guys who dont pay

[Lauriebell82]

Yeah, the "his is hers" part is for after the ink is dry on the marriage license They get you coming and going

 

Man, I wish this cat next to me would live forever. She's got 20 switchblades and all the snack money she needs

 

Haha, that's funny.

[Lauriebell82]

I disagree. What's his is his, not his is hers. SG's guy wants to pay. That's his thing. She's not expecting him to pay because he makes more money.

 

Yeah, I got that part. I was just making a generalized statement, I don't think I put the word expect in there.

[sally4sara]

I am in a point in my life where I have all my finances in order, I have a good career, my home, savings and I love to splurge on little luxuries PLUS I will travel at least 2x a year, that is my passion. NOW I do this ALL on my own and built my teeny tiny little empire with years of my own hard work. If I go out with a man who has potential in sharing my life I want him to also have the same sort of ease in his life to be sure we are on the same page, because in a few months down the road when things start to get heavy I will say, "take two weeks off let's take off to Morocco" or let's go to NY for the weekend. WHATEVER. A man who says "here let me get that on a first date" not only shows me he is financially at ease it also shows me he is generous and willing to part with a few bucks when he sees there is potential for more. Not to mention it shows he is willing to go the extra mile to impress me and WHO doesn't like that?

 

I'm sorry some of you men see this as a gold digger's means to abuse, but it has NOTHING to do with that and everything to do with being selective in who you choose for long term. The man I will be long term involved with will be a man who is not pinching his pennies at the turn of every corner, if I want orchids at my wedding an open bar for guests, or I want to send our daughter to piano lessons, I want to know he won't cheap out and this will be a point of contentio. I also want to know he is happy with his career and financially stable because all those things bring health to the relationship, they add balance and stability. So it's a LOT deeper than just "he wanted to pay to make me feel special"

 

I have NO time for bull****, and that's what I expect from my partner at this point in my life. You can't meet that then we are not for each other.

 

Apropos, and off topic what is Untouchable Fire? Is that like "watery water"?

 

Why? What?

A man can make all the same claims you just did about how hard he's worked and how he is looking for an equal for the long term. Men can't want to feel special too? I'm sorry girl, but I feel special with or without a free meal. Can't you feel special just for the fact you don't need someone to pay your way?

I dig its more than that, but you're acting like all the concerns you have can't also be things men should or would be concerned with too when looking for a good mate. Or do you feel like everyone else has something to prove but you are exempt.

 

A person may have the means to live lush, but I respect the ones who live below their means and give back via donation or their time. Just because a man isn't paying the way for a perfectly able bodied woman doesn't mean he isn't generous. Cause it isn't generosity if its a means to gain something else.

 

Generosity is for those less fortunate. Are you less fortunate? What if instead of paying for you, the guy bought two dinners and gave one to a homeless person? It would show he could afford to do it and that he was generous. Would that do it for you?

 

I bet it wouldn't.

[Lucky555]

His behavior was also off...........First the candy bar incident when i was getting things I NEEDED for my place like food.....He just thought he would put his in there too...NOT A DATE WAS A MEET UP.

 

 

When i went to purchase tickets HE BACKED OFF AND GOT ON HIS CELL PHONE!

 

HE ASKED ME FOR SNACK MONEY.

 

When I paid for the PARKING HE GOT ON HIS CELL PHONE!

 

 

See a pattern anyone?

[Trialbyfire]

Okay, that would seriously bug me if a guy expected me to pay for him all the time because I made or had more money, within a dating scenario. That's like saying the person with the bigger savings account, who's debt free, should be paying for everything while dating, so the person with a lot of debt can pay off their personal debts.

[The Collector]

We are not a couple nor was it a date, we just met up to see each other while i was in the area.

 

...I just didn't feel like i was the one being COURTED!!!!!!

 

If you are going on any date even if it is the first date you should bring money especially if its been planned!

 

I thought it wasn't a date?

 

OH surprisingly HE did have money to buy a snack because he had me wait for him.

 

So he did have money for a snack?

 

And lets clear something else up - did he say 'excuse me can I have some snack money?' or did he say 'Can you get me a Snickers while you're buying that?' or somesuch. Because one sounds uber-lame and the other not so much.

[Lauriebell82]

His behavior was also off...........First the candy bar incident when i was getting things I NEEDED for my place like food.....He just thought he would put his in there too...NOT A DATE WAS A MEET UP.

 

 

When i went to purchase tickets HE BACKED OFF AND GOT ON HIS CELL PHONE!

 

HE ASKED ME FOR SNACK MONEY.

 

When I paid for the PARKING HE GOT ON HIS CELL PHONE!

