BF way too jealous...can anyone relate?

[pearl326]

My boyfriend and I have been dating a few years and he just gets so upset and really jealous of my past. He can't get over the fact that I dated other guys. He asks me questions about how intimate I've gotten with my exes and when I tell him, he gets really upset at me.

 

When I bring up his past and mention he got pretty involved with his exes, he tells me since I dated my exes for a longer period time than he's dated his exes, "I'm more experienced" and he gets upset and gives me a really hard time about my past.

 

My BF started dating me knowing full well about my past. Plus I don't even keep in touch with my exes. I'm at a loss. My friends tell me guys tend to get really jealous but I just don't buy that. We're in our late 20s so I don't get why he's acting like a jealous teenager. (No offense)

 

Right now, I really can't take it anymore because I've been walking him through the whole issue for about 2+ years now and have been answering the same questions over and over again. it just really upsets and hurts me when he gets mad. Any advice?

[Thunder77]

I can definately relate to your boyfriend in a big way. I lost the the love of my life about 8 years ago to the same behavior that your boyfriend is exhibiting. It is referred to as retroactive jealousy. I am man enough to admit it is still a problem although I am working on it. It stems from some sort of insecurity. Back then, I was hellbent on findout everything I could about my Ex's sexual past and dating past while it was none of my business. For some reason I would want to know the most hurtful answers to questions she obviously did not want to answer. I judged her, called her names, and ultimately drove her away. That behavior is selfish, self defeating and will eventually drive you away. Ask him to seek help or it is going to get worse. Trust me. I found out the root of why I was insecure and why I wanted to know all about her past and worked on it. Good luck to you.

[porter218]

I can relate a little. I have dealt with this in a couple previous relationships. Those men never got over their jealousy issues and I

eventually gave up on them. It is immature and stressful. I have come to realize some men just have this stupid hangup and some don't. Those who have it can't be changed so they are a waste of time.

[415 Cowboy]

Everybody with any age under thier belt has a "past". Why dote on things that can't be changed or altered now. What your B/f should appreciate is that you chose HIM at this point. He needs to get over the drama or move on! You're not seeing your ex's and you can't change the past, so he has to grow up and accept it or find someone with no "history".

[pearl326]

I was hellbent on findout everything I could about my Ex's sexual past and dating past while it was none of my business. For some reason I would want to know the most hurtful answers to questions she obviously did not want to answer. I judged her, called her names, and ultimately drove her away.

 

Wow, this is exactly what my boyfriend is doing to me. I cried when I read this because it reminded me of every name that I've been called and every hurtful thing that had been said to me. I have suggested counseling but he refuses (I personally think it's a pride thing) and I've suggested he date someone with "no past" and he says he wants me, which is very hard for me to believe when he's saying the meanest things to me.

 

Thanks for sharing your experience with me. It's strangely comforting to know what my boyfriend is feeling and it makes me feel sorry for him now. I just really wish I can get him to seek some sort of therapy.

[lamaman3]

Hes way too into you and youre way too accomodating. Break up with him and tell him the reason - let him miss you for a few weeks and try to re-initiate contact with you - then tell him youre willing to try again if he never mentions anything about your past because its none of his business.

[crackerjax9]

omg i can totally relate!! he brings up my past or my exes every other day!! hes so insecure and always puts me down as well.. he thinks im going to cheat on him when i no im not. i dont get it.

[pearl326]

In addition to my bf getting upset at my past, he gets so jealous of my guy friends and gives me such a hard time whenever I talk to them or hang out with them. He'll just make comments about how they want me and how I just get along with them so much better than I get along with him.

[MichelleS1983]

Yup, I'm also 'living the dream.' My boyfriend is horribly jealous of my past relationships and my past sex life.

 

I think most men honestly want to believe that they're the ones who removed the plastic wrap off your feminine parts and NO ONE had ever been there before them. I know my boyfriend is certainly like that.

 

I've learned over the years (and it was a hard learned lesson) to not share too much of your past with your boyfriend/husband/significant other because most times, it WILL come back to bite you in the ass. I don't condone lying, I don't like to do that, but I think spilling your guts on the table every time they want to know something is akin to shooting yourself in the foot.

[mr.dream merchant]

In addition to my bf getting upset at my past, he gets so jealous of my guy friends and gives me such a hard time whenever I talk to them or hang out with them. He'll just make comments about how they want me and how I just get along with them so much better than I get along with him.

 

Why can't you hang out with your guy friends with your BF? Why do you need to be with them alone?

[reservoirdog1]

The part about your BF calling you names over your past is the part that really disturbs me.

 

Just who the fyck does he think he is? What right does he have to call you names over decisions you made as a free adult that had nothing to do with him and which you made presumably before you even knew him?

