Mark_Swanson Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Sorry if this is too long, i just have a lot to get off of my chest. So I've known my GF since 1999 where we started out as mere acquaintances. Though i always had a thing for her, i was too shy at the time to ever confess it. We lost touch for a long time, then found each other again via Facebook. We met up July of 08, really hit it off and started dating, then it got really serious, really fast. Basically one of my biggest dreams had just come true, and i felt like i finally had everything I've ever wanted....now surely this was too good to be true right? I am a very open and blunt man, so i have no issues talking about anything openly and honestly. She gets on the topic of my romantic and sexual past about 1 month into the relationship (We've been together 7 months now) So i tell her everything honestly. So when it's my turn to ask, she tells me everything, or so i thought. So one day, she asks me to clean our apartment while she is at work as i have the day off. So i begin cleaning, and i stumbled upon many things i never wanted to discover. I found a dvd of her and her ex boyfriend having sex, multiple sex toys, BDSM equipment, tons of different drugs, and many other things i simply am not into. I asked her if she was into or has been involved with any of this stuff in her past before, and she told me no, and she would never do anything like that, right to my face. I confronted her of course, and she claimed to "Not know" any of that stuff was still there, and most of it belonged to her ex bf. I also found pics and videos of a sexual nature of her and her ex on her computer, and she swore she didn't know that stuff was on there. Then she goes on this rant about how her ex was horrible and was the worst experience she's ever had in a relationship. Yet she stayed with him for 4 years.. So begged for my forgiveness and swore she'd never lie again. I, like a fool, stayed with her and took her word. I told her she needs to get rid of everything that had anything to do with her ex, so i had to return home to Boston for a business trip for a week, only to come back and discover that not all of the stuff is gone. Confronted again, she says "I thought i got rid of everything" At this point i am thinking she lied about her and her ex, and that she isn't over him, even though i have no evidence that they still keep in touch at all. Our apartment is a small 1 bedroom, not hard to miss anything lying around. So i get rid of the remaining stuff myself. She finally comes clean about her past, letting me know she's done a threesome, and has slept with over 24 guys, (She's only 24 herself) And i am supposed to believe i am the biggest and best she's ever had? Anyway, her birthday comes around, i make a really sweet video for her telling her and showing her how much she means to me, and how much i love her. The day after she is supposed to go out with friends, i have to return to Boston again so i tell her to not do anything stupid or anything that will hurt me. When i returned, i asked her if she smoked weed with her friends, she told me no and promised she didn't. I didn't believe her so over the next 2 weeks, i kept asking and she kept saying no. Last week i asked her a final time, and she got annoyed and finally admitted she smoked in our apartment, with 2 of her male friends, and the two days after that while i was away. Her reason? She claims she was too depressed that i was not around, and needed to do it. This was too much for me, as i can't stand drugs as they have destroyed my family and many friendships. I can't forgive her for this, and things haven't been the same. When we make love, i lose interest because all of those lies and images i never wanted to see float into my mind and kill the mood for me. I am no longer happy, and really questioning if she even cares about me or my feelings in the least. If you love someone, why would you keep doing things that you know are going to hurt that person? I gave up so much to make her happy and stay by her side. I move from Boston to NYC for her, i take care of her dogs, i cook, clean and do all the chores, laundry, etc, she does nothing. I feel truly unappreciated, and disrespected by her. I love her dearly, and it hurts me to even think of leaving her considering all i have sacrificed for her, and i never wanted this to be all in vain. But i have a hard time even looking her in the eye lately, and i know i can never trust her again, as i am sure I've only uncovered a fraction of the lies she has told me. I admit, i am no golden boy, but i can honestly say this is the first time i have ever truly loved someone and cared enough about someone enough to devote myself and my life to them, and to be 100% open and honest, and loyal. I guess this is karma paying me back for the way i used to be. I don't know what i deserve, but it has to be something more than this. I'm sorry for rambling, i just don't know what to do anymore. I feel as if i finally found the one, and the person i love more than anything in this world, does nothing but lie and constantly hurt me. Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I guess this is karma paying me back for the way i used to be. I don't know what i deserve, but it has to be something more than this. I'm sorry for rambling, i just don't know what to do anymore. I feel as if i finally found the one, and the person i love more than anything in this world, does nothing but lie and constantly hurt me. Clearly you are an overly jealous control freak, and she is a liar and a skank. This relationship probably wont work out. You should take this opportunity to work on yourself. You need to stop actively snooping and trust more. Also, you need to step back and not be a control freak regarding her behavior. If she lies, dump her, if she has been with too many other guys, move on, if she likes to smoke weed, find someone else. You can't change her and you shouldn't. Oh, and what kind of female keeps porno vids of herself and an ex? Thats dump worthy all by itself! Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I think it is certainly time to move on. She is really bad news. Look at the facts that you gave: 1. She is 24 and has admitted to having sex with at least 24 other guys. I would be scared ****less that the chances are pretty good that you could catch something from her. 2. She has consistently lied to your face time and again. 3. She had no problem making sex tapes and pictures you found on her computer with her ex. This indicates since she was with him for 4 years and refused to throw these things away that she is still not over him. 4. She has done drugs in the past and probably is still doing them. 5. You go away to short a business trip and she lied to you what she did. You find out she invited two men to come over to your small apartment to smoke weed. I wonder what else happened? This is so disrespectful to you and your relationship. Her response was that she was depressed that you were not with her that she had to invite two other men to be with her in your apartment to smoke dope?......Oh please. You need to face reality. She is really bad news and does not share your values. Staying with anyone that constantly lies to you and does drugs is a recipie for disaster. A drug user not only messes up their lives but messes up everything around them. Drop her and find something who shares your values and is an honest person. Her actions continue to show that she in reality does not respect you or herself. If you do not respect yourself then who will? You are wasting your time with this woman and she will break your heart. I wish you luck because you will need it if you stay with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I guess this is karma paying me back for the way i used to be. Wrong. Karma doesn't work that way. never have anything to do with a druggie. they'll always choose their habit over you. She's a mess, you're a mess. break up, get IC for yourself, work on yourself (forget karma, make some more, only make it better) and get a better life. Because you know, you can. Link to post Share on other sites
