Becoming a Bridget Jones... I just don't understand why I am being left behind

[Jaxta]

Hey everyone,

 

I am a 22 year old law student, and I really love my life. I have great friends and a graduate offer and at the risk of sounding conceited, I am quite good looking. After years of being a 'nerd', I came out of my shell at 19 and ever since have enjoyed an extremely busy social life.

 

However, I have never had a boyfriend. The guys I meet on nights out are usually only after one thing, which I used to submit to but have definately grown out of. I try to get out and mingle as much as possible but I am yet to find someone I truly connect with. All of my friends have been involved in long term relationships and although I am happy with the freedom of being single, I do long for the intimacy that comes with having someone close.

 

I just don't understand why I am being left behind. I have been thinking that maybe my standards are too high, but I do not want to lower them just for the sake of having a partner. I have enjoyed the single life for 3 years now, and I feel that I have matured enough to begin a relationship. There just doesn't seem to be anyone out there, and I worry that if I can't get a boyfriend when I'm in my prime, will I turn into Bridget Jones in ten years time?

 

Thanks in advance for your opinions and advice!

[yes]

Although I can relate to how you feel, like you yourself said - you've got 10 (TEN!) more years before you turn into a "bridget". 10 years is a long time, and chances are, you WILL meet someone. And even if not, "bridget" met someone in the end, right? And even if she didn't, obviously she could've had a great life anyway.

 

Don't lower your standards - it will only get you into trouble (believe me) - because you'll get attached but at the same time be unsatisfied, and it's hard to get out.

 

By the way, why do you think that all these men are only after "one thing"? Are you sure that it's not your expectation and behaviour that'd making them only do "one thing" with you and not grow a r/s?...

 

best of luck,

-yes

[Tony T]

I've know a lot of people in your boat. It takes a lot longer for the nerd to disappear from the brain than to disappear physically. Even though you acknowledge that you have blossomed, your subconscious mind has to be taught that and sometimes it takes a while. No matter what we look like physically, we put out messages or vibrations if you will, to others on how we feel about ourselves. That's why some of the most unattractive people are very socially active with a great deal of attractive people dating them...and vice versa.

 

Give yourself some time and try to train your mind, way deep down where it was really hurt and lonely in the past, that you are a different person now. Being a law student will make no difference whatsoever, being Queen of England wouldn't help either...it's how you feel about yourself deep down and your feelings of worthiness that really count. Once you feel worthy of love, worthy of a boyfriend, worthy of a meaningful long term relationship, that will happen for you and not one minute sooner. Yes, you have some work to do for yourself.

 

You need to get out of the mode of trying to prove your worthiness to the world...and prove it only to yourself. The world has a way of finding out this stuff very quickly.

 

If you want a short lesson on this principle, go rent "The Wizard of Oz" and fast forward it to the place where they finally meet the wizard, find out he's a phoney, yet the wizard seems to give them just what they need to get a brain, a heart, and courage...stuff they had all the while but just didn't tap into.

[moimeme]

Don't lower your standards

 

I don't necessarily agree with this. You didn't elabourate on your standards, but some women do expect to find someone gorgeous with a fabulous job who is perfection personified. Some women will dump a guy if they see a minor flaw. So I would definitely question myself whether my 'standards' are realistic or not. They may well be but if you find you're looking for the 'ideal' man who represents a Harlequin Romance type of idealism, that will definitely cause problems.

 

Secondly, where are you looking? Is all your mixing and mingling taking place at bars? There are thousands of other places to meet people; namely in clubs or associations or classes. People who limit themselves to bars cut themselves off from large quantities of people. Some of my favourite people don't drink. They never had a problem with drinking, nor is it a moral or religious issue, they just don't - folks like that you'd never meet if you only go to bars.

 

If you have realistic expectations and are looking in lots of places, then hang tight. 22 is not verging on antiquity by any means and you will find someone; likely long before you become Bridget.