The liar's paradox? What do I do next?

[Kripta]

Okay, here we go: I used to be a little bit of a liar. I never lied about big things, just things that made me look good. I never lied about people or tried to hurt anyone, like I said it was always things to make me look better, like how much clothes cost, whether I bought or leased or made payments on my car, money, etc. Other than that lying crap, I am a decent guy, good father, hard worker, helpful, etc. I found out about 4 or 5 months ago that people close to me have been sorta making fun of this and exposing lies I tell to other people as well as adding their own lies in just to make me look worse.

 

Well since I found out these things I have done better. Believe it or not I have probably cut my lies down by 95% (it's funny to actually try to put a number on it, lol) and try my hardest not to lie to anyone about anything! I am really proud of myself although it is a lot harder than you think to be honest all of the time. My question is... should I make amends to someone that I told a lie to before? What bothers me is that it seems as if I am being held to a high standard whereas those who are holding me to that standard don't have to be judged in that way.

 

For example, I know one person who cheats on their husband and fakes injuries, etc. just to get more attention from friends and family... nobody exposes her, she doesn't have to change the way she acts, so why do I? I also think that just because I lied about things doesn't give someone the right to tell personal business that I didn't share with others. They feel justified because I am a liar, and to me I feel as if it doesn't matter the lie, if I tell someone in confidence, then it should remain that way... or am I wrong?

 

I am good with personal growth and doing better for myself, but do I owe anyone an explanation? If someone is lying to me just to get me to tell an even bigger lie, do I owe them anything? Aren't they doing the same thing that I am doing, or is it okay because their lies serve the greater good (of outing me as a liar - tounge and cheek). I just don't know how to handle it. I feel betrayed by the people close to me, but then again I shouldn't have lied, but then again they lie too! So what do I do?

[Geishawhelk]

This is interesting.

I used to lie.

Now?

I have such an aversion to deceit, it makes my blood run cold, and I feel almost sick.

I hate the fact I used to lie, and actually would rather tell the truth and risk offending someone, than dress things up in a half-truth/white lie.

 

This is what I would do.

 

Go to the people you feel you owe an apology to, and tell them that you are aware of your actions, they're a sign of low self esteem, (they are) and you intend to bring things back into balance.

In the meantime, you will do everything you can to never lie to them again.

Thank them for their friendship, and apologise.

Then drop it.

 

Then go to the people who have done you wrong (as it were) tell them what you know, and tell them that at least you've admitted your dishonesty, and they'd better shut up if they can't admit theirs.

 

Just my play on it.

 

Up to you.

 

But really, don't lie.

[Kripta]

This is interesting.

I used to lie.

Now?

I have such an aversion to deceit, it makes my blood run cold, and I feel almost sick.

I hate the fact I used to lie, and actually would rather tell the truth and risk offending someone, than dress things up in a half-truth/white lie.

 

This is what I would do.

 

Go to the people you feel you owe an apology to, and tell them that you are aware of your actions, they're a sign of low self esteem, (they are) and you intend to bring things back into balance.

In the meantime, you will do everything you can to never lie to them again.

Thank them for their friendship, and apologise.

Then drop it.

 

Then go to the people who have done you wrong (as it were) tell them what you know, and tell them that at least you've admitted your dishonesty, and they'd better shut up if they can't admit theirs.

 

Just my play on it.

 

Up to you.

 

But really, don't lie.

 

 

Good stuff, thanks.

 

I have gone to those who "did me wrong" but they swear they never did anything. Even though I know the truth, they won't admit to anything. And as for their own transgressions, they act as if those never happened either. That is what makes this so complex, I am trying to change, and I hate the way I used to be too, but it seems as if nobody else has to change. I might literally know 250 people in my life, and I haven't met one that doesn't do something that they are trying to cover up, or something that they don't want to talk about.

 

Armed with that knowledge, I don't feel I sometimes think I don't owe anyone any sort of apology because they would never apologize to me. It seems so unfair.

[You'reasian]

Good stuff, thanks.

