theBrokenMuse Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 What my husband said to me this morning solidifies my decision to leave him and now I'm thinking that I don't feel the least bit like giving him any sort of heads up on the situation because if he were to try and work on the marriage at this point it would be to cover his own rump to get out of paying child support or keep his family from wanting to kick his butt not because he actually cares about me or this marriage whatsoever. He's been very selfish, neglectful and emotionally abusive for awhile now but this morning was just the straw that broke the camel's back. The weather is horrific here today. Most of the schools are closed except for where I live and one other area. Because our apartment building is located in the very back of the large complex that houses other apartment buildings we can't see or hear the bus from our home. They have us wait for the bus out by the main road. I'm standing there with my child for what felt like an eternity. Freezing cold seeping into my large frame so I can only imagine how cold my little one felt. After nearly an hour of waiting we went back into the house. I call the bus company and they tell me that a bus did come supposedly fifteen minutes after I had left to go outside which is a lie. I saw two buses come by but neither of them stopped. They got flustered and hung up. I was upset to say the least. I look over at my husband and said, "I can't believe they just lied to me and hung up on me. I can't stand this bus company they are so f'in incompetent!" Well, apparently, that was the wrong thing to say because he started snarling at me, "Call them back! Call them and whine to them about it, I don't want to hear it." I said "Ok, I won't bother you with it anymore. I won't say another word." That wasn't enough to diffuse the situation because he then goes on a tirade about how he doesn't care about anything that happens to me. He doesn't want to know about any of my problems and I should just keep everything to myself rather than come to him with anything or tell him any stories or news about my life. I am just floored and disgusted that this is the man who seemed to be so loving and kind when we were dating. He was one hell of an actor, that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 It sounds like you are single parenting, with all the struggles of a single mom, but with the added benefit of an abusive narrator. Link to post Share on other sites
Author theBrokenMuse Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 but with the added benefit of an abusive narrator. It's more like that of a sociopathic, angry adult with peter pan syndrome. Link to post Share on other sites
LovieDove24 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I think the Walk Away Wife term was coined for women who were simply unhappy because of something that was missing or other mildly irritating traits that build over time. I don't think it was coined for women with verbally abusive husbands. The more appropriate terminology should be "Hunny you should of left his degrading butt long ago." Sorry I realize that sounds unsupportive but all I'm saying is don't feel bad if you must leave. Don't feel like you're "pulling the rug out" from under him like Walk Away Wives tend to do. He is being verbally and emotionally abusive towards you and put up a wall so you CANNOT discuss your issues with him. If your story here is any indication of how he typically acts towards you, have no qualms about hittin the road. And surely there must have been SOME red flags to indicate his abusive nature when you were dating?? Link to post Share on other sites
OneTwo Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 There are two sides to every story. Muse, tell us more about what led up to this tirade so that we can gain insight. I'm not saying that this was reasonable on his part, but I would like to think there is more to this story. If not, then it says something about your ability to choose a partner. If so, then let's talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
luvstarved Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Yes, I would like more info too. I am not defending him either, I have a verbally abusive husband myself! But - there ARE two sides to every story. And I do wonder what might be going on in his mind as he says these things...I know for my H, his issues come from his parents and how they spoiled him and never taught him to care about others' feelings or boundaries, etc. such that he really "doesn't get" my insistence on better behavior and really does feel unfairly maligned when I call him on his bad behavior. However, slowly, back and forth, some progress toward understanding and improvement does happen. I am just wondering if, in HIS mind, you are a relentlessly complaining person, or...what. My H has called me "unsupportive" whenever I don't agree with him. This is absolutely not true. But, it is useful to me to acknowledge that in HIS mind it IS true. That gives me something to work with. At some point, these situations are hopeless. Maybe mine is too and I am just stubborn as hell in continuing to try to work on it. But...the bottom line suggestion from me is to try to step back and look at things and see if you can come up with any consistent explanation as to where this might come from in his mind...even if it is a load of crap...ALL of us have some crap/flaws in our thinking, but you cannot defend against it unless you know what it is. If nothing comes of this, I'd try just sitting him down and ASKING him, why is it you no longer care to hear about my problems? You are my husband. You're supposed to care. Please tell me why you don't. My guess is that he would launch into a litany of your faults and transgressions...which might make you angry and defensive...but if possible...try to listen to whatever he says rationally and calmly. I imagine that whatever he says will either tell you a truth you need to know...or open a dialog toward mutual understanding. Either way, it's progress for YOUR life... Best wishes... Link to post Share on other sites
eclipseIDE Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 . And surely there must have been SOME red flags to indicate his abusive nature when you were dating?? Yes, I would imagine there were some red flags but people usually ignore them before they get married. OP how long did you date before you got married? Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 A lot of women love to complain verbally about their situation but don't actually want to "fix it". I do this all the time myself. A lot of men, on the other hand, tend to want to fix things, otherwise they do not see the the point of talking about it. Perhaps this has happened so many times that he just lost his temper. Could this be a clash of that? I don't know anything about your relationship other than this post, so I have no idea, but it's something to consider. Link to post Share on other sites
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