 

A few years is a long time to deal with this shyt from somebody you're in a relationship with. My xGF and I would have periodic arguments during our relationship, not so much because of my past, but because of how I perceived the nature of sex and its meaning in my past. One of the reasons I've been happier since we broke up is that I don't have to have those stupid arguments anymore.

 

I think you need to give him an ultimatum: you need to tell him that you're not going to take that shyt from anybody, especially not him, and that it's unacceptable. Then tell him that the next time he calls you an insulting name or speaks in a derogatory fashion about some aspect of your past, you will walk. (You can still get back together if you walk and he's sufficiently contrite, but you still need to stand firm in what you say and follow through.)

 

He needs to man up, grow some balls, and stop acting like such a child. Sheesh.

[4dviceJunki3]

I sorta understand what your BF is feeling; a little sense of insecurity.

 

I've had two of my previous ex's cheat on me and leave me for another man; how do you think that makes me feel in getting into my next relationship? I now get jealous very quickly; however, with me, it's not so much about my ex's history and their previous sex lives because that's in the past. I'm more worried about the present and the future and how my history with relationships will repeat itself and I just don't want to deal with the emotional fog that follows it.

 

In your case, think of it this way. Is there any specific reason why your BF should be jealous of your previous ex's? In other words, have you dated "hot guys"; guys better looking and more physically fit than him? Is he jealous of their looks?

 

Maybe you've dated very ambitious and wealthy men and he feels that your standards have been raised and that sooner or later you will realize that your current BF will just not cut it for you.

 

Seriously, a lot of times guys will dwell into fearful thoughts of losing their loved one and that will ignite a torch in their brain to conjure up more useless questions & accusations.

 

This is something you have to constantly talk to him about and reassure him that he's ten times better. In your case, if you need to maybe lie to him because it's getting out of control, so be it. Tell him he's the best sex you've ever had or something because if you don't and he continues this childish behavior, it's going to bring the relationship to its knees.

 

 

 

[Bleed Internal]

It's really sad that there are so many sluts in the world now. It seems like so many guys, including myself, develop retroactive jealously because of this.

 

I mean, I'm very liberal sexually and I think women should have experiences too, but sex is so much easier to get for women and it's disgusting that so many of you have your "wild, single years" and **** everything in sight. How is that gonna make your future bf/husband feel?

 

Dozens of guys got your sex with no work and now he's supposed to attach emotional and financial obligations to the relationship. I hate it so much.

 

I have a girl that I've been with for 1.5 years and I love her so much but I'll never be able to marry her because she's slept with 10 guys before me. These sluts need to stop it. It makes me sick and scared and worried that I'll never find a suitable mate.

[4dviceJunki3]

It's really sad that there are so many sluts in the world now. It seems like so many guys, including myself, develop retroactive jealously because of this.

 

I mean, I'm very liberal sexually and I think women should have experiences too, but sex is so much easier to get for women and it's disgusting that so many of you have your "wild, single years" and **** everything in sight. How is that gonna make your future bf/husband feel?

 

Dozens of guys got your sex with no work and now he's supposed to attach emotional and financial obligations to the relationship. I hate it so much.

 

I have a girl that I've been with for 1.5 years and I love her so much but I'll never be able to marry her because she's slept with 10 guys before me. These sluts need to stop it. It makes me sick and scared and worried that I'll never find a suitable mate.

 

In a weird way, I agree with you.

 

But it's not so much that they are sluts. I just personally think that so many stupid guys have screwed over these girls who used to be faithful that now the girls feel that it's time for revenge. So they prep themselves up and make themselves look all attractive and pose as a good girl, lock in a guy who is actually looking for a good girl, and once he gets attached, they screw him over. Then the guy who got screwed over goes and finds a normal girl and screws her over; it's just this vicious cycle and it needs to END!

 

I've personally been cheated on TWICE in my previous relationships but I've had the mental power to maintain a positive attitude and to keep looking for something serious rather than screwing over another girl.

[mr.dream merchant]

It's really sad that there are so many sluts in the world now. It seems like so many guys, including myself, develop retroactive jealously because of this.

 

I mean, I'm very liberal sexually and I think women should have experiences too, but sex is so much easier to get for women and it's disgusting that so many of you have your "wild, single years" and **** everything in sight. How is that gonna make your future bf/husband feel?

 

Dozens of guys got your sex with no work and now he's supposed to attach emotional and financial obligations to the relationship. I hate it so much.

 

I have a girl that I've been with for 1.5 years and I love her so much but I'll never be able to marry her because she's slept with 10 guys before me. These sluts need to stop it. It makes me sick and scared and worried that I'll never find a suitable mate.

