New Year. New Outlook. Same Problem.

[vanilla87]

So apparently after my last thread, no one responded, which is okay, but I found it as though people couldn't find anything to say or it was too long.

 

This will be an updated type of post:

 

Well since recent events. My guy friend has gotten closer with me. I invited him over for xmas eve to my house, which every year there are 40+ relatives from my father's side of the family. I also invited my three other best friends, one of which he is best friends with too. All my relatives we're curious about him and all my aunts thought he was cute/attractive/hot/etc... they all thought maybe something was going on with us, especially my one aunt who notice that we we're both flirting with each other, which to me was a red flag, not in a bad way, but in a *mhmm, I knew he wasn't telling me everything*. Also he hates having his picture taken or just isn't fond, but when he lets you take it rare, but that night I caught him off guard and snapped one, then the next day he changed his picture on facebook with the one I took, which surprised me. Also ontop of that he was in a group picture with me and my friends and then he grabbed my face and pressed it up against his, which caught me off guard, cause he did that about five years ago at a friends birthday party, but had me pressed up against him in this type of hug in a group shot.

 

My one cousin, female, they got alone amazingly and found out that they literally knew all the same people, I know, small world. She invited him out with my cousins and a few of their friends to this club night and he gladly accepted, also he never goes to clubs, so it made me think beside him bonding that maybe he was all trying to get closer to me.

 

Anyway, it accrued to me, and I maybe reading too much into this, but, don't guys normally avoid, no matter how good of friends he is with the girl, try and not be around a)her family, b)her extended family, c)on a major holiday, and lastly d)hug/greet in a very upbeat yet slightly more then friends manor.

 

Maybe it was me or maybe it was drink number three of the night, but from what I could tell he was very much acting more then my friend. Also the last time I had a guy around my extended family, was four years ago, when I was in a serious relationship, because I know my family, very close with all of them and I don't like putting guys through that ringer, even guy friends.

 

Also my grandmother had past away and it was on the 26th of december, and my two friends, who is one of his best friends that I mentioned, all three of them hung out with me for the night and he did the most craziest thing while I backed out of his driveway: now I had my one female friend in the passenger seat, then my other female friend behind me (his best friend), and then him next to her behind the passenger side. He gets up grabs my face and kisses my right cheek, and not a sweet jester, I mean it was a huge big wet one, the kind I've only seen him do on girls he was dating. He also lent me his copy of across the universe, but here is the thing, he never ever lends anyone anything of his, unless he trust that person 200%, even if he did he would be on them about making sure they gave it back, but also he hasn't been on my tail about it, then again he also sat up front on the way back and took my across the universe soundtrack disc number two without me seeing it. I also haven't seen him since then too. Its okay, he is working alot thought, playing catch up mostly.

 

I don't want to read into it, but with him he is the kind of guy who can say something and his actions contradict what he just said, which drives me crazy every so often, but I've known him for eight years now and as he has gotten older, its gotten easier for me to read him, yet last year, trying to figure out sometimes what was going on in his head, made me question what was going on when he was around me.

 

And last month, we hung out over 10 times and I just got this feeling, the kind that makes you not sleep cause your not hung up on it, you just know and its getting to you. Thats how I got him to finally admit to having a crush on me when I was in highschool with him. He liked me for the longest time, long before I even liked him. I mean i didn't know it back then, but in the last few years I kind of figured it out on my own after realizing he used to randomly find excuses to talk to me and touch me and just be near me or give me a hug for no reason, then again I was 15 and he wasn't on my crush radar, not till I was 16 and a junior in highschool.

 

Okay so to wrap this up in a nutshell, my realization is that I'm thinking he is a little hung up on me, but being he is too emotionally unstable and finally broke up with his gf about 3 - 3 1/2 weeks ago, I'm thinking he wouldn't let it be something to think about. I don't blame him, cause I know he just needs a friend right now, but I'm hoping once summer comes, maybe I'll act upon what I'm feeling, plus I'll be going back to school by then and he will be on campus as well, so I'll see him more often, but in the mean time I know I don't need to push it, cause truth me told, I'm actually falling for him and, even at 16 I felt this way, just now 10x's stronger and I could actually wait a lifetime for him, especially after everything these last few months.

 

So anyone think I'm nuts, let me know, cause I feel kind of out of my element, yet for the first time in my life, I'm actually content and centered and feel almost 100% secure on this.

[Sw3etdev1L]

Well, at 16 is normal what you are living.

You have a huge crush on him, and he is living his life.. just broke up.

