Aquamarisa Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 So my boyfriend and I went to a party on New Years at the home of a good friend of mine. We were staying over so at about 1 or so, I went to sleep, but for some reason my boyfriend didn't (it wasn't shady or anything, I just don't remember why). Anyway, when I woke up, he was next to me, and we went home and everything seemed fine. A couple of days later, my friend who had the party calls me and tells me he saw this girl (I know who she is but we aren't friends) and my boyfriend making out after I went to bed on New Years. THEN, directly after he tells me this, he goes on about how I don't deserve this and how I am so great and how he would really like to go out with me when I am ready. I was livid about my boyfriend and pretty pissed at my friend too (since he picked a pretty bad time to spill the beans) but I calmed down and said you know what, I will wait and give him a couple of days to tell me. So long story short, he told me two days after my friend told me, but his story was different. He says that they were talking and she told him some sad story about her life and that she was hugging him after it was over and kissed him. He says he told her that he had a girlfriend and that he thought she knew that since we were there together. Even though I trust my friend, I am inclined to believe my bf because as far as I know, in more than two years, he hasn't lied to me and he did come to me about it. It's just bugging me that he didn't tell me right away and the situation just seems weird to me. I feel like its obvious when someone is going to kiss you. I'm just not sure what to think. I have no evidence of this but I kind of think my friend's feelings for me may have motivated him to exaggerate what happened and call it "making out." I just want to know what happened. I feel like the only way I will really know is if I ask this chick, who I do not know. Can I do that without being a complete psycho? If I didn't have this information from my friend, it wouldn't be a big deal to me. The way it is though, I feel like I am being duped. I love my boyfriend, but if he isn't being honest now, after I have directly asked him whether he kissed her back, I won't be with him. Is he trying to spare my feelings? Should I just let it go? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Your BF may be lying, but in my opinion, your view of the scenario is pretty accurate. you 'friend' was stirring trouble, and gossiping to get you to leave your BF which is pretty low. Ask your BF why he didn't tell you sooner. Chances are he didn't want to upset you or offend you. The fact that he told you - unprompted, it seems - and came clean at all, is a good thing. I'd let it go, in all honesty. Show your man some loving and thank him for being honest with you. You could be 'honest' back, and tell him about this guy who contacted you.... see his reaction to that! Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Honestly, a similar thing happened to me, but from the other side. I had a girlfriend, who was out of town, and I was at a party. Everyone who knew me knew we were together. A girl did the same thing, gave me a sob story and asked for a hug while in tears. I gave her one, and as I pulled away, she kissed me, but I backed out of it before any tongues touched. She barely got a peck in before I told her I had a gf and it wasnt cool. I never told my gf about it, because to me, it would only cause problems. I never had any intention of kissing the girl, and probably wouldnt see her ever again, so why make a big deal about it and upset my gf? To me, it was a non-issue, I wasnt trying to cheat - plain and simple. Also, sometimes its not that obvious that someone is going to kiss you until they do it, especially if youre a little buzzed and not too coordinated as it is. I think your friend's way of telling you makes it obvious: he goes on about how I don't deserve this and how I am so great and how he would really like to go out with me when I am ready. Can you say, agenda? I have no doubt he exagerrated the story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Aquamarisa Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 Thanks Geisha for such a quick reply! When my bf told me, I told him what my friend had said. He said that my friend probably couldn't see since it was dim and they were on the other side of the porch. I don't know but this seems plausible. I've never been into my friend romantically and we are not going to be friends either, if he is lying or if my boyfriend and I stay together. The thing about not telling me, yeah, I asked, and he said that he didn't want me to "freak out." It's just weird to me. I'm not sure why he'd think that. Other stuff worse than this has happened and I haven't freaked out on him. It's only become this issue because he didn't tell me about it. Even if had full blown cheated on me, if he made an honest mistake I could forgive him for it. It's this feeling of deception that's making me question the validity of the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
haley121 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I think your bf might be playing it down a bit. I agree with you that normally people know when someone's going to kiss them. I don't think he meant to do anything though--he probably just got caught up in the moment. I think it's a very good sign that he came to you about it on his own, and although he waited a couple days...that's not TOO long. He probably just needed to muster up some courage first. I assume he said he was sorry about it after confessing? Since this is the first time, I'd trust him. Your friend was definitely trying to stir up trouble. Even if he was telling the complete truth and your bf was "making out," (which I don't think is the case) that was NOT the right time for your friend to bring up the fact that he wants to be with you. In my opinion, both guys made some mistakes, but no one's perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Sorry but I have another take on this. I think your boyfriend is a sleeze. He leaves his girlfriend sleeping at a party to listen to some other girl's sob story and ends up hugging and kissing her on New Years Eve? If the roles were reversed I bet he would be freaking out big time. I am sorry but he disrespected you big time. He left you sleeping to hug and kiss another girl and never told you about it when you woke up. He is playing it down. I am sorry but you do not treat a girlfriend this way. Link to post Share on other sites
haley121 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Hmmm...yes, I suppose I do agree with Bryanp. Maybe I was a little too forgiving of your bf. It was a pretty sleazy thing to do. I just think that he did the right thing in telling you because a lot of guys probably would have tried to hide it. I don't agree with Bryanp that right away was the best time to tell you. If he had told you right away while you were still at the party, you might have felt the need to confront the girl, possibly creating a huge mess. Even if you hadn't confronted her, parties just aren't the time or place to have a huge fight. Then again, he should have told you the next time the two of you were alone together. It's also possible that he realized someone saw them, in which case he may have told you only because he didn't want someone else to tell you first. Hard to say, really. Like I said, both guys made some mistakes here, and I'd probably have a serious talk with both. Link to post Share on other sites
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