Has anyone ever done NC and had 1 phone call and then nothing again?

[Weezy]

So here is my Brief story:

 

Was with a Girl 2 years.. I broke it off mid November. Within a couple weeks I realized I'd made a mistake, and should have worked through our problems instead of just calling it quits.

 

So I call her up, and we end up talking.. She tells me she doesn't know if she can give it another go, that she thought we were done and had been trying to move on. I tell her I'm ready to do counsling, that I won't leave again.. That I'll give it my all, etc. She just says she doesn't know, ends the conversation, and we hug and that's it.

 

Then I go NC.. I get a call a few days before xmas, which I missed. She leaves a VM that says she doesn't know why she's calling, that she's been thinking about me alot, and to have a good Xmas.. I decided not to call her back since she didn't ask me to, and wished me a Merry Xmas..

 

So then I get a text on Xmas, super nice.. wishes me a wonderful time with my family.. I responded with a simple... "You too"

 

So now another 12 days or so have gone by, I haven't heard anything, and I'm wondering if I missed my window by not writing her another Txt, or maybe calling her back? Does anyone have a story where they got some unclear contact, didn't respond, and that was it?

[BCCA]

Ok, as the dumper, NC is really only to be used if youre completely done with the relationship, so as not to lead anyone on.

 

As the one who initiated the split, the burden is on you to make things happen if you want another chance. You cant just sit at home and wait for her to call, because she has no idea what to think, and might take you lack of a call back as an indication that you weren't interested in talking.

 

If you want her back, call her and let her know how you feel, and see what it would take to make things right. She may not be interested, which is well within her rights, but shes not going to keep trying to contact you.

[Weezy]

So the fact that I offered to give it another shot and she said she didn't know doesn't really give me a reason to NC if I do want her back?

 

This is breaking down my entire mindset to go and call her so please please help me make the right decision as it will rip my heart out to start over at square one..

[samspade]

So the fact that I offered to give it another shot and she said she didn't know doesn't really give me a reason to NC if I do want her back?

 

I'd say in this case your ex is reticent to rush back in because you were the one who ended it. Her saying "I don't know" means she is not going to just jump back into something with you like a puppy dog. You'll need to finesse it and contact her again, let her know you think you made a mistake and want to try again.

 

To put it in somewhat crass terms, you as the dumper are the one with the "power"; the onus is on you. She may be once bitten, twice shy. Also be warned that she may use this as an opportunity to turn the tables on you. You might not believe her capable of that, but it's something to consider. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

[dead-dyke]

Just my .02 cents, the simple thank you text for her merry Christmas? If I were to receive that, it would come off very, very, cold. Everyone is right, though. It's all you now, brother. You broke it, you should fix it. And finnesse it you will have to do. Good luck to you.

[Weezy]

So how would you suggest I finesse it? Ask her out to dinner, just call to say hi? How's your day going txt message?

[BobrigoSanchez]

Yeah, not responding proper to her holiday text sets you back and moves her closer to being over you because she took that as a solid "I dont want to be with her" from you. Your window to fix things is extremely small at this point. Thank your lucky stars if you aren't too late.

 

Taking her out to dinner is an excellent idea for this situation. Giving her vague hints and small talk, are not. But use caution with begging and beating yourself up and letting her know you ****ed up royally. That makes you look unstable. Give her the good, leave out most of the bad when talking to her. Give her clarification to questions she asks. But most importantly for you, prepare yourself for this being the end. GL.

[Weezy]

Okay, so I need some perspective on how to proceed. I txt her asking if she wanted to do lunch, she said she would love to (good sign?)

 

I feel like I can take 2 roads at lunch

 

1: Just have fun, catch up, keep it light, and see how it goes. and then try and continue to just date her.

 

2: Put some cards on the table and try and see where's she at.. This seems to be the biggest risk, but at least I'll know, not sure how much finess is in this method tho.

[dead-dyke]

Personally, I'd go with #1, for now. Feel her out first. Sloooooowly. The rest should just be natural, since it sounds like she wants to play ball.

[rainbowbrite]

ya she prob thinks shes acten like a psycho ex stalker by calling u/texting you and stuff. and prob feels really dumb, since ur not really contacting her. i dont see what the problem is. just call her and tell her how u feel. i kno u did it before, but no respectable girl would just be like 'cool lets do this again' cuz that looks pathetic, and what makes her think u wont drop her again, fully knowing that shed go back to u. in this case, u should prob beg her, i guarantee thats what shes looking for. and a long apology, and u need to be persistent, and not give up. cuz if u do, it shows her u dont really care. and expect her to be like...umm i dunno.... if she does that, she prob wants u or shed say no. u just need to keep persisting as to show her, u mean business.

[againstallodds]

Sometime I am confused. The rule is the dumper have to initiate contact and make the move but in most cases the dumpers are afraid of rejection too so it's unlikely that the dumper will contact the dumpee. When you're both in love with each other breakup will always be painful on both side and I don't think either will contact the other because of the pain.

[Weezy]

Gotta love the conflicting advice.. One person says play it cool. The other say get on your knees and beg.. haha.. This is funny.. I'm just gonna play it chill and see what becomes of it. You can always spit out more, you can't ever take back what you say.

