Touche Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 C'mon that wasn't the situation Lucky drove up to go to the movies paid for the movies and on top of that the guy asks her for money for snacks? LOSER! The guys' a loser. Or he is simply not that intersted in impressing Lucky, mission accomplished! She did right in ditching him. Exactly Touche I NEVER feel like he is "buying" me either. I don't feel any sort of debt with a man because he pays, I do feel the need to thank him and show my appreciation for the curtious gesture. But I can definitely say no when he wants to advance sexually and I am not ready for that. Maybe some women like Sally4Sare who say that women who accepted are prostititues, feel they have to pay their own way so that they don't feel sexually endebted to a man? They must have some kind of problem with setting boundaries for themselves sexually speaking and hence they offer to pay and equate women who do accept to prostitutes. I feel exactly the same way. Couldn't have said it better. It's a matter of your self-worth mostly in my opinion. Anyway, see that bolded sentence above? Don't laugh but I read it this way at first: I do feel the need to thank him and show my appreciation for the curious gesture. I read it like that and I was like...WHA????? What the hell? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Don't laugh but I read it this way at first: I do feel the need to thank him and show my appreciation for the curious gesture. I read it like that and I was like...WHA????? What the hell? :laugh::laugh: I know it's my fault I spelled it wrong it's courtious, I had it like that the first time and it looked wrong so I wrote god knows what. I really should stop "milking" guys for dinner dates and invest in getting me a spellchecker instead. :lmao: Down boys, it's a joke! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 :laugh::laugh: I know it's my fault I spelled it wrong it's courtious, I had it like that the first time and it looked wrong so I wrote god knows what. I really should stop "milking" guys for dinner dates and invest in getting me a spellchecker instead. :lmao: Down boys, it's a joke! I can't stop laughing! OMG, too funny. :laugh: Ok, compose yourself touche'. Why am I laughing? Because unless it's spelled (misspelled:laugh:) that way in your country, you still got it wrong! It's C-O-U-R-T-E-O-U-S. but you know what? Curious was more apt...it's like Collector said earlier...it's not common. Common courtesy is NOT common. He got that right! Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 :laugh: See what I mean I am useless I give up! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 :laugh: See what I mean I am useless I give up! It's cute. Stop it. But seriously, that kind of behavior nowadays might be considered "curious" for all I know...although you say it's not the norm at all. (I mean I wouldn't know having not dated in so many years.) Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 It's cute. Stop it. But seriously, that kind of behavior nowadays might be considered "curious" for all I know...although you say it's not the norm at all. (I mean I wouldn't know having not dated in so many years.) It's the same, I AM in the dating world and it's the same. Granted I speaking for a woman in her mid thirties with a good financial assets, and a career, who leads a middle class lifestyle. I live in a city that is not cheap the cost of living here is expensive and you either roll with the punches or you sink. I can't speak for people in their 20s and what their preferences are because I am no longer there. But I suspect a lot of women feel the same way. I'll tell you this much, the ONE time that I felt completely FOR going dutch on a date and insisted on meeting at no more than a coffee shop for a quick meeting was when I tried internet dating a few years ago I think that it is COMPLETELY unfair of a woman on a dating site to expect the man to take her out on a proper date every time she meets a guy for the first time, when they have never seen each other before. Chemistry is hard to match and as a guy if every single time I liked a woman online and I asked her out I had to fork out $40-$100 just to meet her I would be bankrupt in a month. THAT'S not fair and I TOTALLY see why a guy would want to go dutch in that instance, he should not have to pay for a woman who he hasn't even met yet for all he knows she could be a 500lbs no matter how great she sounded on the phone. I actually heard horror stories of that, of guys showing up and seeing a woman that looks NOTHING like what she potrayed in her pics, or they were just looney tunes. Honestly, if I were a guy I'd walk away I would not even entertain the thought of sticking around that's just plain old RUDE and nuts. Link to post Share on other sites
