Can't stop thinking about him! Make me stop!!! (a bit long)

[lovingalways]

I'm hoping someone will slap me a bit on here and make me stop thinking about this other person. I honestly need help because I feel like I might do something really dumb. Here's a back story.

 

Met a guy 4 years ago. We volunteered together at the hospital. The moment we met, we instantly clicked and our friendship just grew from there. We worked on a couple of big projects together and managed to keep in touch whenever we had time (we're both workaholics and perfectionists). I was attracted to him but was in a relationship back then so I just ignored it. The first time an alarm went off in my head was when I realized the frequency of his e-mails. He e-mailed me every day, sometimes multiple times usually talking about nonsense but in one of them he mentioned how, no matter what, he will always be there for me and then invited me to hang out with him during one of our orientations. That day was incredible (I still remember it vividly) because here was a guy I could talk with for hours and not be able to shut up. But again, I ignored it because I was in a relationship (my relationship was already on rocks here). Anyway, we had another one of those presentations and when we were done, we were just joking around and laughing when one of our colleagues came up to us and said "Why don't you two go out?" I remember that we both looked at each other, he had a half smile on his face and I remember saying "I'm in a relationship right now. He's a great guy though."

 

Anyway, 2 years have passed since that day and I'm still in contact with him. However, our relationship has gone from just being friends to both trying to avoid each other because of our attraction. We went out a couple of times in those 2 years - he offered to take dance lessons with me, he made sure I got home safe, etc. When I broke up with my ex, he was there for me. He listened to me ramble about nonsense. Not to mention that he would always compliment my work and me and he just built my confidence (even if I felt as though I couldn't go on, he would just push me to do better). He's big with numbers so a joke we had between us was him counting how many times he got rejected - 122. Anyway, every time he got rejected he would let me know and like a week after I broke up with my ex (which was 6 months ago), he again let me know about it. And now I realize he was hoping I would say I want to be with him. When I realized that I would like to try this whole thing - well, it was too late. He came to tell me he has a gf. So I gave up on it. I'm NOT the type of person who will ruin someone's relationship for my benefit.

 

And this is where it gets complicated. I e-mail him to check up on him in December and he suggests we meet up for some Christmas shopping. Obviously I agree (I just entered into a new relationship and I had no idea where that was going to go). I haven't seen him for a couple of months now and not a moment passed when he asked me "So are you in a relationship? Or are you laying it low?" I thought this was odd because he never used to ask me something like that out of the blue. Also the way he said it - he sort of looked away, like the answer is going to hurt his feelings. I felt like he was hesitant to know. But I told him I was in one but that it's fairly new. He just nodded. Then I asked him about his gf (just to be courteous) and he started off by telling me how her family is messed up, then he went on to tell me that she tends to wear dirty clothing and that he's trying to fix that and then he went on to say that she is insecure. In the mean time, he was going "She likes Second Cup. Got to buy a gift certificate. I bought her this bracelet and I got into huge trouble because of it." And then he goes on to say "She can't ever relax. Like I tease her, but she doesn't get our sarcasm. She just gets mad at me". The whole time I'm like "Is there anything good about this girl?" And THEN he goes "She doesn't believe in herself and I constantly have to remind her that she will achieve something only if she believes. And then when she does achieve it, she goes all running towards me." So I started to get a bit confused about the whole situation.

 

To make things a bit more complicated, he told me something she told him (i'm not going to write it here - it was sexual - they never had sex) and he started to crack up (more like "I can't believe she said that" laugh). Then he asks me "Should I have sex with her?" My face went from shock to confusion. I didn't know what to say to that so I said "If you want to." And he goes "Isn't it going to be awkward later on?" and I go "Do you love her?" and he goes "...Yes" and I go "Then it won't be awkward." I think he sensed I was feeling a bit uncomfortable with this talk (I told him my experience with it though). And then, we were walking and he wanted to buy her a sweater so I asked "How does she look like?" and he goes "She's your physique. She reminds me of you physically". Now this can be taken differently by different people but the way he said it and the way he looked at me made me feel really odd. Not to mention, he kept teasing me and stuff (he has done this before but when he was single and it's one of those playful "I like you" teasing styles).

 

Anyway, all of this has been going through my head and I have an idea as to why but I don't want to do anything dumb. This guy is usually not open about these things - that's why I'm writing this. He doesn't usually talk like this or act like this (my reason for concern). He told me a whole bunch of other things (mostly what no one knows about) and wanted me to contribute to his essay that he's going to try to get published (mind you, his gf is contributing too so I have no idea why he asked me to do it as well). I'm still in a relationship but it's not really working out for me (probably because of these thoughts but also because the guy is not ready for anything serious). I do NOT want to break up a relationship this other guy has and mine as well. I just need you to help me decipher all of this because if it's what I'm thinking, then I have a problem that needs addressing. I also need you to help me stop thinking about this. It's inappropriate (IMO). Help!!!