My girlfriend is constanly flirting with other men

[Frankasy]

You need to mark your territory, let her know that it certainly isn't cool to flirt with other guys especially in front of you. Just tell her, the chances of her coming to terms with you are 50-50, try to be calm and understanding, if she still wants to flirt, be rough.

[mr.dream merchant]

Obviously you have an attractive girlfriend who gets attention. And chances are, as I'm sure you know, she is a friendly person. This is the way it goes when you date an attractive girl. Personally, I always ignored it. Bottom line is that she is with you. Guys will be guys and try to talk to your g/f. Just remember... you'll always have the last laugh. I'd relax about it.

 

Its not really about him playing it cool Charles. His GF is overly friendly with other males infront of him. Friendly and flirty are two different things and they really shouldn't be mistaken. This post isn't about him flippin out cause some guy tried to get at his GF while he was there and her GF was respectful to him and said no thanks. She's engaging in their courtship right infront of him. That's not okay with him so why are you here telling him to relax? If your chick was on my dick infront of you I'm sure you'd be somewhat upset. Even if she is with the OP she has the possibility to be anybody's girl for the night if they toss her the right wordplay.

[4dviceJunki3]

Wow!

 

This could be a bit annoying my friend.

 

I also understand that you have a lot of feelings for this girl and as some peoples suggestion of dumping her may sound like the right thing to do, I'm sure it seems quite impossible for you because you don't want to.

 

So here's a few tips:

 

First of all, you need to know if you fully trust this women. Is there any specific reason as to why you shouldn't trust her? For instance, has she mistreated or cheated on her ex's?

 

Now, it seems like you have an attractive girl in your hands so expect the flirting from the MEN; however, her constantly flirting back and calling it "harmless fun" is just a cover for the book she's writing. Open it up and read what's inside the book and here's how.

 

The best thing to do is to speak to her about your feelings towards this. Putting out your thoughts on the table in a relationship is very healthy. However, don't become verbally abusive or give the silent treatment to prove your point.

 

Once you've established talking to her, and this behavior from her continues, you can do the following:

 

Next time she's flirting with a guy and you're not quite by her, go up to her, give her a kiss on her lips, interrupting their little "flirt session" and tell her you're going to go to the bathroom and will be back; then just walk away.

 

OR

 

Let her flirt away and you start doing the same. Now it might be hard for you if you're not quite as attractive as she is because let's face it, we live in a society where physical attraction generates the initial spark to converse/flirt with another person. Regardless, don't just stand there like a dummy with a drink in your hand while your GF has more fun with other strangers who have only one intention on their mind, sex.

 

Her letting guys buy her drinks is very misleading because the guy who does buy it is now thinking, "Okay, this is getting somewhere" and actually has hope. Be the tribal leader and step up and take control of your women man. Grab her and go dance if you're at the club. Interrupt your GF and the stranger's conversation and shake his hand and introduce yourself, then throw your arm around her and let them continue their conversation. This will totally throw off the guys game.

 

Trust me, there are many ways to disarm the dude who's trying to get at your girl and you can devalue him in your GF's eyes WITHOUT your GF knowing; all on a subconscious level; you just need to be smart about it and not let it get to you.

[Dexter Morgan]

.......................

[Dexter Morgan]

I'll say it again:

 

It is that validation that they need, the insatiable need for attention and to feel attractive....

 

And that is where the hightened likelihood to cheat comes in to play.

 

Flagrant flirters, in my experience, don't have a great track record of being faithful. the perfect opportunity arose where they think their SO wouldn't find out, you bet they'd go for it.

[confuseddd]

Hey Thanks Dexter...that's a great way to explain the outcome.

 

Those are my sentiments EXACTLY. If you are not interested in cheating, then why act like you are????

 

So, Aaron 12, did you talk to her? Did you flirt outrageously? Been wondering how things are turning out for you.

[You'reasian]

I think some level of flirting with others is healthy, so long as it stays conversational with no physical intentions behind it and does not actively disrespect your partner - meaning that you would not say anything that potentially harms your partner behind her/his back.

 

For me, flirting doesn't go beyond slightly suggestive, witty or playful remarks and is purely conversational and in the moment.

 

Furthermore, the majority of my flirting is done with my girlfriend and rightfully so.

[Trialbyfire]

My girlfriend has a tendency to flirt with every guy she talks to! Whenever we are out she does it in front of me when men approach her.

