guys who dont pay

[carhill]

OP, what happened to this guy? Was he one of the two in your OP here?

 

I'm currently also dating a guy who has his own house, car, good job, and i know he comes from a good family. He however started off aloof with me and he took forever to call me. He is now in more contact with me and I'm watching out because he was out of a relationship about 2 months ago. He seems like hes fine but we have a date planned. I'm taking it one date at a time to really get to know the person and see if its something i want.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1960972&postcount=17

 

Or, was he the guy you dumped/didn't go out with because he stood you up on the IM to catch a phone call?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1963538&postcount=1

 

FWIW, I'm much more likely to "treat" a woman, and often, if she brings a positive and generous attitude to the table. Attitude does not mean money. One can be monetarily poor and have a very generous attitude.

 

I hope you'll consider what I've offered, including in those threads I referenced. If the opposite sex are too much trouble, do what I did; get a cat

[Star Gazer]

Sure, as long as the other person is willing to pay due to them having more money. You expect your employees to get work done if you are the boss. It's their choice whether or not they want to do it.

 

That's the most unbalanced thing to me. You're comparing your BF to an employee. Ha!

 

I plan on having a very hefty savings account before I stay home with the babies for a few years. I can save a lot of extra money every month so that's what I plan to do.

 

A hefty savings account saved from YOUR salary? Will that hefty savings account equally contribute to the mortgage, car payments, food, other expenses? Good luck with that!

[Lauriebell82]

For sure. Your expectations are reasonable and only you know what you need to be happy. There are a LOT of men out there who are more than happy to be the man and treat a lady.

 

Did you get to read the story about the surgeon I went out with that my friend also went out with? I love that story it goes to prove that with some men you are as valuable as you are willing to make yourself be. If you don't stand up for yourself another woman will. So why be the one to give away the goods for free, what value is there in that? NONE.

 

I think now that it is 2009 and women are working, less and less people are agreeing with the traditional idea that guys are the ones to pay for dates. I'm a mixture of traditional and modern, I would not offer to pay for myself on a first date. (at a dinner) If he didn't offer to pay I would be prepared to pay for myself, however I do think it's a little tacky if the man doesn't want to treat a girl if he asked for the date. If we were going to like a club or something I would probably offer to pay for the cover charge or something to help out.

 

I think it's nice for guys to do some "wooing." Offering to treat each other is nice, it shows you care.

[Lauriebell82]

That's the most unbalanced thing to me. You're comparing your BF to an employee. Ha!

 

You're funny. It was an analogy! You like to rip into everything I say.

 

A hefty savings account saved from YOUR salary? Will that hefty savings account equally contribute to the mortgage, car payments, food, other expenses? Good luck with that!

 

FOR YOUR INFORMATION I make pretty decent money and I have excellent benefits that I don't have to pay for. My company pays for them. I've saved a ton of money in the 7 months I've been working. More than I ever thought I would have.

 

And anyway SG, why are you giving ME such a hard time. This isn't my thread, I'm trying to help the OP. I state my opinions and you jump on me. Get over it.

[Lauriebell82]

A hefty savings account saved from YOUR salary? Will that hefty savings account equally contribute to the mortgage, car payments, food, other expenses? Good luck with that!

 

Oh wait, I get it. You are psychic and know what my take home pay is. Wow how did you pull that one off?

 

Anyway, I had something else to say to the OP and not SG. I think these guys do sound a little cheap, I mean it would have been nice if they had offered to pay for something. Do you MIND paying for things on a date? Like little things, like parking? If one of these guys actually did take you out to a nice restaurant and paid the bill, would you have offered to to pay for parking? Or something else?

[Star Gazer]

Oh wait, I get it. You are psychic and know what my take home pay is. Wow how did you pull that one off?

 

Do you not recall posting about your salary here on this board??? C'mon, LB. Like I said, we all know what you earn (generally) and what you do for a living. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what the tax bracket is and general take-home on that salary.

[The Collector]

I think these guys do sound a little cheap, I mean it would have been nice if they had offered to pay for something

 

Both guys had already paid for dates.

 

Guy A: First date he paid ($20)

 

Guy B: First date he paid ($25)

Second date he paid ($15) .

[Lauriebell82]

Equating your BF to someone who works for another was more than amusing. I think it was a Freudian slip on your part.

