Jump to content

when is it decent to phone?


subtitled

Recommended Posts

ayn rand lunchpails are funny: disturbingly cheesy

 

this is hilarious. Who would carry them? People named Roarke?

 

Man, I hated that book!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

thought you might find the amusement in this...

 

i rang him. his mum answered. he wasnt home !

 

after all that - so now the ball is in his court to ring me because i left my number :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

well Clia, you could very well be right about his unclear intentions. :(

 

here's the timeline:

 

He gave me his number on Friday.

 

I called him on Tuesday. He wasn't home, his mum answered, took down my name/number said he wouldn't be in til late and could he ring me then or maybe the next day? and i said, he could ring me late if he wanted but that i wouldnt be in the next day.

 

It is now Saturday - haven't heard from him. There's a million possibilities as to why - he works two jobs, gets home late, maybe his mum forgot to tell him, maybe he's too scared, maybe he's waiting, maybe.... etc.

 

it's torture, all this waiting...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, there are a million possibilities as to why he hasn't called.

 

Let me just say this: and please, please don't take this the wrong way. I only say what I say on this site because of past experiences that I have been through and things I've learned along the way. I truly always have the best intentions when I give advice on here, and want to prevent women from making the same mistakes I did (and continue to make from time to time! LOL.)

 

I have been exactly where you are. And I've learned that if a guy really *really* wants to talk to you, come hell or high water and no matter how busy he is, he will find the time. I once dated a bigtime attorney who was in the midst of a huge trial, and he ran out of a restaurant at a dinner with the client so that he could call me. Even the busiest men have time to call when they really want to.

 

Now, I'm not saying you will never hear from him. I actually think you will. The ultimate question is when. Right now you really want to think of every excuse in the book as to why he hasn't called. You want to believe that he has a good reason for not calling. Maybe he does. Maybe he's in the hospital! Maybe something devastating happened to one of his friends. Anything. The truth is, the odds of these things happening are very slight. The "why" he hasn't called doesn't matter. All that matters is that he hasn't.

 

So...what to do? I know the waiting is killer. The best thing you can do right now is to move on as if he doesn't exist. Go out and try to meet other guys, date other guys...and when you hear from him, you hear from him. The ball is totally in his court at this point. He may truly be really shy--but you did take the risk of calling, so he at least owes you a callback, no matter what his level of shyness. There is no pressure on him right now. He knows you want to talk to him! So don't start thinking you should open the door a little more, or give him more encouragement. You've given him the encouragement. What he does with it is up to him.

 

So...do your best to put him out of your mind, and just move on. And if you hear from him, great! And if not, well...you've moved on anyway.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well,

 

Can't say that I would agree that the "why" he hasn't called is unimportant.

 

Nonetheless, the ball is firmly in [color=red]his[/color] court. I agree with Clia. ;)

 

Ya know what Subtitled...I am upset that he is wasting an opportunity with such a fine young lady.

 

If I were near him, I'd slap his a$$ up the side of the head for the inaction.

 

Jeesh....guys like this give me the hives!!! LMAO

 

Curt

Link to post
Share on other sites

The thing is, you have no way of knowing if he ever even got your message. In buisness, you don't just wait for someone to return your call. You call them again because your message may be lost. The same rules apply in social intercourse. It would be a huge shame if you missed out on a good guy because a piece of paper got lost. Call again and don't leave a message. Tell them you'll call back later and find out when he's supposed to be home. When you talk to him, ask if he got your message. If he did and didn't want to call you back, no harm done. He's not going out with you either way so big deal. If he didn't get the message and was wondering why you didn't call, he'll be glad to hear from you.

 

There are a zillion reasons why a person doesn't get a message - just because his mother took the message doesn't mean she didn't write down the number wrong, for instance. Give it one more shot.

 

Curt and Clia - what are you thinking? I'm the world's worst person at losing slips of paper and I'm not the only human to do that. She's called him a whole once in her life, I think twice isn't really going overboard, especially since their timing was all wrong that time anyway.