Am I right in feeling angry or is this just harmless fun ?

It depends to what extent she flirts and how much she respects your boundaries.

 

No,she flirts when they flirt usually. Yeah, she does drink and flirts even more outrageously when drunk.

And she has these guy "friends", and flirts with them as well.

Two red flags. Has problems controlling herself while under the influence and pushes the envelope with male "friends".

 

No,it is not the same girl. I never had the confidence to get her number.

 

Yes, I find gf attractive. I don't think she had any problems as such but says she used to be a loner when she was in school.

Two more red flags. Loners tend to have issues, especially late bloomers.

 

She calls it harmless fun. We are at the same uni. Yes we live separately.

She has only had 1 relationship before.

How old are the two of you? If you're in your early twenties, she should have had more than one relationship, if only short term.

 

she says yes but she won't be thrilled actually imo.

Big red flag! She has issues with you flirting but won't respect your feelings enough to stop flirting.

 

This one's not a keeper!

[You'reasian]

Big red flag! She has issues with you flirting but won't respect your feelings enough to stop flirting.

 

This one's not a keeper!

 

 

I suppose my gf flirts too and a little flirting is okay, so long as guys aren't trying to make out with her and call her for hookups

 

I am very impressed that you are a female and very congruent/equitable/fair about these things, because most women aren't. Kudos to you!

[Trialbyfire]

I suppose my gf flirts too and a little flirting is okay' date=' so long as guys aren't trying to make out with her and call her for hookups [/quote']Yes, a little flirting is fine as long as it's done respectfully with or without your partner.

 

I am very impressed that you are a female and very congruent/equitable/fair about these things, because most women aren't. Kudos to you!

Thanks but realistically-speaking, gender aside, if you can't respect your partner's boundaries, forget having a viable relationship. It's also incredibly rude.

[You'reasian]

Thanks but realistically-speaking, gender aside, if you can't respect your partner's boundaries, forget having a viable relationship. It's also incredibly rude.

 

.....Well put

[Dexter Morgan]

Hey Thanks Dexter...that's a great way to explain the outcome.

 

Those are my sentiments EXACTLY. If you are not interested in cheating, then why act like you are????

 

So, Aaron 12, did you talk to her? Did you flirt outrageously? Been wondering how things are turning out for you.

 

The other thing is I get a little annoyed when people say that flirting is "harmless". I completely disagree.

 

What is flirting? It is basically acting on an attraction to someone. Although not acting in the sense that they are making out or sleeping with the person, but they flirt because they are attracted to that person. And flirting lets them act on that attraction while saying to their significant others, "its just harmless fun".

 

ya right. You know what I told one girl that said it was harmless fun a long time ago? "Buh-bye"

[Dexter Morgan]

I suppose my gf flirts too and a little flirting is okay' date=' so long as guys aren't trying to make out with her and call her for hookups [/quote']

 

Ya well if they do, you can't blame the guy for that. Afterall, she sent out the signals.

[Dexter Morgan]

Yes, a little flirting is fine as long as it's done respectfully with or without your partner.

 

How is it respectful to act on an attraction to someone else by flirting and showing interest? Because thats what flirting is, showing interest in someone to which one is attracted.

[You'reasian]

Ya well if they do, you can't blame the guy for that. Afterall, she sent out the signals.

 

I wouldn't blame the guy for that. I think we are ultimately accountable for our actions and inaction as well

[alphamale]

Am I right in feeling angry or is this just harmless fun ?

personally i think its very disrespectful...but if that is her personality and it really bothers you then a new gf may be in order

[You'reasian]

How is it respectful to act on an attraction to someone else by flirting and showing interest? Because thats what flirting is, showing interest in someone to which one is attracted.

 

Depends on the stability of the relationship and the intensity of the flirting. Obviously if you're in a new relationship, light flirting is ok - so long as its not a slippery slope into some kind of affair. The more stable the relationship, probably more leeway - but still, if it crosses the other person's boundaries then it must be respected.

 

I would expect any normal girlfriend, for instance to feel uncomfortable if I was lightly flirting with a waitress which escalated into some kind of direct sexual reference started by either myself or the waitress and did not stop.

 

I would expect her to feel even more uncomfortable if the waitress or I then tried to exchange phone numbers thereafter.

 

What are my inhibitions? Well, I love my girlfriend, she's the one whom gets 99% of my sexual desires and intentions and I would equally feel uncomfortable in the same situation.

