Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 This is hilarious. There are probably about 15 threads you've started about you having "who pays" issues. Yeah, last year. A lot has changed in that year. It IS possible that I changed my way of looking at relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 It sounds like you are EXTREMELY traditional, however you can get love and affection and care from a man without him showering you with dates and paying for you all the time. My boyfriend doesn't pay for everything and I know he cares and loves me like crazy. I know I can, you're cute. It's just a lot nicer when he wants to do that and it is coming from the right place. That doesn't take away from the overall love experience, that is where you are missing the point, it just enhances it. And I never said a man always pays I said things shift and I pay for him and start to treat him. Why are you selective reading young lady? Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Making a woman pay or pay for half on the first few dates is a character trait it denotes CHEAPNESS, something that is awfully unattractive to most people. Just like seeing excessive fat on a woman is unattractive because it denotes laziness. It's not like men can get away with being fat, nearly all women will also think that those men are unattractive and lazy. A man's willingness to pay for the date won't help one bit if that is the case. I am in a point in my life where I have all my finances in order, I have a good career, my home, savings and I love to splurge on little luxuries PLUS I will travel at least 2x a year, that is my passion. NOW I do this ALL on my own and built my teeny tiny little empire with years of my own hard work. If I go out with a man who has potential in sharing my life I want him to also have the same sort of ease in his life to be sure we are on the same page, because in a few months down the road when things start to get heavy I will say, "take two weeks off let's take off to Morocco" or let's go to NY for the weekend. WHATEVER. A man who says "here let me get that on a first date" not only shows me he is financially at ease it also shows me he is generous and willing to part with a few bucks when he sees there is potential for more. Not to mention it shows he is willing to go the extra mile to impress me and WHO doesn't like that? I think it is good to look for someone who is on the same page (income wise, or probably more important lifestyle wise). However, just because a man has the spare time and the money is no guarantee that he is also spontaneous enough to just go on a vacation at the drop of a hat. Paying for dates and such spontaneity are two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 that's quite harsh. I have always preferred to pay for myself. My desire for equality has nothing to do with insecurity. Just because you don't believe in it does not mean that you can trash other women who want equality or equate it with fairness. If you want it to be traditional, fine, but don't equate being a modern woman with being less feminine. Why can't you respect other people's choices? Hun I said "THOSE" girls are very insecure I was talking about Kashmir's example. Let's get real here, would you seriously pull some trip about how it's "2008 and why did you get my movie ticket I can get it myself" on a guy who was nice enough to be waiting for you at the movies with your ticket? That's what is not feminine in my eyes, the feminine and cool way to go about that is to say "oh that's so sweet of you to think ahead Kash, thank so much!! Ok but I'm getting the treats, and I won't take no for an answer" Cool girl response VS feminatzy insecure attack. We all know YOU can get your own movie ticket, are you THAT INSECURE about your capanilities as a woman? But then again that's what I would respond to a guy friend or anyone who had the decency to get my movie ticket ahead of time, it is a sweet gesture no need to go into "this is 2008 I am woman hear me roar" bullshet. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 No, I feel special when he pays. Can you dig it? Trust me if he is the right guy and I fall for him he will feel MORE than special by my side, don't you worry about that. Not complaint so far I know what it takes to keep a man happy. I'm confident in my abilities to also court a man. Whatever works ya know? If you wanna pay your way in the early stages of dating then the more power to ya, doesn't work for me. Never did, never will. You didn't answer one thing tho.... If he bought two expensive meals (one for him and another one) and gave the other one to a homeless person, who that do it for you as proof he was capable and generous? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 That's what is not feminine in my eyes, the feminine and cool way to go about that is to say "oh that's so sweet of you to think ahead Kash, thank so much!! Ok but I'm getting the treats, and I won't take no for an answer" You're finally starting to make some sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 You didn't answer one thing tho.... If he bought two expensive meals (one for him and another one) and gave the other one to a homeless person, who that do it for you as proof he was capable and generous? I didn't answer your example because it's off topic and irrelevant to what we are discussing. When I want to watch social volunteers at work I'll let you know how I feel about that scenario. Seriously, what does that does that EVEN have to do with the price of tea in China? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 You're finally starting to make some sense. Your preconceived notions were stopping you from seeing the logic in my words. But better late than never. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Seriously, what does that does that EVEN have to do with the price of tea in China? I guess it's the difference between illustrating his generosity, but without the worry that this 'generosity test' was just a smokescreen for you to get treats, treats and more treats. Link to post Share on other sites