mr.dream merchant Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I wouldn't go so far as calling the OP a control freak. It seems as the the OP had a gut feeling that his girlfriend was being untruthful and it turns out she was. Is he wrong for that? Not at all. OP you are not a control freak but Untouchable_Fire right about you trying to make her into something she's not. If she has numerous qualities that aren't your cup of tea there's little you can do to change that if SHE is not WILLING to. Your best bet here would be to leave this relationship. Find you a nice young girl who can cater to your needs and respect your likes and dislikes as well as you hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I agree with most of whats already been said. But... ...We met up July of 08...now surely this was too good to be true right?...(We've been together 7 months now)...she asks me to clean our apartment... both of you moved into this relationship too fast. I realize you had some history with this girl but there was also alot of time that had passed. Next time slow down with the next girl. If you choose to stay with her you've got alot of work ahead of you. Link to post Share on other sites
malibustacydoll Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Is she also a cheater? You say she is only 24 and has been with over 24 guys. You also say she was in a 4 year relationship.. even if that relationship lasted between the ages of 20-24-- then before the age of 20 she slept with 23 other guys? or she cheated on her previous bf? She sounds like bad news. Link to post Share on other sites
atwitsend Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Did you ask if she had a three way with the two guys that came over? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark_Swanson Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 Well i wouldn't deny being a control freak. I am and have been working on that as well as my jealous nature. Trust me folks, i was so much worse than i am now. In this relationship i actually went in thinking i was going to be the one to **** it all up. I was truly proud of myself for handling things better and more maturely than i usually do, and showing a great deal of restraint with my insecurities. She has a lot of male friends, she could be cheating on me when i am away, something that has always worried me. I know she still does weed, but i don't know that she's not doing anything harder than that. I told her how i feel, poured my entire heart out about what i feel and think about when i look into her eyes, and all she does is cry. She never has anything to say back to me except "I don't know what to say" or "I'm sorry" Now everything between us is awkward and after how good i have been to her, i had it set that i was going to be a different man this time around, be honest and loyal and devoted, and i was. Now i just feel like a fool for trying to change who i am for someone that is not willing to appreciate or respect me for it. I have another trip home later this month, i can't take another blow to my heart and mind, so it's best that i don't come back to NY. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Ok while someone's past is just their past, what matters is that she basically lie to your face about everything and only confess to it when confronted. She should have come clean on it. Now I think you should have yourself tested for STD's, since she had multiply partners, you never know what she will bring you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mark_Swanson Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 I got tested last month and i was completely clean. I have since had 2 business trips so i will make another appointment as i don't know what she was up to while i was gone. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I got tested last month and i was completely clean. I have since had 2 business trips so i will make another appointment as i don't know what she was up to while i was gone. Good, now wait for like 6 months and get tested again. Just because you came clean on one test doesn't mean you will on next. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 if you have to get tested every time after a business trip,somethings seriously wrong here.you can't really be thinking of having a future together w/ this going on! one day she is going to give you a suprise,a good ol disease. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 if you have to get tested every time after a business trip,somethings seriously wrong here.you can't really be thinking of having a future together w/ this going on! one day she is going to give you a suprise,a good ol disease. Not on every business trip, just twice unless you are for sure you can trust her with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Hagard Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I told her how i feel, poured my entire heart out about what i feel and think about when i look into her eyes, and all she does is cry. She never has anything to say back to me except "I don't know what to say" or "I'm sorry" This is a clear example of her not having any control over her life. I've gone thru something very very similar like you (horrible past, constant ever going lies, crying, in the end not wanting or not being capable of doing anything right). Just wait until she starts to excuse herself that all those things happened because of others, that nothing is her fault. Boooho my 2 male friends were the one who wanted to come over and smoke weed.. but they are my friends I coudln't say no... a likely scenario. My advice? Just get out of the relationship as fast as possible. She's a wreck and you'll never fix her.. she needs to fix herself but that probably won't happen... you'll be ok in few months don't worry.. Link to post Share on other sites
BUENG1 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I got tested last month and i was completely clean. I have since had 2 business trips so i will make another appointment as i don't know what she was up to while i was gone. If your this worried about catching std's I would stop sleeping with her until you can be sure she isn't messing around, or just break up with her all together. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts