Regaining someone's trust

[Guest]

In the past, I have lied to my girlfriend. These lies have surfaced and have been talked out, but of course she no longer trusts me. I love her and I am seriously committed to the relationship, and I have never cheated on her or even thought about it. I know that I need to be honest with her and with myself, and I have stopped lying. I regret ever defying her trust, and I am dedicated to earning it back. I have read countless message forum posts from people who have been lied to and want to know how they can trust others again, but I have not seen any post offering advice as to how one can prove that they are trustworthy. So I need your help. How can I prove that I am honest to my girlfriend, and convince her that I am not going to lie again?

 

 

 

Thanks for any help, and I appreciate any advice.

 

Ryan

[Marcella]

I imagine you have probably told her what you wrote in this post; that you love her, are seriously committed to the relationship, no longer lying, etc. I wasn't clear from your post if you two are actually still together, or if she broke up with you because of your lying. If you are still together, this is a good sign. That the frequency and severity of the lies have not been enough to set her running. HOWEVER, you need to be really careful from here forward. You can tell her all you want that you love her and will no longer lie, but actions speak much louder than words. Make sure you are attentive to her, that you are honest with her, that you REALLY do not lie to her anymore. That is really the only way you may be able to convince her that you are serious. And it is totally her call if she allows herself to trust you again. Unfortunately, all the honesty in the world from this point forward will make no difference if she has it in her mind that you are not to be trusted and that is not negotiable. However, I certainly hope that if that is how she feels, that she would make the decision to end the relationship. As difficult as this would be, it would be much easier in the long run than being with someone who can not give and receive fully due to lack of trust.

 

Anyway, good luck to you. I do hope you are able to work it out and that she will learn to trust you again. Just curious, is lying a problem elsewhere in your life, or just with your girlfriend? Counseling can help with chronic lying, if this proves to be a problem in your life. Best of luck!

In the past, I have lied to my girlfriend. These lies have surfaced and have been talked out, but of course she no longer trusts me. I love her and I am seriously committed to the relationship, and I have never cheated on her or even thought about it. I know that I need to be honest with her and with myself, and I have stopped lying. I regret ever defying her trust, and I am dedicated to earning it back. I have read countless message forum posts from people who have been lied to and want to know how they can trust others again, but I have not seen any post offering advice as to how one can prove that they are trustworthy. So I need your help. How can I prove that I am honest to my girlfriend, and convince her that I am not going to lie again? Thanks for any help, and I appreciate any advice.

[Leeza]

My boyfriend has lied to me, but never cheated, so you and him are in the same boat. The number one reason I broke up with him last nite was because I'm sick of his lies. Why do you lie? He lies to me about watching pornos and quitting smoking and I can only take so much. If he lies about watching pornos, what else is he capable of lying about? Hon, don't lie. Lying is addicting and chances are, you'll do it again. Trust is like a snowflake. It's unique upon the individual, but once it's gone there will never be another like it. So, even if she does say she trusts you again, she will always question in her mind, "What if?" Learn a lesson and don't lie to your next love, kay???

I imagine you have probably told her what you wrote in this post; that you love her, are seriously committed to the relationship, no longer lying, etc. I wasn't clear from your post if you two are actually still together, or if she broke up with you because of your lying. If you are still together, this is a good sign. That the frequency and severity of the lies have not been enough to set her running. HOWEVER, you need to be really careful from here forward. You can tell her all you want that you love her and will no longer lie, but actions speak much louder than words. Make sure you are attentive to her, that you are honest with her, that you REALLY do not lie to her anymore. That is really the only way you may be able to convince her that you are serious. And it is totally her call if she allows herself to trust you again. Unfortunately, all the honesty in the world from this point forward will make no difference if she has it in her mind that you are not to be trusted and that is not negotiable. However, I certainly hope that if that is how she feels, that she would make the decision to end the relationship. As difficult as this would be, it would be much easier in the long run than being with someone who can not give and receive fully due to lack of trust. Anyway, good luck to you. I do hope you are able to work it out and that she will learn to trust you again. Just curious, is lying a problem elsewhere in your life, or just with your girlfriend? Counseling can help with chronic lying, if this proves to be a problem in your life. Best of luck!