She sends me mixed signals: A reliable source says she still wants me.

[kmana]

I am about to give you a very long story, so get a cup of coffee and enjoy my writings.

 

About a year ago I met this amazing girl.. We clicked right at our first meeting and became to people in a world where time seemed to stop. The happiest times of our lives the past year was with eachother no matter where we were. We had some talks "you know how they say when you fall in love, youll know" We both felt that we "knew". Well everyday was a great day for us. We enjoyed watching our shows or playing video games together in our boxers and nit picking at our favorite reality shows. It was amazing. We talked about getting married a lot...We even visited every nearby jewelry store looking for a ring.

 

I ended getting a ring from her grandmother, but wanted to wait for the most perfect moment to propose. She knew I had it.. She kept asking when I was going to put it on her finger. She adored me...always staring aimlessly at me for hours.. Holding my face and saying she loves this man. We had small tiffs and I would get worried that they pushed her, but she always reassured me by saying i love you.. I dont know what I would do without you. Just bringing up the idea of not being with eachother brought her tears. I forgot to mention that we moved in together about 4 months in our relationship.. It was awesome...we were practically married.

 

After weeks of anticipation, i proposed to her.. She cried... Showed off her ring to all her co workers.. Everyone saw us as the ideal couple.. We were engaged for about 4 months. Then it came.. One night she went out with her best friend (female). She usually came home around 5 but It was already 8 and yet I didnt hear from her.. I got scared, worried.. I tried her cell phone...no answer..worried me...Then I called her friends cell no answer.. I panicked.. I tried calling every 5 minutes..no answer.. She came home around 9.. asked me right away if I was mad.. I told her I was worried... She broke up with me... Told me she needed time to sort things out... Be alone... Accomplish things. She mentioned how her feelings just didnt feel as strong and that she feels like we are more like best friends.

 

We remained living together... The first week after the breakup, we slept in the same bed, she held me...still gave me kisses,hugs said she loved me..like we were together but not together.. This confused me... I did the wrong thing.. I tried hard, but I really didnt understand.. I asked her what she was confused about, was it me? Is she seeing someone else? Only problem was that I did it every night. Then one day I noticed her get pissed... "Stop bringing it up!!!... she said... Lets go day to day.... I love you, I want to be with you, youre the only one I see myself with she said.

 

very reliable source had heart to heart with her... According to source (trust me that its reliable folks) she said that she loves me so much, Im her best friend and she will not lose me. She also said that she hopes I would propose again some day.. She said that she just wanted to find a way to live an independent life and be together.. She also states that she wanted me to get on my own two feet. She said this on a number of occasions..not only to my source but also to me. Since I was upsetting her so much I decided to go stay at my mothers for a few days..she agreed that it would probably be a good idea.

 

EVery night she called crying saying she misses me. One night she got freaked out from a crank call and asked me to come home.. I came,just for the night... She was crying hysterically as she hugged me tight..she fell asleep in my arms. Next day I told her I wanted to come home and my mother was driving me crazy... She said she would like that.. Then I asked her if we were good...If we would work out..She reiterated that she hopes we work out and that I should just stopped bringing it up.. She got really mad..I freaked out.. I got scared... I balled a billion tears of frustration everything I was holding in for the week. She said I could come home, but she was goping to stay at her friend julies house. I came back home she packed a backpack and went to her friends house assumingly for a few days.

 

a few days past.. Then I saw her at work and let her know that she can come home whenever shes ready.. She said that it might be too hard for the both of us and that maybe we shouldnt live together. I offered to move out.. She accepted..Ia sked if it signified the end of us...she said yes... The next day it dawned on me...why am i leaving???????

 

The next day we were to meet to go over what we were going to split from the house.. I had a list...I ripped it up and threw it in the trash... I decided to tell her that I loved her and that when I proposed, I commited to loving her.. I told her she meant too much for me to leave,,,, If she wanted to leave me it was up to her, but I was not going to be the one to leave because I choose her... I love her... I told her if the she leaves me and the world out there doesnt treat her right she would always have a home to come to.She seemed confused... She started coming up with reasons why we wouldnt be able to live together.

 

I gave up for a sec seeing how upset she was.. I grabbed pieces of the list I made and gave them to her... I told her to tape them up and see what we were splitting.. She said...dont do that.. Give me time to think. When I talked to her next, I gave up..told her I would leave if she asked me to move out... She told me that she decided to move to her best friend julie's house... I relxxed and stayed in the house... She comes over whenever julie is at work... I have calmed down and came to terms..I told her...put it all behind us and clean our slates because we would eventually be awesome friends... She sighed in relief... I forgot to mention...Julie lives in a 3 bedroom apartment with allrooms taken...My ex shares a room with her.... My ex only took a backpack of clothes with her... She also comes over every time Julie works... But only when julie works... Shes very pleasent..we go sightseeing, get lunch watch our favorite show, play video games...laugh..she flirts with me a little... Then she leaves...

