Really missing my ex-girlfriend again, even after a year and a half not speaking.

[Bob]

I have been on and off with this girl for some time now. She lives VERY close to me, and is in some of my classes. We went out two Christmas's ago (2001) for some time, then she ended. For almost a year and a half we didn't speak but saw each other alot, she dated others and so did I. I really missed her, and when I was with others during the period when we didn't speak she was all I thought about.

 

In April/May a friend of mine spoke to her and found she missed me also. She started txting me... one thing lead to another and she asked me out. I made it clear at the start that I would be doing alot of exams and for a month and a half I would be working away, but would see her every week or so, sometimes all week. We rang each other, we talked alot, it was all good. Until I went up to get my results with her for my exams, I did badly and she had done amazing, for an hour or so with my friends I distanced my self from her as I was feeling low about my results and she was rather happy. We had arranged to do something that day but she had made other arrangements, I got the bus up the next day, but she made other arrangements, and the next. The next day she rang me up and dumped me. I had not seen this one coming as I had done everything I could, I would get up at 7am and take a bus up to see her, but she would be doing something else even though we had arranged it, ( The same day I got sacked from work after taking so many days off). We meet up the day after she dumped me, and we stated kissing and she told me how much she missed me.

 

Now we are back at school we were speaking more, she was a GREAT friend to me, and I found what we had was really amazing. I wanted to go back out of at the very least be really good friends, as I have never had such a great friendship with anyone, and we both really valued it.

 

I bought her sorry presents as I thought the reason we had broken up was because I wasn't there for her and she thought I didn't care. We spoke about it, and she said she missed me but she had started dating someone else. I was rather annoyed about that, but thought I'd just go for the good friends idea, but that feel on its face.

 

Now we don't even speak, and before we stopped speaking she told me that she did miss what we had and I really do feel the same way. Now I'm left with nothing.

 

I've no idea what to do. I was told time will help me forget it all, but I have tried that last time and even after 18 months she was my every other thought, she told me she also felt like that. So now I'm felt with nothing again, and I really miss her. I have explained all this too her but she doesn't say much and she has a new boyfriend now so she cant do much.

 

Any Idea what I should do?

[midori]

`I think you need to move away from the idea of being with her. You have allowed it to sabotage other relationships (doesn't sound like you were giving them a chance if you were constantly thinking about her), you've allowed it to dominate your life to the point where you lost your job because of how much time you devoted to her.

 

Now maybe you wanted to lose that job anyway. And maybe you just weren't into the other girls you were dating. But if so, you should have made your decisions about them specifically, in their own right, rather than passively sabotaging them by focusing on this girl. If you didn't like the job you should have quit -- why get yourself fired?

 

Speaking as an ambitious woman, currently a graduate student, I will say that I find men who are wishy-washy and lacking determination/ambition to be a bit of a turn off. I'm up to my eyebrows in work, I'm living in relative poverty so that I can do the work that I love. I want to be with someone who's equally passionate about what he's doing, who isn't just drifting through life. I have a couple of great male friends with whom I get along very well; but I would never go out with them because they are chronically ambivalent about life in general. They're not willing to take even the smallest personal risk; they prefer to dish cynical commentary from the sidelines. Amusing to chat with but not very inspiring. I would be drained and resentful if I got involved with one of them.

 

I'm not saying that you are as wishy-washy as some of my friends are. But it does sound like you've been a bit unfocused regarding your work (from the sound of it you didn't devote enough of yourself to studying for your exams because you were phoning and hanging out with that girl). It sounds like you've allowed other things to fall by the wayside; which suggests they're not that important to you. Surely you're about more than being with this girl?

 

Figure out what's important to you (besides this girl) and get your act together. You're a student, your studies should be a priority so that you'll do well on your exams next time. You should be cultivating more than one side of yourself. If things on the romance side don't seem to be panning out for you right now, focus on the other stuff. Part of the reason the romance stuff hasn't worked might be because you haven't developed your other sides yet.

[Bob]

I get what you are saying, the job was just a summer job... but still, I enjoyed it and was sad to lose it.

 

I'm not that wishy-washy, I play a sport for my country, that does take alot of time. But other areas in life I am rather wishy-washy in such as school etc.

 

I tried to move away from it all last year, joined a gym, worked hard at my studies, enjoyed life, but still I missed her. I have alot of free time, thats usually when i tend to miss her.

 

I've started to play golf since then and have got involved in other groups and clubs, doing some charity work now also. I am trying to forget it all but every time I do see her, it all comes back and I miss her.

 

I'm rather lost.... =(

[Bob]

I've still made no progress. I really do love this girl, and miss her really bad.

 

I was looking through all the messages I had from her earlier today, in one she wrote:

 

'I'm not going to pretend I don't miss you because I really do. I miss even just talking to you'.

 

This has left me very confused .

 

If that is how she felt only a couple of weeks ago why doesn't she want to even talk to me?

 

I really have no idea what to do? Does she still like me, and if so why is she dating someone else so soon and why won't she talk to me?

 

J

[iceprincess]

Hey, Bob, I know what you're going through, and one of the reasons why you still miss her a lot, is because you constantly think about her. That quote that you put in, are what a lot of couples say to each other. You should start dating! That helps with the pain and will get your mind off of her. I still miss my ex terribly and yes, there are some days where I have to leave my cell-phone at home in fear of calling him. You say you still miss her after a year and a half....a part of you doesn't want to let go of her....you need to so you can start healing yourself. What if you wait for your ex-gf for so long that when a nice girl comes along, you're so blind to her that you miss your chance of meeting someone new and special? Best wishes....