Kir13ear Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Hey everyone. This is my first time posting on the forums. My name is Kirsten, and I'm only nineteen years old. Everyone says that that's too young to truly know anything about love, about relationships, but I just don't buy it. I met my boyfriend through an online video game. World of Warcraft, anyone? Hee. We added each other to MSN and just started talking. And it wasn't casual, either -- we would talk for hours upon hours until the wee hours in the morning. We never mentioned that we were attracted to the other person; we were just really close friends. My home life was hectic, as was his, so during the summer (August, 2008) we decided to go on a little vacation together. I live in Toronto, Ontario, and he lives in Ohio. It's only a six hour drive between the two of us. We spent a week together, visited Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio and then him and his friend James came up to Toronto to spend a few days. Needless to say, we hit it off. All of the conversations that we had had online built up to knowing practically everything about each other, and when we met in person, the attraction took hold and we've been together ever since. I just saw him again over the Christmas holidays; I spent a week down in Ohio with him. It was truly one of the best weeks I've ever had in my life, and now that I'm back home I miss him constantly. Neither him nor I have a lot of money. I'm in college with a thirteen thousand dollar student loan and a credit card that's maxed out. He's 21, and although he's got a half-decent job, all of his money is going to paying off his bills. I just want to be with him. I can't think straight without him nearby. Immigration scares me. It's an expensive and long procedure, and the only way for me to be able to move to the USA without too much grief is through marriage. At the age of nineteen, though, and having only been dating for five months, I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to tie the knot. I have to get my bills paid off, save up money, and then be sure that him and I can last through whatever the future throws at us. I'm so afraid. I need help. I need advice. I need someone to listen to me. Anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 You should be able to get an initial consultation with a good immigration attorney for free...or you could just pay for it...not more than an hour. The attorney could answer all of your questions and give you many alternatives. I personally think there are some fairly simple ways of you coming to the US for periods of time without getting married immediately. Talk to an immigration attorney or call the non-profit legal center in your area if you can't get advice elsewhere. Please don't get married right now. Yeah, you are really goo goo over this guy now but let's see how it looks in a couple of years. Getting along with video games online and a week or two here and there is a LOT different than being married. If you think immigration is rough...go through a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Hey there! Me and my LDR also met through Warcraft! What server? Alliance or Horde? I know EXACTLY what you are going through. We are not from different countries, but almost might as well be. I'm in New Jersey, he's in Alabama. We are also both going through divorces, we also each have a child with our soon-to-be ex's. We also spend HOURS every night, playing the game but really just to spend time together. If it weren't for the distance, we'd already be moved in together, but I am finding that the distance DOES help let us keep our heads on straight. We are just moving out of the "OMG EVERYTHING IS AWESOME AND SQUEE!!!" phase into the "Ok, I love you to death and I can't live without you, so what steps do we need to take to make that a reality?" We've taken stock of our situation and the very soonest we could possibly be together on a permanent basis is about 8 months from now. This will mean we will have been together over a year, and will have taken at least 2 or 3 more trips to see each other. It also gives us time to settle into the new phase of our relationship and work on any issues that might come up. Since the relationship is newer, try to look at it in those terms... I know how you feel about wanting to be with him all the time and I totally understand considering marriage to get it done, but you sound like you have a nice balance of logic, which is taking into consideration the barriers you have (debts, immigration, etc). They are very real blockades, and if you look at them as the universe's way of saying "ok, you want to be together? You think you're meant for each other? Let's see how you handle this then...", you may be able to work through them easier. I can easily over-think things, and tend to be hyper-aware of any red flags - how we approach disagreements, what we prefer regarding child-rearing and visitations, our core beliefs, interests, etc. Keep up on the conversations, and try to set aside time to see each other, even if it's for a weekend trip rather than a full week. You're really lucky that you two are within driving distance - my plane fares are killing me right now (come on frequent flyer milage! gimme free flight!). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kir13ear Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 Yeah, we're not planning on getting married any time too soon in the immediate future. It's just something that both him and I are open to the concept of. Part of talking to him so much is a good thing, because we're not afraid to talk about our future and where we see ourselves going. We met on Feathermoon. I'm Horde, he's Alliance. Go figure! What server are you on? Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Immigration scares me. It's an expensive and long procedure, and the only way for me to be able to move to the USA without too much grief is through marriage. At the age of nineteen, though, and having only been dating for five months, I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to tie the knot. I have to get my bills paid off, save up money, and then be sure that him and I can last through whatever the future throws at us. I'm so afraid. I need help. I need advice. I need someone to listen to me. Anyone? Kir13ear, Since you're a student, have you considered the possibility of studying abroad in the U.S. (preferably in Ohio?) If you can't afford to transfer/enroll full-time, a number of colleges/universities run shorter "study abroad" programs for a few weeks or during the summer months. True, you'd would have to devote time to your studies while in the States and cannot work, but on the other hand, you'd be a lot closer geographically to your friend than you are now. Check with your university academic advisor or Study Abroad Office to see what may be available and relevant to your course of study, or try having a look here. Another option you might want to consider is that Canadian citizens can visit the U.S. without a special visa for six months at a time. What about planning an extended visit to see your friend during the summer when you probably will have a break in your studies? Might be worth considering, if you would feel comfortable staying with him, or perhaps one of his friends. At this point in your relationship, what you need is a way to be able to spend more time with each other. Either of the above options would enable you to do that, without jumping head-long into a legal union that you have every right to think is a bit premature right now. Regardless, best of luck, and welcome to LS TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
Mag-Lone-Freak Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I'm there too! It sucks doesn't it? View my vids, he's in the last one...I'm so frustrated with finding someone in the states and not HERE! Honestly, I think I've been taken for granted by him cause he doesn't want to do the long distance relationship thing and partially neither do I...I don't make a lot of money...We txt each other every now and then, but because he appears to still be in a relationship with someone else now, he doesn't txt that often...I just regret meeting him and never want to hunt online again cause I'll find a bunch of winners in the states, but not here....My advice to you is to just keep in touch with him for now and appreciate being somewhat involved... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kir13ear Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 I'm going to a private college, actually. A little organization known as Herzing College. There's no study abroad programs, although there are locations in the U.S. As far as the extended visit is concerned, my summer vacation is only two weeks long. I already plan on spending it down in Ohio with him. It's just the waiting in between now and then, wondering how often we'll be able to see each other prior to the summer. And honestly, I can't imagine myself NOT in a relationship with him. We are both completely comitted to the other, we want the same things in the end, and we're willing to work together to get there someday. I'm just scared. Mortified, really. My heart has chosen to love someone that I can't see every day, that I can't hold in my arms every night... It hurts knowing that I've found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and yet I'm forced to wait... Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I'm going to a private college, actually. A little organization known as Herzing College. There's no study abroad programs, although there are locations in the U.S. IIRC, one of the U.S. locations is in Toledo (Ohio). Does your friend live anywhere close to there by chance? Have you checked to see whether you could do part of your coursework there and have it count toward your degree requirements back home? As far as the extended visit is concerned, my summer vacation is only two weeks long. Well, that's a bummer! I already plan on spending it down in Ohio with him. It's just the waiting in between now and then, wondering how often we'll be able to see each other prior to the summer. By chance to you get any time off for a Spring Break? Maybe that would be an opportunity for you to get in a quick visit which would break up the time between now and summer... And honestly, I can't imagine myself NOT in a relationship with him. We are both completely comitted to the other, we want the same things in the end, and we're willing to work together to get there someday. If both of you have that attitude, you'll get there in the end. As you say, the problem is all the waiting/yearning/frustration in the middle... I'm just scared. Mortified, really. My heart has chosen to love someone that I can't see every day, that I can't hold in my arms every night... It hurts knowing that I've found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and yet I'm forced to wait... Yep. That's what happens when you decide to get into a LDR. But, as long as the two of you keep communicating regularly, are honest and committed to each other, and work toward mutually agreed upon goals, you'll be fine. As another poster said, just be thankful you're only dealing with a six-hour drive instead of trying to maintain a relationship with another half-way around the world and several time zones away. Compared to those kinds of obstacles, your challenges aren't that unsurmountable at all. In the meantime, do everything you can to "keep connecting." Get yourselves webcams so you can see each other when you talk. Get a good long-distance phone plan so it's possible to talk cheaply. Send each other text messages and photos. I know they're not the same thing as being there, but every little bit helps "keep it real" until you can be together again... All the best, TMichaels Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Hey Kirsten Just out of curiousity, how did you even GET to know him when Alliance and Horde don't even speak the same language? I had my first relationship with a guy I met through a video game when I was 19 too! We had such high hopes for it back then... too bad it didn't work out.. I just wanna say... don't marry yet! I know, it seems like you've no other choice... I was having thoughts of marrying my last bf after graduation (1.5 years from now) as well, since there really seemed no other way of getting into his country for the long term. However, fortunately, certain events made me realize we weren't really meant for each other. That taught me to wait, WAIT til I'm sure the next time... even if there seems to be no other way of getting together. Immigration's a *****, indeed. I still don't know any ways of getting to another country if you can't find work or afford to study there yet, and I really hope I manage to find them to allow my current relationship to work out. But I'm not considering marriage as one of my answer options this time. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
KikiW Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Yeah, we're not planning on getting married any time too soon in the immediate future. It's just something that both him and I are open to the concept of. Part of talking to him so much is a good thing, because we're not afraid to talk about our future and where we see ourselves going. We met on Feathermoon. I'm Horde, he's Alliance. Go figure! What server are you on? Dragonblight, both Alliance. Met in the same guild. And yeah, I know exactly how easy it is to talk about all that stuff. It all just seems to fall into place sometimes Link to post Share on other sites
Holding-On Posted January 21, 2009 Share Posted January 21, 2009 :love:Total T/J here but... how do you meet an enemy player and hit it off??? How did you manage to get the information to each other to even get to MSN? Really I was Horde and sometimes I would work with an alliance player to kill something but.... never talked to them. Of course I stopped playing almost a year ago so maybe there are changes I don't know about? good luck in your LDR. I married an American too. I crossed the border, married him and filed a change of status request form (from visitor to alien resident). This was pre-9-11 though. Link to post Share on other sites
Dangeh Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I am in the exact situation as you, the women I am in love with is in Ohio and I am in Mississauga. This is our 3rd year of doing the long distance thing and it is starting to get to her. We almost broke up..I am driving there tomorrow ( jan 22nd ) to see if we can make things right again. It is very tough, and I don't have a whole lot of advice for you as I am just as confused as you. I am in the same situation, to many bills to up and move or I would. All I can tell you is do your best to keep your chin up, be cheery on the phone and look forward to when you can meet. It is very tough on the heart and if you do go through the motions of moving there you have to be married within 90 days of arriving and you cannot come back to Canada till you get your green card. Going through an immigration laywer is the best way but it is about $2500 american. I make the trip to Ohio 2 times a month to see her, but I am starting to feel she wants more.. sometimes love just is not enough when you only get the campanionship a few times a month. Hang in there if you can. Feel free to chat with me too if it makes you feel better and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I met my ex over WoW too! I'm Canadian and hes American. I have dual-citizenship, so immigration wasn't an issue - but college was, I wanted to complete my degree here. We dated 2.5yrs, it went okay, but in the end distance eroded both our hearts, and we became more and more distant emotionally, until we found very little we could enjoy together. Something to consider: Studying abroad! Or student internships in the summer! Both those options allow you temporary stay with your man, giving you a chance to see if immigration is really right for you. Putting it all on the line for anyone, no matter how much you love them, is huge. Its nice to ease into it! Link to post Share on other sites
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