Freedom Now Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Yes, it is very possible that she is friends with her xMM. I feel absolutely nothing when I see or talk to mine. So, it is possible. However, we rarely chat except to talk about our daughter. When he does try to steer the conversation towards our past relationship, I tell him I'm not that same girl anymore. And he drops the subject. Guard your heart, WOW. You seem like a nice guy and I would hate to see you get hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 When he does try to steer the conversation towards our past relationship, I tell him I'm not that same girl anymore. And he drops the subject. Guard your heart, WOW. You seem like a nice guy and I would hate to see you get hurt. The bolded part is where I get concerned for you, WoW. Its not in a man's nature to NOT bring up a past relationship with an Ex, even on the extreme rare occasion like FN speaks about. Maybe I'm projecting here, but I don't have an ex that doesn't bring up the past --even innocently like looking at my kids and saying "they could have been mine" or something. I'm with FN, guard your heart. Its hard to change lifestyles, no matter how great the connection between the two of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WalkOnWater Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Ok, ok, I hear you loud & clear, ..... and thank you for making me aware. After these few days of posting, I can see that I was simply following my heart and not thinking w/ my head. I appreciate the concern that everyone has expressed here, it's comforting to have that. I have mixed feelings about guarding my heart though. I certainly want to avoid pain, but at the same time, my feelings about love are well aligned with the description of Love in Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet," http://www.geocities.com/Athens/5484/Gib02.htm, especially this part: "But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears." If I don't pour my entire self into the R and accept the fact that I may hit the lowest lows, I'll never reach the highest highs. My feeling is that if she can move past her feelings of undecidedness and want to explore a R w/ me, we could have a really great one. I know it's a gamble, but it's a risk I feel is worth taking. And dialoging w/ you on LS has put some calculation into that risk and made me more aware of the fact that I'm TAKING the risk. So, ..... Onward!! She texted me yesterday to say that she's really, reallly busy right now at a conference and will return to a normal schedule this weekend. I think I'll lay low until then and see what happens when she gets back home. Thanks again everyone for helping me out w/ this. If nothing else, it's proving to be a LOT more complicated and challenging than I ever imagined! Chasing a woman, something I haven't done in years, maybe this is just normal stuff and it's been so long I've forgotten? Link to post Share on other sites
LavendarGirl Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Hi WoW, Hmm, I think if you approach with patience, give your girlfriend (there I used the word) time to process her thoughts and emotions, and also guard your heart, you're okay. You said earlier that you are willing to take the risk if you give this your best shot and it falls apart. That's the best any of us can do. Just keep an open mind and common sense, you'll be okay. I'm rooting for you, I can see in your posts that you do indeed love this woman, and I certainly hope that she does come around and decide to take the risk herself (of taking the relationship to the next level). Everything on here is just "best guessing" anyway, so let's hope that it all works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Freedom Now Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 The bolded part is where I get concerned for you, WoW. Its not in a man's nature to NOT bring up a past relationship with an Ex, even on the extreme rare occasion like FN speaks about. Maybe I'm projecting here, but I don't have an ex that doesn't bring up the past --even innocently like looking at my kids and saying "they could have been mine" or something. I'm with FN, guard your heart. Its hard to change lifestyles, no matter how great the connection between the two of you. Our daughter is now 18 and away at college, so there is no reason to talk about something that happened nearly two decades ago. But, I will say this: for the past 18 years, he has brought up our relationship virtually every single time we have talked. And I would be telling the honest truth to tell you that it made me feel awkward and very uncomfortable every time it happened. And, my kids and I live in a different state than him, so when he does come out here to see her, he still makes discreet passes at me and tries to engage me in flirtatious conversation. I moved on YEARS ago, and it seems at those times that he is stuck in the past. And this is why we rarely talk. I have nothing to say to him, except when speaking about our daughter. I like him and we do truly get along well, but he makes me uncomfortable when he says or does something that hedges towards something beyond a platonic relationship. People do move on, but some people do not. Link to post Share on other sites
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