guys who dont pay

[Shygirl15]

What I meant was keeping track on who paid the last time, not the actual amount that was paid (it's always around the same amount of $$ anyway). So are you still saying that you never keep track of who paid the last? Because if you don't, I will have to doubt if you even pay on dates.

[PrincessPeach]

What I meant was keeping track on who paid the last time, not the actual amount that was paid (it's always around the same amount of $$ anyway). So are you still saying that you never keep track of who paid the last? Because if you don't, I will have to doubt if you even pay on dates.

 

Remebering the most recent time is hardly "keeping track." Anyone who has any sort of memory would be able to recall what happened on the most recent date. There is no effort in remembering that because of how recent it is. It is not keeping track.

 

I don't think to that last time when paying for the next time or using that as a basis for whether or not I will pay the next time. That's silly in my opinion, and yes, petty.

[clv0116]

If I can inject something, is it possible that it's not as much the paying portion that disturbs some men but the expectation of it and the "attitude" of entitlement?

 

That is annoying. You have a good point.

 

 

I find it strange that some women want to be treated as equals but want the men to pay for them on dates. Make up your minds.

 

Also a valid point.

 

 

That's not really how I feel, I don't feel entitled, it's just like I said I am traditional. The man is the breadwinner, the woman is the housewife.

 

If that's really the way you live your life then I see no problem with you expecting the man to man up. I also doubt you will stay single long if you're the least bit attractive.

 

 

His sense of entitlement is apparently laughable, while hers is apparently unquestionable.

 

Concisely put.

 

 

Making a woman pay or pay for half on the first few dates is a character trait it denotes CHEAPNESS, something that is awfully unattractive to most people. Just like seeing excessive fat on a woman is unattractive

 

Fair enough. I'm all in favor of traditional gender roles but I require reciprocity.

 

 

If that's true, why do men usually end up marrying younger women? If it was harder for men, they would have to settle for older women. Instead, it's women who end up settling for the older guy.

 

I think settle is the wrong word. Men look at women in a different way than women see men, and both sides contribute to the typical age difference. It's not about settling so much as selecting based on what is important to the individuals involved.

 

 

The trick is to never think of yourself as a freeloader, but instead surround yourself with fanciful notions of 'tradition' and 'femininity.' Also, only men can be 'cheap.' See, it's easy when you know how. Oh and buy the popcorn sometimes.

 

You make a nice point as usual but I'm completely OK with it as long as the gender roles stay traditional. What a lot of guys hate is that only the traditional roles that benefit women often tend to be retained while the other roles are put aside as old-fashioned and obsolete, or even better, misogynistic.

 

 

why are people so worked up

 

The ability to feel good about a free meal is on the line!

 

 

Here I thought that I was a lucky girl, being hit on by a rich guy..... then I see this. Ha, looks like you offer your money to a lot of women on here already. Seems to me also like you have your hands full, so.... yea.....

 

Well I thought multitasking was a good thing?

 

 

 

For what it's worth at this point, I think the man should pay, but I also think the woman should do the laundry. Sue me.

[PrincessPeach]

And what if you started to get that nagging feeling you were being used for money? That's considered respectful? After all, I know that I, for one, work long and hard for my money. There's no way I would feel respected if some guy I was dating was using me for gas money (driving him around), buying his snacks, we get to the ticket counter for movie tickets and he suddenly has to make an important call when it was time to purchase them, which happened in Lucky's case.

 

Being used is what the problem is, regardless of whether I am being used for money, sex or anything else.

 

Gas money is not nearly important to me as the time it takes to do the driving. Is the time spent helping him get places adding quality time together? Is he thankful for it?

 

No one makes calls on the date or spends time texting. If there are two people out together that is totally disrespectful to the other person. Make calls and texts and such on your own time, when you aren't taking up someone else's time. If it's that important... he can stop and take care of it and I will wait, he wouldn't have an opportune moment like at the front of the line to make the call whether I am paying or not.

 

Exactly like you say:

I would feel like he were trying to use me, and regardless whether it were money or something else, it would irk the HELL outta me.

 

You admit yourself that this wouldn't be about the money, it'd be about feeling used.

 

But how can someone tell if they are being used for money if they aren't keeping track of who has been paying for what? Let me tell you it doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. When I pay or offer to pay does he ever thank me for doing so? Does he ever say that it's all right and he'll take care of it this time? Does he regularly make an excuse for why he can't pay? When the bill comes does he just slide it over to you or ignore it himself? You don't have to keep track of who is paying to notice things like this or when you are being used.