 

This is what I mean by games. It's no big deal to check if a person got your message. If they gave you their number and didn't mean you to call them, they deserve a little bother anyway. It's not as if she's putting on a wedding dress and marching over to his house - it's just a call!!!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

so is this a call or no call?

 

i could make a deadline, like.. if he hasn't called by monday, i call.

 

or i could just leave it entirely.

 

or i could call right now ;).. (dont worry.. its not going to happen)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I would think his mother would make a point to give him a message if a girl called.

 

It's up subtitled at this point. Me? I wouldn't call again. I'd at least give him two or three weeks to call. Maybe at that point if I hadn't heard again, I might lob another one in, but it's doubtful. It's all up to subtitled.

 

That's why this forum is so great...we all have different opinions, and subtitled can decide which one she agrees with...

Link to post
Share on other sites
I would think his mother would make a point to give him a message if a girl called

 

That in itself is a huge assumption. There are mothers who are flakes and mothers with dyslexia who copy numbers down wrong and mothers who are right nuts and don't want their little boys being taken by some slut.

 

See, this is what I mean. It's not just one person calling another; it's A MAN calling A WOMAN and everybody FREAKS OUT! Just call him. He's a human being, not some sort of godlike idol that you have to fear. If it were a girlfriend, would you be tying yourself up in knots? Of course not. This is why the whole dating thing is stupid to me. In the end, the best relationship is one in which the people are each other's friends so why not cut the garbage out and start off that way? I don't treat men differently from women. They are, after all, people!!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I can understand both positions. It could have been a case of the lost piece of paper, but, somehow I am wondering about that being a real possibility.

 

I have a feeling that any mom would remember to tell her son about a call from a young woman. Especially if he's the shy-ish type that he originally appears he may have been a while ago. I know my mother would have made it a point to remember such a thing. ;)

 

Nonetheless, being the hopeless and hapless romantic that I am, I am going to say "Damn the torpedoes...full steam ahead!!" Afterall, I can't really feel good about her bailing on the possibilities now...given that I was one of the first people on here (if not the very first one) to suggest she get talking to the guy in the first place. :cool:

 

Sorry for bailing there, subtitled!!! My only fear is that he may not be giving you the attention and action that you so richly deserve.

 

Call the guy, and do what moimeme said.

 

I sure hope it was a lost piece of paper...cuz if not, it may give the impression that you might be overly willing to get his attention, and we know how awful a turn-off that can be!! :rolleyes:

 

OH dear...I just wish two people could meet each other truly half way.

 

All I can say is if a young woman I really liked gave me her number in those circumstances, I would have had it laminated, and have duplicate copies all over my 'puter :D

 

Call maybe tomorrow, or monday. My thought is that, at least by calling tomorrow, if he really wanted to hear from you and the message never got through, you guys might be able to salvage the weekend together.

 

What do you think Moimeme?

 

:)

 

Curt

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think that'd be the way to go. But she shouldn't leave a message this time. She should try to be sure she reaches him when he's home. Damn the torpedoes is right - but again, it's two calls over the course of a week, for pete's sake. Not exactly a case for stalking :laugh::bunny:

 

 

OH dear...I just wish two people could meet each other truly half way.

 

I think I agree with you completely. It's the only way, really. The rest of this junk should be abolished by grade 10.

Link to post
Share on other sites
OH dear...I just wish two people could meet each other truly half way.

 

They can and do when both are interested. The problem is determining when the other is interested. I'm not a fan of making a fool of myself and chasing after a guy who is giving me signals that he is not interested. (i.e. by not calling me back.) True, in this situation, his mother may have failed to give him the message. But I really don't believe that. If a little sister or brother had answered the phone, I would be more inclined to believe it.

 

I think if subtitled is going to give it another shot, she should wait a couple/few weeks. But that's just my opinion! I still think the ball is in his court...and frankly, even if his mother didn't give him the message, SHE GAVE HIM HER NUMBER! He knows how to reach her! So...I'd lay low and date others...

