5 months and counting!!

[lovejohn95]

I have to admit I am nervous about posting in here but I need some help. My husband left in August b/c he was unhappy. I was bad with money and was emotionally not there for him as much as I could have been. Having to help family members and I felt unattractive b/c I was overweight. 2 weeks before he left I started at a newly opened diet clinic and have since lost 43 lbs. I physically feel and look great now. He had even told me he was embarrassed to be seen with me. That was a month before he left. I have since corrected every mistake I have made and have expressed my deep love for him. 3 weeks after he moved out, I found out through my cell phone records that he had been in contact with a woman from work. She has been involved with several MM from work before. I am crushed. He keeps telling me to give him space which I have to admit I probably haven't given him as much but I have some. I keep trying the NC thing and it is one of the hardest things to do.

 

He does get upset if I go out with friends and he doesn't know where I am. I never go out so it is a shock to him when I do. He is very insecure about it. Of course it shouldn't matter to him since he's the one that left. He has told several people he thinks he might come home but then it doesn't happen. His biggest thing now is that he says we can't get along w/o arguing. Here's where it gets complicated. We argue b/c someone has been vandalizing and tormenting my household since he left. At the beginning it was just once every few weeks. Since Thanksgiving he hasn't gone over her house too much and now the problems at my house are escalating. Vandalizing the house and banging on my front door and bedroom windows. 2 days before Christmas someone left a dozen roses at the front door with a card that read " I love you, then (husbands name), Merry Christmas! I'm coming home!" I was ecstatic. Problem is I found out a few hours later after talking to him, he didn't send them. Rip my heart out!!! I had already told my 12 yo son his dad was coming home! What was I going to tell him now. What a cruel thing to do. My husband explained to him that someone was doing this cruel thing to his mom and that he would catch them. Then after Christmas letters on my car and my husbands how he is leaving me and to move on without him and that he needed to go on and keep doing what he is doing. The police are involved but haven't gotten any fingerprints. I know it's her. She isn't physically doing it but I know she's behind it. Only a few people know where my husband lives @ his moms house.

 

So I'm dealing with some crazy person here. I don't care about her, I just want my husband back. Someone please give some advice. Should I keep trying to get him back or move on. I do love him so much and I know that we could reconcile if given the proper chance and be happy again.

[bentnotbroken]

You need to move on. He isn't coming home and you have made all the problems in the marriage yours. That isn't true, he was cheating and with a bunny boiler no less. Do you want your child hurt by this person(can't call her a woman)Your child should be your top priority, she was willing to hurt you, therefore hurting your child. I dealt with a loose cannon, and trust me you don't want to do that. You want to put your foot down now. Document everything that is happening and see a lawyer.

[wildsoul]

Ick. That story about the roses is really horrible.

 

It sounds like your husband had an affair, but I wouldn't assume it's the lady from work. It might be, but it could also be someone else--perhaps someone he saw for a long time. A scenario you'll read here sometimes is that the MM (married man) will tell his OW (other woman) that he's going to leave his wife because he wants to be with the OW. Then sometimes the MM separates from the W, but avoids the OW too. Then the OW, who felt like she was waiting for so long, gets really upset and seeks revenge on the MM and his W (sadly, sometimes the kids too.)

 

HE knows who it is, and he's jerking you around playing that he doesn't know. Also, he's protecting her and not you. I smell a rat.

[lovejohn95]

I really believe it's her b/c she always happens to text or call him the same times the things at the house happen. Yes he stopped visiting her house so much but 'i do know he still talks to her daily. He didn't break contact totally. I know I'm stupid for still wanting him in my life but before she came along he really was a good man and can be again. Not saying he isn't at fault. She knows what she's doing.

[Treasa]

Set up some hidden security cameras. Then you'll know who it is who's been harassing you.

 

And go out, have fun, and leave him wondering. And don't bother responding to him at all unless he flat out comes out and says that he wants to try again with you. And even then I'd definitely go for marriage counseling and not get too excited. Keep working on YOU, because it sounds like you're doing a hell of a job!

[herenow]

When my H Had an affair, I insisted he move out. It wasn't until I was happy with myself, and knew that I wasn't making any choices out of fear of being alone, that I was able to let him back in my life.

 

Think about your needs and how you can be happy without your H. When you gain the self esteem to know that you will be fine with or without him, you may find you don't want him back. But, at that time the choice you make will be because it's what you want and not because you are afraid to be without your H.