smsarche Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I had an affair on my husband of 4 years with a friend. We seperated for a time but have been back together for what is now 2 days and we had sex for the first time since reconciling last night. What my husband did is what I am confused about. After we started we were in the doggie position and he told me he was going to write something on me while we had sex. he than wrote somehting on my behind and told me to repeat the name of the man who I had an affair with overe and over again until we were done. Afterward i went to the bathroom and he told me not to look at what he wrote until morning and we had sex 3 more times each time in the doggoe position and me repeating the other mans name until it was over. In the morning he allowed mr to look at what he wrote on my behind and it said "cheating whore" and he said until he can forgive me this is how we will have to have sex. I feel like I deserve this but also feel a little dirty. what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 YOU DONT DESERVE THIS !. I understand your husband is angry, and I know that sex at times like this is incredibly emotional and messed up, I know this. BUT this is too far and reading this both my wife and I were deeply upset. This is not about love or sex, it is about power. He is trying to assert his power over you possibly because of feelings of anger or powerless after you had an affair. I suggest you stop this now. This is not going to help re-build a loving relationship (or an amicable split if that is the way it goes). This is human nature at it's most base. IMO you should try to forgive this once, but do NOT let this appen again. This is not healthy. Seek counselling , both of you. You should be trying to have loving sex (which may sometimes get a bit more agressive or needy than normal) to rebuild things. This is too far. Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Yikes! He has a lot of anger to work through. Is this the only place where his anger has spilled over? Does he regularly refer to you this way? Counseling is definitely needed for both of you..IMHO Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 what should I do? When you are saying the friend's name throw in "you do me the best". Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I had an affair on my husband of 4 years with a friend. We seperated for a time but have been back together for what is now 2 days and we had sex for the first time since reconciling last night. What my husband did is what I am confused about. After we started we were in the doggie position and he told me he was going to write something on me while we had sex. he than wrote somehting on my behind and told me to repeat the name of the man who I had an affair with overe and over again until we were done. Afterward i went to the bathroom and he told me not to look at what he wrote until morning and we had sex 3 more times each time in the doggoe position and me repeating the other mans name until it was over. In the morning he allowed mr to look at what he wrote on my behind and it said "cheating whore" and he said until he can forgive me this is how we will have to have sex. I feel like I deserve this but also feel a little dirty. what should I do? Ouch! That sucks. Hope you guys can work through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 I had an affair on my husband of 4 years with a friend. We seperated for a time but have been back together for what is now 2 days and we had sex for the first time since reconciling last night. What my husband did is what I am confused about. After we started we were in the doggie position and he told me he was going to write something on me while we had sex. he than wrote somehting on my behind and told me to repeat the name of the man who I had an affair with overe and over again until we were done. Afterward i went to the bathroom and he told me not to look at what he wrote until morning and we had sex 3 more times each time in the doggoe position and me repeating the other mans name until it was over. In the morning he allowed mr to look at what he wrote on my behind and it said "cheating whore" and he said until he can forgive me this is how we will have to have sex. I feel like I deserve this but also feel a little dirty. what should I do? This is unhealthy, manipulating, vengeful and sadistic. This does not excuse what you did, but he's going far too far. If he wants to show his anger, tell him to do it properly. And tell him, point-balank, sex is off the cards with him until he gets counselling. Full stop, end of discussion. (Although I have to admit, amaysn's tweak on the issue is also quite funny, actually....) Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 10, 2009 Share Posted January 10, 2009 Is your husband otherwise demeaning and abusive? Have you both been able to communicate your feelings. If he isnt abusive physically or verbally except for this .... Is it possible that your being with another guy has turned him on? And writing dirty words on bodies during sex is maybe kinky but not that unusual. If he is being abusive - this is sickening. Just pointing out another possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowbrite Posted January 11, 2009 Share Posted January 11, 2009 i dont care what anybody did. that is DISGUSTING and degrading. and your husband is psychotic Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 You leave your husband because he is sick and cruel. Don't have sex with him again because he is on a power trip and being a real a-hole! Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Troll alert. Bad porn alert. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Troll alert. Bad porn alert. Thank you! I hate the idea that I participated in bad porn. Link to post Share on other sites