[Habibti]

Okay, I'm in a similiar situation except I'm on the girls end. Here's what happened..I re acted like her..he reacted like you. The outcome? I just moved on. Why? Because I don't have time for someone who acts like they couldn't give a f*ck if they are in my life or not. Newsflash, we're woman- we're beautiful, and for every 1 guy that doesn't appreciate us or could care less there's ten more dying to be with us. She clearly reached out to you not once but twice and you totally blew her off..same exact thing happened to me, any girl with a head on her shoulders is going to move on in that situation, the ones who stay are just doormats. No one has time to be treated like they are insignifigant.

[letinmotion]

She doesn't know why she's calling because she is more then likely hurt that you havent called and since you haven't called, she probably feels like there is no point in calling you...

 

It's not over. Make a time for you to both meet up and make the encounter brief.

 

Take things slow and allow feelings and emotions to be collected.

 

You haven't lost just yet.

[onemorecupofcoffee]

So here is my Brief story:

 

Was with a Girl 2 years.. I broke it off mid November. Within a couple weeks I realized I'd made a mistake, and should have worked through our problems instead of just calling it quits.

 

So I call her up, and we end up talking.. She tells me she doesn't know if she can give it another go, that she thought we were done and had been trying to move on. I tell her I'm ready to do counsling, that I won't leave again.. That I'll give it my all, etc. She just says she doesn't know, ends the conversation, and we hug and that's it.

 

Then I go NC.. I get a call a few days before xmas, which I missed. She leaves a VM that says she doesn't know why she's calling, that she's been thinking about me alot, and to have a good Xmas.. I decided not to call her back since she didn't ask me to, and wished me a Merry Xmas..

 

So then I get a text on Xmas, super nice.. wishes me a wonderful time with my family.. I responded with a simple... "You too"

 

So now another 12 days or so have gone by, I haven't heard anything, and I'm wondering if I missed my window by not writing her another Txt, or maybe calling her back? Does anyone have a story where they got some unclear contact, didn't respond, and that was it?

 

Make sure that when you say "you won't leave again," you really mean that. And the fact that you're willing to solve your problems instead of calling it quits is a good sign - just know that words are cheap and it's not going to be easy.

 

I'm on the girl's side as well. I was incredibly disappointed when I had worked SO hard to work through our problems (both by staying rational and being accepting/understanding), and he just called it quits. As soon as it was his turn to accept or work through or solve something, he suddenly had doubts and mixed feelings and called it off.

 

It's only been a week, but if I were your girl I would have felt like I was really putting myself out there if I called you and texted you. And your response was definitely less than stellar. This whole period is, I agree, a precarious one - and if you really do want her back, I would definitely recommend playing your cards right and while not groveling, but SHOW her you're serious. Lunch is great, and yes show her a good time, but I think one of the things I would want most out of my ex is, eventually, a conversation about what went wrong, and a REAL plan on how we are going to make this work.

 

There's nothing like bailing out to show how completely unstable and immature you are as a man. On the flip side, there's nothing like confronting your issues and showing, now just now, but over the next few months, years, hopefully decades, that you are there through good AND bad, to prove your maturity and your commitment.

 

I agree with one poster in a different thread who said a relationship should truly be measured on not just the good times enjoyed, but the hard times endured.

[Weezy]

Yeah, I'm major torn now on how to handle this.

 

We finally got our meeting nailed down, we are meeting on Friday.

 

My natural reaction is take it very slow, like a lot of you suggested.

 

However a few women that I've talked to says that if I take it slow, I'm just showing her that I'm going to give her the same treatment I've given her.. And that if I really want her back, I need to leave it all out on the table and let he know I'll never ever leave her again, and that that is what she really wants to hear...

[diskey23]

i would guess you should stay away from any type of ultimatum, like now or never type deal. but tell her you want things to work out & your willing to work at a speed which works best for both of you. I would guess slow would be best. but i personally would not tell her you will never leave her again. 1-you dont know that 2-the ball will already be in her court regardless.

[Sari]

As someone whose ex just begged for another chance (he the dumper, me the dumpee), I would say lay your heart on the line. My ex told me I am the one thing that lit up his day and he was a fool to let me go. That helped to thaw my icy heart somewhat! Don't play it too cool, she will just read it as you are a player and a fickle weirdo, and she'll get the hell outta dodge if she's got any sense. Just tell her it's great to see her, you miss her loads and hope that she'll give you another chance to prove how much she means to you. then just talk about normal stuff. That way you have told her how the land lies without having to resort to begging and pleading, and she won't have to try and guess how you are feeling.

 

Good luck!

[Posco_Proudfoot]

Yeah, I'm major torn now on how to handle this.

 

We finally got our meeting nailed down, we are meeting on Friday.

 

My natural reaction is take it very slow, like a lot of you suggested.

 

However a few women that I've talked to says that if I take it slow, I'm just showing her that I'm going to give her the same treatment I've given her.. And that if I really want her back, I need to leave it all out on the table and let he know I'll never ever leave her again, and that that is what she really wants to hear...

I'm in a similar situation, only it is so slow it is at a crawl. I can't figure what the right thing to do in cases like this. From past experience it is usually postponing the inevitable, but we've both become older now.

[Weezy]

So we got togeather for lunch..

 

Everything was cool. She wore my favorite shirt to lunch, which I thought was a good sign.

 

So the conversation was light.. not awkward really at all.. We spent alot of time snowboarding togeather during our relationship. During the conversation I asked her if she was going to give me a ride up to the mountain sometime.. She said she would.. Then she followed it up with how bout next weekend. So we agreed on that and I just said it was good to see her when I said goodbye. I figured I didn't want to get too deep since we already had plans to hang out for an entire day in a week.

 

What do you guys think?