 

Would you have to keep track of every time you have sex and the circumstances of it to know when you're being used for sex? I'd certainly hope not.

[PrincessPeach]

Or the time before that, or the time before that, or the time before that?

 

As I already said... I actually don't remember who paid two times ago, or three times ago, or four times ago, etc. because I don't keep track. Do you even read my posts or are you just trolling me?

[Shygirl15]

As I already said... I actually don't remember who paid two times ago, or three times ago, or four times ago, etc. because I don't keep track.

Uh, huh. I think I get it now. I assumed we're on the same boat but looks like that's not the case. You probably do not go on dates that much; what.. 2 or 3 times a year, maybe? That's the only way to explain it. Four times ago for you could mean two years ago. In that case, I also won't be able to remember, honestly. Otherwise there's no way a healthy and normal functioning human being can fail to remember who paid on a date that took place 3 days ago for example, even if you don't have any intention of keeping track on anything.

[PrincessPeach]

Uh, huh. I think I get it now. I assumed we're on the same boat but looks like that's not the case. You probably do not go on dates that much; what.. 2 or 3 times a year, maybe? That's the only way to explain it. Four times ago for you could mean two years ago. In that case, I also won't be able to remember, honestly. Otherwise there's no way a healthy and normal functioning human being can fail to remember who paid on a date that took place 3 days ago for example, even if you don't have any intention of keeping track on anything.

 

I go on about 2 or 3 dates each month =(

 

3 days ago is rarely the same as 3 dates ago. I remeber the last time because it was just last week. Three times ago was more like 3-4 weeks ago. Do most people remember things that didn't matter to them from 3-4 weeks ago?

 

If you go to class and someone different sits next to (or in front of) you every day would you be able to pick out of you class who it was three times ago, four times ago, five times ago and so on? I know I can't, and most other people probably wouldn't be able to either. Going to class happens a lot more often than dates, but we still don't always remember things like that. Why? Because it doesn't matter to us. Paying matters to you, so you remember. It doesn't matter to me as much so why would I try to remember something like that?

 

You are just assuming that everyone views things the same way as yourself

[Star Gazer]

*shrug*

 

I've been dating my BF for 2 months and I remember who's paid for each and every little thing. I don't make a point of keeping track, but how could you not remember those details when called upon to do so??

[PrincessPeach]

Why in the whatever would I have any reason to feel anything toward you?

 

I don't think you do. But you keep quoting my posts and then questioning what I say while bringing up completely different points than I'm trying to make =(

 

If you went out with a guy who NEVER paid, or if you and a girlfriend always did lunch on Friday afternoon and you were ALWAYS the one to pay and she never did, you can be sure you'd have something to say about it. It's just that you're painting yourself to be this magnanimous person who NEVER has an issue paying for every single date as if you're better than the OP or anyone else who recognizes a user and calls them out on it. I'm just getting the feeling that reality is a far cry from the posting.

 

First of all using absolutes like "always" and "never" are very conducive to arguing as those absolutes rarely occur in the real world or the situations people try to apply them to.

 

I didn't say I would never have an issue with paying for every single date. I would have an issue with that. But I don't have to keep track of things to know that I'm not paying for every single date. A user is recognized by things other than you paying every single time, in fact in the OP's case I would say that that guy is a user, and he paid for the first date himself.

 

Just because I don't or won't pay for every single date does not mean that I have to keep track of who does pay on each individual date.

 

I don't know why you are taking this to such extremes =(

 

The OP stated specific amounts for each date that she and/or her date paid for, in order. I think that doing that is petty. It's not something that I would keep track of or expect a boyfriend to want to keep track of because who paid for dinner three times ago isn't the important thing in a relationship or the developing of a relationship. You don't have to keep track of it like that to know or figure out if someone is using you.

[PrincessPeach]

*shrug*

 

I've been dating my BF for 2 months and I remember who's paid for each and every little thing. I don't make a point of keeping track, but how could you not remember those details when called upon to do so??

 

I could tell you that when we ate at Tofu House I was the one who paid. Or when we went to Disneyland he paid for our dinner there. I don't know how many times ago it was. I would never use something like that in an arguement to prove anything and wouldn't bring it up if not asked about it. Keeping track of something is different than being able to recall something when asked.

 

It's just not something I would think about unless someone else brings up the topic (like here).

[Shygirl15]

Three times ago was more like 3-4 weeks ago. Do most people remember things that didn't matter to them from 3-4 weeks ago?