TwilightSky Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 ??? This will be a circular and rather pointless argument. Either believe me or don't. I'm not trying to say that there are only 5 decent guys in the world. Essentially I am saying that due to average social and personal requirements there are more relationship worthy females than males. Consider... women tend to have higher Emotional IQ's, have much lower fiscal requirements... ect. Do you think Lucky is going to date some poor schmuck with no job? I doubt it. Would I date a woman who is unemployed... yes... as would many other guys. So, just take a second and think about what I am actually saying. I could be totally wrong, but I doubt it. Well, you know, I don't want to start an argument or anything. I wasn't really commenting on Lucky's situation just the prison statement. I just don't think that is valid evidence. And you might be right, women might be more relationship worthy than men. As far as Emotional IQ's go, thats pretty much the same as regular IQ tests. There are quite a few experts or whatever that disagree with the IQ testing's validity, so I'm not sure how accurate Emotional IQ's are, you know? Also, I just recently read a study where it says women cheat just as much as men nowadays. (I still have the link in my favorites list if you want it). As far as deciding whether or not which gender is more relationship worthy though? That's a tough call, and you know what Bertrand Russel said about a healthy amount of doubt! Also, being more "emotional" doesn't equate to a better partner. Its how one manages those emotions that determine their level of maturity. But, I'm sure you are already aware of that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I don't mean to laugh but EQ has nothing to do with being "emotional!":laugh: I do agree with you about IQ tests/results though. That was a big part of my college education as I was on the teaching track. I read many studies and came to the conclusion that most of those tests are pretty questionable. Some of the stupidest people I've known claim to have "high" IQ's. We've all known people like that, I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
TwilightSky Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I don't mean to laugh but EQ has nothing to do with being "emotional!":laugh: I do agree with you about IQ tests/results though. That was a big part of my college education as I was on the teaching track. I read many studies and came to the conclusion that most of those tests are pretty questionable. Some of the stupidest people I've known claim to have "high" IQ's. We've all known people like that, I'm sure. Well, I wasn't saying that EQ tests are about being overly emotional, its all about how one governs ones emotions, right? I was just saying that some people confuse "overtly emotional" with emotional maturity, the two are different. As far as stupid people claiming to have high IQ's, doesn't mean they actually do. Also, I might be slightly contradictory here, but having a high IQ means you are smart "in a certain way." My point was, there are no tests at present that can actually gauge the full extent of your mental capabilities. Take dyslexic people, while even though they might fail an IQ test, it has been proven they can still be highly intelligent individuals. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Yeah I'm with TwilightSky on this not sure where Untouchable got that women have higher EQs? I would even go as far as guessing that in fact men tend to have the higher EQ's. High Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence is the advanced ability to manage your emotions. While yes women are far more emotional it doesn't mean we necessarily manage our emotions better. Link to post Share on other sites
TwilightSky Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Yeah I'm with TwilightSky on this not sure where Untouchable got that women have higher EQs? I would even go as far as guessing that in fact men tend to have the higher EQ's. High Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence is the advanced ability to manage your emotions. While yes women are far more emotional it doesn't mean we necessarily manage our emotions better. Well, thx for agreeing with me. I don't think men necessarily manage their emotions better, though. Not sure what else to say on this really. Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Things aren't all that different from "the deep south" or the North Pole for that matter, when it comes to dating and courting a woman.But there happen to be countries where going dutch on the first dates IS the norm. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 But there happen to be countries where going dutch on the first dates IS the norm. In Holland? Twilight, sorry I misunderstood you the first time. Yes, I agree with your last post. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Wow, this is like one of my threads, sheesh! I think Lucky left unfortunately. To put the thread back on topic, it basically comes down to your opinions on who should pay. Debating what is right and what is wrong is irrelevant. Everyone is entitled to feel the way they want about something. In 2009, women STILL do feel that the man should be the one to pay for things. It's not wrong or right, it's just an opinion. If a man had posted this thread saying that he thought the woman should pay for everything would we REALLY be having this debate? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetbrokensoul Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Wow, this is like one of my threads, sheesh! I think Lucky left unfortunately. To put the thread back on topic, it basically comes down to your opinions on who should pay. Debating what is right and what is wrong is irrelevant. Everyone is entitled to feel the way they want about something. In 2009, women STILL do feel that the man should be the one to pay for things. It's not wrong or right, it's just an opinion. If a man had posted this thread saying that he thought the woman should pay for everything would we REALLY be having this debate? yes, there has been arguing for both sides. Link to post Share on other sites
