The Collector Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 What is your reasoning behind that though you have not shared with us why this is important or what it proves to you to be able to do that? I think I have over the course of this thread, but here's a definitive list. I don't get why I should. I wouldn't like to think that the woman might not want to be there if it wasn't for the free drinks. I have some issues with modern feminism, but I have always supported women's 'equality' and the notion of the man paying seems a throwback to antiquated patriarchal tradition that I don't care for and I think is actually insulting to a 'modern woman.' I think a lot of women (that I know, that I'd connect with) see a man urging to pay as trying to impress with his wallet to cover up other flaws. Past gfs and female friends have mocked the sort of guy that tries to impress by buying girls drinks/dinner/etc. It may give the woman an uncomfortable idea that she may 'owe' me something if I treat her. It's very normal in the circles I move in. On a couple of occasions where I have 'splashed the cash' I could sense it was actually a turn-off for the women in question. I have had gfs who said my cheeky nerve to ask them to buy me a drink instead of all the guys constantly offering to buy them one was refreshing and a turn-on. I am not applying to be a 'good provider' at least in the early stages of seeing someone. I treat someone when they have done something to deserve it, not before. That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 If you haven't noticed yet I LOVE debating this topic, what's the problem here? Me too. It'll be just me and you on page 100 and why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Don't watch sports in general, but I have been such an escort for those who do like social companionship and have no issues paying for it. Even women Since I don't mix business and pleasure, social companionship doesn't apply to business functions, and, generally, we each pay our own tab. I don't wine and dine clients. My business isn't that type of business. I do keep beer in the shop refer though. Complimentary Ok fine you don't do ANY of the things the rest of the world does! I bet you have done this: If you invited a woman over to your house for dinner and went out and bought all the things to make that dinner do you call that escorting? C'mon. Escorting (in the context you used it) is a fancy name for prostitution, just like "Massage Parlour" is a not so fancy name for a rub n' tug. At any rate if you look the meaning of escort up it means to accompany another person or a group, it has JACK to do with exchange of money or a "service". Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Me too. It'll be just me and you on page 100 and why not? Funny you should say that, yesterday I was going to say the only reason I even get involved in this debate time and time again is because it brings The Collector out of the woodwork. I missed ya, what can I say? Anyway I am off someone take over for when I come back. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 It's just a conversation. No need for spitting on the screen BTW, I've never not paid for a woman I've dated, ever. It's what a gentleman does. Link to post Share on other sites
dnm Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Thanks. Who's worked up? :laugh: If you haven't noticed yet I LOVE debating this topic, what's the problem here? I really don't see the point of some of you that feel the need to comment on why we are discussing this, if it bothers you that much just move along there are like a 1000 other threads you could be contributing to. Simple really. you don't see me complaining about your thread which has been going on and on and on about the EXACT same thing, do you? Each their own, right? ;-) Well you do seem pretty annoyed in this one, that's why I'm asking. I don't have a problem with it. And you can complain about that thread though I won't be posting anymore on it so don't worry! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Oh, oh. I can see a fight brewing between you and The Collector now! There's always a fight with someone. Hmm...Friday...wife works late tonight Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Ting Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Wow, they are just way to cheap in my opinion. Unless your date includes $200 concert tickets, a $150 limo ride, and $100 dinner, a guy should always pay. Unfortunately for them, it's what comes with being a MAN. Hey, we all have to live with the gender biases and what is expected of us...when it comes to men and paying for dates, there is no difference. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I see what you're saying. And I agree. You see it all the time on LS. Men do it too though...asking questions on here that make me scream at the screen "WHY DON'T YOU TELL HER/HIM?!!!" or "WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM/HER DIRECTLY?!" So it's really not just women who can be that way. Except when she never returns phone calls Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 There's always a fight with someone. Hmm...Friday...wife works late tonight Carhill you ignorant slut I've had just about enough of your rubbish. Er... your turn. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Wanna go out? My treat Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Wanna go out? My treat Ok but it doesn't mean I'm going to put out. I'll have the lobster. No, two lobsters. Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Really? Name those countries where going Dutch is the norm. I am very interested.I'm glad you're interested. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_Dutch#International_practices The norm part... I guess you'll have to take my word for it that I'm not consciously deceiving you. Or not. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I'm glad you're interested. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_Dutch#International_practices In Thailand, the practice is referred to as "American Share". That's useful (if inaccurate?), I have a 'date' with a Thai girl tomorrow. I'll let you all know if she is offended when I don't pay for her drinks. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Ok but it doesn't mean I'm going to put out. I'll have the lobster. No, two lobsters. No worries, my wife filleted my equipment, but someone has to be the man so I'll have the fillet Do you want some cheese with your whine? I'm a little b!tchy about my whine. Seriously, let us know how the "date" goes. Really, sobriety is overrated; sure you want her to pick up the drinks? Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Seriously, let us know how the "date" goes. Really, sobriety is overrated; sure you want her to pick up the drinks? She says her English improves when she's drunk so she'll bring a bottle of whiskey. Sounds like my type of girl already. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Except when she never returns phone calls Her not answering your call is an answer in itself isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 When a guy asks me out, and takes me to a really nice restaurant of his choosing, I will get a little miffed if he doesn't pay. Sometimes I am watching my budget and I don't want to pay for $50-60 dinner. If I don't have the choice of restaurant, I find this to be a little unfair. I totally agree. I once had a guy take me to a fancy restaurant on our second date, AND order a VERY expensive bottle of wine... and later asked me why I didn't pay my way. Then I would buy the first round, and then tell her it's her turn. If you asked me out, and then TOLD me to buy the next round, I'd be insulted. As the invitee, you should EXPECT to cover the entire evening of drinks. That's not to say that I wouldn't buy a round or two of my own free will, but if you said this...even if it was delivered as a charasmatic joke...I probably wouldn't see you again. Someone mentioned earlier that $100 is a cheap date. I think "cheap" is largely based on your respective income levels. "Cheap" is really all over the spectrum. The dollar value of the date doesn't necessarily translate to the date being "special." An inexpensive date could involve a picnic, a hike, a movie in the park, or a museum and lunch. But those would all be great dates. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 If you asked me out, and then TOLD me to buy the next round, I'd be insulted. As the invitee, you should EXPECT to cover the entire evening of drinks. Haha. Why? I don't get this 'the invitee pays'. For one, women never do the inviting, so that's convenient. Secondly, I doubt whether on the few occasions that a woman suggests a date they would really follow the logic and pay for all the man's drinks. And it doesn't happen when friends invite each other out. If you don't want to go, don't. It's no sacrifice and you don't need to be compensated for your time any more than I do. What it really comes down to is some women enjoy the power balance of a man 'courting' them, paying for everything, and them having the upper hand in deciding if they see the guy again. You may like things that way, but it doesn't suit me so I'll stick with two adults choosing to spend time with each other and neither ends up a days pay down while the other gets everything free. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Collector - if you have a dinner party, do you ask your guests to split the cost of your grocery bill? Would you suggest wedding guests pay the "per person" charge? I certainly don't. Of course it's gracious for guests to bring some wine or the like to a dinner party, but it's certainly never expected. Seems like you'd expect your guests to split the cost with you. I find that odd. I had a friend do that once. A BBQ. She actually told everyone as we were leaving that it would be $20 each. Never saw that friend again. Same principle applies here. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Collector - if you have a dinner party, do you ask your guests to split the cost of your grocery bill? Would you suggest wedding guests pay the "per person" charge? I certainly don't. Of course it's gracious for guests to bring some wine or the like to a dinner party, but it's certainly never expected. Seems like you'd expect your guests to split the cost with you. I find that odd. I had a friend do that once. A BBQ. She actually told everyone as we were leaving that it would be $20 each. Never saw that friend again. Same principle applies here. I totally agree. Occasionally I will have people over for dinner, and I provide the meal and the wine/beer. I think it is crappy for people to invite people to their homes and then expect them to provide all of the alcohol. I usually bring a bottle of wine to someone's house for dinner, and I am happy to do so, but I don't like it when I am expected to do it. I want to bring the wine as a GIFT. Women rarely ask men on dates because for most men, that is a turn-off. Generally speaking, and there are exceptions, men do best when they are pursuing, not being pursued. If a guy invited me out, paid for a round of drinks, then TOLD me the next one was on me, that would be a major turn off. I might have been willing and happy to buy the next round, but to be told to do so, or to be expected to do so by someone who invited ME out, is lame. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I totally agree. Occasionally I will have people over for dinner, and I provide the meal and the wine/beer. I think it is crappy for people to invite people to their homes and then expect them to provide all of the alcohol. I usually bring a bottle of wine to someone's house for dinner, and I am happy to do so, but I don't like it when I am expected to do it. I want to bring the wine as a GIFT. Women rarely ask men on dates because for most men, that is a turn-off. Generally speaking, and there are exceptions, men do best when they are pursuing, not being pursued. If a guy invited me out, paid for a round of drinks, then TOLD me the next one was on me, that would be a major turn off. I might have been willing and happy to buy the next round, but to be told to do so, or to be expected to do so by someone who invited ME out, is lame. Yup. Yup. And Yup. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Collector - if you have a dinner party, do you ask your guests to split the cost of your grocery bill? Would you suggest wedding guests pay the "per person" charge? I certainly don't. Of course it's gracious for guests to bring some wine or the like to a dinner party, but it's certainly never expected. Seems like you'd expect your guests to split the cost with you. I find that odd. I had a friend do that once. A BBQ. She actually told everyone as we were leaving that it would be $20 each. Never saw that friend again. Same principle applies here. No of course I don't. But a date isn't a dinner party, and there is no gender imbalance as there is in dating. If the 'tradition' was that if a man held a dinner party then he paid, but if a woman held a dinner party the male guests paid, I'd be against that tradition. If someone invites a bunch of friends out for a meal, the 'host' doesn't pick up the tab for everyone does he/she? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 No of course I don't. But a date isn't a dinner party, and there is no gender imbalance as there is in dating. If the 'tradition' was that if a man held a dinner party then he paid, but if a woman held a dinner party the male guests paid, I'd be against that tradition. A date is MORE SPECIAL to you than a dinner party guest. You don't expect platonic friends to pay for their meal at a dinner party, and yet you expect your date to. Odd, if you ask me. If someone invites a bunch of friends out for a meal, the 'host' doesn't pick up the tab for everyone does he/she? In my world he/she certainly does. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 A date is MORE SPECIAL to you than a dinner party guest. You don't expect platonic friends to pay for their meal at a dinner party, and yet you expect your date to. Odd, if you ask me. Who is more special on on a date, the man or the woman? You expect not to pay. Odd, if you ask me. Although of course I can see how it benefits you and why you might be loathe to change the set-up. In my world he/she certainly does. Really? So you get invited out for a meal by someone, it's their birthday or something, or like Sex & The City it's just a bunch of gfs talking about shoes... the invitee pays for everyone? What country do you live in, and do you think that's common there or elsewhere? I've certainly never come across the idea. I get that with friends, one person might pick up the tab, because they know that eventually their friends will return the favour and it will all even out. That's not the case on a first date where you may never see the other person again. Link to post Share on other sites
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