he say i deserve this

[worhtles me]

hi i've been my husband for 3 years. lately he's been moody, distant and dealing with bouts of irritability and rage. we've fought almost daily for a month. he aggreed to get help for is problems. they told him he is manic with pstd. he tells me all i do is bitch at him that i look for reason to bitch. all the while i'm really not bitching, actually i barely speak anymore and he's so very hurtful to me verbally and emotionally and when i cofront him with it he either says he doenst know why he does it or that i deserve it. honestly i do bitch. but not about random things. hes started hanging around one his friend he grew up with and when he gets around him he comes home (if he comes home at all) messed up on alcohol and or drugs. i've asked him to stop, thats not what fathers and husbands do. even went as far to tell him after four-five arguments bout his friend and the way he is around him that it basically came down to me and his son or friend. that was about three weeks ago. then friday night at around 11 pm he says hes going to store to get something to snack on calls me three hours later to say that car was tore up and he'd be home when he got it running. (third time this week hes been out past 3am with car issues) well 6 am i call him on cell cause hes still not home and once again he says the car still not running and that a cop helped a lil bit that hed be home later. well an hour later i borrow my grandmothers car to go get him because i feel bad its cold hes been out all night with no running car etc. guess what my cars not where its supposed to be. hes not where hes supposed to . i drive all over for an hour and half and come home as he turned off the cell phone. then the kicker he calls me from the friends house that he swore he wouldn't be around mumbling (from being ****ed UP) and actually trys to baby me. i asked him why he lied he said because he wanted to. i asked him if his friend is worth his family he says pack his ****. gets mad when i ask bout other women but what am i supposed to think lies,staying out all night mood swings. what would you think.

 

now hes at his moms, since saturday morning says he stressed and needs to think about why he is so mean to me and why he keeps doing the things he does and basically why i dont love him. he doesnt feel love from me. how am i supposed to show him love? i mean how can u show someone that is so mean on purpose love. regardless that i love him more than anything. he doesnt beleive me and gets so mad when i tell him that his actions tell me i dont matter him at all. he says he loves me but how can love me and do those things? do them knowing im gonna get mad and not care bout the consequence. i dont think i should come second to anyone else we are his family. i think that the descision between a drug addict friend that is trying to get you back into that life should not compare to your family and that you shouldnt be intentionally mean to someone and laugh about on it.

 

please help, advice support anything im just so hurt. i mean how long does it take to figure out your family is what you want and most important thing to you. by the way i dont lie to him cheat on him or anything like that like i said b4 i hardly speak. i dont even leave the house anymore as i have two kids now and bouth are still young. i cook clean take of thie kids and do other house work all day long. i tell him i love as much as possible and try to show him i love as much as possible too. i am supportive of him no matter what he wants to try. in short i thought i was a damn good wife. old fashioned and straight laced. please help he makes me feel unimportant and worthless and then laughs a bout it then apologizes. help