GloryDays Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Hello all, I am happy to have found this site. A little background: (Sorry it's long) I am in my late twenties. I am just getting out of a 2 year relationship, and I am having an extremely hard time with this. I have been a lucky girl. I've been in 3 serious relationships...and the previous 2 were with nice men...that I walked away from. I just think I was too young, wasn't ready...and obviously they weren't the right "one" for me, since there is a reason I broke it off. Now, this last one was the one I fell in love with like no other. We mutually pursued each other in the beginning, and at first I was torn a little between him and my ex of 5 years. I started it off wrong by talking to them both. I was trying to move on to my current ex, yet trying to hold on to my ex of 5 years. So, eventually I made my choice and went with my current ex. For the first year he did everything for me. He was romantic, fun, gorgeous...everything I thought I wanted. I became so close with him, and I had never enjoyed any other intimate relationship with anyone in my past like I had with him. I wanted to marry him. We started to fight off and on. He didn't like my friends (had his reasons he says), he got mad at me when I would go to the stable to work with horses because he said it cut into 3 hours of "our time" since it would take me time to work the horse, then I'd have to go home and shower etc. Now let me mention that in the beginning, he was a construction worker. Then during our relationship he got a job in law enforcement and it's when I noticed a change in him. We went from seeing each other often to opposite schedules. It was hard, but I would work through it with him. He is not the guy who goes to bars alot (he did with me but not too often), he didn't have many male friends...so I guess our relationship suffered due to lack of time together, but not because he was doing anything shady that I knew of. Well, after this past year of fighting and breaking up off and on again it just kept getting worse. He would give me the silent treatment...just not talk to me for days or weeks and then come back around. I am not perfect. I did NOT cheat on him, but when he would hurt me by not talking...I would go out to bars with my girlfriends, and since I am an attractive female I would get alot of attention and then throw it in his face. I knew it was wrong to do this. I never felt any fear of this man during our fights. He never laid a hand on me. For 2 years he never really called me any names or anything. He'd say hurtful things like "lose my f'n number" but he'd always say his words were just anger. Well...this last week has been the major, last fight. We have been broken up for about 2-3 weeks but still in contact. He had New Years Eve off from work and didn't want to spend it with me. I was trying to spend the night with him because I kept telling him I wanted to work on us again and try to make the relationship healthy and strong. He told me he couldn't do it and that he never felt I was a team with him...yet when I asked if he wanted me to stop contacting him he told me no, and that he still loves me and there was a possibility we could be together in the future again. Well, after not spending New Years together I was crushed. New Years Day I sent him an email asking him if it's another girl, and if he's not talking to me or being with me...who is taking up all his time? I wasn't mean in the email, but I guess it sounded like I was accusing and I kept trying to get across that I needed to know why he didn't want to work on us to get closure. He responded back to me "good for you please stop contacting me". That was it! So ofcourse since he has told me that in the past, yet always talked to me again I acted like an idiot and began texting him and asking him to just tell me what the deal is. Well he texted me back REALLY nasty things. He basically told me to "put a body part of his in my mouth and suck it and then he would give me all the answers I wanted". I was devestated by this and felt so disrespected! I always was a strong woman and the one to walk away from the guy and ditch their asses!! NONE of my ex boyfriends EVER talked to me this way! Then he got even worse and told me to "stick his...in my butt and then he'll give me the answers". (I'm sure you know what I am trying to say he said-yes it was that vulgar). I was repulsed and in shock by this. I stopped texting him ofcourse and an hour went by...then he texts me "oh don't want to take me up on my offer, what a shame". Then I still do not respond and get yet another text saying "well if you reconsider my offer you know where I'll be." I have never felt so hurt, used and angry in my life. Why would anyone be that crude and evil to someone they spent 2 years with?! I mean even if he didn't want to be with me...who wants to end it on those terms as enemies?????????? Oh and I want to add that one of our recent lasts fights was that I found out he did something sexually with one of his ex's that really turned me off. It was the last statement I mentioned above that he said to me, and something I would NEVER do. I can't believe you spend 2 years with someone but you don't know who they really are! What would be the reason why anyone would say these things to someone? Please help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Well he texted me back REALLY nasty things. He basically told me to "put a body part of his in my mouth and suck it and then he would give me all the answers I wanted". The fact that he said this to you IMO shows a huge lack of respect. Honestly.. this guy sounds like a jerk and IMO, I'd get away from him. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I see the pattern. It always starts the same exact way...at least with my ex and I it did. First come the unreasonable requests regarding your time, then the possessiveness, then the verbal abuse/disrespect (throw in silent treatment in there) and lastly it will get physical. Sorry to tell you this but it's true. So to answer your question at the end, the answer is he's a first class jerk and abusive to boot. Never, ever stay with a man who gives you the silent treatment by the way...that right there should tell you all you need to know. Good men don't do that. They talk things out with you. Surely you can do better than him. And why do you care if it ends well or not. I mean I can see that after 2 years you would care but give yourself your own closure. Accept that with this jerk it probably won't end well. And think about this...how does he talk about his exes? Did they all end well? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My only advice is, after shedding this guy, spend some time alone (at least a year without any significant emotional involvement IMO) and work on yourself. Branching (holding on to an ex while romancing a new guy) can be unhealthy, as you noted. My sympathies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GloryDays Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Thank you all so very much. I guess I really need to hear all of this, I need support to get over him. Mea- That's so true. He has no respect for me. He never really spoke that well regarding women and I was blinded and tried to see the good in him. He's the guy who will stop and help anyone that is stuck on the road with a flat tire or something like that...guess he just sucks as a boyfriend! Touche- You make good points! I should have known by the silent treatment to get the heck away from him but I just always kept thinking "well I did this wrong...and that wrong". Now looking back, no wonder why I started going out and getting attention! Not saying it's right at all, but he made me feel lousy and maybe in some way that was me trying to boost myself up again. He talked poorly about his exes! He told me something personal about one...how everyone thought she was hot because she was well endowed but "he knew what she looked like naked and that her breasts weren't the same size" (DUH most women's aren't Mr. perfect). I've also been told his ex he was with the longest had no self esteem..probably from being with him! His past relationships didn't end well, and after him and I broke up this last time he told me "thank you for putting me on the road to being single forever..guess I just have to accept it" because ofcourse it was ALL my fault, lol. Looking back I see what a maniac he really is! carhill- Thank you very much! I do feel deeply hurt even though I know he has the issues. I don't think I'll be able to get close to anyone for a long time. I am also so picky as far as looks go and my type. He had it all...just turned out to be a real jerk when the true colors came out. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Mea- That's so true. He has no respect for me. He never really spoke that well regarding women and I was blinded and tried to see the good in him. He's the guy who will stop and help anyone that is stuck on the road with a flat tire or something like that...guess he just sucks as a boyfriend! Well then there is your answer right there. If he disrespects woman in general then who's to say your diff? I put up with many years of verbal abuse.. that I did not deserve. I was to weak to make a break. But, one day I had enough. My self worth was more important and I was not going to ever again let a man make me feel other wise. Your best bet..Get away from him. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 The best thing you have going for you is that in the past, you've been with guys who have treated you right and with respect. Go and find the guy that does that AND you have chemistry with. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Well then there is your answer right there. If he disrespects woman in general then who's to say your diff? I put up with many years of verbal abuse.. that I did not deserve. I was to weak to make a break. But, one day I had enough. My self worth was more important and I was not going to ever again let a man make me feel other wise. Your best bet..Get away from him. Mea:) That's exactly right. That's why I asked about how he spoke about the exes. It's a dead giveaway. I mean we all say we hate our exes to a degree, etc. but the abuser goes a step beyond that. Glory, keep posting. You'll be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
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