The relationship has ended for 3 years and it is time to let it go. In addition, you are not even allowed to meet him and show him she is with you and in love? I think your girlfriend is manipulating you to accept this. The bottom line is that after 3 years this is total bull****. Are you going stay friends with every girlfriend you ever had and continue to go and meet them for drinks and listen to them begging you to return to them? This is total bull****. There are boundaries in a relationship and apparently she has none and it is also your fault for allowing this to continue for almost 3 years. I would not serious consider marrying this girl until she cuts the ties totally with her ex or otherwise this is what you have to look forward to in your future. The situation is ridiculous and unacceptable and disrespectful to you.

It is time for you to open your eyes. I wish you luck.

[Ryan]

Assertion of force is only necessary for self-defense and protection of those who cannot protect themselves.