 

I have come to terms that we broke up..But I do believe that a new beginning is possible... Time will tell of course.. A few questions.... Why come over? Why take only a backpack of clothes if you moved out (she has so much stuff here still) Is she confused? Is her heart still aligned with mine but she doesnt realize? What answers is she looking for? What does she want? She looks at me with those eyes..Those eys that say I lvoe you, then she looks away and changes the subject... Her grandmother and mother say not to give up..give her time... Someone give me feedback about this... We tlak all the time and she seems so pleasent... WE have fun together... But sometimes I get stuck in a phase of missing her... At night Im alone.... My bed is empty..I miss her...

 

 

IF YOU READ ALL THIS, I ADMIRE YOU... YOUR FEEDBACK WILL BE RESPECTED INDEED.

[emokid]

My ex did the same thing to me. She kept saying she needed to split, be on her own to figure out her life, but lept hanging around. We lived together and it made it difficult to see her. She kept going out with her friends, which she hadn't really done a whole lot of during our 3 years, because she wanted to be with me 24/7....She kept saying that she didn't know what she felt anymore but that she cared...but on some occasions she would cuddle me or hold my hand or whatever, like she really loved me. But then the next day, as if it was groundhog day, she would act distant again. Whenever i tried to ask her about US and talk about things she'd ask that we not talk about it....because she didn't want to cry. She just has issues man. She wants both, she's scared about leaving what you guys have and scared about going out on her own. I don't doubt that she loves you. I'm pretty sure she does....she is just strugling with what she should do. She didn't take a all of her stuff with her, because she doesn't want to shut the door completely. I think, if things can still be saved, You need to tell her that you need to talk one more time but that This time, you need to talk about how you can improve things and make things better for the both of you....Make things more independent for you both. I don't understand how people thing they need to get rid of relationships and significant others, in order to be more independent. It doesn't make sense. You need to tell her how you feel and tell her that things need to change, but for the better....If it means you guys can't live together anymore and you need to have your own apartments, then you need to do that. Just don't hate her...I don't think she's trying to be EVIL to you, she's just really going thru some major issues. Just be there for her as much as you can, but if you keep getting strung along after a couple of months, then maybe you need to let her go.

[Velvet Eel]

Remember that when you moved away for a few days to your mother's house, she immediately missed you and wanted you back. Distance is good. She can't really be "independent" if you're her best friend, and you can't get the re-commitment you want from her, either, because she already has what she wants: your time, love, and attention. What about trying a complete break? No contact for 4-8 weeks, so that you can "heal and move on" (even if, on some level, you still hope for a reconciliation). She will miss you, and maybe decide after a month or two that she's had about enough independence as she can handle. In any case, you can't get over this break-up, or even see the situation objectively, when she is still a daily part of your life. Use this time to do something important to you--a new sport, a trip, a new job, whatever. This will give you confidence, no matter what happens with the ex. Good luck.

[LAT1980]

Here goes, settle yourself down, make sure your comfortable and not too tired because you may fall asleep.

 

I am in a similar situation and got very distressed when she first said she needed space after a year together and spent a week trying to contact her, sending flowers, writing poetry and talking to her mother. then eventually i spoke to a colleague at work and said that like in your experience chasing her would only drive her away. so i backed off and it drove me crazy, it is only the third week for the last two weeks i have given her space only contacted her occassionally and things seemed to be heading towards us just being friends and me hoping that the furture may hold something for us.

 

Then onm my birthday yesterday we met up and exchanged all our stuff we had at each others houses. things were goin really really well nice general chit chat and eveerything, swapped stuff and everything seemed to be concluded and a line drawn under it all and we would just be friends and see what the future holds.

 

When i gave her a hug she started to cry, which set me back a little bit and i was a little stunned and said that i didn't mean to upset and the hug was just to show that there was no hard feelings and we could still be friends and all that. after a little while of just trying to make her feel better and get out of her why she was so upset came the thing that nearly knocked me off my feet.

 

Out of the the blue she asked me 'do you still love me?' and of course i had to tell her the truth so i said 'yes of course i do' which she seemed kinds shocked to hear but i could see in her eyes thast she was pleased that i still had strong feelings for her.