 

 

See a pattern anyone?

 

Sounds like he expected you to pay for everything. I wonder if he'd be turned off if YOU had displayed this type of behavior. Probably, because he does sound cheap.

 

He could have at least offered to chip in for parking. I would do that on a date if parking was expensive.

[dnm]

 

 

 

• Are you looking for a traditional guy?
  
• Do you want an equal relationship?
  
• Do you want to be wined and dined?
  
• Are you prepared to wine and dine?
  

 

True.

I always prefer paying for myself, though now that I'm engaged it doesn't matter who pays. But yeah, I never expected nor did I ever want any man to pay for me when I was dating.

I do agree though, the "snack money" bit is ridiculously funny .

[Lauriebell82]

Okay, that would seriously bug me if a guy expected me to pay for him all the time because I made or had more money, within a dating scenario. That's like saying the person with the bigger savings account, who's debt free, should be paying for everything while dating, so the person with a lot of debt can pay off their personal debts.

 

I don't know about expected. That's kind of what happened with me. BF offered to pay for more when I was broke. Now that I don't have debt and have more money I usually will offer to pick up the check more frequently, because I know he did it for me. Plus I love him.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Making a woman pay or pay for half on the first few dates is a character trait it denotes CHEAPNESS, something that is awfully unattractive to most people. Just like seeing excessive fat on a woman is unattractive because it denotes laziness.

Apropos, and off topic what is Untouchable Fire? Is that like "watery water"?

 

It doesn't denote cheapness... it denotes equality. Paying straight up assumes your weakness and inability to pay for yourself. If that is how you choose to be I would happily pay for you. However, I will not tolerate a hypocrite.

 

UF - It's something you can't grasp.

 

Wow, could you be any meaner? Sheesh. It's fine to state your opinion, but with all due respect, YOU started bringing me into this thread by saying what I said was stupid. You shouldn't have said anything at all.

 

Actually I could be meaner... but that is not your point. I was not the only person who responded to that particular line of your post... because it summed up the issue at hand succinctly.

 

Do you see why your original statement displays poor attitude?

 

UF -

 

This has so little to do with dating etiquette, morals, or standards.

This guy wanted snack money.

It sounds funny, but thats what it comes down to. I make sure my daughter - when she goes somewhere, has snack money. When I leave the house, alone, intending to meet someone or NOT , I have snack money.

This guy just wanted, on principal, for someone else to provide the snack money.

The original poster sounds intelligent, insightful, and at least experienced enough to know whether the man she went out with is literally homeless and broke , just cheap, or being rude. As most people leave the house with some sort of SNACK MONEY, he is ignorant.

Sometimes you have to go out with a guy to find out these details. In the future, I believe OP should make snack money the bar and then move on from there.

 

I disagree with your assessment of OP.

 

The original intent of the thread was to whine about not getting something that she feels entitled to.

[Enema]

His behavior was also off...........First the candy bar incident when i was getting things I NEEDED for my place like food.....He just thought he would put his in there too...NOT A DATE WAS A MEET UP.

 

 

When i went to purchase tickets HE BACKED OFF AND GOT ON HIS CELL PHONE!

 

HE ASKED ME FOR SNACK MONEY.

 

When I paid for the PARKING HE GOT ON HIS CELL PHONE!

 

 

See a pattern anyone?

 

I see a pattern:

 

Guy B: First date he paid ($25)

Second date he paid ($15)

I paid and got horribly offended. ($35)

 

Really, you can't blame the guy for trying to teach you a lesson. He pays for two dates and you don't even blink.

 

Welcome to 2009.

[Trialbyfire]

This is for both genders. If you want generosity, you'd better be prepared to give it.

 

Don't nickel and dime each other.

[Star Gazer]

So if the guy makes more money then the girl it stands to reason that he can afford to pay for more dates then.

 

That's YOUR reasoning, certainly not mine. Someone who cannot be an equal contributor (you) should never expect to be treated just because the other (your BF) makes more money.

 

Just because my guy can afford to pay more often and at nicer places doesn't mean that he SHOULD. Not by a mile.

[The Collector]

Sounds like he expected you to pay for everything. I wonder if he'd be turned off if YOU had displayed this type of behavior.

 

Guy A: First date he paid ($20)

No mention of whether she offered to chip in, so maybe he was turned off by that sort of behavior.

 

And I checked, he didn't ask for 'snack money' he simply put a (presumably very cheap) candy bar in with her groceries. The nerve!

[Star Gazer]

I don't know about expected. That's kind of what happened with me. BF offered to pay for more when I was broke. Now that I don't have debt and have more money I usually will offer to pick up the check more frequently, because I know he did it for me. Plus I love him.