Oh. So your dates don't matter to you. Okay. So, do you forget everything that happened during the date, or just conveniently forget the who-paid-the-bill part?

If you go to class and someone different sits next to (or in front of) you every day would you be able to pick out of you class who it was three times ago, four times ago, five times ago and so on? I know I can't, and most other people probably wouldn't be able to either. Going to class happens a lot more often than dates, but we still don't always remember things like that. Why? Because it doesn't matter to us. Paying matters to you, so you remember. It doesn't matter to me as much so why would I try to remember something like that?

Unless you live in Mars, I'm not buying the story that money and money-related activities do not matter to you. Not a very realistic argument. Sorry.

 

Now tell me, why do you think keeping track - as you put it - is such a bad thing to do? I "keep track" because whenever my BF treats me nicely to an expensive date, I always make a point of doing the same to him on our next date. That's what nice girlfriends do. Explain to me why doing that is such a bad thing to you?

[PrincessPeach]

Oh. So your dates don't matter to you. Okay. So, do you forget everything that happened during the date, or just conveniently forget the who-paid-the-bill part?

 

Again you are making a grandiose assumption aside from what I am saying and straying from the topic. Of course dates matter. I never said dates didn't matter.

 

We have apparently been talking in different contexts (which is frustrating because you are the ones who have been replying to me). I am saying I don't go around always having in my mind who has been paying. Of course I know if I am asked and take a few moments to think about it and recall. But it isn't on the front of my mind by any means.

 

For me, keeping track is actively trying to remember, going out of your way to regularly think about or recall something. There are many things we can remember that we don't have to keep track of in order to remember or know.

 

Unless you live in Mars, I'm not buying the story that money and money-related activities do not matter to you. Not a very realistic argument. Sorry.

 

It's not an arguement I am making.

 

I'm saying it doesn't matter who has been paying when determining who will pay the next time. That a couple shouldn't be concerned so much with who pays and who doesn't. I am only going to go out if I can afford to go out anyway, so once I am on the date I have already established to myself that I am well off enough to afford a night out.

 

If money was tight for me, a date would probably consist of staying in and watching a movie or going for a walk in the park or something that doesn't cost money. It wouldn't matter if the guy had oodles of money, because I would never assume that I am not paying just because I paid last time or anything like that.

 

Now tell me, why do you think keeping track - as you put it - is such a bad thing to do? I "keep track" because whenever my BF treats me nicely to an expensive date, I always make a point of doing the same to him on our next date. That's what nice girlfriends do. Explain to me why doing that is such a bad thing to you?

 

If I treat my boyfriend to something really nice, I don't want him to do something really nice only in return for what I did for him. I do something really nice because I care for him. If he is going to do something really nice for me, it should be because he cares for me, not because I already did something for him.

 

You shouldn't get someone a gift and expect a gift in return. And you shouldn't get someone a gift just because they got you a gift in the first place.

[Shygirl15]

And since this is, after all, the OP's thread, when you keep bringing up how you don't "keep track" of who paid for what, it appears that you are invalidating the OP's point in creating this thread in the first place. I'm sorry if I misunderstood your intent.

 

On the other hand, there are some guys on this thread (only guys, I've noticed) who DO seem to actually keep a 50/50 score card. Maybe that's because they have felt in the past that they were taken advantage of by the gold digger types - those women with an entitlement complex. Who knows.

 

All I know is what works for me and my man. Neither of us "keeps track," but we do have a penchant for wanting to please each other, so I'm pretty sure things even out quite nicely, whether it be money spent or effort made or what have you.

Oh, yes. Very nice post, D.

[Jersey Shortie]

Guy A: First date he paid ($20)

 

second date: i paid for my own. He never offered. I felt as though he should have paid. ($40)

 

 

Guy B: First date he paid ($25)

Second date he paid ($15)

Third time i saw him he asked me if i had money so he could buy a snack while at the movies. I also drove and paid for the movie. ($35)

 

 

I need to feel like he can be "the man" seems like i might be dating some cheap guys?

 

Yeah, these guys aren't cool. Don't go out with them again. Especially the guy that asked you for money so he could buy a snack..WTF is up with that.

[Jersey Shortie]

Don't you have a job or money of your own? There's no place for this type of sexism in a modern world.

 

Yeah..sexism is only allowed when it's in the man's favor. Silly women.

 

 

Is your time more valuable then theirs?

 

No.

 

Are you doing them a favour by going out with them?

 

Yes.

 

Are you selling a service?

 

No.

 

Are men who buy you things more attractive?

 

Sometimes.