 

I have gone to those who "did me wrong" but they swear they never did anything. Even though I know the truth, they won't admit to anything. And as for their own transgressions, they act as if those never happened either. That is what makes this so complex, I am trying to change, and I hate the way I used to be too, but it seems as if nobody else has to change. I might literally know 250 people in my life, and I haven't met one that doesn't do something that they are trying to cover up, or something that they don't want to talk about.

 

Armed with that knowledge, I don't feel I sometimes think I don't owe anyone any sort of apology because they would never apologize to me. It seems so unfair.

 

Ok, so you used to lie about how much you paid for clothes, the car purchased - whatever, that's something people do to "keep up with the Jones's". If someone wants to know if you've bought something, say a car, they'll do a title search or something similar and find out the truth in seconds Good on you - stay honest!!

 

And when people start saying - yeah, I know Kripta is good on her/his word, you will have a reputation of being honest and maybe even trustworthy or reliable.

 

People may perceive you however they wish, love you or hate you, but they'll know you're the real deal.

 

Don't expect apologies from ordinary people. Expect them from extraordinary people . 10% of your associates make up 90% of your free time anyway.

[Kripta]

Ok' date=' so you used to lie about how much you paid for clothes, the car purchased - whatever, that's something people do to "[i']keep up with the Jones's[/i]". If someone wants to know if you've bought something, say a car, they'll do a title search or something similar and find out the truth in seconds Good on you - stay honest!!

 

And when people start saying - yeah, I know Kripta is good on her/his word, you will have a reputation of being honest and maybe even trustworthy or reliable.

 

People may perceive you however they wish, love you or hate you, but they'll know you're the real deal.

 

Don't expect apologies from ordinary people. Expect them from extraordinary people . 10% of your associates make up 90% of your free time anyway.

 

 

Good points. I swear I am trying real hard and doing the best I can to tell the truth 100% of the time. I have had less stress since I have started this journey, and I hope to continue to get better.

[Crestfallen_KH]

You seem pretty focused on how "unfair" it is that other people don't have to make amends or change their ways. Are you really making this change in your life for YOU, or are you doing it because you've been exposed and embarrassed?

 

I'm afraid this is a "virtue is its own reward" situation. Sure, other people lie and cheat and whatever, but focusing on them and what you believe they should be doing is really just a waste of time. Don't expect a ticker tape parade or party for becoming a truthful and reliable guy - the reward is simply in the becoming.

[Adamagnet]

The average person lies ~6 times a day. People who claim they are always truthful just chalked up one of their six.

[Kripta]

You seem pretty focused on how "unfair" it is that other people don't have to make amends or change their ways. Are you really making this change in your life for YOU, or are you doing it because you've been exposed and embarrassed?

 

I'm afraid this is a "virtue is its own reward" situation. Sure, other people lie and cheat and whatever, but focusing on them and what you believe they should be doing is really just a waste of time. Don't expect a ticker tape parade or party for becoming a truthful and reliable guy - the reward is simply in the becoming.

 

 

You are right. I am doing this for me. I feel better about myself and the people who I really can trust also can trust me and are proud of my decisions and how I have decided to live the rest of my life. The embarrassment is apart of it. I am glad I was called out because it did make me reevaluate my life, but it is also unfair that I am singled out. I am not changing for anyone else. My change is seperate from my belief that others don't have to deal with having their lies called out or put on display, that's all.

 

I am happy with me, just contiplating why I am a bad guy while others are not. My mind is always moving and thinking and contiplating even when unnecessary.

[Saville]

You are the best speller in the world.

 

The world is completely fair.

 

Saville

[You'reasian]

You are right. I am doing this for me. I feel better about myself and the people who I really can trust also can trust me and are proud of my decisions and how I have decided to live the rest of my life. The embarrassment is apart of it. I am glad I was called out because it did make me reevaluate my life, but it is also unfair that I am singled out. I am not changing for anyone else. My change is seperate from my belief that others don't have to deal with having their lies called out or put on display, that's all.

 

I am happy with me, just contiplating why I am a bad guy while others are not. My mind is always moving and thinking and contiplating even when unnecessary.

 

In exchange for being good on your word, you'll have to be a better judge of people - or atleast surround yourself with people you consider good.