sweetmind20 Posted September 21, 2003 Share Posted September 21, 2003 i'm in need of an opinion. i've been with my boyfriend for two years now. we have become very attached and we love each other very much. the thing is, we lost our virginity to each other. he is 22 and i am 21. i can imagine us settling down, but i dont know if i'm being naive to think that he'll be satisified having had only one sexual partner in his life. i don't know what to do. i can't imagine us seeing other people; i love him too much to want him to go off with some other chic,esp. since we've been committed for 2 years already but i don't want any resentment to build up in marriage with kids, etc, and he is full of regret for the things he never did. see, women are different than guys in that sense. most of us women would be happy staying with one person and feeling that security and love. but guys, by nature, are programmed to want to be with as many women as they can. am i just fighting nature here? he wants me to move in with him, and have a child in the next few years.. but i don't want him to end up regretting it. please help! Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted September 21, 2003 Share Posted September 21, 2003 what abotu your feelings in this case? maybe he doesnt want another woman, he wants just you. please accept that. dont push a man to act like society's ideas of a man. some men can be totally satisfied with just one woman- i would imagine the majority of men would. its society that makes males look like horny sex crazed creatures.....damn society. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetmind20 Posted September 22, 2003 Author Share Posted September 22, 2003 thanks jelexy i only bring up the aspect of him regretting it because it's not like he hasn't made it known to me that he wishes he would have experimented in high school and i know he likes some porn. i try not to stereotype, but those things make me wonder what to think. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 i think that we are told somewhere that men cant just stick to one woman and that those who love porn are out for many lovers. these arent true for every man. i know that many many men do stick to these stereotypes, but i can name 3 or 4 guys right now who do not. liking porn can be healthy if its used for your sex life. if he likes porn more than you, i would start to wonder. but i think he sounds pretty natural and you are enough for him. it just sounds liek you dont give yourself enough credit!! you are enough, woman! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetmind20 Posted September 22, 2003 Author Share Posted September 22, 2003 you're a real sweetheart. thank you for your help. i really appreciate it. i guess i feel insecure because many people tell me that i shouldn't have much faith in this, that i'm fooling myself. he just asked me to move in with him, and he is talking about having a family.. yet there is no ring. i don't know if he doubts his feelings for me, or whether he just wants the benefits with no responsibility. oh well. sorry there. just went off. i just want to be happy. i think everyone wants that. thanks for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 ...i will say that if "everyone" is saying that you are fooling yourself, i would stand back and take a real look at your situation. everyone cant be wrong, that is what i think. also, the fact that you say "i dont want to end up regretting it" worries me!!!! i was in a relationship for 2 years and i thought to myself "if i walk down the aisle with this guy, i will or might regret it" i think you might want to listen to your gut here.....seriously listen to your gut and it wont lead you wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 22, 2003 Share Posted September 22, 2003 but guys, by nature, are programmed to want to be with as many women as they can Um. Not true. Yes, there is a biological imperative to procreate, but it is moderated by the rest of the brain. However, if he has any major issues, particularly pertaining to self-esteem, that could mean trouble. The brain which is supposed to do the moderating might have its own issues and that's when problems arise. If he's a good and decent man and if you both work hard at all the areas that make a marriage work (see the Marriage Builders site for a synopsis), you can have a happy, monogamous relationship. The other thing you could do is ask what he think he might have experienced with other women - and then do that for him! BE the 'other women'. You can even role-play for fun. Really, when you think of it, what's different in having sex with various people is their techniques. You can both have a lot of fun learning and trying all sorts of different techniques, tricks, etc. on each other and have all the variety that trying other people out provides. Together, you can find what you both like best and enjoy the most which is way more fun than 'test-driving' new people who don't know your likes and dislikes. Link to post Share on other sites
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