 

You've posted about your salary range here, and we all know what you do for a living. Unless you just recently won the lottery, between having a "ton" of money to spend on your BF, there's no way you're going to be able to save enough money in just a few years to allow you to completely not work for the formative years of your childrens' lives. You WILL be relying on your BF/H's salary. Admit it, it's really okay.

 

Also, when you leave to become a housewife, you'll no longer have those benefits, sweetheart.

 

Because (1) you brought it up, and (2) your perspective about who should pay (which you posted in this thread) is directly relevant to the subject matter of this thread. If you'd like, I'll move over to the ones you started.

 

You like to argue, I feel like I'm at a debate or something! My future husband will have benefits that he will add our family to. Actually my take home pay is pretty high for my salary range. Plus I don't have debt, so all that extra money is mine. I have over a grand left over every month. It will not be a problem whatsoever. Plus most importantly, the man (my future husband) would need to be okay with me doing that. If he wasn't than I would work.

[Lauriebell82]

Do you not recall posting about your salary here on this board??? C'mon, LB. Like I said, we all know what you earn (generally) and what you do for a living. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what the tax bracket is and general take-home on that salary.

 

I know I posted it. But for my salary my take home pay is pretty high, actually. And it's more than enough for me to live off of and save money. Let's put it this way: my boyfriend makes 20,000 dollars more a year then I do and I have more money than he does.

[Star Gazer]

Plus I don't have debt, so all that extra money is mine.

 

Right. What's yours is yours and what's his is yours?

 

(This is too easy...)

[Lauriebell82]

Right. What's yours is yours and what's his is yours?

 

(This is too easy...)

 

What are you talking about?

[Star Gazer]

I know I posted it. But for my salary my take home pay is pretty high, actually. And it's more than enough for me to live off of and save money. Let's put it this way: my boyfriend makes 20,000 dollars more a year then I do and I have more money than he does.

 

Your attitude about money ("mine" versus "his") will change when you're married though, right? (I hope.)

[Star Gazer]

What are you talking about?

 

When he has more, you expect him to spend it...on YOU.

 

When you have equal or more, you expect to save it...for YOU.

[Lauriebell82]

Your attitude about money ("mine" versus "his") will change when you're married though, right? (I hope.)

 

Yeah our money is our own as of now...we have seperate money right now because we aren't married. That will change when we combine bank accounts after getting married.

[Lauriebell82]

When he has more, you expect him to spend it...on YOU.

 

When you have equal or more, you expect to save it...for YOU.

 

I'm financially well off that I can spend money on him and save at the same time. Plus Im really saving money for us to tell you the truth, because when we get married it will be his too. Why don't you give the OP advice? That's what the purpose of the thread is, not to chase around my ideas.

[Untouchable_Fire]

When he has more, you expect him to spend it...on YOU.

When you have equal or more, you expect to save it...for YOU.

 

You understand!

 

Either you make plenty of $$$ or have learned being fair is best for everyone. Your guy is massively lucky!

[kashmir]

Whenever I've offered to pay for her the girl just gave me a strange look or said something like, "It's 2008!" One time I got to the movies before the girl and bought her ticket for her. I swear to god when I told her I bought her ticket she was turned off. It's like you're offending them that you're sticking to traditional values.

 

I don't mind paying for a girl. I don't spend much and have a lot of money saved up. I make pretty good money for my age by buying music equipment for cheap, fixing it up, and selling it for a profit...but somehow girls seem to get part time jobs where they make $20/hr o_O...I still don't mind paying though. It's a good feeling paying for a girl, but I wouldn't like to do it all the time. Luckily, I don't think you'll run into girls who EXPECT the man to always pay in this generation.

[Lauriebell82]

Whenever I've offered to pay for her the girl just gave me a strange look or said something like, "It's 2008!" One time I got to the movies before the girl and bought her ticket for her. I swear to god when I told her I bought her ticket she was turned off. It's like you're offending them that you're sticking to traditional values.

 

I don't mind paying for a girl. I don't spend much and have a lot of money saved up. I make pretty good money for my age by buying music equipment for cheap, fixing it up, and selling it for a profit...but somehow girls seem to get part time jobs where they make $20/hr o_O...I still don't mind paying though. It's a good feeling paying for a girl, but I wouldn't like to do it all the time. Luckily, I don't think you'll run into girls who EXPECT the man to always pay in this generation.