 

 

While I wouldn't go so far as calling them sluts, I do think its kind of twisted that there are females out there who believe that since guys do it they can to. They have this mentality that its okay for guys to go around sleeping with several women which in reality, not even most guys agree whole-heartedly with those actions. Also you are right. Why invest so much into a girl who in the past didn't need investment in order for her panties to drop? She loses value. If and when I'm ready to invest finance, time and emotion into a girl, I want her to be worth it, not some "Oh I've changed, its my past" bull****. If that's the case then build me a time machine so I can be one of those guys who nailed you with no strings attached so I can be about my business.

[lamaman3]

While I wouldn't go so far as calling them sluts, I do think its kind of twisted that there are females out there who believe that since guys do it they can to. They have this mentality that its okay for guys to go around sleeping with several women which in reality, not even most guys agree whole-heartedly with those actions. Also you are right. Why invest so much into a girl who in the past didn't need investment in order for her panties to drop? She loses value. If and when I'm ready to invest finance, time and emotion into a girl, I want her to be worth it, not some "Oh I've changed, its my past" bull****. If that's the case then build me a time machine so I can be one of those guys who nailed you with no strings attached so I can be about my business.

 

I wonder if you and the other poster who spoke of "sluts" realize how pathetic your attitude is. Why invest so much into a girl if she didnt need investment for her "panties to drop?" - So the reason you commit to a girl is not because you enjoy the time you have with her and feel a genuine connection with her but rather its because thats the only way you can get a girls panties to drop? Instead of becoming the kind of guy who gets girls wet you simply exchange your "investment" for some ass - and youre bitter of any guy who understands women enough not to have to do that. And since youre not man enough to do it now - what makes you think some time machine is going to make you man enough?

 

When youve got a girl giving you tons of sex because she wants your time and investment than youll understand - but I suspect youll always be the same old loser giving girls your time and investment in exchange for a shot at some poon - and getting jealous of any guy who is attractive enough to get girls wet - and of course calling those girls "sluts."

[lamaman3]

It's really sad that there are so many sluts in the world now. It seems like so many guys, including myself, develop retroactive jealously because of this. .

 

Youre that guy whose jealous of his girlfriends past even though youve had a bunch of "flings" and more partners than she has??

 

I mean, I'm very liberal sexually and I think women should have experiences too, but sex is so much easier to get for women and it's disgusting that so many of you have your "wild, single years" and **** everything in sight. How is that gonna make your future bf/husband feel?

 

Its the 21st century - if youd like to go back to the days where you could buy a virgin move to Saudi Arabia. The rest of us attractive men will enjoy the company of women without the wierd hangups.

 

Dozens of guys got your sex with no work and now he's supposed to attach emotional and financial obligations to the relationship. I hate it so much.

 

Ahh - youre relationship is just "work" so you can get some p*ssy...of course youre jealous of guys who are attractive enough and understand women enough to get p*ssy when they want to and to have fulfilling relationships when they want to. I feel bad for your girl honestly.

 

 

 

I have a girl that I've been with for 1.5 years and I love her so much but I'll never be able to marry her because she's slept with 10 guys before me. These sluts need to stop it. It makes me sick and scared and worried that I'll never find a suitable mate.

 

You wont find a suitable mate and you dont deserve to either. I pity the girl that has to put up with your mental illness.

[pearl326]

Why can't you hang out with your guy friends with your BF? Why do you need to be with them alone?

 

First of all, the guy friends that I do hang out with are old high school/college friends who live out of town, where my parents live. So I only hang out with them when I visit my parents and it's always in a group, not just me alone with them. Plus when my boyfriend comes home with me, we all hang out. I think it's when I talk on the phone with them that makes my boyfriend upset. Which is what I don't get.

[pearl326]

It's really sad that there are so many sluts in the world now. It seems like so many guys, including myself, develop retroactive jealously because of this.

 

I mean, I'm very liberal sexually and I think women should have experiences too, but sex is so much easier to get for women and it's disgusting that so many of you have your "wild, single years" and **** everything in sight. How is that gonna make your future bf/husband feel?

 

Dozens of guys got your sex with no work and now he's supposed to attach emotional and financial obligations to the relationship. I hate it so much.

 

I have a girl that I've been with for 1.5 years and I love her so much but I'll never be able to marry her because she's slept with 10 guys before me. These sluts need to stop it. It makes me sick and scared and worried that I'll never find a suitable mate.

 

just because a girl has "a past" doesn't necessarily mean they've slept with a bunch of guys for fun. in my case, i've slept with two guys before my current boyfriend...my first boyfriend in college who i was with for two years and didn't start having sex until a year into the relationship. and my second bf, who i ended up dumping soon after getting intimate b/c i found out he was dating two other girls on the side. could it have been possible that he had the other girls on the side because he didn't want to "work" to get the sex?

 

i think i'm a bit more conservative than most girls when it comes to sex, but it almost sounds like guys think a past is a past; doesn't matter if you sleep with two guys or ten.