shesmiles Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 So , my once ' rebound ' is now my boyfriend.we decided to give it another chance and he told me he wants to help me through everything and be there every step of the way... I want him to be there and I realised I do love him and just because you date someone after a long term doesn't nessecarily makes them rebound.I care deeply for him and I want us to last for awhile ... I think I made a good choice Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I think a lot of people in rebound relationships say they really love the person, and that they want things to last - the real challenge comes when you have healed over your previous breakup (it sounds like you have not yet), and you begin to realized you don't need him for emotional support - which is the role he is playing now. Will you stick around? Will you leave? Its impossible to say now, but I think thats the REAL test of if a rebound will last or not. Its good that you are being honest with your rebound though. In cases where I have seen rebounds last, its because the rebounder is honest about where they are and how they are feeling, and there it good communication on both sides of the relationship. A word of caution is: Don't make a big connecting point between you and your new beau be about you healing. Eventually you'll heal, and then what? Also, be careful about moving to fast - you say you love him, but you've been wavering on your emotions about him for a little while - could you be moving a little bit too fast throwing that word out there? Only you know the answer, but its very typical of rebounders to feel and truly believe they're in love when their relationship is not that developed, because they miss being in love - watch out for that one! Good luck to you though! Finding true love, and being in love with a person that is good to you is awesome. I can't wait until I find my next S.O. Link to post Share on other sites
MalachiX Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I agree that a rebound can be the right person for you. There's no reason why you can't meet someone at a bad time to happens to connect with you on a meaningful level. Bad timing doesn't mean a relationship is doomed. It is concerning though that the ONE thing you mentioned as to why you love this guy is that he says he wants to be there to help you heal. If that's the basis of your relationship then he may end up being just a rebound, even if you "love" him now. Link to post Share on other sites
BikerBeagle Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Rebound relationships are all about DENIAL. Plus, everything tokyovogue said ... Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Hmm interesting, I could never be in a rebound myself but whatever helps you. I just wouldn't throw around the l word so soon in case you do end up hurting him. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 My boyfriend was technically my rebound. We've been together for four years so he obviously doesn't mind. I doubt he is my "right person" forever and ever but it would be incredibly convenient and nice if he were. I'm just not so sure I'd like to settle for convenient and nice. Half of our problems are that I become incredibly reliant on him emotionally after I broke up with my ex and from then on needed him to rescue me from whatever happened in my life. Since I haven't needed him to do that anymore our relationship became unbalanced. Point is: I suggest you heal from your last relationship before you jump into another. I gave it not even 2 days and look where it has got me. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Malachi and CE made some really good points. I don't really believe in this whole "rebound" concept. The person is either right for you or not...timing MIGHT have something to do with it, but I'd say usually not. Many told me, when I met my current H 3 days after leaving my ex-H, that I was nuts, it's rebound, etc. etc. Well, they were wrong. I wasn't even looking for anything at all at the time. I really didn't feel ready. But when I told my H that at the time, he said he understood and we could just be friends () and hey, at the time, I needed a friend. Of course the rest is history. Fourteen years later, he's still my best friend. But yeah, don't rely on him to "heal" you. You have to do that for yourself. I just made up my mind that I was going to move on and let the past stay in the past. I left the ex with a clear conscience, no unfinished business. I knew I did everything I could to make it work. Why waste any more of my time and emotion on the ex? So yes, it CAN work. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I agree. People throw around the term rebound like it's some magic scientific formula :Broke up with guy A, so therefore guy B won't work, but guy C will. Love isn't nearly that organized ! I think the biggest factor is if you are still hung up on Guy A. Like Touche, I have always given it my all, so by the time I walked away, I was done completely with my Guy A, and ready for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Very well put, Mel. I agree 1000%. You're so right that there's no formula. I never understood this whole rebound thing. But yeah, you have to really put the past behind you and give the present a fair chance for things to even have a fair chance. That does seem to be the key. I guess some people can do that faster than others. Link to post Share on other sites
againstallodds Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Maybe there are different type of rebounds. Let say if you are in a relationship and gettting to know another person at the same time and jump ship. Is this a rebound? I think the person who rebound compare the new partner to the ex and this is where it cause a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Is it different for a dumper's rebound or a dumpee. That's what I've been wondering my ex cheated overseas dumped me a week later started dating someone new literally the first guy who talked to her. Me on the other hand I'm not 100 percent over my ex but 4 months later I'm talking to this girl and asked her out. I presume that my relationship will actually last longer because I did not rush into anything. Shrugs Link to post Share on other sites
Author shesmiles Posted January 10, 2009 Author Share Posted January 10, 2009 it's been four months since my ex and I broke up after almost three years. my current boyfriend now was there for me the whole four months even if I had to cut the relationship short. I was very honest and he knew the truth about everything and now were fine, together and I've realised my ex is a loser and I am starting to question if I ever actually loved him. people have told me of course we dated three years but I'm starting to think that it has nothing to do with how long ... any input ? Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Technically speaking my husband was a rebound BF. He is so right for me it helped me see what I really could get out of a R, rather than what I had been settling for with the ex.... Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I happen to believe that a rebound can work out fine as long as it's right for YOU. If you are fully past the other Relationships and ready to start fresh with someone new, then who's to say it can't work out just fine? The key IMO is to be ready for the Relationship to work. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author shesmiles Posted January 11, 2009 Author Share Posted January 11, 2009 Thank you . I've realised alot anyways as you can see in my new thread . " I never loved you " . thanks for the continuous support LS ! Link to post Share on other sites
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