Link to post
Share on other sites
SHE GAVE HIM HER NUMBER

 

Some people are not good at hanging on to paper stuff. Take it from a shining example of same. You see, you feel that calling to see if a person got your message is 'making a fool of yourself'. I don't. To me, it's a normal way to manage one's communications. Calling twice during the course of a week is certainly nothing I'd think someone a fool for, particularly since she didn't get to talk to him at all the first time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

thankyou for all the thought being put into this.. the actual nature of this discussion is like the one going on in my head 24/7 "call him... no dont... call him.. no dont" :p

 

any other guy, and i would say, he hasn't called... there's no chance, but with him, i just felt something from the first time i spoke to him (as corny as it sounds.. ) and just from his demeanour and the way he went about giving me his number, i believe that he is actually interested. He's naturally shy, yet was so into it when i gave him my number on the piece of paper and he was like "Soph! cool.. i'll see you soon!" . Although, i must say he reacted strangely when i said would he like my number too (after giving me his). He sort of looked unsure, or like it was a superfluous action of mine or something.

 

I never believe people are interested in me. It must mean something that i do this time.

 

Him not returning my call could mean so many things that i'm inclined to just call him tomorrow and see how it goes. If its humiliating, its not like i ever have to see him again in person... it'd just be personal shame.

 

Maybe, he's just as confused as me, and thought to himself that he would make his own deadline and if i really liked him, i'd try calling again... because i guess, he put himself on the line giving me his number. I haven't really put myself on the line yet, apart from giving him the mix cd...

 

anyway. tomorrow it is...!

Link to post
Share on other sites

You go girl! :)

 

Him not returning my call could mean so many things that i'm inclined to just call him tomorrow and see how it goes. If its humiliating, its not like i ever have to see him again in person... it'd just be personal shame.

 

Nothing to be ashamed of. It's just a phone call! :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah, go ahead and call him if you think it's the right thing to do. You're obviously the only one posting on this thread who knows what signals you got and what his story is. I'm just trying to give you some food for thought...

Link to post
Share on other sites
Maybe, he's just as confused as me, and thought to himself that he would make his own deadline and if i really liked him, i'd try calling again... because i guess, he put himself on the line giving me his number. I haven't really put myself on the line yet, apart from giving him the mix cd...

 

anyway. tomorrow it is...!

 

Well, I guess you did call him, and whether or not the message made it through, that was putting yourself out there for him. Nonetheless, what you said speaks to me...THAT feeling and spirit of "reciprocity in 'risk-taking' ", really should exist in all heartfelt relationships.

 

I know the warm "feeling" you spoke of very well, also. That's the way Karen came across to me. OH my...it truly is a hard feeling to dismiss, isn't it?

 

That also makes me worry for ya hunn...I just hope you don't get hurt if he's not interested. Please promise to just take it as "something you needed to see through, win or lose" Don't take any rejection (should it happen) to heart.

 

I am moved.

 

Keep us informed.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

... i called back, no one picked up, so i hung up. About 2 seconds later i get a call back, it's his mum returning the call because she just walked in and the phone was ringing.

 

I said it was me, wondering if alan was around but guessed he wouldn't be and she said he'd gone to Perth for the week (a state of Australia ages away from where i live). I asked when he would be back and she said next Sunday really late at night.

 

So.. i said to her that i was the same sophie that rang on tuesday and did he get the message that i rang and she said she left him a message, and that if she spoke to him this week she'd tell him i rang.

 

phew. well... he mightn't have rung me because a) he was insanely busy (working two jobs + preparing to go away) or b) didnt see the message or c) some other reason

 

but i feel a bit better now that i know. Although, i wish i could've spoken to him before he went :( .... i guess now i'll just wait for him to call me when he gets back? (or should i ring that following week??? oh no! not more of this! lol)

Link to post
Share on other sites

if i were you, i wouldn't call him anymore. although, his mother isn't necessarily reliable for transferring messages.

 

is there any way you can email him?? that's best, b/c only he get can it, and only when he has the time to get it - those are the two reasons i prefer email to phone...

 

good luck,

-yes

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

nope, don't have his email. I don't know if he uses the internet...

 

it'll be ok. i'll just see what happens. it's a week away anyway, so no big drama.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...