ReneeInLuv Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 How can I keep it brief and yet descriptive enough to give you all a good feel... This guy I met as a Freshman in HS. He was my senior crush and we dated in a HS fashion but broke up since he was graduating. Ten years later we met up again thanks to myspace and have now been dating for a year of which we've lived together for seven months. My child from a previous relationship lives with us and his son from a previous relationship lives with his mother in a different state. My bf is unlike anything I have encountered. I can almost describe him as being two people but not in a bipolar kinda way... What I've boiled it down to is that he's a military man. A man of a kind that I've had no prior experience with. As of a week ago he got word that he's being mobilized and will be gone for the next year. In two weeks, we will be thousands of miles apart. As of today we've not discussed what we will do about our relatonship. I'm hesitant about approaching the topic since he's a pro at seperating his emotions from his duty. I was told by my best friend who's father is military that any women or child living with a military man would know exactly what I was going thru. In the past any relationship type issues have pretty much been given a response like, "this is what it is". I love him. We have a great time together and even though we're always together I've always sensed a detachment. Almost as if he doesn't want to get completely caught up. It's irritating and difficult for me to understand and accept. So now what? My soldier is going away... Should I talk to him about it? Take it day by day? Break up? Wait for him? Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My first instinct is to ask where he believes the relationship is going - not to pressure him into anything he's not sure he wants, but so you can figure out how best to deal with the upcoming changes. If he does want to continue the relationship, I would suggest finding other military spouses/SOs. It sounds like they would be ideal to help you through the separation, help keep you company, etc. Hopefully my response helps? Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My bf is unlike anything I have encountered. I can almost describe him as being two people but not in a bipolar kinda way... What I've boiled it down to is that he's a military man. A man of a kind that I've had no prior experience with. Lover and a fighter? Motivated! Dedicated! Find out what details you can. The most you will probably know is how long he'll be deployed. As of a week ago he got word that he's being mobilized and will be gone for the next year. In two weeks, we will be thousands of miles apart. As of today we've not discussed what we will do about our relatonship. I'm hesitant about approaching the topic since he's a pro at seperating his emotions from his duty. I was told by my best friend who's father is military that any women or child living with a military man would know exactly what I was going thru. In the past any relationship type issues have pretty much been given a response like, "this is what it is". I love him. We have a great time together and even though we're always together I've always sensed a detachment. Almost as if he doesn't want to get completely caught up. It's irritating and difficult for me to understand and accept. So now what? My soldier is going away... Should I talk to him about it? Take it day by day? Break up? Wait for him? I'm going on a guess here....he probably has to detach himself from getting to personal with his work. Probably just a survival mechanism - so he can do what he has to do at work and come home and love you, wholely...completely. Tell him you love him. And if you feel you've got the strength, wait for him. Best of luck! PS - if all you've dated before are liberal, sensitive types - this is going to be a different experience for you. Guys from military backgrounds don't like to be babied and coddled - they despise that stuff!! Treat him like a man, your man and he will love you the way he knows how. Link to post Share on other sites
burningashes Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I have friends in the military and I'm dating a police officer right now. Before he went into law enforcement, he was in the military, so, like you, I'm dating a military man. The first of a kind that I've ever come across too. I can't imagine what you must be going through, because my bf isn't going anywhere. I probably would die if he told me he had to go away for that long. I would strongly encourage you to look for others who have experience with their military s/o's for company and guidance. Before he goes away, talk to him about where he thinks he sees this relationship going, without any pressure. The rest is up to you to decide how to proceed with this, knowing your bf, he will give you a honest answer. Good luck Keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
Jo78 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 My guy was IRR and just got activated to go back to Iraq. So I, too, will spend most of this year alone. We were all settled into our home and careers, and he had one year left as IRR. So this came as a surprise and is pretty much turning our life upside down. I'd say, ask him if and how you guys are going to stay in touch, but leave it at that. Wait and see, time will tell. He is probably under a lot of stress right now and can't make a good decision about you guys. Be there for him but don't forget to take care of yourself first. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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