Look. truth is as I see things or for what you've been saying.... he is just being a guy!, I mean. He is into his friends, his games, his pleasures, his partying, his stuff....he broke up about three weeks and a half ago?? Maybe he just doesn't want a girlfriend right now.

This is why you are not that able to read him, even if he might like you.... I mean...if you are a nice girl he respects, he is just not gonna play games with you, if you are loose and a horny teenager he could push the bottons to see where he can get to, I mean..it depends in who you are, and the way he sees you.... girlfriend... I don't know, too early to have another one I believe though. What I've notice is, you analyze every single thing happens to you, and you idealize him a little bit, it's normal..I did it when I was 16. Just, go along with the flow, don't make such a big deal with every single detail he does.....time will give you the answer.

Just be happy and enjoy yourself when you are with him, and have fun!.. you guys are very young, this one day might pass.. might not, I ain't g.d

But I can certainly tell you, don't worry...just keep your nice memories to yourself as treasure and cling to them, don't think about what might happen. Nobody knows, what counts is if you are happy, feel it right at the moment and consciously it gives you peace and makes you feel good. It's ok.

Being boyfriend girlfriend is not the important part.

what matters is, if you are havin a blast together... there are boyfriends and girlfriends who really keep on fighting, being jealous and feel just because they are boyfriends and girlfriends they are already made for each other or belong to one another and it is not true...

true essence of a relationship is those little details which make life great and awesome.. it doesn't matter if he is not your boyfriend.

there is a reason why he broke up, with you he is just being himself and enjoying himself... don't ask for more..

keep it that way, and time will tell.

[Mickyfricky]

I think he really loves you, whether it be romantic or not. Treasure the relationship, and let it grow. If you two really do love each other, then it will probably come to light sooner or later. Just continue to have fun with him. You are not crazy.

[durotto]

Whoa there take things easy !!!!

 

Don't be impulsive ... I think that he is a bit on the rebound ... take things easy ..

 

see if he asks you out ... maybe talk on the phone ... get to know him more ...

 

At the way it currently it could be an infatuation and you could end up hurt .. as a guy if I did all these it just means I LIKE YOU ... LIKE ... not love ... and I am a bit interested in you ..

 

So be cool and calm and rationalize your thoughts ...

 

I do hope that he is the guy ... but I do not want you to get hurt if it des not work out ...

[vanilla87]

Well, at 16 is normal what you are living.

 

I hope you know I'm not a teenager, not to come off mean, I hope not, but I just wanted to put that out there. I'm 21 currently at this moment, 22 this up coming april. He is currently 23. He is in the military, but re-enlisted back into the reserves. And big side note is he has PTSD from the war. He was a senior line medic (aka - 91W) and saw a lot of gory type stuff. So I know not to push anything till the other shoe drops, which means its all on his terms more so then mine if anything goes further then friendship. He is also busy working all the time and school starts up again this week, so he is off busy at college right now too.

 

Also wanted to say he broke up with his gf, because she repeatedly cheated on him (she is a virgin, only made out with over 5 guys at parties and what not), lied constantly, and had her friends say some mean s**t to him. She went off to college for the first time this past august (she is 18 about to be 19). She was going to school 15 hrs away in south carolina. Also wanna put out there that not even a full 48 hrs after he got home from driving her to school on her first day, he ended up IM'ing me on facebook after two months of me not having any communication with him.

 

Another side note is I've got options and a guy that I was friend in hs with and graduated with too. Who I lost touch for 3 years, that I ran into at my cousin's 30th birthday party at the bar he was working at that night. We re-connected and started being friends again. The interesting part is I've kissed him and there is interest on both parts, but he works, alot and doesn't live under 20 minutes from me, so its not easy, where as my friend I've mentioned before lives literally 15 minutes from where I live.

 

I would put more details in as to explain further, but some are very personal and feel uncomfortable letting everyone else know. I'm sorry for that.

[vanilla87]

I think he really loves you, whether it be romantic or not. Treasure the relationship, and let it grow. If you two really do love each other, then it will probably come to light sooner or later. Just continue to have fun with him. You are not crazy.

 

Thanks. I'm not going to push anything, cause we're literally like two peas in a pod as some people say, so I know when to not push certain things, when to drop subjects of conversation, and when to back off when asked. But that also means I know which buttons to push as well.

 

I'm just letting it be what it is and live in the moment. I'm actually looking to not get involved with anyone right now, even though I wouldn't mind, just that three of my best friends, all under the age of 23, got engaged in the last 24 months, so I'm not looking to grasp any kind of "notebook" or "when harry met sally" love, if you get my drift. Also ever since December 2006, I've lost a great deal of people, its now reach a total of 7 people, 4 relatives, 3 friends. So with all that death, I just want to live life mostly, so I'm not in a rush to get from point "A" to point "D". I've got time.

 

He has said he loves me, but not as more then friends. He had a break down and I was there for him through it all. And it was reversed for the first time, cause he was using me as a shoulder to lean, where as I usually use him for that more so then you could think of. I also put it out there for him, that I'm not going anywhere and that if he ever needed anything, even if he calls me at 3am, I'll be there, even if that means bailing his a** out of jail, I'll do it.

 

Anyway, I'm just thankful that my friendship grew to this deep bond that is unspoken practically at this point. Mostly due to the fact, his exact words "No matter how far apart we are from each other or how much distance there is in between us, I can always feel like I can talk to you about anything...", and I feel the exact same way. Even if things never go pass friendship, I'm content with that. Cause he knows that its highly mutual, to lose each other, would feel like a limb was cut off or someone just cut the middle out of us. We are that close and thats the problem too as to why he won't really right now, because I know he feels the same way that to try and risk and then have it all fail would be to draining emotionally and such a huge loss. So I'm cool with just being friends, always have, always will.

[vanilla87]

Whoa there take things easy !!!!

 

Don't be impulsive ... I think that he is a bit on the rebound ... take things easy ..

Yeah he pretty much is, hence the fact that I find out from my best friend who is his best friend that he talks about his ex, pretty much flat out says he isn't, well more so since he mentioned how his sheets still smell like her and I tell her, my best friend, his best friend, that he should just soak the sheets for a few hours and then air dry it outside and then bleach the heck out of the mattress and then let it dry out in the sun. The only reason I know about cleaning is nursing skills I've acquired over the last 3-4 years.

 

Also the fact that he isn't telling me, says a lot too, I mean would you wanna whine and complain about how your feeling about your ex to someone you could end up with as more then a friend and what not? probably not, cause then you would come off annoying and look as though your too absorbed with the said mentioned ex.

 

see if he asks you out ... maybe talk on the phone ... get to know him more ...

 

lol, we've been talking on the phone for over 5 years, I think we are okay with that by now. Asking out me? um, well late night coffee runs alone with him that he prompts in asking me or heading out in daylight, to the mall alone with him, hmm, my only thought is: upgrade, haha, jk, but really, the last time a guy friend or any guy wanted to hang out, he asked me out to grab a beverage or grab food, so yeah, I'm not going to read into it, but on a subconscious level, I think he was, lol, I know its psycho babble bull. But really think about it, when you we're trying to date an ex for the first time, or get to know someone better, didn't you end up asking them to hang out and grab food or something to drink or go somewhere in public that alot of people you know will see? Well, maybe he is test driving the car before be decides he wants to purchase it, if you get what I mean and no not in a sexual reference.

 

At the way it currently it could be an infatuation and you could end up hurt .. as a guy if I did all these it just means I LIKE YOU ... LIKE ... not love ... and I am a bit interested in you ..

 

lol, I wanna be honest here for a second, but um, I kind of already knew he had feelings for me since last february, cause he has been doing a lot of the same things he use to do to me back when we we're in hs, especially when he would flirt with me, so it was a dead ringer. He is always slow to admit to himself, let alone to me, I mean it took me 6 years to finally get him to open up and admit he had a crush on me in hs and that he wanted to date me. So yeah, I don't expect it to progress beyond friendship for over 6 months right now...

 

So be cool and calm and rationalize your thoughts ...

 

I do hope that he is the guy ... but I do not want you to get hurt if it des not work out ...

 

Yeah, thats one of the reasons he through out at me, because he knows a good amount of what my ex bf's did to me and feels he would hurt me, yet, I know him well enough to know he is more likely to hurt me by throwing a meatball at my face for a food fight then actually hurt me emotionally like my ex bf's did in the past. Plus its kind of hard for him to hurt me, mostly due to the fact he would never forgive himself ever again, which is right up there with nightmare episode in afghanistan he had to witness happen to some small children. I'm actually very rational on all this, just that my thoughts are all over the place on this, just that I never really talk about it to my friends, cause most of 'em don't know him well enough to make any judgement calls except one.

 

Anyway, if i get hurt, its life, it happens. I'll grow from it, gain something, and basically change a little, but in a good way. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

[Charles1978]

Sounds to me that you have a pretty good grasp on the situation. I can't really think of much to say to help. Just keep the attitude you have and you'll be fine.

[vanilla87]

Thank you and I will.

 

Also forgot to mention that he knows I already have feelings for him, and that even after everything, we can still be two mature adults and not let it affect the friendship...

[vanilla87]

*bumping this*