 

Well, there are still women out there. I used to be one, until I came to my senses. I think there needs to be a balance between "all or nothing." As long as you can come up with a fair and agreeable way to pay for dates, it's all good.

[Tomcat33]

Whenever I've offered to pay for her the girl just gave me a strange look or said something like, "It's 2008!" One time I got to the movies before the girl and bought her ticket for her. I swear to god when I told her I bought her ticket she was turned off. It's like you're offending them that you're sticking to traditional values.

 

 

Those women are VERY insecure, they feel that if you pay for them it will rock their balance in the relationship and they will lose "equality" so they are afraid to be feminine women, and it's a sign of what's to come with them further down the line. They are too bogged down in all the "equality crap" and can't allow themselves to be femine for fear of losing some of their power as "modern women". Men and women are different we have distinct differences and we each bring our own set of difference to the table to form a nice mix of virtues that either enhance or repell one another. I don't know why so many are obsessed with "equality" of the genders. Respect yes, fairness yes, equality is debatable.

 

 

A few years ago I was a restaurant with my boyfriend of the time and this couple walks in and they are sat next to us the man goes to pull the chair for her to sit in and she turns around and says to him "it's ok I'm not crippled I can do this myself" I have never seen the wind knocked out of a poor man's sail quicker than that night. It was quite gross actually, and I am pretty sure she would come to change my car tire if I were to call CAA. I never EVER want to turn into that. I'd rather serve a man 1000 times over hand and foot over THAT.

 

When a guy pays it shows that in a time filled with a lot of sexual wishy-washiness and metrosexual types who don't know if they are coming or going being dumped by women who are running off with other women when just last week they were straight, it shows that the man has some old values and he is willing to go out on the line to preserve them. I find that attractive in a man.

 

I get the utmost pleasure out of seeing a man who sincerly wants to pay for our date, if I can see that he gets satisfaction out of caring for me in that way then it is just a sneak peek into what is to come in the future. It is so subtle and I could go on and on about all the subtle cues that come to play in this simple, yet oh so controversial act, that as a man modern man with some old school values who is looking for a modern woman with also old school values, I just don't see how I would want to do it any other way?

[itgirlragdoll]

I agree with the posts that link traditional values to other traditional values. Meaning, if you want a man who is traditional in the dating sense; i.e. paying for all the dates, then be prepared for him to have a more traditional expectation or view of relationships in general (expecting that he will be the dominant figure and decision maker in the relationship, rather than perfect equality).

 

My current boyfriend almost always pays when we go out (we have been together 'round 8 mos), but mostly out of necessity, as I am a full time student whereas he has a full time job. And he likes to go out to eat, which is fine with me, but he understand that I can't afford it.

 

Though I try to reciprocate in other ways as much as possible. If I'm just hanging out at his place while he's at work I will try to do his laundry, clean up for him, etc. No, he does not necessarily expect it of me, but I feel it is the least I can do to reciprocate in some way.

 

As relationships become more solid though, and things like moving in together and marriage are discussed, those things may become expected if the man continues to pay for everything. And in my opinion that's completely fair.

 

If I were paying for him every time we went out, I would appreciate or maybe even expect some clean laundry or dishes or some other nice gesture of appreciation. Though many men just like to feel like providers, it's good to know that the person you're providing to is grateful and appreciative of what you do for them.

 

On the first few dates I always offer to pay my half. In most cases I have been turned down, and I'll admit it feels nice to be "treated." But I always make my appreciation known even if just verbally. :] And the few times they have accepted my offer to pay my share, I haven't been turned off at all.

[Star Gazer]

You understand!

 

Either you make plenty of $$$ or have learned being fair is best for everyone. Your guy is massively lucky!

 

How about both?

[ella23]

Those women are VERY insecure, they feel that if you pay for them it will rock their balance in the relationship and they will lose "equality" so they are afraid to be feminine women, and it's a sign of what's to come with them further down the line. They are too bogged down in all the "equality crap" and can't allow themselves to be femine for fear of losing some of their power as "modern women". Men and women are different we have distinct differences and we each bring our own set of difference to the table to form a nice mix of virtues that either enhance or repell one another. I don't know why so many are obsessed with "equality" of the genders. Respect yes, fairness yes, equality is debatable.

 

that's quite harsh. I have always preferred to pay for myself. My desire for equality has nothing to do with insecurity.

