What Hurts More: cheating Boyfriend or Cheating Girlfriend

[emotionalydistraugt]

I dont know how you all feel about this but I feel that when a girl cheats there's more behind it then when a guy does it. I'm not making excuses for either, I just feel that when a girl cheats she does it to hurt the other person and when a guy cheats he just got caught up in the moment.

Just curios how you all feel

[JamesM]

If I was a woman and my boyfriend cheated, then I would answer ...boyfriend.

 

But since I am a man, it would be worse if my girlfriend cheated.

 

I think you are looking at it from your perspective.

 

Rejection is rejection no matter what form it takes.

[anne1707]

So women are vindictive creatures whilst poor men are just vulnerable?

 

Sorry but both are as bad as each other and the motives are pretty much the same for both sexes.

[Frankasy]

Your question is like asking an American if they think Russia is better than America and a Russian if America is better than Russia.

 

Betrayal is betrayal, whoever does it is the "bad one".

[Jo78]

I just feel that when a girl cheats she does it to hurt the other person and when a guy cheats he just got caught up in the moment.

So you're saying women are smart and capable of making conscious decisions while weighing in the consequences, and men are just plain dumb?

[Nikki Sahagin]

It's a stupid question (no offence) because obviously the pain of being cheated on is universal. It is not gender specific. It doesn't hurt more if a woman cheats on a man than it does if a man cheats on a woman. The action causes the exact same thoughts, feelings and pain regardless of the gender of the person who commits it. That's like saying what hurts more, a male or female murderer? It doesn't lessen the crime. That said I think probably women are more conditioned to think that men DO cheat, and so might be less suprised? Whereas men perhaps think women are less sexually inclined or less....interested and so it may hit them harder? That said when you're in love it hits you hard regardless.

[againstallodds]

Come on guys,

 

 

We are living in a society where men are chasing after women so if you look at it from a mathematical probability perspective women are more likely to cheat if things get sour in the relationship because they get seduced by men.

 

If it's the other way around then I would think men do more cheating.

 

 

Cheating is also geographical too. In Asia where prostitution are readily available, men over there cheat a lot since it's easier.

[Geishawhelk]

I've read some goofy stuff in my time but that does take the biscuit!

[Nikki Sahagin]

There really is no way to determine who cheats more.

 

You can excuse it either way.

 

I.e. men have to cheat, they are pre-programmed to seek numerous partners. Women are supposedly pre-programmed to be selective in picking a partner but in the animal kingdom are also known to have one males babies whilst being with another - so infidelity on both counts! Then think about the black widow eating her mate after sex - who's the innocent victim in all that then?

 

Humans are far more complicated and ANYONE can cheat. It's possible in any relationship regardless of whether you're male, female, straight, gay, black, white - also do we have a hand for hand count of who cheats? No. There are no statistics because who would really be honest about it? There might be people who out themselves but a lot of people are quietly getting their cake and eating it too.

[Geishawhelk]

Men and women cheat at exactly the same rate......

If a man is cheating on his SO, then a woman is cheating with him.

If a woman is cheating on her SO, then a man is cheating with her.

 

You don't have to be married or attached to be in a cheating relationship.

Both are cheaters, because the person with a partner is cheating on said partner, and the OW/OM is a compliant accomplice.

 

(this applies to same-gender relationships/affairs, too.....)

[famke]

your question to us was: when does it hurt more? when a bf cheats or when a gf cheats. well I think it hurts the same. for the person being cheat on.

 

Because its 'accepted' by or society that men cheat on their women, that doesn't mean that is more okay for them to do it then for women to do it!! thats bull****!

[sally4sara]

Come on guys,

 

 

We are living in a society where men are chasing after women so if you look at it from a mathematical probability perspective women are more likely to cheat if things get sour in the relationship because they get seduced by men.

 

If it's the other way around then I would think men do more cheating.

 

 

Cheating is also geographical too. In Asia where prostitution are readily available, men over there cheat a lot since it's easier.

 

You didn't start a thread asking who we thought cheated more. You asked who feels more pain when betrayed by their partner - men or women?

 

Why on Earth would you think either gender felt less pain over it?

[againstallodds]

I didn't start this thread but cheating is geographical. If it's readily available then you're more tempted to. From the article below it show that more women are cheating than men.

 

 

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article77126.ece

[Geishawhelk]

These statistics are completely useless.

They don't answer the main question of the topic.

Who hurts more?

 

(My comments were also OT.

Mea culpa. Apologies.)......

[anne1707]

I didn't start this thread but cheating is geographical. If it's readily available then you're more tempted to. From the article below it show that more women are cheating than men.

 

 

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article77126.ece

 

 

I don't think basing your response on The Sun newspaper is the best approach. It's a trash tabloid paper wanting it to sound as if all housewives are shagging their window cleaner

[Deekon]

I would say when a woman cheats. I know I can't handle getting back together with someone after she slept with someone else. It's just something I can't shake, but some women seem to be able to do it.

[Jo78]

I didn't start this thread but cheating is geographical. If it's readily available then you're more tempted to. From the article below it show that more women are cheating than men.

 

 

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article77126.ece

Sure, The Sun is a great reliable source, very scientific. Good job!

[Adamagnet]

Coming from an evolutionary psychology perspective, cheating hurts males more than females. The theory: When a man cheats on his mate she loses relatively little resources, but in the opposite situation the male has the possibility of being a cuckold and thus loses vast amounts of resources that would be better suited towards propagating his genetic material.

 

A reflection of this concept can bee seen in the statistics of relationships; After an instance of infidelity, females are more likely to stick with the relationship than males.

[anne1707]

Coming from an evolutionary psychology perspective, cheating hurts males more than females. The theory: When a man cheats on his mate she loses relatively little resources, but in the opposite situation the male has the possibility of being a cuckold and thus loses vast amounts of resources that would be better suited towards propagating his genetic material.

 

A reflection of this concept can bee seen in the statistics of relationships; After an instance of infidelity, females are more likely to stick with the relationship than males.

 

 

 

 

Sorry but it is the complete opposite!!!!

 

For a man, withing the evolutionary psychology perspective, the aim is to procreate and that can be done with as many women as possible - the target is to have as many children as possible thus increasing the chances of survival for your gene pool.

 

 

For women, the aim is to keep that good "mate" to help you provide for the few children you are capable of having. Your second paragraph actuallty supports this argument, not the one you are proposing, as the woman will want to hang on to the father of her children because he is the one who will be most willing to provide for the children (being his gene pool).

[carhill]

the woman will want to hang on to the father of her children because he is the one who will be most willing to provide for the children

 

And, boy, you don't have to tell a man that. The courts do, whether he's willing or not

 

On-topic, OP, what do you mean by:

feel that when a girl cheats there's *more behind it* then when a guy does it.

 

Are you limiting the *more* to hurting the other partner, or do you wish to expand upon that?

 

My EA fit neither of those descriptions (for the lady or the man) but was still just as hurtful. Also, do you delineate between EA's and PA's in your assertion? LS'ers have debated the gender-relative "harm" of those respective sub-forms of cheating as well. Tell me, if your GF hadn't been making out with the guy, but rather had been sharing personal non-sexual stuff with him, like emotional issues (that's a non-sexual EA), would it make any difference about how you feel right now? Why?

[Adamagnet]

Sorry but it is the complete opposite!!!!

 

Where have you gleamed your information from?

 

For a man, withing the evolutionary psychology perspective, the aim is to procreate and that can be done with as many women as possible - the target is to have as many children as possible thus increasing the chances of survival for your gene pool.

 

I agree that the number of mating opportunities is a prime motivator for male reproductive behavior, but how does this support the idea of women being more "hurt" in infidelity?

