Did I Fall for a Sex Pervert While I Lay Here in Pain??

[Leeza]

The other night me and my boyfriend were having sex, but thhis time it hurt me badly inside and I told him we need to stop. He was reluctant but he did stop. Sex with him has always been a little painful, with blood, but this past night, I had to put an ice pack on my lower abdomen. I knew that my boyfriend was disappointed we didn't finish, but I was hurt. He told me to lay down and he will go turn the TV off. But he was in his living room for at least twenty minutes. I called out to him twice to see what was going on. The volume on the TV was off, but I could see flashes, so I knew he hadn't turned it off yet. I had a funny feeling he was up to something. He went to the bathroom, then came out. When I asked him what took him so long, he said he was looking for his watch, but his apartment is so small that finding a watch would take 30 sec flat. Finally he admitted to me that he was watching a sex show on dildohs. Okay so he was horny. But I was laying there in pain, waiting for him to comfort me. If the situation were reversed I would not be horny and thinking about sex when I know that I hurt my boyfriend. I plan on seeing a doctor, but the fact that he lied to me as well hurts me. I feel that if for some reason I can't have sex, he will get it someway. He tells a lot of white lies, but how can I trust him if he lies about little things? I was so upset that I left his house late at night and he beeged me to come back, but I told him I was hurt by him, so I think it's over.

 

Could you please give me some feedback? Sure, I could forgive the sex movie, but what about the lies and leaving me hurt to satisfy himself? Keep in mind that I really loved this guy and we talked about getting married, but I feel so emabarrased by his actions!

[Nicky]

The other night me and my boyfriend were having sex, but thhis time it hurt me badly inside and I told him we need to stop. He was reluctant but he did stop. Sex with him has always been a little painful, with blood, but this past night, I had to put an ice pack on my lower abdomen. I knew that my boyfriend was disappointed we didn't finish, but I was hurt. He told me to lay down and he will go turn the TV off. But he was in his living room for at least twenty minutes. I called out to him twice to see what was going on. The volume on the TV was off, but I could see flashes, so I knew he hadn't turned it off yet. I had a funny feeling he was up to something. He went to the bathroom, then came out. When I asked him what took him so long, he said he was looking for his watch, but his apartment is so small that finding a watch would take 30 sec flat. Finally he admitted to me that he was watching a sex show on dildohs. Okay so he was horny. But I was laying there in pain, waiting for him to comfort me. If the situation were reversed I would not be horny and thinking about sex when I know that I hurt my boyfriend. I plan on seeing a doctor, but the fact that he lied to me as well hurts me. I feel that if for some reason I can't have sex, he will get it someway. He tells a lot of white lies, but how can I trust him if he lies about little things? I was so upset that I left his house late at night and he beeged me to come back, but I told him I was hurt by him, so I think it's over. Could you please give me some feedback? Sure, I could forgive the sex movie, but what about the lies and leaving me hurt to satisfy himself? Keep in mind that I really loved this guy and we talked about getting married, but I feel so emabarrased by his actions!

I don't think that there is any right or wrong in your situation. Your feelings are valid. But I think you fail to appreciate how he might feel.

 

Sex has always been painful for you. Presumably, your sex life with him has not been as fulfilling as you both would like. Sex is one of the greatest drives humans have. So this build up of unrequited urges must be very frustrating for him. I am in a similar situation to him, and can tell you I wish I could switch off, but it's not that easy when you are with somebody you love and desire.

 

I can well understand how you need to feel comforted. But what about him? He just feels an intense urge to orgasm. What about this need? Would it not be possible to satisfy him orally or manually in this situation? Just because you wouldn't feel the need to go jerk off in front of the TV, doesn't mean that his need is wrong.

 

As for his "lies", well I think he's just trying to protect your feelings. What would you prefer to hear? "Honey, I'm just going to go and watch some sleazy whores with dildo's on TV, and take care of myself". You just can't expect him to switch off thinking about sex. He's human!! He has been taken to the edge of climaxing, and then been stopped dead in his tracks.

 

Imagine if you were stranded in a desert for 10 days, no food or water. You discover both. But you are too ill to eat or drink. Why be surprised when he decides he HAS to eat and drink now, as opposed to passing that by, and trying to make you feel better. It's a human urge, that his body is driving him to fulfill.

 

I do understand your needs, but please remember the sex drive is one of the strongest we humans have.

 

I think you should go to the doctor ASAP. Bear in mind he has been prepared to marry you, yet for all the time you've been together sex has been painful, yet you haven't been to a doctor to sort this out yet. Do you really care about his needs, or just not realized he has them? I am surprised you haven't been to a doctor yet, if this would make sex more pleasurable for the both of you. I wouldn't be surprised if he saw the fact that you haven't been to a doctor, as rather selfish.

 

I think you should also sit down and have a good talk about what you both need in your sexual relationship, and see how this can be incorporated so you are both satisfied. ie you stimulate him orally to climax, then he comforts you with a cuddle after. It sounds like your situation isn't that bad- you just need to communicate.

 

good luck!

[MaRcouRiuZ]

I have no words for this...

 

There ARE more important things than sex, and you can't expect from someone who's in pain to jerk of her boyfriend.

 

he needs to orgasm...huh?

 

don't know if he deserves help with that.

[Nicky]

I have no words for this... There ARE more important things than sex, and you can't expect from someone who's in pain to jerk of her boyfriend. he needs to orgasm...huh? don't know if he deserves help with that.

I'm sorry if you disagree. Maybe she's not up to jerking him off immediately!

 

I do not like telling people to can relationships, I believe in giving them another shot, unless there are strong signs that there are problems which simply cannot be solved.

 

Not once did she mention his feelings, which leads me to believe they may not have been discussed, and she may not fully appreciate how he feels. Just maybe, better communication between them will create better understanding and help them make the relationship better.

 

There are more important things than sex- agreed.

 

However I do not hink you appreciate his feelings.

 

I have been in his situation, and can tell you it's IMMENSELY difficult. People cannot simply switch off their most basic human urges- and it's not simply sexual, it's all the needs for intimacy, love and sharing that are present in a mature relationship, and I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt that he may be feeling this.

 

It sounds like this situation has been ongoing for sometime. HE IS ONLY HUMAN. Relationships are all about compromise. Sure she is suffering a lot, but you can't ignore his feelings. There are two people in this relationship. He will have to accept that this will be a difficulty, but it will be made easier if it can be acknowledged that it ain't easy for him either, instead of expecting him to be a kind of sexless superhuman.