 

Standing there confused as you like, i puzzled over what had just happened and had to ask where the question had come from because i thought the day was all about putting the relationship behind us for the time being. so i asked where that had come from and she said she was just nosey, so in the sapirit of the moment i asked her do you still love me to which she said 'i wouldn't be this upset if i didn't still have feelings' which was like a kick in the nuts and threw everything back up in the air and put us back to where we wer a few weeks ago. deon't get me wrong i would love to have her backl right know this very minute and this unexpected turn is more than welcome if it does give me another chance to provide her with the confidence in me to take the relationship all the way.

 

but i had just managed to start to think it was over and had begun to accept the fact and this has put my progress back and revived all the hopes that we can get back together.

 

Thanks for reading this. write to me if you wish all advice and stuff is always welcome.

Thanks again. much respect to those people who have taken the time to read all this, i have much regard for people who care for others even if they don't know them.

 

you are all stars.

[midori]

If anyone knows how very hard it is to get over a break-up that occurred without explanation, and then had to deal with bizarre mixed signals from the ex in question, it's me.

 

But I reached the point where I was finally able to see that the mixed signals were his problem, not mine. There is no way you can bestow certainty and confidence in another person. There is no way you can resolve their issues, get them to talk/see reason. If they're pushing you out, you can't fight it. You've got to let them muddle through things as best they can. All you can do is ask yourself, "am I getting what I want and need from this?" And if the answer is "no," I STRONGLY suggest that you make that your mantra, rather than focusing on the optimistic hope that someday, maybe someday soon, the confused and confusing person in question will be able to provide you with what you want. If you take that to heart, you'll free yourself up to start looking elsewhere for your happiness.

 

And they'll come back periodically, with their confusing signals. Crying because they still have feelings for you, but refusing to talk about what's going on. Their mind is made up, they're just having a hard time coming to terms with it. And.... ("and what? what do you want me to say? you don't want to be with me but you miss me? that's just weird.") It's their problem. Even if you wanted to take that burden on for them, you can't.

 

I don't know about you, but when I have initiated a break-up I was quite certain that I didn't want to be involved with the person in question. I know my own mind and heart very well. It didn't mean that I disliked the guy I was breaking up with. But there was no doubt in my mind or heart that breaking up was the right thing to do. I never sent mixed messages -- because I wasn't conflicted. That's how mature and emotionally healthy people are.

 

You can take the angst stuff seriously, at face value, and put yourself in indefinite limbo for someone who is not and probably never will be able to give you what you need. Or you can shake your head with regret and shake them off. It's not easy, I know. I still love my ex. But I know that my happiness doesn't lie with him. He's far too messed up to be happy with anyone, let alone me. So when I hear from him -- and I want to hear from him -- I filter out the stuff that says, "please don't abandon me. Let me roam free but stay where you are in case I want to return." He knows I've got a soft spot for him. He knows I'll help him if I can. But (and I don't think he has realized this yet) I don't factor him into my plans for the future. I don't see us getting back together. I'm there for him, but he'll never have me again. I'm no longer in thrall to his angst.

 

So I'm not even advising that you cut these women out of your hearts. That will take time, and it might not happen until you've found someone else to love. But in the meantime, be clearsighted about what's going on. If you think you need to cut off all contact so as not to be vulnerable to their mixed signals, do that. Just be realistic, and don't be tricked by their angst and ambivalence. Just because they haven't grown up yet doesn't mean you have to play along with the games.

[kmana]

Hello all,

 

Its very nice to see people respond to my letter.. I am honored to meet people time to write... Im feeling much better now.. Shes been over 3 times this past week and we have had great times.. I have begun to realize my life... WRiting more, goin to the gym and focusing on my work.. I dress nicer.. Eating again heehee... I do things I enjoy.. But I do say this........ I love her...will always.... I remain in our house because I am dedicated to her.. However, I do not believe she is over with me.. Call me foolish, but if you were here you may understand... Shes having a great time with her best friend.. Im happy for her... Ill be here when shes down having fun, and show her a different kind of fun... I will never ask her back..bring up the past...its over... My goal is to establish a good friendship again.. Then time will either heal me or God will bring her back... I can not hold expectations, but I can be determined... She came over today.... Told me shes coming back home soon and to hang in there, but what she doesnt know is that I am confident with or without her and that we have a lot of catching up to do... Thanks for your advise guys..... Please write more..lets all discuss this... Ill keep you all updated.... By the way.....I have come to the conclusion that the issues arent with me or with her... Its with her bestfriend who has never had a relationship before, she is demanding a lot from Keri...... Thanks guys