Friendship problems - help needed

[Jerry Stevens]

Hi,

 

I'm having real problems getting my head around a friendship I currently have with a girl. I met her at work, and was immediately attracted to her, but she had a boyfriend. Because of this I decided not to make a move, but I kept in touch after I had left the company and we became friends, though only over e-mail. More recently we have met up a couple of times for drinks, but I have never been completely comfortable, probably coz I still have feelings for her. Last Friday we were out with loads of people from work and she went away with a guy at the end of the night. This totally shocked me, as she has always been true to her boyfriend, but more tellingly, I was really jealous.

 

This girl is moving away with her boyfriend in a month to start a new job. She wants me to come to her leaving night, and to visit her in the future, but it seems obvious to me now that my friendship for her is tempered by strong attraction which I have tried and failed to suppress. I feel a strong desire to confess my feelings for her now and end our friendship. Or would it be better to struggle through this last month, and let the friendship fizzle out once she leaves? I don't know if she is attracted to me, but am very sure that she'll be upset if I end our friendship.

 

This sounds like a strange situation as I write it down, but it's causing me great confusion at the moment. I just don't know if I can continue this friendship without hurting myself some more.

 

Any help would be much appreciated.

[Jesaco]

Hi, I'm having real problems getting my head around a friendship I currently have with a girl. I met her at work, and was immediately attracted to her, but she had a boyfriend. Because of this I decided not to make a move, but I kept in touch after I had left the company and we became friends, though only over e-mail. More recently we have met up a couple of times for drinks, but I have never been completely comfortable, probably coz I still have feelings for her. Last Friday we were out with loads of people from work and she went away with a guy at the end of the night. This totally shocked me, as she has always been true to her boyfriend, but more tellingly, I was really jealous. This girl is moving away with her boyfriend in a month to start a new job. She wants me to come to her leaving night, and to visit her in the future, but it seems obvious to me now that my friendship for her is tempered by strong attraction which I have tried and failed to suppress. I feel a strong desire to confess my feelings for her now and end our friendship. Or would it be better to struggle through this last month, and let the friendship fizzle out once she leaves? I don't know if she is attracted to me, but am very sure that she'll be upset if I end our friendship.

 

This sounds like a strange situation as I write it down, but it's causing me great confusion at the moment. I just don't know if I can continue this friendship without hurting myself some more.

 

Any help would be much appreciated.

Hi!

 

She thinks of you as a close friend. If you're not able to just be friends with her than let her know that. Tell her that you feel more for her than just friendship. Tell her you want her to be happy, but because of your feelings for her, it will be too difficult for you to have a casual relationship. Wish her well and say goodbye. You will probably always love her, but you will also be able to fall in love again with someone else. Eventually the "hurt" will start to fade.