2sunny Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 in answer to your prior comment/question. YES, there are women out there who want ONE man and can be completely faithful and happy in a life shared with another. i also find it difficult to find that inherent quality in a man. in the mean time - i am perfectly happy on my own. for now, this seems less complicated. i am not willing to settle for a man that will disregard what i have to offer. it weeds out the bad choices pretty quickly though! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searching49 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Hey Searching, About the meeting a cute girl, isn't it nice? I actually got flirted with the other night myself, lol. I wanted to say, wow, I'm not dead after all! It's a great feeling. I wish the best for you going forward. Please don't be a stranger if you end the thread, PM me sometime as I lurk daily myself. Take care and be strong! Hey mountains. Yea it was pretty amazing. Just hanging out with friends and meeting some new people and this beautiful girl just keeps coming up to me and showing interest. Never saw it coming and wasn't looking for it either. She even knows the situation and is fine with it. I know you've seen in my previous posts how scared I was about that. It wasn't even an issue at all and made me like her all the more. I won't be a stranger. This site has helped immensly and I'm grateful for all the advice. I'll be looking to return the favor and help out some others. It's a wild rollercoaster, but in the end it all comes down to what you choose to make of it. Feel your grief, feel your anger, feel your despair, but don't let it define your future. Be true to yourself and leave the ashes behind after you rise from them. And 2Sunny, I know you are right and there are others out there that think just like I do. Link to post Share on other sites
wolverine Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 I am on Day 3 of learning that my wife has re-connected with an old flame from high school on Facebook and wants out of our 7-year marriage (with two beautiful boys ages 3 and 5). After not seeing him for 20 years, she wants to fly to CA to see him this weekend before he leaves for Iraq. Is that freakin' crazy or what???? A few days ago everything was great; now she says it's over and she hasn't even seen this guy! My emotions range from pure shock... to depression... to rage. Like Searching49 in his first posts, I am having trouble sleeping at night. Waking up every few hours nauseous. The idea of divorce with these two boys is killing me; they love and depend on both of us so much. She refuses to go to counseling so my hands are tied. She wants to talk about "logistics" or what we need to do to create separate lives. I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Lying eyes Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 Wolverine, if you start your own thread, it will make it easier for folks to help you out. Yes it is crazy. It is also all too apparently all to common. I'm experiencing all the same symptoms. The harder you loved them the more painful it is. Add kids to that and its almost too much to bear. I'm going through something very similar, but I'm 2 weeks into it. 2 boys, 15 yrs togher, my wife probably had an affair, she wants a divorce, but I'm still in love. I conviced her to do a legal separation first. I'm curious how my stbx will feel once she has to do everything herself for a time. Pay her own bills, get a job, be a half time single parent. Then there is the affair fog. She won't be able to see this guy anymore unless he moves to our state. Then again, she's going to college, where she'll continue to be around young men, ten years her junior. You need to find out how serious she is about divorce. Try counseling, if she refuses, prevailing wisdom is that you should try no contact, give her space, and be amiable. I'm very new here, but I haven't actually seen that one work, but at least you keep your dignity. If he is going to Iraq, the affair will be a quick one. Then you have to decide if you even want her back, if she changes her mind. Link to post Share on other sites
wolverine Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 LE, from what I know (which may be incorrect or incomplete), my stbx has not cheated on me in the physical sense, but she tells me it doesn't matter. She feels that wanting to do it is the same thing. She is living in a fantasy world and wants to have a life with some guy who she hasn't seen in 20 years and who is in the Navy and leaving for a 9-month stint in Iraq in 2 weeks. She has it all planned out in her head that they will live in Tennessee (his home state) when he returns. I'm like... WTF?? Is this even really happening? She is an intelligent 38 yo female with an excellent 100k job and she's doing this?!! All because this former teen flame praised her constantly on Facebook? Un-freaking-believable!! To think that she can cause so much pain to me now and God knows how much pain to my little boys, is unfathomable to me. And to make things worse, she's glib about it around the house, like some teenager who just got a date with a boy to the prom. This is driving me nuts b/c it make no sense whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searching49 Posted March 3, 2009 Author Share Posted March 3, 2009 Hey Wolverine. Sorry to see that you are in the same situation I was. It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. BUT, I do have to say I'm the better for it. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. As you can see from my lack of posts, I've been moving on with my life. This site was my lifeline for a few months and the regular guys on here are great. I'd recommend starting your own thread and really let your full story out. I wish you the best of luck friend. All I can say is you are in good company. Link to post Share on other sites
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