Lostgurl Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I am depressed and on antidepressants. I wonder at times if it is just him making me depressed. Sometimes i know but other times i just love him so much, he DOES have his good points after all. Doesn't everybody? Once he brings his charm on, and all logic goes out the window. I hate the spot i'm in. I think sometimes that life without him would be better, but then i think about my baby. She needs him i can see that even especially when we get in to arguements. He fusses so much, i guess she can sense my hurt, and miss him too. He's not like he was anymore. I've stood up for myself, and called the police a few times.. all in all, he knows better than to treat me like he used to. But how do i get away? I know that he's going to go for custody for my babe. He will. I have things on him that would put him in jail, but i have no proof. I am a sucker for him sadly. I gather these things, and then when things go good, i get rid of them. I am not proud of it. But tonight i just don't know. Tonight i've caught him in a lie. He said he was going to be somewhere, and i found it suspicious. So i called his friend that he was supposed to be with. An hour after he left here to go meet him at a house (on foot) that his friend had keys to, i called his friend at work and he was there. I made something up about why i was calling him related to their gathering... he didn't have any idea what i was talking about. But he went along .. of course to save his friends ass. (i could hear the surprise in his voice) I think that this is the end for me.. but i find it so hard to leave him and i know that all of you are so sick of hearing because i should have left him long ago. I just don't know what to do other than get my frustrations out by writing it all down. I can't stand thinking of what is going on. I hate even more that i have let myself sink so far into this mess with this guy that now it's impossible for me to get out. I know that alot of you think nothing is impossible. But i can't leave my baby and i can't take her away from her father that she loves so much. I am my own worst enemy. I did this to myself. Self sabotage. This sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostgurl Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 another question, what should i do when he comes home? Should let it be known that he was lying? Or what? Someone help please. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I'm confused. What is it that he lied about? Was he at the friend's or not? As for him taking the baby, LG he can't just take her. You need to see a lawyer. I really don't have that much to say about this that I haven't said before. He's a first class A-Hole. I mean I've been here for over 3 years and have never had to report a PM until this jerk started posting. He's scum. You need a lawyer and your daughter can have visitation with him just like lots of other kids do. I sure hope your kids don't see any violence. You said you had to call the cops. I remembering praying for you to have the guts and strength to lose this creep. You seem like such a sweet person, LG. You don't deserve his treatment. Try to be strong and do what you knew all along you should have done. Lean on your family and friends now if you have to but do it already! It's only going to get worse with idiots like he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lostgurl Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 He said he was going to an "empty staff house" to watch the hockey game with his coworker. He said he couldn't watch it here or his friends place because they couldn't smoke. Anyhow I (and a few people i told) agreed that this was strange. Also, we started fighting on Jan 1st. He gave me shyt for sleeping on the couch. I moved to the couch because he came to bed at 7am drunk and was grinding his teeth. He got mad at me for that and we haven't been talking since. Which really pisses me off in the first place because he ends up on the couch every night because of me and my babies "sounds". I phoned his friend at work after he left, asked him about the hockey game, (his friend was supposed to have the keys to the house and H left 1/2 hour before) he sounded baffled and sounded like he had no idea what i was talking about and just agreed with me. Maybe it was just me, but my intuition said it was something else. I know that i'm unhappy and i've hoped and hoped that things would change like he's promised that they would... But i'm so sick of being disappointed. I'm sick of being depressed regardless of being on antidepressants. You were right Touche. So was everything else. I knew that then, and i know that know. I am just so stubborn, and I hate to admit that when he comes through that door, i'll forget everything. Yuck. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Then maybe this should be under the "rant" section because it seems that you're not going to do anything about it and he knows it. You said you're going to forget it all when he comes through the door. Do you not realize that that's like giving him carte blanche to keep treating you the way he does. That's what you're signing up for. I'm very sorry that you don't feel strong enough to do something about this, LG. And I do think this is about your being weak, not stubborn as you say. I guess when you're tired of being unhappy and realize you deserve to have a better life, then you'll finally do something about it. Until then, feel free to rant away. And do take care of yourself and your girls. Link to post Share on other sites
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