How can I get live-in bf to be more affectionate?

[smarterthanbefore]

Hi everyone. I have a small problem with my boyfriend in the affection area. He is a good guy. He's respectful, sweet, faithful ( i know this for a fact) and we get along great. We have passion and a great sex life. The only problem is he rarely initates affection. He does kiss me during sex, and hold me at night whether we have sex or not. But outside of the bedroom, nothing hardly.If i kiss him or hold his hand, he never protests, but he rarely comes to me and hug or kiss me unless i ask for it. He could leave for work and not even give me a goodbye kiss unless i ask for it. We have had countless talks about this, and he states he was never really affectionate, but he will try. He tries for maybe a week or two, then back to same old thing. I'm starting to get extremly frustrated with this and am at my wits end. I'm tired of having the same conversation with him just to get nowhere. What do you suggest? I love him very much, and want a future with him. We both decided we want to get married and have kids together, and even have a time frame pick out and everything. We have been together for 2 years. I don't want to break-up, but I don't want relationship where all the affection relies on me. Thanks in advance for any advise given.

[BareGoddess]

You described my ex-H to a "T." I hate to say this but it's one of those things that either comes naturally to a person, or it doesn't.

 

My ex didn't even like to be held or cuddled in bed. And yeah, no kiss goodbye in the morning either. I felt lonely a lot of the time.

 

You have only two choices...accept him as he is and don't expect too much affection or leave him. It most likely won't get better.

 

But whatever you do, don't stay with him and constantly nag him about it. You already know he's the way he is so it's up to you whether you can live with it or not. You really can't change him.

 

You've already talked to him about it. You've done all you can do so the ball is now in your court.

[smarterthanbefore]

Thanks Baregoddess, you actually said what I already knew, sometimes you gotta hear it from someone else. He does kiss me, i guess not as much as I would like. My fear is if it is like this now, how will it be in 10,20, years. I don't want to feel lonely in my relationship. I guess i have a lot of thinking to do. Thank you so much for your reply.

[zoe1983]

well i am 25, my parents have been married for 35 years and besides kissing each other good night (just a quick peck), I have never seen them kiss passionately, hold hands or tickle each other or anything like that. However, i am 100% sure that they love each other very much and have never cheated on each other. My father simply grew up in a family were affection outside of the bedroom was not the norm. He did not grow up with it so he doesn't do it with my mother either. But i know without a doubt that my father loves my mother very much, perhaps even more than she loves him! As long as the rest of his actions speak of the love he has for you i would try to let it go. Unless this is a dealbreaker for you (which is perfectly understandable) and in that case i guess i would consider breaking up with him.