 

When people fail to put themselves in the others shoes in these situations and allow things to cross boundaries, its all about selfishness. Might as well be single in a selfish relationship.

[Dexter Morgan]

Depends on the stability of the relationship and the intensity of the flirting. Obviously if you're in a new relationship' date=' light flirting is ok[/quote']

 

What do you consider "light flirting"?

 

for instance, if a SO of mine was batting her eyes at another guy, standing close to him, putting her hand on his arm or smacking him in that joking way when he says something, is that considered "light flirting"?

 

i consider that sending signals to someone to let the guy know, "I'm attracted to you". Attraction is normal, but if one feels the need to send a vibe when committed with someone else, then they don't need to be in a committed relationship. Doesn't matter whether anything more comes out of it. If my SO is sending signals to another man, then she can go home with him as far as I'm concerned. I don't need to be disrespected like that.

[aaron12]

 

How old are the two of you? If you're in your early twenties, she should have had more than one relationship, if only short term.

 

 

I'm 20, going to be 21 soon. She's also 20.

[aaron12]

Hey Thanks Dexter...that's a great way to explain the outcome.

 

Those are my sentiments EXACTLY. If you are not interested in cheating, then why act like you are????

 

So, Aaron 12, did you talk to her? Did you flirt outrageously? Been wondering how things are turning out for you.

Did I flirt? I don't want to go around playing games like that, so no.

She's toned it down a bit, but I guess it's just a part of her personality.

[Trialbyfire]

How is it respectful to act on an attraction to someone else by flirting and showing interest? Because thats what flirting is, showing interest in someone to which one is attracted.

There are two levels of flirting. Light-hearted flirting and flirting with intent.

 

Having said that, it's up to the couple to state their boundaries about what is acceptable and maintain those boundaries of respectful behaviour. This applies to everything.

 

What always cracks me up is when people start with the "I'm only human and make mistakes", thereby giving themselves a free out to indulge in selfish actions. If you honestly respect and care about your SO, you would ensure that you maintain those boundaries of respectful behaviour.

 

If boundaries or needs conflict between individuals, this is a big red flag for consideration of non-compatibility and non-viability of relationship.

[Dexter Morgan]

There are two levels of flirting. Light-hearted flirting and flirting with intent..

 

Flirting period is a show of interest to someone that which you are attracted. Whether its light or not.

 

You wouldn't flirt with someone you think is butt ugly would you? Of course you wouldn't.

[Dexter Morgan]

She's toned it down a bit, but I guess it's just a part of her personality.

 

 

Trust me, thats part of a personality you won't want to have anything to do with sooner or later.

[You'reasian]

What do you consider "light flirting"?.

 

A few witty exchanges, jokes, smacking him in a joking way, naughty but non-directed jokes - yeah, that's light flirting.

 

for instance, if a SO of mine was batting her eyes at another guy, standing close to him, putting her hand on his arm or smacking him in that joking way when he says something, is that considered "light flirting"?"?.

 

Yes.

 

i consider that sending signals to someone to let the guy know, "I'm attracted to you". Attraction is normal, but if one feels the need to send a vibe when committed with someone else, then they don't need to be in a committed relationship. Doesn't matter whether anything more comes out of it. If my SO is sending signals to another man, then she can go home with him as far as I'm concerned. I don't need to be disrespected like that.

 

If she can seperate herself from that situation and not let it get too slippery, I don't see any problem with it. She has the right to enjoy herself with her male friends, so long as it doesn't cross any of our boundaries.

 

If she's earned my trust and loyalty, I don't see why not. Let her have fun, cut up with her guy friends and joke around

 

If she doesn't have the discipline to know when enough is enough, then she's not meant to be my girlfriend.

[Trialbyfire]

Flirting period is a show of interest to someone that which you are attracted. Whether its light or not.

 

You wouldn't flirt with someone you think is butt ugly would you? Of course you wouldn't.

Dexter, this is your boundary, not everyone else's. This is something YOU need to express to any partner of yours.

 

My flirting boundaries have moved over the years. They were very relaxed previous to being cheated on. After this happened, they became rigid. No flirting. Now that I've moved beyond that episode in my life, I've moved them back to somewhere reasonable, at mid-point.

 

You might find yourself changing too, with time. Maybe, maybe not. It's up to you whether or not you're willing to move past your negative experience.