 

I could possibly see how your reasoning would lead you down that track because the mate cost for males is significantly lower than that for females. However, you can't look at mating cost as the metric for how "hurt" an individual would be when the knowledge of infidelity comes to light.

 

For women, the aim is to keep that good "mate" to help you provide for the few children you are capable of having.

 

What this concept supports is the assertion that women are more "hurt" in the dissolution of a relationship than men, especially when offspring are involved.

 

If relationships always dissolved after infidelity, I would agree with you, but this is obviously not the case.

 

Your second paragraph actuallty supports this argument, not the one you are proposing, as the woman will want to hang on to the father of her children because he is the one who will be most willing to provide for the children (being his gene pool).

 

Again, it looks like you are equating infidelity with the loss of the relationship. Also, I disagree with the assumption that a female needs the biological father to provide resources. Have you seen the resent studies on the number of cuckolds?

[anne1707]

Where have you gleamed your information from?

 

 

From the psychology degree I am studying for.

 

 

 

I agree that the number of mating opportunities is a prime motivator for male reproductive behavior, but how does this support the idea of women being more "hurt" in infidelity?

 

I was not talking about "hurt", I was talking "why"

 

 

 

What this concept supports is the assertion that women are more "hurt" in the dissolution of a relationship than men, especially when offspring are involved.

 

If relationships always dissolved after infidelity, I would agree with you, but this is obviously not the case.

 

 

Again, I was not talking "hurt". However women will hang on to the relationship not because it hurtss less than it would for a man but because the "why" is more important, i.e. they need the support to raise children

 

 

 

Again, it looks like you are equating infidelity with the loss of the relationship.

 

Not what I said at all. Never talked about ending relationships, just why affairs happen.

 

 

 

 

Also, I disagree with the assumption that a female needs the biological father to provide resources. Have you seen the resent studies on the number of cuckolds?

 

 

Sorry but the biological father has a far greater interest in the welfare of the child than any other man (I know, there are exceptions).

[Adamagnet]

Men who are cuckolded do not manage to transmit their genes to the next generation and so they achieve no reproductive success. Men are therefore selected to be very sensitive to cues to possible cuckoldry and to attempt to guard against the possibility.

 

http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200806

/why-does-the-baby-have-daddy-s-eyes-not-mommy-s-part-i

 

 

A better explanation than mine:

Evolutionary psychologists believe that the cues that trigger sexual jealousy are weighted differently in men and women. From the man's perspective, a sexual infidelity will result in uncertainty in paternity of their children, which often leads to sexual jealousy. Sexual infidelity acts as a cue that triggers sexual jealousy among men. For women, their mate's sexual infidelity does not jeopardize a woman's assurance in parenthood. The child remains hers no matter what. If her mate becomes interested in another woman, this will result in a loss of his time, attention, energy, resources, protection, and commitment to her children. This loss is essential to her child's survival and is a cue for sexual jealousy (Buunk, Angleitner, Oubaid, & Buss, 1996). Women are more prone to react negatively when they or their children are deprived of emotional support; this will trigger jealousy. Men, on the other hand, will become angry if they suspect their wives of sexual infidelity.

 

http://www.personalityresearch.org/papers/denisiuk.html

[Adamagnet]

I was not talking about "hurt", I was talking "why"

 

So tell me what defense mechanism are you using now?

[wuggle]

I dont know how you all feel about this but I feel that when a girl cheats there's more behind it then when a guy does it. I'm not making excuses for either, I just feel that when a girl cheats she does it to hurt the other person and when a guy cheats he just got caught up in the moment.

Just curios how you all feel

 

The OP was concerned with feelings, ie who feels worse, men or women. To start discussing this from an evolutionary Psychology point of view is IMO wrong as this deals with why and advantage\disadvantage from a genetic point of view, (ie passing on genes to future generations) rather than feelings and emotions (ie I feel like sh*t now).

 

My personal take is that when both men and women cheat both do it for similar reasons (varied and bloody complicated) and both can get hurt just as much. Really does depend on the individual.