How do women feel about Porn: Im not sure if I can delete it, am I addicted

[powerstorm]

I watch a video at least once a day, I have over 60Gb on my machine, (+dvd + video) I was exposed to porn by my mother at the age of 13 (my mother explaining sex) thats 18 years ago and I have always enjoyed it. I have been with my Gf for just over 5 years and she has never told me to get rid of it.

 

She does get upset when I wank, and only today said she watched some of it on my machine and she feels this is what I want from her.

 

She definately has sexual anxiety do you think it is from my porn collection.

 

Do you think by watching porn it effects our relationship.

 

Im not sure if I can delete it, am I addicted and is it unhealthy

[MarieW]

Hi Vimple,

 

I don't know if you're addicted but I wonder why you are using porn so much when you have a girlfriend who you can have REAL sex with.

My boyfriend likes looking at pictures of women, just like any man but he doesn't use porn because he says he gets all he needs from me.

I'm not against porn and it has it's purpose but personally I don't know why a guy would need it so much if he has a sexually responsive partner.

Some women look at porn with their guys and enjoy it. I'm presuming your girlfriend can't do this? I certainly couldn't. But it's one option you may have.

Yes I would say her sexual anxiety is from your porn. The women you look at are usually silicone enhanced, airbrushed with good camera lighting etc but they aren't REAL and could never look as good in real life. Your girlfriend IS real and I guess from her point of view she is feeling second best. Why is he looking at THAT when he could have REAL sex with me, kind of thing. She probably thinks you find these images more attractive than her.

Masturbation is normal and so is porn to a degree but you are asking yourself if you are addicted so perhaps it IS too much. Ask yourself why you need it? Is your relationship unhappy or boring? Does your gf not enjoy sex?

Ask yourself these questions and talk to your gf. If your porn habit is causing relationship problems you may have to become single...unless you can give it up.

As I said, some couples watch it together and that's great because everyone is happy but not all men or women are willing to do that. Porn can be VERY destructive for a relationship, it's excessive use by just one person indicates unhappiness/dissatisfaction with their partner.

[Biker Girl]

I think that most women sometimes feel that their partners would like them to act

like what they see in porn films. The mostly perfect bodies of the women in the films

also makes women feel inferior. Women have a hard time trying to love their bodies, and we feel like this image is what you expect. If this is what you want to watch, and get off on, what are you doing with me?

 

Personally, I watch porn with my husband. I acquire the films, because they are a little on the softer side.......he likes the choices because the whole film isn't shot with a zoom lense, and so do I. Maybe your gf could pick the film.

 

If you repeatedly compliment her finer points, and never compare her to the starlets on screen, reassure her constantly that you want and desire HER and that the starlets are just a little entertainment..........you two could be watching them together......and enjoying them.

[nillakim]

To me, the old phrase comes to mind..."If you have to ask..." You see, for you to even ask about this means that you are pretty damn sure that it is bothering your girlfriend.

 

I totally agree that it messes with the woman's head. There are very few of us out there who can hold a candle to the figures that the porn starlets have. Of course, not very many of them are actually attractive from the neck up - but what guy is looking at that?

 

Speaking for myself personally, I find that it has caused me considerable pain when I find that my guy has been looking at all sorts of pictures and the like on the internet. I am not overweight and have all the same equipment as other women - but I have reduced to tears countless times knowing that he "feels the need" to look at other women, and yes, even teens.

 

As I am 45, there is no way that I can compare to some 14 year old with perky tits or even a 28 year old vixen. I know that he loves me and we have an incredible sex life - but I cannot overstate how much this compulsion has hurt me.

 

Just some more food for thought...

[jenny]

i understand what everyone is saying...

 

but there must be better ways for women to gain self-esteem that do not include such intrusive censorship.

[moimeme]

I totally agree that it messes with the woman's head

 

Not every woman's.