Just because you don't believe in it does not mean that you can trash other women who want equality or equate it with fairness.

If you want it to be traditional, fine, but don't equate being a modern woman with being less feminine. Why can't you respect other people's choices?

[Lauriebell82]

I agree with the posts that link traditional values to other traditional values. Meaning, if you want a man who is traditional in the dating sense; i.e. paying for all the dates, then be prepared for him to have a more traditional expectation or view of relationships in general (expecting that he will be the dominant figure and decision maker in the relationship, rather than perfect equality).

 

My current boyfriend almost always pays when we go out (we have been together 'round 8 mos), but mostly out of necessity, as I am a full time student whereas he has a full time job. And he likes to go out to eat, which is fine with me, but he understand that I can't afford it.

 

Though I try to reciprocate in other ways as much as possible. If I'm just hanging out at his place while he's at work I will try to do his laundry, clean up for him, etc. No, he does not necessarily expect it of me, but I feel it is the least I can do to reciprocate in some way.

 

As relationships become more solid though, and things like moving in together and marriage are discussed, those things may become expected if the man continues to pay for everything. And in my opinion that's completely fair.

 

If I were paying for him every time we went out, I would appreciate or maybe even expect some clean laundry or dishes or some other nice gesture of appreciation. Though many men just like to feel like providers, it's good to know that the person you're providing to is grateful and appreciative of what you do for them.

 

On the first few dates I always offer to pay my half. In most cases I have been turned down, and I'll admit it feels nice to be "treated." But I always make my appreciation known even if just verbally. :] And the few times they have accepted my offer to pay my share, I haven't been turned off at all.

 

That is the situation that happened with my boyfriend. He treated us to things because I was a student and couldnt afford it. I tried to help him out in other ways, treat us to things less expensive (like rent a movie) or help him out around his apartment. I don't see what the big deal is, who cares who pays for what? If both parties are happy, then I don't see what the difference is. Whoever offers to pay, pays. We live together so now it's not really a big deal, we both just pay for each other.

[Lauriebell82]

Those women are VERY insecure, they feel that if you pay for them it will rock their balance in the relationship and they will lose "equality" so they are afraid to be feminine women, and it's a sign of what's to come with them further down the line. They are too bogged down in all the "equality crap" and can't allow themselves to be femine for fear of losing some of their power as "modern women". Men and women are different we have distinct differences and we each bring our own set of difference to the table to form a nice mix of virtues that either enhance or repell one another. I don't know why so many are obsessed with "equality" of the genders. Respect yes, fairness yes, equality is debatable.

 

 

A few years ago I was a restaurant with my boyfriend of the time and this couple walks in and they are sat next to us the man goes to pull the chair for her to sit in and she turns around and says to him "it's ok I'm not crippled I can do this myself" I have never seen the wind knocked out of a poor man's sail quicker than that night. It was quite gross actually, and I am pretty sure she would come to change my car tire if I were to call CAA. I never EVER want to turn into that. I'd rather serve a man 1000 times over hand and foot over THAT.

 

When a guy pays it shows that in a time filled with a lot of sexual wishy-washiness and metrosexual types who don't know if they are coming or going being dumped by women who are running off with other women when just last week they were straight, it shows that the man has some old values and he is willing to go out on the line to preserve them. I find that attractive in a man.

 

I get the utmost pleasure out of seeing a man who sincerly wants to pay for our date, if I can see that he gets satisfaction out of caring for me in that way then it is just a sneak peek into what is to come in the future. It is so subtle and I could go on and on about all the subtle cues that come to play in this simple, yet oh so controversial act, that as a man modern man with some old school values who is looking for a modern woman with also old school values, I just don't see how I would want to do it any other way?

 

It sounds like you are EXTREMELY traditional, however you can get love and affection and care from a man without him showering you with dates and paying for you all the time. My boyfriend doesn't pay for everything and I know he cares and loves me like crazy.

 

I see both sides of the coin, it is nice for a guy to be respectful and treat a lady to dinner, but thinking that he should pay for everything all the time to show his love and affection is a bit of a stretch.

[Star Gazer]

I don't see what the big deal is, who cares who pays for what? If both parties are happy, then I don't see what the difference is. Whoever offers to pay, pays.

 

This is hilarious. There are probably about 15 threads you've started about you having "who pays" issues.