grogster Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 [/b] Thank you! I hate the idea that I participated in bad porn. That's my motto: If it's not good porn, don't participate. Link to post Share on other sites
Frankasy Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 No offense but betrayal is unacceptable even more that you were married to each other. You deserved it. Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 No offense but betrayal is unacceptable even more that you were married to each other. You deserved it. troll or no troll, Fankasy you're wrong, she wouldn't have deserved that. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Damn!! Talk about revenge! Honestly, if I were your H I wouldn't have even bothered. He might have his own issues. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone I considered a cheating wh0re. What do you do? You leave. Sorry, he will always see you as a cheating wh0re. So maybe its time to cut your losses, leave, and start anew with someone else down the road and try to stay faithful to someone for a change. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 YOU DONT DESERVE THIS !. I understand your husband is angry, and I know that sex at times like this is incredibly emotional and messed up, I know this. BUT this is too far and reading this both my wife and I were deeply upset. This is not about love or sex, it is about power. He is trying to assert his power over you possibly because of feelings of anger or powerless after you had an affair. I am not saying that what he did was right. I sure as hell wouldn't do it. but since she cheated, what DOES she deserve as consequences to her actions? Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Well what would YOU advise, Dexter? Seriously? Link to post Share on other sites
Frankasy Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 troll or no troll, Fankasy you're wrong, she wouldn't have deserved that. Let me get the details straight one more time: Betrayal, married. What more could you ask for, kids? Betrayal is most cases leads to a divorce which will be a stain in both of their lives especially the husband's since he didn't actually have any guilt in the divorce. It's different when couples separate cause of irreplaceable differences, fights etc where both are guilty but it's only one of the partner's fault when they cheat knowing that they have a gold ring on their finger. Plus it's not like he raped her or anything. Realize this, if the author of this threads knows that she deserved it do you even take time to think what the husband felt like when he learned that she was having an affair? Believe me, one bad sex episode <<<<<<<<<< betrayal leading into divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 The denigration and humiliation of another human being, when amends have already been made, is simply not the right thing to do.... His willingness to reconcile with his wife is deceitful, if all he wants to do from now on is to treat her like dirt. that's not reconciliation. That's manipulation. Revenge of this kind is not justified, and in my opinion, if he cannot work with her to repair the damage and move on, then it would be better they stayed apart. Link to post Share on other sites
Frankasy Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 The denigration and humiliation of another human being, when amends have already been made, is simply not the right thing to do.... His willingness to reconcile with his wife is deceitful, if all he wants to do from now on is to treat her like dirt. that's not reconciliation. That's manipulation. Revenge of this kind is not justified, and in my opinion, if he cannot work with her to repair the damage and move on, then it would be better they stayed apart. Revenge is not justified at all, not just this kind but believe me, it's more than sweet. I know what the husband was probably thinking when he accepted to "reconcile" with his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Yes, that's why I mean it would be better to stay apart. I know revenge can be sweet, but unless it's done with flair, it sucks, and eventually makes the seeker-of-revenge look petty and nasty. It all too often backfires on them. (maybe in this scenario, that was the wrong term.....!! ) Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Well what would YOU advise, Dexter? Seriously? Walking papers What would you advise if different from that? Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 What he did was scary - I understand being angry at a cheater, but if you're carrying around that much anger, then Walking papers are the best and safest answer for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Walking papers What would you advise if different from that? Absolutely in agreement. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 Again, I wouldn't have bothered with such a woman. But writing that on her butt is The kind of revenge someone like me would dream of doing, but wouldn't lower myself to that level to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
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