[nillakim]

Well - if porn is that much a part of your life and you can't imagine being without it...then take a cue from moimeme and make the switch to a woman who is into porn...apparently they are out there

[jenny]

no, it's not a question of being *into* porn, necessarily. although i see no problem with that. but there are women who view it objectively, and there are women who would never invade their's partner's privacy.

 

i'm not saying you are wrong to be hurt by it. but your insecurities are *your* problem, and sometimes focusing on porn as the problem dramatizes intimacy problems to the point where they are unfixable. (credit to 2sides on this p.o.v)

 

cheers, j

[nillakim]

All right - I am thoroughly intrigued by the comment that it is "my" problem to be upset with the porn - but it's not a problem to be addicted to porn...

[jenny]

Originally posted by nillakim

All right - I am thoroughly intrigued by the comment that it is "my" problem to be upset with the porn - but it's not a problem to be addicted to porn...

 

i would actually like to discuss this with someone who cares about the topic. but let us not misquote one another, agreed?

 

so yes, i believe every woman must ultimately take care of her own insecurities. every man as well, of course. you can not control what happens in anyone else's mind, but you change your own thought processes.

 

and i said i did not see a problem with a woman being *into* porn - the asterisks did not indicate an addiction.

 

i think the label addiction is being applied to this problem without rigour or critical thought. i believe it can and does exist, but like any addiction it should be properly diagnosed. it is understandably easy to blame the problems in a relationship on a man who looks at porn, and label him, as that relieves the woman of any responsibility.

[lady_vampiress2003]

Pornography is as addictive as alcohol, drugs and nicotine. It causes actual changes to brain chemicals in the same way that cocaine does. It will not stop by itself. Just like addictive substances, you will need more and harder porn to keep the brain chemicals at the same level. what u need to do for one is get help because porn addiction is a very unhealthy for a marriage/relationship cos it limits and even stops all together intimacy, closeness, sex on a regular basis, lies and many more unwanted problems.2)see a councillor/therapist together and separatly to get the help he desperatly needs. 3)go to a church if ur a christian and start attending sermons/church atleast once a week this will help to bring god in ur life and help in getting rid of any spritual issues u have with this porn addiction cos it usually is spritual as well as physical. 4)spend intimate time together just the two of u with out the kids. Whever its going out to a party, restaurant, making a romantic gesture such as make a dinner/bath bath together for u both under candle light, these are good romantic getures, going out, open communication and haveing fun together are very important in order to keep ur relationship healthy and stable otherwise u wont have that closeness, intimacy and attention to ur needs which u are obviously lacking. here are some sites I looked up which may help u and to help ur wife get pass this addiction:

http://www.firesofdarkness.com/index.htm

http://www.firesofdarkness.com/This...of_the_Wall.htm

http://www.firesofdarkness.com/Prayer.htm

http://www.firesofdarkness.com/DearHearts2.htm

http://www.no-porn.com/breaking.html

http://www.sexualintegrity.org/addiction/

http://www.pureintimacy.org/online1/

[lady_vampiress2003]

oh yeah i forgot to write in DELETE IT!

 

and instead take up ur boredem in playing games either on ur pc or on consoles like ps2, x box, or game cube. these help take up ur time when ur bored and at home and therefore tempted to look at porn. Also sites like http://www.newgrounds.com are also good to take up ur time when bored. if u want that energy u need to make good loving with ur wife and satisfy her so she doesnt start to stray and find someone else to satisfy her needs cos ur not doing ur job (which is what many women do without there husbands/bfs knowing), id advice that u get rid of the porn and make love to ur wife every other night and stop wanking to porn! and do other things to take up ur time and start doing things with who whever its going out to resturants, clubbing/raving, or spending a night in having a romantic bath/dinner.

u need to take care of ur wifes sexual needs and become more intimate with her, rather then spending time looking at porn, so ur marriage dont go into i want a dovorce or im seeing someone else zone.