 

See, you do expect it. You expect that income level should translate into who pays.

[Lucky555]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucky555

We are not a couple nor was it a date, we just met up to see each other while i was in the area.

 

This was a different time where he asked me to buy him a candy bar, I told him i was going to the store to get some stuff I needed and he asked to meet up to see me.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucky555

...I just didn't feel like i was the one being COURTED!!!!!!

 

If you are going on any date even if it is the first date you should bring money especially if its been planned!

 

I thought it wasn't a date? This was during a date! The whole SNACK Money thing.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucky555

OH surprisingly HE did have money to buy a snack because he had me wait for him.

 

So he did have money for a snack? Apparently he did have money but thought to get it from me if he could.

After kissing me he asked me if I had any money so he could go get a snack. I was rather shocked actually.

And lets clear something else up - did he say 'excuse me can I have some snack money?' or did he say 'Can you get me a Snickers while you're buying that?' or somesuch. Because one sounds uber-lame and the other not so much.

[Tomcat33]

Why? What?

A man can make all the same claims you just did about how hard he's worked and how he is looking for an equal for the long term. Men can't want to feel special too? I'm sorry girl, but I feel special with or without a free meal. Can't you feel special just for the fact you don't need someone to pay your way?

 

 

No, I feel special when he pays. Can you dig it?

 

Trust me if he is the right guy and I fall for him he will feel MORE than special by my side, don't you worry about that. Not complaint so far I know what it takes to keep a man happy. I'm confident in my abilities to also court a man.

 

Whatever works ya know? If you wanna pay your way in the early stages of dating then the more power to ya, doesn't work for me. Never did, never will.

[Lauriebell82]

That's YOUR reasoning, certainly not mine. Someone who cannot be an equal contributor (you) should never expect to be treated just because the other (your BF) makes more money..

 

Just because my guy can afford to pay more often and at nicer places doesn't mean that he SHOULD. Not by a mile.

 

Very true. Where I was going with the whole thing, is that if the guy who makes more suggests going to expensive places that his poor broke girlfriend can't afford to go, then it stands to reason that if he wants to go to those places after she has already told him she cannot afford it, wouldn't it be out of courtesy to pick up the check?

 

It actually IS about expecting, because the guy is expecting his date to pay her fair share even though she can't afford to.

[Tomcat33]

Quote:

...I just didn't feel like i was the one being COURTED!!!!!!

 

 

 

That's because you weren't, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Find a guy who wants to put some elbow grease into getting to know you, dead beats are unattractive. If you feel you are worth it stick to your guns there are plenty men who will see your value and have no problem beating the competition for your love.

[Star Gazer]

Very true. Where I was going with the whole thing, is that if the guy who makes more suggests going to expensive places that his poor broke girlfriend can't afford to go, then it stands to reason that if he wants to go to those places after she has already told him she cannot afford it, wouldn't it be out of courtesy to pick up the check?

 

It actually IS about expecting, because the guy is expecting his date to pay her fair share even though she can't afford to.

 

That would make sense coming from an equalist. But it doesn't coming from someone who is looking for a traditional, stay-at-home position while her man is out working to make all the money.

[Lauriebell82]

That would make sense coming from an equalist. But it doesn't coming from someone who is looking for a traditional, stay-at-home position while her man is out working to make all the money.

 

Lets just say I am a little of both.

[Lucky555]

That's because you weren't, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Find a guy who wants to put some elbow grease into getting to know you, dead beats are unattractive. If you feel you are worth it stick to your guns there are plenty men who will see your value and have no problem beating the competition for your love.

 

 

Thanks! I read your previous threads on this and I feel exactly the same way.

[Lauriebell82]

See, you do expect it. You expect that income level should translate into who pays.

 

Sure, as long as the other person is willing to pay due to them having more money. You expect your employees to get work done if you are the boss. It's their choice whether or not they want to do it.

[Lauriebell82]

That would make sense coming from an equalist. But it doesn't coming from someone who is looking for a traditional, stay-at-home position while her man is out working to make all the money.

 

I plan on having a very hefty savings account before I stay home with the babies for a few years. I can save a lot of extra money every month so that's what I plan to do.

[Tomcat33]

Thanks! I read your previous threads on this and I feel exactly the same way.

 

For sure. Your expectations are reasonable and only you know what you need to be happy. There are a LOT of men out there who are more than happy to be the man and treat a lady.

 

Did you get to read the story about the surgeon I went out with that my friend also went out with? I love that story it goes to prove that with some men you are as valuable as you are willing to make yourself be. If you don't stand up for yourself another woman will. So why be the one to give away the goods for free, what value is there in that? NONE.