 

Glad we could clear that up.

[Star Gazer]

All I know is what works for me and my man. Neither of us "keeps track," but we do have a penchant for wanting to please each other, so I'm pretty sure things even out quite nicely, whether it be money spent or effort made or what have you.

 

That's what works for me too.

[bostonrick]

Girl I'm dating insisted very strongly to go dutch on the first date and the second date as well. Turned down my repeated offers to cover the whole bill.

 

From what I know of her so far, she is a very progressive-minded woman [which I am all for anyways] and

she keeps coming out with me so I figure it can't be of lack of interest or testing my "cheapness". Also, I am for the moment unemployed - this may be factoring into her desire to go dutch as well.

 

Just so you know, in the long-term I am fine with either covering the majority of bills or going dutch every time or alternating treating eachother out. It's just not that important to me.

 

However, I still don't feel entirely right that I haven't paid full for a date yet after a few weeks of dating and I almost feel like not letting her pay for the next no way, no how. At the same time I don't want to create a big deal about forcing the issue and ruin what otherwise could be a wonderful time.

 

What would you all do?

[Eve]

Have things changed so much in the time I have been married? Crap, I would not expect to pay for anything on a date! I dont even pay when we go out now..

 

I am so old fashioned..

 

It would be a turn off for me to be asked to pay..

 

Regards,

Eve xx

[Shygirl15]

I getcha!

Yes Lucky, most of us do..

[PrincessPeach]

And since this is, after all, the OP's thread, when you keep bringing up how you don't "keep track" of who paid for what, it appears that you are invalidating the OP's point in creating this thread in the first place.

 

I'm just saying that the OP bringing up the list of who paid how much for what and when is really not important and distracts from the real problems. If she didn't post the amounts paid on each date or how long before she had to pay for a date the rest of what these guys do and how they act is what makes them not worth her time.

 

Yeah, these guys suck, but I think the OP is trying to bring in something that doesn't really matter a whole lot as her arguement. Her showcasing the record of paying and the title of the thread suggest that the who pays issues is a big deal to her.

 

Everyone is entitled to enjoy her own style of dating and it doesn't make any of us wrong. There is no one right way to date, and what works for some won't work for others. If someone posts a thread asking for people's opinions, then there will be a variety of viewpoints; mine is that she should make an effort not to make such a big deal about who is paying for each and every date. She doesn't have to take my advice if she doesn't want to, it's for her to judge and decide for herself after reading everyone's responses.

[mr.dream merchant]

Lol if a girl find me unattractive because she has to spend a little bit of her money then **** her. Plenty of other broads out there who will get down for free.

[PrincessPeach]

And I stand by that, because I believe it to be true. If the OP has a problem with me and thinks I'm insulting her, let her say so. So far she hasn't.

 

I told her what I thought the problem was, I offered what I thought to be her best solution. Sometimes what people need to hear isn't always nice or sugar-coated. People too often forget to look at themselves when there is a problem, when so many personal problems could be solved by self-reflection rather than looking to blame others.

 

If she thinks something wrong is happeneing in situations with multiple different guys, well... she is the only constant to all of her situations so it could very well be her.

[mr.dream merchant]

Broads? Um, yeah, after you're done wiping your feet on 'em, obviously. Better wear a tungsten steel condom with that type.

 

Lmao, two ply. All jokes aside its just my preference. I don't want a petty stingy female. I want one who doesn't put herself on a pedastal and comes down off of her throne to enjoy her night out, and pay her way. Yeah I'll pay her way if she's worth it, but if its a first date and I barely know her and she gets pissy because she had to pay for her share of the meal then its whatever. Like I said, if I'm a single male I'm not going to sweat it because there's plenty of other females out there who'd find me just as or even more attractive without having their meal bought for them for the night. It goes both ways. That petty stingy chick could find another guy who will gladly lay down on the floor and get walked all over by her.

[soserious1]

I paid for just about everything, including my wedding ring, the gifts he gave me on my birthday and Valentines day.I even paid so he could watch porn stars writhing on the symbian on the Howard Stern Show.

 

My efforts to be fair and equitable got me a year of sleeping on the sofa.

[PrincessPeach]

That's interesting. In one post you call her petty and she's the problem, then in another you say the guy IS a user. Which is it?

 

Both. Just because the guy she is seeing is a user doesn't mean the other person is problem-free. The guys is a user (not determined by the fact she is posting about who is paying for dates). Separately, because the way she presents the paying for dates as such a big deal, I think she is being petty.

 

Why can't they both have a problem?