ella23 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Hun I said "THOSE" girls are very insecure I was talking about Kashmir's example. Let's get real here, would you seriously pull some trip about how it's "2008 and why did you get my movie ticket I can get it myself" on a guy who was nice enough to be waiting for you at the movies with your ticket? That's what is not feminine in my eyes, the feminine and cool way to go about that is to say "oh that's so sweet of you to think ahead Kash, thank so much!! Ok but I'm getting the treats, and I won't take no for an answer" Cool girl response VS feminatzy insecure attack. We all know YOU can get your own movie ticket, are you THAT INSECURE about your capanilities as a woman? But then again that's what I would respond to a guy friend or anyone who had the decency to get my movie ticket ahead of time, it is a sweet gesture no need to go into "this is 2008 I am woman hear me roar" bullshet. I hear what you are saying, and I won't speak so rudely, but if the man kept paying each time, then I would have a problem with that. I would feel uncomfortable if a guy paid for me all the time, won't want to feel like a freeloader. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I would feel uncomfortable if a guy paid for me all the time, won't want to feel like a freeloader. The trick is to never think of yourself as a freeloader, but instead surround yourself with fanciful notions of 'tradition' and 'femininity.' Also, only men can be 'cheap.' See, it's easy when you know how. Oh and buy the popcorn sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I guess it's the difference between illustrating his generosity, but without the worry that this 'generosity test' was just a smokescreen for you to get treats, treats and more treats. Oh I see... was that what that meant? OK if you feel that example is a valid one then I could also turn it around and say, how would you feel if a woman you went out on a date with told you about all her sexual escapades with other men and admitted that she was very sexual told you she slept with guys pretty much on the onset but also when you went to make any sort of move on her she would reject your passes. How long would go along with that knowing she is fully capable of being very sexual just not sufficiently interested in exploring that with you. Just out of curiosity? Link to post Share on other sites
ella23 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 The trick is to never think of yourself as a freeloader, but instead surround yourself with fanciful notions of 'tradition' and 'femininity.' Also, only men can be 'cheap.' See, it's easy when you know how. Oh and buy the popcorn sometimes. lol I'm not a fan of tradition too much, but I am feminine. Wanting to be an equal hasn't made me manly:laugh: And I feel the same way vice versa, as in if I pay for the man all the time, then I would have a problem again. IMO fairness=equality, but to each his/her own. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Oh I see... was that what that meant? OK if you feel that example is a valid one then I could also turn it around and say, how would you feel if a woman you went out on a date with told you about all her sexual escapades with other men and admitted that she was very sexual told you she slept with guys pretty much on the onset but also when you went to make any sort of move on her she would reject your passes. How long would go along with that knowing she is fully capable of being very sexual just not sufficiently interested in exploring that with you. Just out of curiosity? Er... 'Next' I think. I don't see the correlation though. Guys spend money, and women 'allow' sex? Not my experience really. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Yeah that's true actually. At any rate my point was go to any singles event, any bar or any online dating site and see how much easier it is for men than it is for women. Heck just hang out here and read about all the guys complaining about online dating and how they never get any responses and what do they have to do to get a girl's attention. It's not ego it's a reality. It's always been like this. Women have more options than men which is why society is designed in such a way that men compete for the attention of women, and treating them to a date is one way a man competes for her love. I don't make the rules, I just follow them. If that's true, why do men usually end up marrying younger women? If it was harder for men, they would have to settle for older women. Instead, it's women who end up settling for the older guy. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I didn't answer your example because it's off topic and irrelevant to what we are discussing. When I want to watch social volunteers at work I'll let you know how I feel about that scenario. Seriously, what does that does that EVEN have to do with the price of tea in China? Because you said that a guy paying proves to you that as a potential mate he is capable and generous. If he did this, it would prove that. I want to see if you'll lie. It isn't about his generosity or capability to you. You just wanted to sound more noble about your reasons, but you're not. You're just materialistic and that is what you're proving to people in those initial dates. I understand the sense in not freaking out if a guy buys my ticket before I show up or something similar. I wouldn't freak out in your little scenario. I do feel however, that expecting a complete stranger to prove themselves to you, another complete stranger, is classless and rude. You can't claim to be thought of as special by someone who doesn't even know you well enough to know what makes you special. I think you take it as a measure of your attractiveness to the guy. And makes YOU sound insecure. Sorry, but you're no better than the other guy for the first few dates no matter what your parents told you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 The trick is to never think of yourself as a freeloader, but instead surround yourself with fanciful notions of 'tradition' and 'femininity.' Also, only men can be 'cheap.' See, it's easy when you know how. Oh and buy the popcorn sometimes. no no the trick is to actually be a freeloader, hang out in your basemant reading spider man comics and when you get the urge to ge laid go out and pretend to be an adult and end up hating all women in the process simply because you no longer fit in. Link to post Share on other sites
ella23 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Because you said that a guy paying proves to you that as a potential mate he is capable and generous. If he did this, it would prove that. I want to see if you'll lie. It isn't about his generosity or capability to you. You just wanted to sound more noble about your reasons, but you're not. You're just materialistic and that is what you're proving to people in those initial dates. I understand the sense in not freaking out if a guy buys my ticket before I show up or something similar. I wouldn't freak out in your little scenario. I do feel however, that expecting a complete stranger to prove themselves to you, another complete stranger, is classless and rude. You can't claim to be thought of as special by someone who doesn't even know you well enough to know what makes you special. I think you take it as a measure of your attractiveness to the guy. And makes YOU sound insecure. Sorry, but you're no better than the other guy for the first few dates no matter what your parents told you. I fully agree with this. It has nothing to do with being feminine. Chivalry and generosity aren't the same. Or should I say, the woman should also be generous sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