christian6 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I think the guys were just arguing that women should stop demanding equality when at the same time they want to be wined and dined, and have the man pay. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 No offense, but I'm not going to take your word for it, and instead going with my real-life experience, and everything I've observed - which is the complete opposite of what you're saying here.. Considering your post on how you think guys want a 1950's type family, I think your real-life experiences must be skewed by something - maybe the kinds of guys you are going for.... If there's one thing I've learned about men (in general), it's that what they say is often in direct contradiction to what they actually do. Especially when it comes to women. Well, if you date metrosexual guys - sure that may be the case. If you date guys whom actually work for a living, more often than not, we are good for our word. And if you do something that screws up the balance or niceness of a relationship, we'll want to talk with you about it... rather than pick up a magazine and go ask others for how to communicate with you Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 rather than pick up a magazine and go ask others for how to communicate with you Huh? I think I'd have trouble communicating with you. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Someone mentioned earlier that $100 is a cheap date. In my opinion, $100 is the kind of money you would begin to spend on someone you love and have an established relationship with - and taking them out and spending $100 on them is not equivalent to kindness, attention and love that I would share anyways. I'd be willing to spend $50 some for a date. If its a group date, we split it up. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Huh? I think I'd have trouble communicating with you. I'm one for direct conversation. I know, I know - its scary sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I'm one for direct conversation. I know' date=' I know - its scary sometimes.[/quote'] No, I understand. Not scary at all. I'm all about directness. I just didn't understand that quote. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 No, I understand. Not scary at all. I'm all about directness. I just didn't understand that quote. I've noticed that women like to refer to women's magazines and friends to try to understand their men rather than find out directly. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I've noticed that women like to refer to women's magazines and friends to try to understand their men rather than find out directly. I see what you're saying. And I agree. You see it all the time on LS. Men do it too though...asking questions on here that make me scream at the screen "WHY DON'T YOU TELL HER/HIM?!!!" or "WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM/HER DIRECTLY?!" So it's really not just women who can be that way. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Maybe some women like Sally4Sare who say that women who accepted are prostititues, feel they have to pay their own way so that they don't feel sexually endebted to a man? They must have some kind of problem with setting boundaries for themselves sexually speaking and hence they offer to pay and equate women who do accept to prostitutes. OH Hell No! I can't believe I actually felt bad about making you feel bad! You're STILL going to come at me? I never said letting a man buy you dinner makes you sexually indebted to them! I said that I removed the money leverage from men when I'm first getting to know them so they had to rely on something else to impress me. I did that to keep the MM at bay. Then you got all pissed when I asked if you ever knew a MM to play that angle. It isn't my fault how you know they do that, but the fact that you have some experience, PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, does prove my point doesn't it? It doesn't matter how you view them paying. How some of them view it is enough to make discouraging the practice prudent. I even friggen apologized and here you are, still can't keep off me. I knew I was fascinating, but I also apperantly cut you pretty deep. I've told you I don't see anything wrong with a guy taking you out and treating you to dinner as a way to show you he thinks you're special. I just think it feels more sincere when I know he knows me well enough to know WHY I'm special. Get off me girl! Try to argue your case without trying to argue specifically with me. It wasn't personal. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I think the person who asks should be the first to pay BUT the guy should attempt to pay for the first few dates. After awhile the girl should offer or split the food and the other pay the tip. I always offer to pay, but it's been my experience that when I've been asked out the guy pays, and when I make the plans or 'we' make the plans we go dutch. I think this works out because it means that eventually, as the relationship gets more established and we both have input on plans, no one is expected to support all the couple's activities. Also, in situations where my partner made more money then me (i'm a student so ALL), he will generally pay if he invites me out to a fancy restaurant. I don't invite to places beyond my means, so really, it works out. It feels weird to me if a guy pays all the time. Though the gesture is welcome near the beginning. Though I think a split on the first date is the best bet. You're checking each other out, after all. Maybe we're less traditional about these things in Canada? I'm thinking this might be true. Who pays/ doesn't pay has never been an issue for my friends or I. Link to post Share on other sites
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