ella23 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 tomcat, just like you view women who insist on going dutch on dates as 'feminazis', they would probably look at your views as that of a freeloader. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Oh I see... was that what that meant? OK if you feel that example is a valid one then I could also turn it around and say, how would you feel if a woman you went out on a date with told you about all her sexual escapades with other men and admitted that she was very sexual told you she slept with guys pretty much on the onset but also when you went to make any sort of move on her she would reject your passes. How long would go along with that knowing she is fully capable of being very sexual just not sufficiently interested in exploring that with you. Just out of curiosity? Yeeeaaahh.... I don't get the comparison you've made here. I think you're implying that if a guy knows I've had sex, he shouldn't have to wait at all for me to spread my legs for him too? Does this mean you're worried if you don't get the guy to pay for dinner, he will advertise this fact and you'll never get a free meal again? I see your concern there........ (umm actually I really don't) Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Because you said that a guy paying proves to you that as a potential mate he is capable and generous. If he did this, it would prove that. I want to see if you'll lie. It isn't about his generosity or capability to you. You just wanted to sound more noble about your reasons, but you're not. You're just materialistic and that is what you're proving to people in those initial dates. I understand the sense in not freaking out if a guy buys my ticket before I show up or something similar. I wouldn't freak out in your little scenario. I do feel however, that expecting a complete stranger to prove themselves to you, another complete stranger, is classless and rude. You can't claim to be thought of as special by someone who doesn't even know you well enough to know what makes you special. I think you take it as a measure of your attractiveness to the guy. And makes YOU sound insecure. Sorry, but you're no better than the other guy for the first few dates no matter what your parents told you. No you just wanted to keep hammering your point. I like how I didn't even answer your question and you have clearly already come up with an assesment of what you interpret by my "fantom" response. :laugh: hilarious! YOU just proved it doesn't matter what I answer you have your way of seeing things and that's that. So why even ask me that? Well aren't we all looking for measures of our overall atractiveness in a first date scenario especially when you are out with someone you really like? Or are you that sure of yourself you already know eveything a man or woman (not sure what you are) is thinking when they are sitting in front of you on a first date. What foolish thing to say, yeah of course I am looking for measures of my overall atractiveness I could be knock out or a average joe but if the object of my desire is sitting in front of me I want to be a knock out. Don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 tomcat, just like you view women who insist on going dutch on dates as 'feminazis', they would probably look at your views as that of a freeloader. I view women who complain about a man getting them a movie ticket and going off the deepend with "this is 2008" spiel a feminatzi move, yeah for sure! It's mental, plain and simple. And for the record looking for measures of attractiveness on a first date is not insecure it is realistic sorry you are to desensitized (for lack of better word) out to tap into such a basic human tendency. Link to post Share on other sites
ella23 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I view women who complain about a man getting them a movie ticket and going off the deepend with "this is 2008" spiel a feminatzi move, yeah for sure! It's mental, plain and simple. sounds about right from a woman who tries to say that being what is basically being a freeloader as traditional and feminine. Go and look for your free meal ticket sure, but at least admit it. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Well aren't we all looking for measures of our overall atractiveness in a first date scenario especially when you are out with someone you really like? But you're measure of attractiveness seems to be all about being financially rewarded. Like you said earlier, your value is defined by how much someone is willing to pay for you. It seems one-sided, unfair, and mercenary - ie not romantic in the slightest to me. Also I don't read Spider-Man anymore ever since he did that deal with Mephisto to undo his marriage to Mary-Jane. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Well aren't we all looking for measures of our overall atractiveness in a first date scenario especially when you are out with someone you really like? Or are you that sure of yourself you already know eveything a man or woman (not sure what you are) is thinking when they are sitting in front of you on a first date. What foolish thing to say, yeah of course I am looking for measures of my overall atractiveness I could be knock out or a average joe but if the object of my desire is sitting in front of me I want to be a knock out. Don't you? On a first date, I don't know if I really like them yet. I just met them, hence first date. They don't know if they really like me. So the only reason we're out on a first date is because we find each other attractive. He has already let me know he finds me attractive by either accepting when I asked him out (which let him know I found him attractive) or by asking me out (which lets me know he thinks I'm attractive). I don't think the nearness of my face to free food will make me more attractive looking to him or anyone else. But hey! maybe it improves your looks! Link to post Share on other sites
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